WEBVTT

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Not Quite Right features discussions that
are unfiltered and uncensored,

8b93e215-b265-4034-8b68-3e1b502d7982-1
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and may include themes that are
inappropriate for younger listeners.

9363814b-8d26-4114-b7ca-8530eeca1722-0
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Also,
I swear a lot something doesn't seem

9363814b-8d26-4114-b7ca-8530eeca1722-1
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quite right.

fb3244c2-256a-4677-a8c1-592aa75d5ccb-0
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Welcome to not quite right.

26a79461-6f0b-4ff3-8605-1105109c765a-0
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My name's Ed and I'm Amanda and welcome
to the second daredevil for the January

26a79461-6f0b-4ff3-8605-1105109c765a-1
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2026 not quite right prize.

5dec731c-a307-406c-8218-913151b84fdb-0
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But it's not the second daredevil for
this daredevil.

a5298dd0-eb69-4cd4-91cf-957615d2a29a-0
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It sure isn't Daredevils are people who
have signed up for the honour and

a5298dd0-eb69-4cd4-91cf-957615d2a29a-1
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privilege of having their story ripped to
shreds on air on the podcast.

0949a4eb-7e17-47a9-9ac7-2903673603c4-0
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And as you've said,
this is not our contestants first time or

0949a4eb-7e17-47a9-9ac7-2903673603c4-1
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the second time.

6dce4e2e-af75-4d86-9d77-c43b6cb6d790-0
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It is in fact their third time.

436b06e6-e102-4ff7-8a98-e1e1ae70d628-0
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So they're well aware of what it feels
like to be ripped to shreds and hopefully

436b06e6-e102-4ff7-8a98-e1e1ae70d628-1
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they've become a little bit desensitised.

74c989cc-4dc5-43f7-8643-4d546e76023e-0
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Yeah, I hope so,
because we're still not going easy on,

74c989cc-4dc5-43f7-8643-4d546e76023e-1
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will go harder and harder until you can
take no more until you learn.

c6e81d9d-7863-4709-a287-f9dad7374957-0
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So we'll read your story,
we'll talk about your story,

c6e81d9d-7863-4709-a287-f9dad7374957-1
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break it down, share our thoughts,
and hopefully we will all learn something

c6e81d9d-7863-4709-a287-f9dad7374957-2
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in the process because this is a learning
experience.

6e9a9204-0a29-4cb1-96ec-b81c50f6b5a9-0
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It's not a criticism for its own sake.

a09cd97b-7f76-4be3-b740-45d1491767e6-0
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No.

97c5a8c4-3645-4181-b863-a0f04ad45344-0
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And we hope like this is a as a general
statement about these daredevils.

be539d9c-376e-4a1c-a09c-e98d38a282da-0
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If you are a daredevil and we rip your
story apart, it's our job.

dc480ce0-cd15-4bed-b246-71183a71f4e7-0
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Yeah, it's how we learn.

63ebad28-de9c-4df2-b778-389ba3924d96-0
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It's not personal.

93279f25-8b34-4cb7-a8ab-d864171dea53-0
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And we hope you don't take it personally.

0edb88f3-832f-49d9-a445-1a4399896c91-0
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We do worry that people take it
personally because I know I would,

0edb88f3-832f-49d9-a445-1a4399896c91-1
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I would take it very personally and I
would, you know, I would have my revenge.

a1be0d92-adf7-4417-a798-f25926b2ed3a-0
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That's it.

3e95e2f5-f348-4045-8723-b23ce38199ac-0
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We would put him on the **** **** and we
would be looking for revenge.

6aaafeec-9fc7-4ec2-a8d5-a1384391291f-0
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And look, that's fair enough.

d9c1141a-63cb-44fe-8f57-ae6128f2bcf5-0
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I hope you realise sometime between
planning your revenge and actually acting

d9c1141a-63cb-44fe-8f57-ae6128f2bcf5-1
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it out that we do love you and we're just,
we just want the best for you.

6bca5835-c8c2-47d3-8fe9-0b9422d357bf-0
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But it is hard to receive criticism,
even well intentioned criticism.

fc8d455f-fade-4d2d-9fd9-a8e64ace3aad-0
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It feels so personal when it's about a
piece of art.

de23b507-7de4-416b-be4a-c57259f50d39-0
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If you come and criticise an email I
wrote, I don't give a **** you know?

ac44eb99-99e5-41d1-981c-c33266e3bde7-0
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But like,
you come and criticise a piece of fiction

ac44eb99-99e5-41d1-981c-c33266e3bde7-1
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that came from my heart and my brain and
my imagination,

ac44eb99-99e5-41d1-981c-c33266e3bde7-2
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you put yourself on the page, right?

034628a0-3996-41d8-b12f-8e4cd6e6332d-0
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Yeah.

f4dc972c-9937-4e55-982f-423721f37b6e-0
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It's like you, you're coming for me.

e1a0b0a2-e094-4cb4-9e25-a1faa05856e3-0
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So we don't want that for our daredevils.

e8917853-bdff-419f-9b71-caab3d7b6a27-0
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We hope our daredevils can see it for
what it is,

e8917853-bdff-419f-9b71-caab3d7b6a27-1
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which is just constructive criticism
about the way the words landed on the

e8917853-bdff-419f-9b71-caab3d7b6a27-2
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page, basically.

234d960a-b2e4-4732-8105-216f19c38e93-0
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And look,
you've only got a couple of days to write

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the story.

8a0d744d-0de1-47eb-a4d5-b8a228d2aa3b-0
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It's not,
it's it's never gonna be as polished as

8a0d744d-0de1-47eb-a4d5-b8a228d2aa3b-1
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you want it to be.

a07e8127-f7f4-48d3-87a8-9ab5366aa820-0
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So you've got that.

6ac10ba4-51e4-4d70-b02f-79436fa0d259-0
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But look, as mentioned,
our victim for today is no, no, no, no.

8a7fa748-b663-41f4-a056-9f3055df24b2-0
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If I can't say none other,
I've got no what?

9e3b568c-bd76-4450-a83c-d6c6a48fe194-0
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It's so much trouble.

545cbe27-11e6-4ce6-b195-870b2d3b7c93-0
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Oh my God.

a26f59c2-539d-4b49-bc85-bb9882e1cde9-0
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Our victim is none other than Karosh,
who's here for 1/3 time.

f8b499ae-740a-4f11-9a74-2547fe37e57b-0
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First time was back in April last year
for his story leaking compartments,

f8b499ae-740a-4f11-9a74-2547fe37e57b-1
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and then again last round in October for
third time's the charm,

f8b499ae-740a-4f11-9a74-2547fe37e57b-2
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AKA the third ************.

e5be1ec4-fcdd-4f87-84cb-67206c97e219-0
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That's right.

efa7b2a7-0030-4807-b2b8-32284b0a88bf-0
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But this is actually his third time
around, so maybe third time is the charm.

