The following is a special presentation of the Not Quite Right Podcast,
in which we discuss in detail entries to our ****** flash fiction competition,
the Not Quite Right Prize for Flesh Fiction.
This episode contains adult themes and is not appropriate for listeners under the
age of 18.
And mum, if you're still listening, that's on you.
Something doesn't seem quite right.
Welcome to Not quite Right.
My name's Ed and I'm Amanda.
Amanda, Are you ready to do the monster mash?
Oh, hello.
That's the monster pash bit of both.
So we're here to talk about fantasy and supernatural category or the not quite
right prize for flesh fiction.
Mm Hmm.
We'll be talking about the podium, the second and third stories in this
category.
We're reading out the second place story, but we'll be saving the winner for the
final episode.
Do you think that's a bit frustrating?
I feel like that's a little bit frustrating for people.
I think people appreciate a good tease.
OK, good edge.
We, we've certainly been teasing them for
quite a while.
It's been a year.
This is a long, this is a long tease.
If you can get all the way to the end, we we salute you.
So we'll be talking about this category and the podium stories very shortly.
But before we get to that, we wanted to have a little chat with our
guest judge for this category, which is fantasy and supernatural.
And I guess judge was Elise Scott.
And Elise has actually helped us judge a whole bunch of categories.
So we'll be speaking to Elise several times in the coming episodes.
And I have to say, I really valued Elise's feedback.
You know, we were getting just very insightful,
very kind, Yeah, and well considered comments about each
story.
And I was blown away, be honest by Elise's feedback and at
sometimes made me reconsider stories and sort of what they brought to the table.
But you know, once again, Elise was bringing these skills for free
and donated that time.
And I really appreciate that.
And I have to say, Elise took that task on with gusto and
seemingly enjoyed the task.
But, you know, it was a big ask.
It's a lot of hours.
It was a lot of hours reading and a lot of hours speaking to Elise on the phone
as well for for all this, obviously you all heard a little
interview in the longest eisode as well.
So we're very hay to have Elise back and we'll play our little chat now.
So thanks for joining us again, Elise.
And we're here to talk about the fantasy and supernatural category.
So tell us your thoughts about this category.
I loved this category.
I was surprised at how much I loved it.
And on reflection, I think maybe that's partly because
fantasy and supernatural stories tend to lean really,
really hard on character development.
And good characters do a lot for me.
I get really engaged with good characters.
You say that, Elise, but I feel like, you know,
this world of fantasy and sci fi, I mean, sci fi is a little bit separate in the
way that we judge this competition, but that it's world building more so than
character building that we see.
And certainly in all the fantasy and sci fi that is well loved around the world,
obviously outside of the erotica space, it's like the world that people fall in
love with and, and the characters too.
But it's hard to build a whole world in a short space of time.
It sure is.
I think there were some stories that actually did manage to really land the
world building.
There was one called something about Lamisia, the flowers, the succulent, yes,
I can't remember the whole name of it, but that one had a phenomenal world
building in a really tight space.
But, and this may be different for different
people, but if I think about the fantasy stories
and the supernatural stories that I read that I get the most excited about,
they always have that character, Mr Hook, right at the beginning.
Like we did have a lot of situations instead of just like a person being like,
I am going to have sex with that guy over there.
There were a lot of, you know, oh, this God is trying to smite me or like I
need to deal with this strange new plant life form I found or like I have been
hunting for this thing forever and finally found it.
And in those situations, if you give that moment of the why,
like why does this matter?
Why do we care?
Those moments are like, opportunities for character development
that give me that, like, meaty character to hook my claws into.
That's not really creepy.
You're in a safe space, Elise.
It's fun.
You know, I also am the **** and, you know, actually,
we should touch on that for anyone who hasn't listened to the previous episode.
And sorry, I have to mention the fact that the
heavens have opened up over here and there's probably a lot of white noise on
the microphones right now.
But it is raining very heavily.
And I'm not sure whether to take that as a good sign from nature or a bad sign
from nature.
Absolutely gushing right now, but at least please share with us a
little bit of your back story and I guess some of the elements of your life that
inform your judging of this competition.
OK, so I am a queer, I'm non binary, I'm on the asexual spectrum and I was a
********** for many years.
I mean, it's kind of one of those things you
don't stop being, but I'm not practising now.
And never like a professional ********** just like a hey,
I think I wanna do this for fun kind of a thing.
But mm, hmm.
Very heavily invested in that process for a long time.
So you're coming into this from a space where you have some access to a world
that maybe not everyone has access to in terms of this kink space as well.
Oh.
But when it comes to fantasy and supernatural,
which is the category we're talking about now, like,
have you ever had sex with an alien?
This is very important information.