84b62f07-543b-49b2-9bd5-616686722ccc-0
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We will find out very shortly.

db4e02d4-3f21-4d02-8e11-d35e2ad6d0fb-0
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Or maybe it's the third ************
maybe and Karosh is a dirty traitor

db4e02d4-3f21-4d02-8e11-d35e2ad6d0fb-1
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because he's he's decided to go team
Amanda this time.

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Appreciate it.

c991c663-baa1-41b0-8966-ba5ee923ba7a-0
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And Amanda, what were your prompts?

5b3be340-3260-434e-82a6-04436f51837c-0
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So my prompts were the word prompt,
Fluxino C vilification,

5b3be340-3260-434e-82a6-04436f51837c-1
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or you also had the option of using the
word draw, the action prompt of chasing.

39ffcd77-1104-4a31-9be2-d9ee3ea4d0ce-0
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And the kicker?

d83246eb-b6fd-4a02-8968-c852e1ed36fd-0
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You had to prominently feature a law of
some kind in your story,

d83246eb-b6fd-4a02-8968-c852e1ed36fd-1
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and I'll be reading this one.

0efd5309-483f-4a25-a4db-b5c9cfd70a8c-0
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So here is Fox no Sydney.

7b5309e6-3773-452a-a152-b15048f26f6c-0
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Hilly Pillification by Karosh Troy lay in
his sleeping bag,

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staring at the rolling sheets of clouds
blocking the night sky as they glided

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ever so slowly across the infinite
expanse.

ef12ce82-0f4c-4e70-902f-82410c4ad048-0
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Troy shivered,
wiggling himself toward the cooling

ef12ce82-0f4c-4e70-902f-82410c4ad048-1
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embers of the long gone campfire.

aeeed3a8-27eb-4629-ae94-3f1d80794b81-0
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He kept his eyes on the sky.

df4b5f28-5991-46e1-a7a5-d71270326cb8-0
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If only the clouds were as far as the
world went.

96984bba-01c1-4a03-9b31-6ff3dde29045-0
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Or if at the very least,
they wrapped the entire planet,

96984bba-01c1-4a03-9b31-6ff3dde29045-1
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never showing the tiny inhabitants of
Earth that there was something beyond.

a70a6cfd-4914-4325-aac1-18db71e6ae71-0
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The cold bark of laughter slipped past
Troy's lips.

6ee6bf48-b69c-4dd8-97c9-c7ff092e2533-0
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The clouds were his ceiling for the
moment,

6ee6bf48-b69c-4dd8-97c9-c7ff092e2533-1
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and his if onlys should focus on it
staying that way.

c3ceb027-4198-4773-8df3-3c11bd890ee2-0
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Tearing his eyes from the sky,
Troy squirmed deeper into his sleeping

c3ceb027-4198-4773-8df3-3c11bd890ee2-1
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bag.

c7ecdd72-7ef7-4667-ba02-6c90bbd9b2ad-0
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He relished the absolute darkness,
just him and nothing else.

c4ea5f28-6f5f-43af-8935-a92482c9e368-0
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Away from all the world's noise,
his child's self would be crying,

c4ea5f28-6f5f-43af-8935-a92482c9e368-1
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begging mum and dad to turn on the lights
and eventually they'd put glowing star

c4ea5f28-6f5f-43af-8935-a92482c9e368-2
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stickers on the walls and book filled
shelves in his room and he would have

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loved it.

1f6d5a73-a83c-44d3-85c4-6c4bbdaefbf9-0
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Troy shoved down the bile in the back of
his throat.

0742a862-0e60-4eb1-bb2f-d7e5be4d9de4-0
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How immature he had been,
a version of him in the past who peered

0742a862-0e60-4eb1-bb2f-d7e5be4d9de4-1
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through telescopes wanting to see more
and more was unthinkable now.

712a55b0-bef2-4357-be74-f403fad71edd-0
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A naive idiot who was awestruck by dying
stars.

be6770de-c29b-4821-a29d-71692e5d8530-0
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An insignificant speck who,
standing in front of a hospital bed,

be6770de-c29b-4821-a29d-71692e5d8530-1
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realised stars were just barely big
enough for their inevitable death throes

be6770de-c29b-4821-a29d-71692e5d8530-2
00:05:50.958 --> 00:05:52.360
to leave a mark.

bc98b6ff-f775-48be-a18e-ab4975735e1d-0
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Troy's chest tightened,
shutting his eyes tight,

bc98b6ff-f775-48be-a18e-ab4975735e1d-1
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trying to trap his pointless tears.

e8fc6c66-2e6e-43b9-ac99-934dde8b83a4-0
00:06:04.520 --> 00:06:06.840
He clawed himself out of the sleeping bag.

7c96a706-9026-4a0b-94f3-03fbc9a5ac09-0
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:09.600
He needed air.

b7f11197-517b-4cb7-af64-220b0f71143d-0
00:06:10.320 --> 00:06:14.240
The damned things he felt had to go.

a9958780-06de-47bb-8f73-daf69e62c947-0
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:18.480
If only the clouds could take them.

1cbc0cf7-7405-40af-9e2e-0b9188f7aaa9-0
00:06:21.200 --> 00:06:24.313
Forgetting the tears waiting to burst
through,

1cbc0cf7-7405-40af-9e2e-0b9188f7aaa9-1
00:06:24.313 --> 00:06:29.680
Troy threw his head up and opened his
eyes, seeking the comforting clouds above.

3f4455c2-73ba-443f-9027-43599ae8e0b1-0
00:06:31.320 --> 00:06:38.205
Yet in the cloud consumed sky overhead,
a single patch had opened directly where

3f4455c2-73ba-443f-9027-43599ae8e0b1-1
00:06:38.205 --> 00:06:39.480
he was looking.

0a7a0520-2cc9-4294-b650-d7752f2f3754-0
00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:47.144
During the long moment of shock and panic
that followed, he froze,

0a7a0520-2cc9-4294-b650-d7752f2f3754-1
00:06:47.144 --> 00:06:52.670
letting the stars hold his tearful gaze,
so unfathomably large,

0a7a0520-2cc9-4294-b650-d7752f2f3754-2
00:06:52.670 --> 00:06:57.160
yet little more than pinpricks from where
he stood.

b54dcaff-6689-47a6-9936-1a7ba8d4469b-0
00:06:59.200 --> 00:07:01.280
Troy wanted to scream.

e01a8cee-f2b5-4870-9877-dbef4eb829d4-0
00:07:02.280 --> 00:07:06.673
He tore his eyes away,
giving his all to stop his awestruck past

e01a8cee-f2b5-4870-9877-dbef4eb829d4-1
00:07:06.673 --> 00:07:08.160
self from bubbling up.

6f3ac464-444d-4893-b803-ebc2201c63b1-0
00:07:09.080 --> 00:07:11.200
His heart thundered in his chest.

a52121c6-4067-483f-8eaa-9f144c470d19-0
00:07:12.520 --> 00:07:18.164
Thoughts, memories,
and feelings clamoured in his head,

a52121c6-4067-483f-8eaa-9f144c470d19-1
00:07:18.164 --> 00:07:20.080
begging to be seen.

4f1df89e-90ff-456a-b37c-ebb9a8fb2cb1-0
00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:28.783
Worst of all, his eyes wandered back,
spurred by a little voice insisting among

4f1df89e-90ff-456a-b37c-ebb9a8fb2cb1-1
00:07:28.783 --> 00:07:32.768
the clamour that if Troy squinted hard
enough,

4f1df89e-90ff-456a-b37c-ebb9a8fb2cb1-2
00:07:32.768 --> 00:07:36.160
maybe the stars would look like a smile.

650749eb-eb20-4d8c-adeb-c8c9c460c34e-0
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:41.080
Like her smile.

4a5e2c5e-85ea-4e30-9719-7939f872a8fc-0
00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:49.104
The nagging voice won,
drawing a pair of rosy lips among the

4a5e2c5e-85ea-4e30-9719-7939f872a8fc-1
00:07:49.104 --> 00:07:55.239
stars, smiling down on Troy,
allowing all that he had left behind to

4a5e2c5e-85ea-4e30-9719-7939f872a8fc-2
00:07:55.239 --> 00:07:56.040
catch up.

8e4bb1a4-21f5-4fa9-a272-5e69d73bf3b4-0
00:07:58.840 --> 00:08:02.440
As tears blurred his vision,
something occurred to him.

3332c5d2-de83-4931-a0bf-8273996f0d14-0
00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:10.492
If it was all so meaningless,
so insignificant,

3332c5d2-de83-4931-a0bf-8273996f0d14-1
00:08:10.492 --> 00:08:17.880
then his insignificance wasn't that also
insignificant?

9d3c7101-b8b2-4417-81f3-2b5817f5f27a-0
00:08:20.520 --> 00:08:21.760
He stopped struggling.

7595a4ab-c34c-426b-b003-c7cfb56b2b07-0
00:08:22.640 --> 00:08:28.600
A *** heaved itself out of his chest,
freed after so many months.

b0aafeb2-e1c1-4843-85a3-004ecddcb831-0
00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:40.520
And Troy, the naive, awestruck Troy cried.

9a774c31-b95b-490b-8d00-6795b20c5d6c-0
00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:54.680
O thank you Korosh.

e2ed1813-cd6c-4450-8562-1670fc9e84e4-0
00:08:54.680 --> 00:08:59.000
And Korosh has left us a voicemail,
so we will play that now.

2ac06d86-2db2-4ffb-aab4-59ad2fdd2794-0
00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:05.954
Hello Ed And Amanda,
it's Mika Roche calling in for another

2ac06d86-2db2-4ffb-aab4-59ad2fdd2794-1
00:09:05.954 --> 00:09:06.600
Daredevil.

badd932a-7d90-4346-ba9a-db60771d4fd1-0
00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:08.360
I hope you guys are doing well.

b2364612-acad-47a9-abf0-b9fbb7f9de7f-0
00:09:08.640 --> 00:09:14.536
The idea for the story came from the fact
that I saw essentially what is now the

b2364612-acad-47a9-abf0-b9fbb7f9de7f-1
00:09:14.536 --> 00:09:15.920
title of the story.

bf130a51-5f1f-470a-a352-f85c278c3fb6-0
00:09:16.680 --> 00:09:18.960
Just kind of pop in on my feet.

9996b617-f87b-457b-b0ed-c7cc9f980f6b-0
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:23.343
And I found it interesting and just
decided to make that the centrepiece of

9996b617-f87b-457b-b0ed-c7cc9f980f6b-1
00:09:23.343 --> 00:09:25.880
my story,
which kind of also helped because

9996b617-f87b-457b-b0ed-c7cc9f980f6b-2
00:09:25.880 --> 00:09:28.880
choosing a title always took a lot of
time from me.

ac36213f-c54f-4cc1-ba22-ecdb7e9608cc-0
00:09:28.880 --> 00:09:34.177
So that's how that happened,
and I am very sorry because I can't

ac36213f-c54f-4cc1-ba22-ecdb7e9608cc-1
00:09:34.177 --> 00:09:35.400
pronounce that.

1160b145-1abb-4577-acb2-b880ab4309e0-0
00:09:35.520 --> 00:09:36.720
Good luck to you guys.

29f200ed-1d92-474c-8a1f-4bf0f4b66b70-0
00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:41.388
Anyway,
another thing that is kind of very

29f200ed-1d92-474c-8a1f-4bf0f4b66b70-1
00:09:41.388 --> 00:09:47.760
experimental for me in this story is that
it's very, very internal.

eef8cc5d-a192-4134-bf61-8c24068ff236-0
00:09:47.760 --> 00:09:52.561
Like I tried very much to create a
narrative arc,

eef8cc5d-a192-4134-bf61-8c24068ff236-1
00:09:52.561 --> 00:09:58.227
like a change in the status quo that's
relatively obvious,

eef8cc5d-a192-4134-bf61-8c24068ff236-2
00:09:58.227 --> 00:10:05.910
but I'm still not 100% confident that
it's exited the vignette area and entered

eef8cc5d-a192-4134-bf61-8c24068ff236-3
00:10:05.910 --> 00:10:09.560
what can constantly be called a story.

9648e34c-7cb9-4bd4-9830-bd408ae986ab-0
00:10:10.040 --> 00:10:12.760
So I wanted some feedback on that for
sure.

02ed1168-632d-4d81-a583-5125f32dbe97-0
00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:17.863
Other than that,
I hope you enjoyed it and the new format

02ed1168-632d-4d81-a583-5125f32dbe97-1
00:10:17.863 --> 00:10:18.600
was Spot.

5aa36319-0ff5-4eb6-a480-f5726c37763b-0
00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:19.760
Thank you.

a45721ef-eda0-4f2a-8766-8c4a9e846cb8-0
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:24.920
And yeah, look,
it is very hard to create a action filled

a45721ef-eda0-4f2a-8766-8c4a9e846cb8-1
00:10:24.920 --> 00:10:27.440
narrative when you've just got 1
character.

9ec73d38-ed58-4c4a-89db-e369cf6cc900-0
00:10:28.040 --> 00:10:31.133
That's a challenge,
especially if that character is

9ec73d38-ed58-4c4a-89db-e369cf6cc900-1
00:10:31.133 --> 00:10:34.821
presumably camping or outdoors alone and
we don't be camping,

9ec73d38-ed58-4c4a-89db-e369cf6cc900-2
00:10:34.821 --> 00:10:37.319
otherwise something's gone horribly wrong.