Alien, no.
Vampire, maybe.
Oh, OK.
All right, I don't know how you feel about this,
Elise, but the vampire category was kind of
interesting.
We had a few stories in the vampire space, but of course we had this theme as well,
which was make the unsexy irresistible.
And I felt like some stories just were just a classic vampire story with a sex
scene.
And I'm not sure, but I don't feel like vampire is an
unsexy place to start.
I mean, I'm not saying I'm necessarily attracted
to vampires, but I'm not sure I would call it an
unsexy class of being.
I agree with.
And there were at least a couple, maybe more stories where I was very
confused by that.
I mean, I think if you go back, even all the way back to Bela Lugosi,
right?
Like the whole point of the vampire is like the non vampire human being
enthralled with like the potency of the and the vampires longing for blood being
like akin to a sexual desire but deeper.
And then like the life and death stakes of it all.
You know, it's definitely highly sexually charged.
But you and I have both agreed at least that when we don't find and Brad Pitt
that attractive and Brad when he was a vampire,
even when he was interviewing with a vampire.
Not our thing, no.
But yeah, I mean, we've got this whole world as well,
of course, of Twilight and vampires and so on.
And it's never been my thing, I'll be honest.
But also like, I do understand that it's quite a sexual
thing.
It's not unsexy.
I think a couple of stories struggle in that regard to sort of prove themselves
as starting from an unsexy place.
And there there were some good twists, though, on the the vampire trope.
And I think the stories that went that little step extra to add something unsexy
or to kind of, yeah, add that twist.
I know what you're talking about.
You know the one, the one on the Twitter?
Yeah, they were definitely elevated.
So what I loved about this category is that there was so much variety.
There was vampires, there was, there were a lot of fairies,
there were aliens, there were plants.
So many things that I wouldn't have expected to read about.
What were some of your stand out stories, Elise?
I'm really bad at names and titles.
There was one that involved the pricking out of seeds as an unsexy thing.
I loved that story.
It definitely haunts me to this day.
Like it's I thought it was lovely again because the characterization in it was so
complex that everything that was happening was really rich for me.
So I really like that.
And then I don't know if you guys noticed or not,
but apparently I have a thing for mushrooms.
Yes, there are.
There are a few stories there.
You're all very positive.
I got really mad at one point because I read like the 5th mushroom story that I
really loved and I was like I was sure I was going to hate this one when I first
started it.
No I have to be honest.
Like the mushrooms were getting to me by the end as well.
Although.
I say this as someone, OK, I don't know if you're familiar Elise,
with the with the mushroom cook.
Are you, do you, have you heard of the mushroom cook?
No.
OK.
So in Australia in recent times, like within the last year,
there has been a very, very prominent news story about a woman
who basically killed off her in laws with some poisonous mushrooms.
It's a very, very famous story here in Australia.
And she's been convicted and so on.
So the mushrooms are a little bit tainted in Australia.
There's a little bit of an edge of day danger that you might experience if you
encounter some suspicious mushrooms.
But yeah, there were surprisingly a few.
There were certainly plants.
There were some sexy plants.
And then, yeah, very much sexy mushrooms, sexy mould, sexy, kind of just gross.
It was very successful, I have to say.
Like I don't think I remember a sexy mushroom story that wasn't good.
So I don't know what it is about mushrooms that's just gets us kind of
look like Genesis.
Yeah.
OK, I'm not sure that's the whole story.
I'm way out of my depth on this one.
Is this some female gaze mushrooms?
I'm pretty sure that there is not a mushroom category on *******.
I say that, but there's an everything category,
I'm sure.
But you know, I also, Elise was very surprised to find that
this was probably my favourite category as well.
Like I might have predicted about myself that I would have liked the comedy
category the most and I certainly did in enjoy it,
but something about the fantasy and supernatural category got to me.
And you're right, I think when you say that there's more
this kind of story development that happens.
Like we've got to set up something beyond just a bare concept.
Like we've got to sort of set up a world and we've got to set up a challenge and
and then we've got to overcome that challenge as part of the story that I
think might have been part of the appeal as well.
I also think that in the fantasy and supernatural genre in general,
and I do a lot of writing, most of the novels that I've written have
been like fantasy or low fantasy or contemporary sci fi.
And I think there's a lot of room for subversion because you're allowed to kind
of break whatever rules you want to when you're in the speculative space and love
subversion.
No.
Tell us now, Elise, you you bring up the fact that you're a
writer.
I want to hear more about your writing.
So I know you've written a novel and that that novel is coming out in 2026.
So tell us a little bit about that.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
So the novel is called The Black Cat Detective and it is a cosy murder mystery,
which means that even though it's about murder, it doesn't have gore.