5c36c7c1-75e8-45fd-bc05-e70edafd89de-0
00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:40.891
And so, yeah,
that's the challenge of moving beyond a

5c36c7c1-75e8-45fd-bc05-e70edafd89de-1
00:10:40.891 --> 00:10:45.071
vignette into a story and having all of
those elements of a story structure,

5c36c7c1-75e8-45fd-bc05-e70edafd89de-2
00:10:45.071 --> 00:10:48.600
the beginning, middle and end,
and most importantly, the change.

83f748bf-7e97-4f6f-b204-9c6271d1f9aa-0
00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:52.200
So plenty to talk about there,
and we'll get into that in just a moment.

38c3f8f3-e8d9-49b7-a8b5-03cda0c69222-0
00:10:52.200 --> 00:10:55.154
But let's start with the title, which is,
of course,

38c3f8f3-e8d9-49b7-a8b5-03cda0c69222-1
00:10:55.154 --> 00:10:57.440
Foxino Hiller pillification or something.

a367dfff-4bd6-41e8-b467-f2d8a2e53427-0
00:10:57.920 --> 00:11:00.200
Foxino Sini Hilly pillification.

7f46a7aa-2673-4027-a445-414dcb4eb026-0
00:11:00.320 --> 00:11:00.960
Thank you, Amanda.

c8afccea-cf18-443e-98f3-9d47afa791cc-0
00:11:02.640 --> 00:11:06.745
And I mentioned in the intro,
if if I had signed up for Daredevil,

c8afccea-cf18-443e-98f3-9d47afa791cc-1
00:11:06.745 --> 00:11:08.400
I would be seeking revenge.

55f9a313-8c03-46f7-b2d8-d7c0d0af89a3-0
00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:09.760
And I think this is your revenge.

44a78289-17d8-4126-bfa1-63aa3b378d02-0
00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:11.120
Oh, I don't know.

9e483a8f-60f6-42cd-a4ef-2a61c6033886-0
00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:14.720
He said in his voicemail there that this
word popped up onto his feet.

953cf650-975f-42af-b228-299fcf1efd5d-0
00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:16.120
And look, it's a great word.

0224909d-0a00-44ad-af65-3d8e18973b01-0
00:11:16.360 --> 00:11:19.690
And we learned in the longest episode
when we talked about it,

0224909d-0a00-44ad-af65-3d8e18973b01-1
00:11:19.690 --> 00:11:20.800
what this word means.

55831c5d-eee7-4f5e-a188-e33522391ed9-0
00:11:20.800 --> 00:11:23.960
And it's this idea of the meaninglessness
of it all.

c9190612-e5af-45fd-8e4d-45fbe59d943b-0
00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:26.440
And I think that is a great inspiration.

081ed44e-fa78-4e38-a124-3ca48e960b3c-0
00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:29.080
I think a lot of people are searching for
meaning now.

68b77e7f-f3c1-49e1-859b-c713fcc458eb-0
00:11:29.080 --> 00:11:31.335
In fact,
a lot of people have been searching for

68b77e7f-f3c1-49e1-859b-c713fcc458eb-1
00:11:31.335 --> 00:11:33.360
meaning since the dawn of time pretty
much.

bb1f3730-c4ec-44d5-8a14-cbf7667a7413-0
00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:35.880
So that's a relatable idea.

82b26fc7-53d3-4ca9-a7c6-6c08b1505c4d-0
00:11:35.880 --> 00:11:39.124
It's something that people can engage
with and so I can see why you'd be

82b26fc7-53d3-4ca9-a7c6-6c08b1505c4d-1
00:11:39.124 --> 00:11:40.680
inspired to write a story about it.

fab42af2-3ae4-4b2f-a18b-f50656b30f68-0
00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:46.293
So the dictionary definition of that word
is the action or habit of estimating

fab42af2-3ae4-4b2f-a18b-f50656b30f68-1
00:11:46.293 --> 00:11:47.800
something as worthless.

75018d9a-ee91-4cee-9049-30eb7a124e1f-0
00:11:47.800 --> 00:11:52.777
So in the context of this story,
presumably it's like a self reflection,

75018d9a-ee91-4cee-9049-30eb7a124e1f-1
00:11:52.777 --> 00:11:54.960
estimating oneself as worthless.

c704c935-d63d-4878-bb4f-b6ffd38093cc-0
00:11:55.240 --> 00:12:00.160
Although I will say that Troy in this
story is wrestling with loss as well.

a10775ed-6671-41a4-aa72-f7f0392df505-0
00:12:00.160 --> 00:12:03.680
So it's not necessarily that estimation
of 1's itself is worthless.

df0888f3-20a8-42da-afb8-f0e6bdb227df-0
00:12:03.680 --> 00:12:04.360
It is.

4ff4ef37-a2dd-44d2-b1a0-052995422bce-0
00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:09.047
It's more that feeling ineffectual,
like in the face of what we can only

4ff4ef37-a2dd-44d2-b1a0-052995422bce-1
00:12:09.047 --> 00:12:13.240
assume is death of a loved one,
feeling like powerless to stop it.

edbb3389-5cc1-4f9b-ab37-e3fbe2bc5af5-0
00:12:13.280 --> 00:12:16.394
Yeah, I guess it's the concept,
which is touched on in the last

edbb3389-5cc1-4f9b-ab37-e3fbe2bc5af5-1
00:12:16.394 --> 00:12:18.633
paragraphs,
of Insignificance more than it is

edbb3389-5cc1-4f9b-ab37-e3fbe2bc5af5-2
00:12:18.633 --> 00:12:19.120
worthless.

b9e27a8d-4d46-498b-8ec5-244afb87f295-0
00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:22.560
I think those are just slightly different
but related concepts.

7c6e7fc7-85ee-4427-8f2f-cccf122a1233-0
00:12:22.680 --> 00:12:23.840
So let's get into the story.

35bc5fa7-ff3d-4fc2-a13d-55bb888793ba-0
00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:28.176
And I guess do we want to just talk about
the overarching ideas in this story

35bc5fa7-ff3d-4fc2-a13d-55bb888793ba-1
00:12:28.176 --> 00:12:30.400
before we get into the words themselves?

1661ed2f-fdc3-4463-ab1c-c7f85a80352d-0
00:12:30.440 --> 00:12:30.720
Yeah.

048b4799-0fc8-42cd-98e0-05d2cd71a922-0
00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:31.280
Sounds good.

4bac6ce3-1d41-4fe6-9726-359f5c9782b1-0
00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:34.115
So look,
Croatian raised a great point in his

4bac6ce3-1d41-4fe6-9726-359f5c9782b1-1
00:12:34.115 --> 00:12:37.320
voicemail there and I think I want to
address that.

020bf084-2797-4e46-8f29-462e0a60aaae-0
00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:39.844
First of all,
I think it's really great when you can be

020bf084-2797-4e46-8f29-462e0a60aaae-1
00:12:39.844 --> 00:12:42.640
self reflective and see some of the
challenges in your story.

09b7a710-49b8-4d97-8773-527dfca06f60-0
00:12:42.640 --> 00:12:43.720
That's step one, right?

6505d1c4-5fdb-4557-929d-09d37e495498-0
00:12:43.800 --> 00:12:44.680
And what's step two?

3e83e5b9-eeb5-49ba-84cb-decf58d8d709-0
00:12:44.680 --> 00:12:47.160
Well, what the **** do I do about it next,
you know?

26a68ea2-33df-48df-b296-6cd4ab0c1985-0
00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:51.637
And that's what I hope that we will be
able to help with today because I agree,

26a68ea2-33df-48df-b296-6cd4ab0c1985-1
00:12:51.637 --> 00:12:53.080
this is an interior story.

0588336b-d550-4f76-83cb-062defb44e67-0
00:12:53.240 --> 00:12:56.400
And unfortunately,
I think that's a limitation of this story.

ef2bbae9-469e-4b5d-b9d3-81207b8ea669-0
00:12:56.400 --> 00:13:00.538
And I think it's probably this story's
main limitation because for me,

ef2bbae9-469e-4b5d-b9d3-81207b8ea669-1
00:13:00.538 --> 00:13:05.376
you did have a sense of character change,
which is great and which is missing in a

ef2bbae9-469e-4b5d-b9d3-81207b8ea669-2
00:13:05.376 --> 00:13:08.640
lot of stories that we would call
interior or internal.

f4d1d752-b543-4def-b6b9-e367c5ff322a-0
00:13:08.920 --> 00:13:11.680
That character change often doesn't
appear at all.

a961a350-4454-445f-a0ba-5be065f5a974-0
00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:14.840
And you've you have worked to put that in
and that counts.

78c1cc51-51bf-4cbd-ae4d-f95625f88ab0-0
00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:15.840
That counts for a lot.

f9175551-5fdb-4581-a4f2-1b5c0ec391b4-0
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:19.540
So by the end of the story,
Troy's kind of reverted to his childhood

f9175551-5fdb-4581-a4f2-1b5c0ec391b4-1
00:13:19.540 --> 00:13:23.240
self and he's come to this realisation,
Well, yeah, nothing matters.

9dfa3f9c-c31d-46ea-99d7-357fd4c86872-0
00:13:23.240 --> 00:13:26.360
So like, if nothing matters, like,
why am I trying so hard?

0aceb5e1-61d6-49a8-ab21-299cea7d21b8-0
00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:30.040
Like just kind of accept it a little bit
and be full of wonder again, almost.

1536e57c-9bf7-4e0e-9744-332e0a0fe7ac-0
00:13:30.040 --> 00:13:32.760
And that's a resonant idea for me.

2c3fe1a7-d3c4-4717-9bf1-e13e9e3eb460-0
00:13:32.760 --> 00:13:36.800
I am an existential nihilist,
and I believe that nothing matters.

c76c0c54-1d2d-4995-98e6-62b3cc169ccb-0
00:13:36.800 --> 00:13:39.480
But I believe nothing matters in a way
that is beautiful.

f3f527d8-36e1-4966-bdb4-c01526d8592b-0
00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:41.800
If it doesn't matter,
you do what you want, right?

941980c6-7f4a-4426-9feb-2c7d07e6ffbf-0
00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:44.073
And I think that's what this story
touches on,

941980c6-7f4a-4426-9feb-2c7d07e6ffbf-1
00:13:44.073 --> 00:13:45.360
which for me is very interesting.

bdf950c4-d6f0-4b95-964e-0c0772e98ead-0
00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:50.442
But what it doesn't do is it doesn't
arrive at that change through the action

bdf950c4-d6f0-4b95-964e-0c0772e98ead-1
00:13:50.442 --> 00:13:53.440
and consequences of the actions of the
scene.

1a76fbf8-e030-47a5-8ff4-31c76183f358-0
00:13:53.520 --> 00:13:58.699
So I think what's missing here and what
can still occur in an interior story is

1a76fbf8-e030-47a5-8ff4-31c76183f358-1
00:13:58.699 --> 00:13:59.800
cause and effect.

5714b850-12e4-4355-b461-94da268864e1-0
00:13:59.960 --> 00:14:01.840
There is not so much much cause and
effect here.

e178c8a0-7947-40a1-8a3a-3a55bfa87d60-0
00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:06.789
We have a lot of reflection on stars and
clouds and thinking back to the past and

e178c8a0-7947-40a1-8a3a-3a55bfa87d60-1
00:14:06.789 --> 00:14:11.799
thinking about one's effectiveness or in
the world and thinking about someone that

e178c8a0-7947-40a1-8a3a-3a55bfa87d60-2
00:14:11.799 --> 00:14:15.843
you've lost and all of these things which
are compelling thoughts,

e178c8a0-7947-40a1-8a3a-3a55bfa87d60-3
00:14:15.843 --> 00:14:18.680
but there isn't an action and then a
reaction.

d5d76562-2c71-487b-9ec5-24c7be0d7446-0
00:14:19.240 --> 00:14:21.720
And that's the thing that's hard to do
with a single character.

367490b4-4858-428a-bb3e-03ff5167ce44-0
00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:24.572
But I will say that Justin Kreps didn't
in his story,

367490b4-4858-428a-bb3e-03ff5167ce44-1
00:14:24.572 --> 00:14:28.534
which made the shortlist a couple of
rounds ago with a very interior story

367490b4-4858-428a-bb3e-03ff5167ce44-2
00:14:28.534 --> 00:14:32.760
with 1 character who was wrestling with
these ideas of do I need to sort of get

367490b4-4858-428a-bb3e-03ff5167ce44-3
00:14:32.760 --> 00:14:37.040
involved in what's going on in the world
and share and reshare this information?

3dee367e-7aca-46f0-ac0a-6f008364c664-0
00:14:37.040 --> 00:14:41.052
I feel so helpless and but in that story,
even though it was very internal,

3dee367e-7aca-46f0-ac0a-6f008364c664-1
00:14:41.052 --> 00:14:45.011
the character was kind of thinking
something and processing that with what

3dee367e-7aca-46f0-ac0a-6f008364c664-2
00:14:45.011 --> 00:14:47.440
he was looking at and coming to
realisations.

cf9309ef-e802-4133-ab5b-8b9528bdb000-0
00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:49.880
And it wasn't kind of just already in his
brain.

fda42e5e-1160-4c2a-a4d7-75ce853acccb-0
00:14:49.880 --> 00:14:50.200
Yeah.