There's no on page sex.
So it's like the exact opposite of what we're doing here.
And the main idea of the story is that there are three orphaned kittens who are
rescued by a stage magician.
And then shortly thereafter, she is accused of murdering her boyfriend.
And the kittens realise that if they don't save their newfound human,
then she's going to get hauled off to the human pound forever.
So they have to solve this murder to save they're human.
And I wrote it for Joy.
Like the whole point of it.
I, I had terrible year where I lost 5 elder
cats all in the same year.
Wow.
And it kind of crushed me.
And I was trying to like reclaim my joy and I decided to create these cat
characters that were like vibrantly alive with all of the things about all of these
cats that I had loved so much.
And so it, it did it really rekindle my joy.
And that's what I hope it does for other people.
It's such an interesting space.
I have a friend locally who writes Cosy Mystery and I know it's something that's
quite popular and probably growing in popularity just in terms of like claiming
this niche and people being aware of it.
Tell us a bit more about Cosy Mystery more generally,
Like who does it appeal to?
So the idea is that it doesn't have the sort of more stressful elements that are
usually associated with the mystery and thriller genre.
So it's something that you can pick up when you want to lose yourself in a good
book without wanting to feel all of that stress.
Which is not to say that there isn't tension,
because without tension a story is going to be boring.
So there's always some kind of tension driving the story forward.
But some people who write cosy navigate that by having the stakes be relatively
low.
I did not really do that.
But a lot of times it's more about the sort of general vibe that you're
immersing yourself in.
So cosy mysteries tend to have a setting that is almost like a character that you
want to go spend time in, and they tend to have really glorious
food in them, or some kind of like hobby, like knitting.
That is a core element, the story, and they always have amateur detectives,
so it's like the little old lady who solves mysteries.
The Miss Marble from Agatha Christie is like a classic example.
Cats are a really common feature in the cosy mystery genre,
but I have not yet seen one where the storytellers are the cats.
And that's what I did.
I have one human POV.
1/4 of the book is told from a human perspective,
but the three kittens each have their own own POV also, so it alternates.
And that was so fun.
So what they like, we're talking cats.
So what's the mechanism by which we suspend our disbelief in terms of the
cats talking and and thinking?
How does that work?
So the cats in my story can communicate with one another,
but 95% of their communication is via nuances of body language and the
remaining 5% is through the sort of typical vocalisations that you hear a cat
make in, in real life, the meowing and the chirping and the
purring.
So cats can understand each other because their communication is body language
based and they can understand most other animals and vice versa.
But we humans have gotten so obsessed with our,
I think the cats call it like a ridiculous like tongue based language or
whatever the mouthy noises that we make that we've lost the capacity to read a
lot of the nuances of body language that are common to the animal world.
And so we cannot understand them or we can only understand we absolutely one to
most overt things that they attempt to communicate,
like standing by the food dish yelling.
All right, so tell us when's it coming out?
How can people grab it?
If this appeals to them, If they like the idea of cosy mystery,
where can they find your book so they can pre order it anytime they want?
It's available now.
Probably the easiest way to find the pre order link is to go to my website,
which is Elise Elise Dash Scott with two TS Scot et.com.
It bears noting that I wrote the book under the pen name Kit Grey,
but my website is my name Elise dot dot com.
And if you go there, it will be absolutely obvious how to get
a copy of the book.
OK, great.
And we'll put a link obviously in our show notes as well for anyone who is keen.
But we would also like to award one of your books to your top pick for this
particular category.
So can you tell us Elise?
And they might have to wait a little bit until it releases,
but which is your top pick?
Who's should we be sending the Black Cat detectives to?
So my top pick for the fantasy and supernatural category is Marwan's
Marvellous Mix on my seat.
I loved that story.
And this was a mushroom story, right?
A bit of fun mushroom story.
And what did you love about this story in particular?
So I loved the narrator, the character.
And there was a really complex exploration of the narrator's
relationship to their own body and embodiment.
And then they meet this sort of supernatural,
mycelial being embodied as a physical form, but also goes way beyond that.
And through interacting with that character, the protagonist,
the narrator of the story is like broadened and is given an opportunity to
sort of heal their relationship with themselves in a lot of ways.
So I found that really powerful, quite a complex story.
It's not just fungus **** right?
Although it is very good fungus **** very good fungus **** as well.
It's spooky in some places.
Like I was reading it like, why is this appealing to me?
Like, so it also really met the brief because
it's like slimy and gritty in places.
And I still, I, you know, I still really loved it.
I mean, me and Ed were saying earlier tonight
that sometimes the hottest things are kind of gross a little bit as well.
So there's there's something to be said for that.
So congratulations, Joshua Karna for your story.