05312951-c521-4a5f-a480-cc73e67683cd-0
00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:52.360
And that was another child killed in
Palestine.

84be8d40-9519-4176-9664-33c2d9ae7f53-0
00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:52.880
That's right.

f26536cd-25c5-435c-8ef9-8acffcbcd804-0
00:14:52.880 --> 00:14:53.560
That's the story.

336af58f-6942-44f5-ad3d-38e3c617c1fa-0
00:14:53.560 --> 00:14:54.120
Definitely.

52cfe1a1-1ae2-44a8-9ca4-5925697359c8-0
00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.800
I can see the effort here on Croatia's
part.

a0c5903d-1242-41d6-b775-1d4730c945f1-0
00:14:56.800 --> 00:15:00.882
And I think he comes close because he
does really make a strong attempt to

a0c5903d-1242-41d6-b775-1d4730c945f1-1
00:15:00.882 --> 00:15:04.040
weave in physicality and cause and effect
into the story.

d1c293e2-63fc-4c7c-9350-6116dc34da11-0
00:15:04.040 --> 00:15:07.200
I mean,
he uses these ideas of the clouds and

d1c293e2-63fc-4c7c-9350-6116dc34da11-1
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:12.833
astronomy and kind of child good thoughts
as these visual devices that weave into

d1c293e2-63fc-4c7c-9350-6116dc34da11-2
00:15:12.833 --> 00:15:13.520
the story.

1128604c-c346-4101-a6d7-c6ec4c4876b3-0
00:15:13.520 --> 00:15:17.480
And that is a good grounding for that
kind of change as well.

4a0efd50-0f19-4b3a-8ff4-ebd9645bd68e-0
00:15:17.880 --> 00:15:21.194
I feel that we don't quite get that
connection completely made in the last

4a0efd50-0f19-4b3a-8ff4-ebd9645bd68e-1
00:15:21.194 --> 00:15:23.890
couple of paragraphs,
which is where where the disconnect is

4a0efd50-0f19-4b3a-8ff4-ebd9645bd68e-2
00:15:23.890 --> 00:15:24.200
really.

7978bde2-44f2-4884-8840-cde9a592b10d-0
00:15:24.280 --> 00:15:24.520
Yeah.

8aedbab2-1c8d-4548-b8ff-cab3e0962552-0
00:15:24.520 --> 00:15:25.600
Well, this is the thing, right?

df5aa764-faa9-472a-a3ab-5e725d558302-0
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.889
As you've just mentioned,
the clouds and the stars, you know,

df5aa764-faa9-472a-a3ab-5e725d558302-1
00:15:28.889 --> 00:15:33.080
we challenged our last daredevil, Eleanor,
about cohesion of idea and concept.

8c789b81-75f7-4fdf-b8f7-647bfba7eab2-0
00:15:33.400 --> 00:15:35.967
And I think Karosh has done that really
well here,

8c789b81-75f7-4fdf-b8f7-647bfba7eab2-1
00:15:35.967 --> 00:15:39.440
this idea of the clouds covering up the
stars almost like a blanket.

e7f4678d-3fc4-41ed-ac62-225d7d0ea1fd-0
00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.640
And, you know, he's in the sleeping bag,
like, sort of in the dark.

d2bde60c-aed5-48eb-896e-cd62feba8244-0
00:15:42.640 --> 00:15:44.560
But then when he comes out,
he can see the stars.

ba0489dd-f4eb-41d7-929a-8f8acd5becc5-0
00:15:44.560 --> 00:15:45.840
And that's confronting for him.

46f0f007-4560-4aa6-80e7-bf63a4316b7e-0
00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.800
Like all of these things are pointing in
the same direction, which I love.

2c5aaed6-8097-4b09-b952-cfcadb3811a2-0
00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:51.200
I mean,
we're even talking about how the parents

2c5aaed6-8097-4b09-b952-cfcadb3811a2-1
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:53.120
would stick the little star stickers on
the wall.

0b3d4fd4-d09f-4967-84bc-f1f9643fecc5-0
00:15:53.480 --> 00:15:56.720
And so all of these things are working
together, which is tick, tick, tick.

3da1b9f6-5eab-4872-82c3-c2e84d4e1a05-0
00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:57.680
That's really great.

9e070be2-7930-44db-aebb-5edbc94d45f5-0
00:15:57.680 --> 00:15:58.560
From my perspective.

1a6b7259-68f6-46c0-938d-d39a193631c7-0
00:15:58.560 --> 00:16:00.160
It's all sort of right on theme.

bf7d4041-01a4-4bf9-88f8-04036c198ca6-0
00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:04.180
But what's not happening is that that
stuff around the stars and the clouds and

bf7d4041-01a4-4bf9-88f8-04036c198ca6-1
00:16:04.180 --> 00:16:06.967
going into the sleeping bag,
which as you've indicated,

bf7d4041-01a4-4bf9-88f8-04036c198ca6-2
00:16:06.967 --> 00:16:10.600
is action in the scene, which is great,
but that doesn't cause anything.

d4e2e881-ffde-4e48-8f11-e5053cf2e6ba-0
00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:15.019
So the only causation that happens is
that he looks up at the sky and he can

d4e2e881-ffde-4e48-8f11-e5053cf2e6ba-1
00:16:15.019 --> 00:16:18.118
see the stars,
but he didn't do anything to make that

d4e2e881-ffde-4e48-8f11-e5053cf2e6ba-2
00:16:18.118 --> 00:16:18.519
appear.

34702f33-37cf-4658-9159-1754d0f5754b-0
00:16:18.520 --> 00:16:21.400
They're just there and then he sort of
comes undone.

42308054-d6d9-4e95-98ae-75347921b8ed-0
00:16:21.680 --> 00:16:25.085
What I would love to see,
and what is normally an effective method

42308054-d6d9-4e95-98ae-75347921b8ed-1
00:16:25.085 --> 00:16:27.678
in stories,
is for the main character to have some

42308054-d6d9-4e95-98ae-75347921b8ed-2
00:16:27.678 --> 00:16:29.000
agency in their own story.

cfb38bab-690e-4e54-9615-8ec4c64e3e0d-0
00:16:29.000 --> 00:16:32.625
So they are doing something and as a
result of the thing that they do,

cfb38bab-690e-4e54-9615-8ec4c64e3e0d-1
00:16:32.625 --> 00:16:33.800
something else happens.

0fa86372-db6b-4e13-92ea-a2baef796e98-0
00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:37.291
And then they react to what happens and
then something else happens and we sort

0fa86372-db6b-4e13-92ea-a2baef796e98-1
00:16:37.291 --> 00:16:38.520
of work towards the conclusion.