Marwin's marvellous mixer, my seat.
You'll be receiving a copy of Elise's story very shortly or once it comes out,
I guess.
So congratulations and thank you Joshua for sharing that super spicy story.
And thank you, Elise for helping us with the judging for
this category.
So we'll be talking to you again or a couple of the other categories.
But thank you so much for your insights and, and I, I guess educating us as well.
My pleasure.
Thank you for letting me participate.
It's been an honour.
And yeah, monster sex, this is another one of those categories
that we were looking forward to.
Like obviously we had, yeah, we've done an episode on Chuck Tingle and
monster sex as well was one of the topic of conversation for the podcast.
So one that we had been exposed to I guess on a couple of occasions.
So really keen to see what our entrance had come up with.
So this category received 63 entries, which was actually the second lowest.
Yeah, one of the smaller categories.
Surprising actually a little bit.
And I mean, I think there's some crossover between
categories is part of that.
But I have to say, I honestly, coming into this,
thought that ****** comedy would be my favourite category.
And I did enjoy the ****** comedy stories a lot.
But when we got to the podium judging level,
it was the fantasy and supernatural category that really got me.
I love these stories.
And maybe it was the imaginativeness of these stories, I'm not sure.
Certainly the authors were really investing themselves in these characters
and their world building.
Yeah, I don't know how you feel like I think we
probably had a bit of a different experience, but I loved it.
Yeah, I did enjoy it.
I think part of it is the fact that we did have a longer word count than we do
in our regular comp as well.
And so 1500 words is a little bit longer.
More time to develop your world and your back story and all the kind of things
that you want to do to bring it to life.
And there's also something a bit freeing as well about having non human characters
and especially when they're on a page rather not a screen.
And you don't have to necessarily describe every aspect of them.
You can just kind of evoke them.
And I think that can be quite powerful.
And it's strange that that does have that effect.
I mean, I think if I were reading a category
explicitly for ****** purposes, I don't think I'd necessarily choose this
one.
And we've spoken about this before on the podcast, but definitely coming at it from,
like, a competition and reading these stories
for fun and, you know, judging them.
Definitely.
Yeah.
It was surprising that they were so effective and captivating, I guess.
Yeah.
I mean, you're couching that in very vanilla
terms there.
But the.
I found this to be the spiciest glory.
And they were so diverse.
Like, there was such a diverse arrangement.
It wasn't all one thing.
It was.
Yeah, all different things.
And I feel like for each author, it was their thing, you know,
and they were investing themselves fully into it.
And maybe it is that one step removed.
If it's not human, we feel like more comfortable to express
ourselves and to make that.
Spicy without it feeling like it cuts too close to home.
I don't know.
I honestly don't know what the answer is.
I do know that I found a lot of these stories incredibly spicy.
Hmm.
Very fascinating.
Interesting.
Like fun.
Well, it sounds like we might be seeing Amanda
at the milking farm.
Ohh.
Hello.
Well, I have to say.
So now we had a little flag when we were judging and the flag was non human.
OK.
And non human just meant this story features in its, I guess,
sexual activity and non human entity.
Now we've already spoken about in the ****** comedy category,
the inanimate objects.
But in this case it was non human, meaning like animate,
but maybe not an inanimate object, you know, like like a vampire or a yeah,
vampires.
Yep, they're probably the more obvious content.
Again, this goes across all categories, but for what I imagine are obvious
reasons, we saw more of them in this category than
others.
And there were 69 stories that featured non human ironically,
and that included everything from aliens, vampires, Dragons, Santa Claus,
werewolves and dogs.
A frog **** monster wow you insert your own imagination there and stacks of plant
and mushroom based creatures.
So I think inanimate objects maybe plant daddy Dave with his actual houseplant.
But when it comes to non human, more of like a plant based kind of
creature, like more of some kind of fairy or imp
and even garden gnome.
But I was expecting more fairies, to be honest.
I was expecting more fairy smart.
And yeah, was surprised not to find it.
There was certainly plenty of garden smart.
We did definitely see them and some of them were standout stories,
but we saw less of them.
And I think that's partly because of the theme here,
when theme is make the unsexy irresistible.
And a lot of those things are already sexy.
Yeah.
Already sexy vampires.
Unsexy.
Yeah.
I mean, one of the challenges of the fantasy and
supernatural category, I guess, is that world building and making it feel
realistic.
Like, I guess you can suspend disbelief, but you have to have enough there to make
someone feel able to suspend their disbelief and to enjoy suspending their
disbelief for the extent of the story.
Much like, you know, we talked previously in the ******
romance category about how the gender maybe of the characters didn't really
play into how sexy we perceived it to be, that that was not an issue or a barrier
for us.
And in the same way, like there's specific character or
creature in the fantasy and supernatural category.
I'm not a big vampire person, but if you make the vampire sexy enough,
I will be on board, you know, So I don't think that was an issue for me.
I don't know how you felt about that.
Yeah.
It's just another thing really, isn't it?
Like the gender and the species, I guess in this case of the of the
characters, I think maybe.
I wonder if part of it is that by the end of this process,
we have become so desensitised maybe to the content that we're reading,
that it might mean that we're.
We've just pushed our own boundaries to the point where we find this stuff quite
normal.
Yeah.
And.
And we will read a story about a fairy or a vampire or like,
even crazier than that and just go, oh, yeah, I could see that happening.
Yeah.
That.
That makes sense to me.
But I mean, it is normal because that's exactly what
we asked for.
You know what I mean?
It's not like people are just coming out of the woodwork.
It's like we asked for this and.
And we're so happy to see it.
And there was this extension, not so much of the inanimate erotica,
but certainly this imaginative side of things where pushing the boundaries of
maybe what's conventionally expected, but nevertheless bringing in that same
level of sexiness, that same arousal factor into whatever
relationship might result.
One, I guess issue that we might have had in
this category and others to be honest, but I guess it comes to mind here is the
consent issue.
So we had a couple of rules for this competition.
One of those rules was that everybody who partook in the sexual activity needed to
be reasonably described as 18 plus, like an A consenting adult.
And you know, you can have an alien who's a consenting
adult as much as you can have an alien that's a non consenting minor.
I think the way you describe something allows it to sort of fit into that
category.
So we were ready to sort of be flexible on how we interpreted that.
But there are a few stories that maybe cross the boundaries.
Yeah, in this category.
And the thing that springs to mind first is beastiality,
which is something I'm very uncomfortable with as like an actual real thing when it
comes to fantasy and storytelling.
Like obviously it's like bull characters and werewolf characters and other sort of
semi animal characters that do not bother me at all because it's very clear that
they have like, I guess a human mind.
And that's the thing, that's the issue.
But there were a couple of stories that maybe crossed the boundaries in terms of
what could be considered consenting.
Yeah, it is a tough one really to judge because
it's words on a page, right?
And we we don't know the full story.
We don't know what the author's intention was.
We don't know really what's in these characters heads or like if something's
described, is it capable of consenting?
Like we can only make assumptions.
We know that a human adult is capable of consenting under normal circumstances.
We don't know if like of the particular creature that you're portraying is
capable of consenting.
And so we would give the benefit of the doubt if that person is like sapient and
speaking normally, let's say, or clearly exhibiting presence of a
consciousness that could actually consent or not consent.
But if the case was that those things weren't there,
like if it's the difference between having sex with the bull man at the
milking farm as opposed to like an actual, an actual bull.
And the closer it gets to actual bull, yeah, the more uncomfortable I become.
So we did have to draw that line a couple of times just because it felt like it was
on one side of the line as opposed to the other.
So that was 1 consideration.
I, I, I will say it wasn't an overarching thing
for this category.
There weren't many of the stories that fall under that.
I mean, I think, I think more often than not,
like we're experiencing that as just a half person, half, you know,
whatever it might be, even if it was a dragon, right?
But you can perceive the dragon as having its own mind.
I think that's where it kind of becomes easier.
But again, the closer it becomes to an actual animal
in the real world, the more uncomfortable I become.
But it maybe that's an issue with our rules as well because, you know,
at times I felt I was sort of weighing up things against our rules when what I
really wanted to weigh it up against was my own comfort level as to what I felt
comfortable sharing or not.
And sometimes I think the rules were too strict in that regard or a little bit too
specific.
And once he looked at the author's intent and, and the impact of the story,
it didn't feel problematic and something equally something could sort of meet the
rules and feel problematic.
So I think maybe if we were to run this competition again and we sort of chatted
about this already in the longest episode, but maybe we would be a little bit more
flexible.
Yeah.
Rules and just kind of clear on what we're comfortable with.
Exactly.
And then maybe more explicit on what we absolutely don't wanna see.
Yeah.
Rather than try and kind of generalise it.
Yeah.
But you know, all that said, like I was all here for all the different
creatures.
It was good fun.
And, you know, all the different anatomies that we saw
was good.
Interesting stuff.
MMM.
Alright, so let's not keep you hanging any longer.
Let's get to the stories.
So we're going to talk about our third place story and our second place story in
this episode.
We'll read out the second place story and Amanda will have the privilege and honour
reading that.
So I'm I'm looking forward to that.
It's it's a good one.
I'm gonna still nevertheless struggle.