87e01103-a1b6-4058-8885-aadaa9e7c495-0
00:16:38.600 --> 00:16:41.033
So he's doing things,
he's camping and he's going in his

87e01103-a1b6-4058-8885-aadaa9e7c495-1
00:16:41.033 --> 00:16:43.252
sleeping bag and kind of trying to
protect himself,

87e01103-a1b6-4058-8885-aadaa9e7c495-2
00:16:43.252 --> 00:16:44.960
but he's not doing a lot more than that.

9a1c0f26-3710-48b5-a7f2-2fb237bf3117-0
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:48.640
He's not having an influence on what's
happening around him.

7556c06f-8a9d-4d58-a16b-d1693a6e5937-0
00:16:48.800 --> 00:16:51.891
And I think if he did that,
we would be able to have that cause and

7556c06f-8a9d-4d58-a16b-d1693a6e5937-1
00:16:51.891 --> 00:16:55.528
effect that leads him to come into this
realisation and bursting into tears and

7556c06f-8a9d-4d58-a16b-d1693a6e5937-2
00:16:55.528 --> 00:16:58.210
all of this stuff,
rather than that kind of being almost a

7556c06f-8a9d-4d58-a16b-d1693a6e5937-3
00:16:58.210 --> 00:17:00.120
foregone conclusion when the story begins.

72c60a7a-e82c-4ba8-a9a6-0646aab1d4b4-0
00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:01.040
Yeah, totally agree.

6db5b90c-f77b-429f-a840-4300922b0c8f-0
00:17:01.400 --> 00:17:04.832
One more thing I'd add,
and this is before we get into the

6db5b90c-f77b-429f-a840-4300922b0c8f-1
00:17:04.832 --> 00:17:07.741
writing itself,
we see these descriptions of Troy

6db5b90c-f77b-429f-a840-4300922b0c8f-2
00:17:07.741 --> 00:17:11.640
wrestling with his emotions,
which is really great showing, right?

eb624512-2b04-4f17-9f65-76f4e5ad5e93-0
00:17:12.040 --> 00:17:15.960
But I feel like we don't understand why,
and we need to understand the why.

edbbfb1c-35ef-454d-b0c3-6e4c5d59869f-0
00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:19.955
And it becomes apparent close to the end,
you know,

edbbfb1c-35ef-454d-b0c3-6e4c5d59869f-1
00:17:19.955 --> 00:17:24.600
2/3 of the way through that he's lost
someone and it's only her.

ff007cc6-feb9-42c7-9a87-02d32cc42cfb-0
00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:27.720
Like that's the only clue that we get of
who it might be.

c77cb3a7-6035-46ae-bc29-3c6bcf60be05-0
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:28.640
We don't know really.

ebe7a409-7ff5-4980-807d-cd8c2eeb5952-0
00:17:28.640 --> 00:17:32.000
Apart from that we assume it's like a
mother or well, this is the thing.

69f0b47a-fa94-4ac0-9457-fe23a708076c-0
00:17:32.080 --> 00:17:35.640
The mother's the only one who the only
her that is mentioned specifically.

18760c47-657b-4c24-941e-1762a010dce7-0
00:17:35.640 --> 00:17:38.656
However, you know,
this idea of rosy lips and that being the

18760c47-657b-4c24-941e-1762a010dce7-1
00:17:38.656 --> 00:17:41.080
thing you focus on suggests that it's a
partner.

143dccad-04d1-490b-8864-ace8b6ff1216-0
00:17:41.600 --> 00:17:44.200
And my best guess would be that it's his
partner.

e5f8193e-c52b-40ad-9118-f5269a78f345-0
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:46.772
You know,
he's a man alone now sleeping out in the

e5f8193e-c52b-40ad-9118-f5269a78f345-1
00:17:46.772 --> 00:17:47.120
forest.

d3907193-97cd-44be-ad3f-919b45bfa50a-0
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:51.191
And like, if he was missing his dad too,
you feel like that he would also be

d3907193-97cd-44be-ad3f-919b45bfa50a-1
00:17:51.191 --> 00:17:51.720
mentioned.

276b89cf-b18e-4499-aa10-bdc6cec86f5e-0
00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:53.680
And, and if his dad's not missing,
then what?

58d45a84-c59f-4afc-af3a-a942ced9b2b7-0
00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:54.400
But we don't know.

929d19c1-9216-4e92-9d47-4b84e914c7aa-0
00:17:54.520 --> 00:17:55.880
And I think that's a big problem.

78d26623-d192-41a9-9b99-602ddfd60d26-0
00:17:56.040 --> 00:17:58.240
I think we need to know who he's missing
and why.

29c42887-8c20-4744-93e6-342a32531bf9-0
00:17:58.240 --> 00:17:58.480
And.

8838200a-834a-48df-89fe-6fa65fd17010-0
00:17:59.000 --> 00:17:59.200
Yeah.

2fe6cedb-3768-4e38-a394-93a37ad0c38f-0
00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:02.359
And we know there's a hospital bed,
so we kind of have an idea of what

2fe6cedb-3768-4e38-a394-93a37ad0c38f-1
00:18:02.359 --> 00:18:02.760
happened.

d5e59731-3d8e-472e-8216-0376e2cab10e-0
00:18:03.280 --> 00:18:04.880
I don't think that's enough of the
picture.

da6fd330-e410-4dbb-a889-3d4ed3f77671-0
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:06.480
I think more of the picture needs to be
painted.

c9729f27-04ae-404c-b929-6496a9e90c7e-0
00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:07.640
And that doesn't come even.

9635e0c5-50ef-448c-810f-08c776ba9571-0
00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:10.080
Even the hospital bed comes about halfway
through the story.

894f5668-85be-49a6-a489-fddca5291180-0
00:18:10.080 --> 00:18:14.192
So we spend half of the story nearly
watching Troy squirm and wrestle with

894f5668-85be-49a6-a489-fddca5291180-1
00:18:14.192 --> 00:18:16.440
emotions that we don't really understand.

99a73816-9a01-4d42-86df-c1bc8f09958f-0
00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:19.182
And we say this all the time about
stories,

99a73816-9a01-4d42-86df-c1bc8f09958f-1
00:18:19.182 --> 00:18:21.800
but bring your reader along right from
the start.

d33f2910-f7ff-4352-8c05-57081e510066-0
00:18:21.840 --> 00:18:22.160
Yeah.

f2441e79-2e1b-4aca-bd73-ab710694abcc-0
00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:22.800
Tell us why.