And of course, we won't be reading out the winning story
because that is going to be saved for the final episode for the Flesh Fiction
series, in which we will read all of the winning
stories for all the categories and announce the overall winner.
But for now, for 3rd place, Third place gets a copy of a novel by
Nikki Sex.
So Nikki Sex is an ****** fiction author with, I guess a bent towards like, kink.
Oh, mm, hmm, little bent towards kink.
So if you're into what is, if you will, maybe so if you're interested,
check out Nikki Sex's work.
We'll have a link in the description and she has a lot of stories that are
available on Amazon.
But the person Who Will Win that book and who has come in 3rd place is the
Succulent Garden of Lamisia, and that's by Julia Rajagopalan.
This got my nod for sexiest, I think, and it involved basically an alien race
of some sort.
And there was a garden and a plant, like an aphrodisiac plant that kind of
got that alien going.
And maybe it is a common trope, I don't know,
but it's not something that I had read before.
So that felt very fresh to me, very new, got me hot under the collar.
I have to say.
There was a little bit of a voyeuristic kind of element going on as well in that
story, which added another little level of spice
towards the end there.
Is that a thing that you enjoy, apparently?
I mean, I this story got my vote for sexiest.
It was quite intense and yeah, quite explicit.
It was very explicit.
I applaud that massively.
I think a lot of people sort of shield away from really going there with with
the spice, and this one didn't.
It didn't.
And it was very descriptive and like, look,
that a lot of it was the sex as well.
It wasn't just, I think that was one thing that I found
with a lot of the stories, just generally speaking,
is that there was a lot of build up and then a moment of climax at the end, which,
you know, is a formula.
I guess that makes sense.
But I also appreciated the ones that kind of were just hot the whole way through
and just kind of developed that from the beginning.
And this was one of those stories.
Yeah, absolutely.
So congratulations, Julia.
Congratulations and thank you.
So let's get to our second place now.
And the person who comes in second place.
Hello.
Hang on.
It's raining in that jar today.
A little innuendo jar.
Mm, hmm.
So the person who comes in second place will win a bottle of wine.
Mm, hmm.
And a Draku Palmer grinder, which boggles the imagination.
Well, from memory, this particular one has teeth,
which is quite appropriate to the story, I believe,
which we'll find out in a second.
Yeah.
Bottle of wine.
And the bottle of wine comes from our friends at Naked Wines.
And the special friends, special friends, send us more wine.
Naked Wines, please.
I can't get enough of that ****.
And the Draku palm grinder comes courtesy of Odyssey Toys and they specialised in
fantasy and supernatural sex toys.
MMM.
It's very appropriate for this category as well.
So of course we'll have links for our sponsors in the show notes.
So if these things interest you and I do encourage everyone to go and look on the
website and check these items out.
Yeah, you can follow the link and find out for
yourself.
MMM Maybe you don't know what a grinder is.
Check them out on the website.
I didn't.
Can I just.
Yeah.
I didn't know.
When we got these grinders, it was the first time I'd laid eyes on
one.
First time I'd laid any part of my body on one, you know what I'm saying?
But not the last.
Well, I hope our second place getter enjoys
this prize.
And the story coming in second place and winner of these prizes is going down by
Verity Flame.
The lift doors ground open with a shuddering scream like a banshee mid
climax.
Sylvie's abdomen cramped despite the heat pack she clutched.
She ran the numbers 15 floors up, 24 hour convenience store below.
It was 9:00 PM and she was already in her pyjamas.
The worn comfy ones with four extra holes in frankly inappropriate places.
A fresh cramp grabbed her.
Day one of her period was an absolute *****.
Ice cream was necessary.
Feeling like a bedraggled rat, she darted into the lift.
Sugar heat bed.
That was her mantra.
A mash of the ground floor button and she was on her way.
At level 13, the lift slowed.
A very human sense of foreboding gave her a hint of warning before the doors wailed
open.
She froze.
Lucian Haze entered the lift.
He was tall.
He was effortless.
His cheekbones should have been illegal.
He was also, as his striking canines declared,
a vampire.
This time of night.
She would have assumed the building's most eligible bachelor was heading out,
but he looked more ready to stay in, wearing a button down cardigan and
relaxed pants.
Though she would deny it under questioning, she looked into him.
More underworld adjacent than shady, he acquired rare items in questionable
but legal ways for wealthy clients.
Like all truce compliant vampires, he collected his blood from the voluntary
donor bank.
She had even seen him helping the elderly witch on Level 3, Mrs Volneker,
carry her groceries.
Sylvie was sure he had no idea she existed until now.
Evening.
He said as he reached a finger to press the ground floor button.
She nodded, unable to form an immediate answer,
imagining what else she would like that finger to do.
She had run this scenario in her head more times than she was willing to admit.
They all involved her feeling in control and wearing actual clothes,
or none without a crime scene happening in her uterus.
Frantic, she tried to think of something to say.
The lift started to move and interrupted her thoughts with an ominous screech.
There was a moment of freefall.
She grabbed onto the handrail which pitched her close to Lucian and her eyes
locked with his.
His gaze seemed to pull her in further.
A jolt and they had stopped.
When it became apparent the lift had decided not to fall further into
gravity's embrace, he looked away.
She watched him try the lift buttons without success.
The intercom buzzed.
Useless adrenaline pinged through her system.
She was aware of the four FS that came with this.
Down low in her belly, where the ache was and a warmth was
definitely curling to life.
She was very aware.
Unfortunately, Fight, Flight and Fright had all sidled off
stage, leaving **** with the mic and a captive
audience.
That was why she didn't move further away.
Plus he smelled good, fresh soap mixed with the night air and
candle smoke.
**** she wanted to crawl inside his scent and live there.
Looks like we're not going anywhere.
I'm Lucian by the way, he said.
Oh, I know, she thought.
Sylvie, she replied.
I know, he said, her mind short circuited at his words.
He gestured to the doors.
Before we try some brute force, any hidden talents I should know about?
He asked.
Not unless you want to accuse this lift of a crime.
She managed.
I've heard you make quite a compelling legal argument, he said with a smile,
and her stomach flipped In a valiant attempt at something, anything.
She reached for the doors and tried to separate them.
No luck.
Lucian moved up beside her, and he pried the doors apart to reveal
solid brick.
The corded muscles in his forearm strained and Sylvie felt another pang,
this one laced with lust.
She must have made a sound, because he glanced back at her,
his eyes sharpening.
He must have been able to tell she was bleeding.
The heat pack was probably a dead giveaway, too.
Sorry if this is making things difficult.
She gestured downwards.
I know this kind of blood is not ideal for you.
She added and wished for the lift to plummet right down to hell.
He cocked his head.
Well, that depends.
Oh **** that was a fact that was now burned into her brain and other places.
What if I told you I can tell?
He asked.
Everything stopped.
What exactly did he mean?
Oh.
She asked, or at least meant to, but it came out more like a gasp.
His mouth twitched into a small smirk.
Your heart's racing, I can feel.
Where the blood's going?
His eyes flicked down before he seemed to realise what he'd just said.
He looked momentarily self conscious.
I mean, I noticed you around, but I wasn't sure you'd be interested in,
he said.
His awkwardness was what pushed her over a line she never thought she'd cross.
When she struck first, her mouth colliding with his.
He froze for a split second, seemingly in shock,
and she wondered if she'd completely misread him when he groaned,
low and hungry, and surged back against her.
She felt the handrail press into her back As he opened his mouth and his tongue
swept against hers.
The heat low in her belly blazed.
She broke off, gasping for breath.
Lucian had taken a step back and she saw his dark hair was in disarray.
It was now or never.
Please.
She said before she could second guess herself.
His pupils were blown wide.
A slight ripple in the muscles of his shoulders showed he was forcing control.
What do you want me to do?
He asked, slowly, deliberately.
Even through a haze of desire, she realised he'd require very specific
permission.
I want you to eat me out, she said.
He moved in and arched an eyebrow at her playfully.
I'm going to need the magic words he said.
She almost moaned.
I consent to beating on me.
An eager grin sprang across his face and he lifted her easily up onto the handrail.
He bent to kiss her while his hand, those fingers,
pulled aside her pyjama pants and period underwear.
He settled between her thighs.
You smell so good.
He said.
The warmth of his breath tickled her skin.
A long lick up her thigh sent an eruption of goosebumps in it's wake.
She groaned and shifted closer to give him better access.
His tongue reached higher, teasing not quite where she needed it.
She felt her own wetness, rich and insistent.
A small, desperate gasp escaped her lips in
response.
He licked a slow circle around her clip and she moaned,
her head falling back against the lift wall.
You really like playing with your food, don't you?
She said.
He moved to her opening when she swore she felt him grin against her before he
thrust his tongue inside.
The slide of him against her blood slicked walls sent a ripple right through
her.
A cramp chased after it and she groaned, caught between sensation.
Lucian started sucking and lapping and building rhythm.
He only paused to swallow a sound which made heat flare in her,
sharp as a live wire.
Her thighs clenched against his shoulders, every muscle coiling tight.
Another cramp clenched deep, but his tongue turned at molten,
shifting the ache into pleasure until she could barely tell the difference.
She looked down and he caught her eye, the glint there gentle and mischievous.
It pushed her to the edge.
She shattered with a ragged cry, shuddering hard enough that the lift
seemed to hum with her.
She drifted for a few seconds, loose and languid.
Her return was unsteady.
She stepped down onto shaking legs and looked up at Lucian.
The reality of what they'd just done hit her.
Pain, pleasure, blood, it was all such a mess.
She was a mess.
Crawling away into a hole forever seemed like the right course of action.
He reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear,
and he licked away a little of the blood.
Her blood, from his top lip.
An echo of her orgasm fluttered through her.
Let's get out of here.
He said, gesturing to the emergency exit above
them.
He popped the trap door, lifted himself up through the gap,
and turned back to her.
Like a knight.
He extended his arm down.
I have a couch and an electric throw blanket.
He said.
Even in ratty pyjamas with cramps like knives, he wanted her.
It shook her deeper than any Aftershock ice cream.
She asked, taking his hand.
His smirk reappeared.
It's only fair we get you something to eat as well.
So that was ******* hot.
So thank you, Verity Flame, for your wonderful little vampire escape.
Wonderful.
Is that the adjective we're using here?
I mean, Verity Flame, can we safely assume that's a pen name?
Do you think we can?
That was very sexy.
And oh, it's not the fact that it's a vampire.
MMM, It's the unsexy thing.
Obviously it's a little bit of an added element.
MMM.
And it was an element that worked really well with the plot.
And I'm surprised, actually, that I haven't encountered a similar
story before because I'm sure they exist.
I'm sure they do exist.
It seems likely.
Yeah.
Here is a story as well.
I think on the romance episode I mentioned as well about like,
when someone is feeling unsexy.
MMM.
You need more than just the yeah.
Other character to be there and to tell.
He was keen.
Oh, he he was all over it.
He was showing rather than telling, I believe, quite effectively in the scene.
And it was super hot.
And I love the line about, like, the four FS.
Oh, yeah.
That's such a good line.
Right.
I believe Elise called that that one out as well.
Yeah, that was a great line.
But also where he says, what if I told you I can tell?
Like that is so ******* hot.
I don't know why, but it is.
I don't know.
It's a sensory thing.
OK.
But you know, like she's all awkward and embarrassed
and he's just like, mm, hmm.
I know.
And I'm here for it.
And he's very respectful about it.
There's rules of consent.
He abides by all the rules.
So.
Oh.
And she's consenting.
She's we're very happy.
And clearly I think part of it as well is like, you do get a sense of this longing.
Like when we first see him, it's like she's been watching him for a
while and and Keane and and when she's not aware, but we it's revealed that yeah,
it's same in reverse.
So it's like feels more satisfying when they get together, I guess,
because clearly they're both not only just like, oh, hey,
we ran into each other in a lift.
But like this has been building for.
Yeah, exactly.
It wasn't just the spur of the moment thing.
It there's back story, which is kind of cool because it is a
very, very short story.
So to be able to bring in some of that emotion of what might have come before,
I think is kind of clever.
So yeah, I think like a really strong take on the
theme.
Like for many women, you know, periods are not sexy.
It's like the time of the month that you feel the least sexy of all.
And so to have not only someone who's cool with it,
but someone who's like a massive fan of it, it's like pretty hot Tick, tick,
tick in the in the theme box, if you will tick it, just ticking boxes,
literally ticking box ticked and licked.
So congratulations, very well done.
And a bottle of wine will be coming your way, as will a Draco palm grinder,
which is Amanda mentioned has some teeth on it.
I believe they're soft latex teeth.
So you won't.
So disappointing, really, when you think about it.
But you can still use your imagination in a Safeway.
Yeah.
Good fun.
And yeah, congratulations.
Thank you so much for sharing your talents with us.
That was a standout story.
So we're not going to reveal the winner in this episode.
You'll just have to hold out a little bit longer.
That's cruel.
Torture to deny your satisfaction for just a little bit longer.
But we will read that out in the final episode.
It's difficult to imagine a hotter story, honestly,
but there are some very hot stories.
Something to look forward to indeed, but we'll be back very shortly with our
next category, which is kink and taboo.
So that should be a lot of fun.
But until then, buy it on, buy it on.
Thank you for listening to Not Quite Right.
If you'd like to reach us via email or follow us on social media,
you can find all the links on our website notquiterightpodcast.com.
That's WRITE.
And if you enjoyed the show, we'd love it if you could leave us a five
star review on your favourite podcasting app.
Something doesn't seem quite right.
I'm just thinking about a funny intro to say to this category.
Not like strap yourself in, but like strap yourself on.
But like bad disease supernatural ohh, I'm sorry something about tentacles
something something about like something to tickle your face and like goblins
goblin ohh, this ones are the contest goblins or
you'll be goblin.
Alright, these nuts.