0abe9eee-70fd-42a9-98c2-afca23ca3dbb-0
00:18:23.040 --> 00:18:25.560
And that's also hard to do when you've
only got 1 character.

a268bea8-cd16-4ce0-9c34-ce99a7d2735f-0
00:18:25.760 --> 00:18:26.320
Absolutely.

b61dd37c-2c5a-4a43-8e91-1f0f26b02a82-0
00:18:26.320 --> 00:18:30.537
So if it is the mother who he has lost
and that's a possibility in this story,

b61dd37c-2c5a-4a43-8e91-1f0f26b02a82-1
00:18:30.537 --> 00:18:34.914
well then just sort of bring that part up
and sort of almost reflecting on, well,

b61dd37c-2c5a-4a43-8e91-1f0f26b02a82-2
00:18:34.914 --> 00:18:38.384
what would mum be thinking in this right
now or saying to me or,

b61dd37c-2c5a-4a43-8e91-1f0f26b02a82-3
00:18:38.384 --> 00:18:41.160
but she's not here to say it anymore kind
of thing.

54580ce9-8687-48c8-b747-a80261320ec1-0
00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:45.209
And if it is a partner, well,
maybe you used to camp together and talk

54580ce9-8687-48c8-b747-a80261320ec1-1
00:18:45.209 --> 00:18:49.771
about possibilities in your lives and
those possibilities were stolen away from

54580ce9-8687-48c8-b747-a80261320ec1-2
00:18:49.771 --> 00:18:49.999
you.

454149fa-b44f-4e7c-8401-ac0c9dc20c74-0
00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:54.282
And that's where the, you know,
the stars and looking out and imagining

454149fa-b44f-4e7c-8401-ac0c9dc20c74-1
00:18:54.282 --> 00:18:59.040
possibilities beyond just what's on Earth
becomes really poignant and resonant.

925310fa-f0e8-498c-b993-066ba5b11c62-0
00:18:59.040 --> 00:19:02.613
And now you just think, well,
I've got nothing to hope for or look

925310fa-f0e8-498c-b993-066ba5b11c62-1
00:19:02.613 --> 00:19:03.200
forward to.

02f9001e-5a5a-4e69-b1c5-43ffb9fdeedf-0
00:19:03.520 --> 00:19:06.720
And so I'm just going to hide here under
this sleeping bag.

c5774396-6220-44cd-8f0e-2e844a33ed7b-0
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:10.401
But if you used to camp together,
then you can bring that in and sort of be

c5774396-6220-44cd-8f0e-2e844a33ed7b-1
00:19:10.401 --> 00:19:12.920
like, well,
she would have said and give us a name.

924a3223-74d1-4450-ba3e-039a7ffc0569-0
00:19:13.080 --> 00:19:13.360
Yeah.

2d6b2cb0-ff14-4672-9eea-9e6bf73ead7d-0
00:19:13.400 --> 00:19:15.360
You know,
what would she have said to you if she

2d6b2cb0-ff14-4672-9eea-9e6bf73ead7d-1
00:19:15.360 --> 00:19:15.800
were there?

0eccf85c-2d60-4594-9df3-ff18d131d9ef-0
00:19:15.800 --> 00:19:16.720
But she's not there.

49ccab8d-afb6-47ed-a317-90748df4733d-0
00:19:16.760 --> 00:19:18.560
That's pretty much all you need.

476d8faa-ae99-4962-8fe4-131d1480c82e-0
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:21.040
And then we can get into the emotional
processing.

2854ead6-148d-4826-851a-cc644e8995b5-0
00:19:21.040 --> 00:19:25.308
And then you might be weaving in some
other little details as we go along to

2854ead6-148d-4826-851a-cc644e8995b5-1
00:19:25.308 --> 00:19:29.799
sort of expand on that relationship and
why it was so meaningful to you that you

2854ead6-148d-4826-851a-cc644e8995b5-2
00:19:29.799 --> 00:19:33.680
are have almost like lost your sense of
self as a result of the loss.

eceb84ee-572e-44c2-a227-07685cdb1fc5-0
00:19:33.840 --> 00:19:34.080
Yeah.

50628792-0576-4057-a20a-d8a0e00e6f62-0
00:19:34.080 --> 00:19:36.716
I've got in my notes here that she,
whoever she is,

50628792-0576-4057-a20a-d8a0e00e6f62-1
00:19:36.716 --> 00:19:38.440
needs to be present in this story.

f78127e2-2028-4bf1-acf2-9731830501db-0
00:19:38.440 --> 00:19:40.120
Like, it's a single character story.

3736a2d5-b21d-428b-9212-e61cdc8f0115-0
00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:45.151
The clouds are present, stars are present,
but she's not really present in the story

3736a2d5-b21d-428b-9212-e61cdc8f0115-1
00:19:45.151 --> 00:19:49.600
and she needs to be there the whole time,
as she is in his mind, presumably.

874495ef-6e42-45ec-8b91-9e921b8f2449-0
00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:50.400
Well, this is the thing.

3c810af4-0de9-46d5-8404-5b783583250c-0
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:53.725
If you have ever lost anyone who's very
important to you,

3c810af4-0de9-46d5-8404-5b783583250c-1
00:19:53.725 --> 00:19:55.560
they are really ******* present.

d77d9a4d-3a41-4581-b8fe-1dd2a4b02a01-0
00:19:56.080 --> 00:19:57.840
And that can be reflected in a story.

1f321647-1662-43f0-a16a-a6bfd0981fc6-0
00:19:57.840 --> 00:20:00.160
Like they're dead and gone,
but they are not gone.

c42b7a11-75a0-4f39-a1e8-37042b7f7366-0
00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:02.240
Yeah, like I've lost my dad.

4b89ccbb-6054-49ae-838b-f905f6894338-0
00:20:02.320 --> 00:20:03.800
I still think about him a lot.

88050833-7dee-4804-8b5e-023dd9a0a2d4-0
00:20:04.120 --> 00:20:08.458
I sometimes stumble across his
handwriting or little things like that

88050833-7dee-4804-8b5e-023dd9a0a2d4-1
00:20:08.458 --> 00:20:12.240
that immediately recall like a flood of
emotion in memories.

8e5ffeeb-7ff6-4ae7-a009-2c96540438e9-0
00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:15.240
And I think you can do that in a story
like this.

0b4fd467-2d71-4425-a096-2947043eea57-0
00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:17.651
Like,
do you go to make a hot chocolate and you

0b4fd467-2d71-4425-a096-2947043eea57-1
00:20:17.651 --> 00:20:21.320
pull out the mug and it's still got the
dregs from your last trip in it?

43fbca64-f93d-48c1-830e-f70448e3487a-0
00:20:21.320 --> 00:20:22.480
Or I don't know, like any.

1eb91a87-6883-4ab6-b295-3bd8a875b9ca-0
00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:25.640
It could be anything that brings back a
flood of emotion.

16433ee9-386f-4add-90b0-460a530425d8-0
00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:30.320
You've got options there to work with to
bring this character into the scene.

d45d57de-716f-4bf0-a284-268168e0ad91-0
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:34.040
OK, so let's get into a bit of the prose,
the story.

766550be-c587-438e-bf6a-ffdd703e3667-0
00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:39.108
We're not going to go through all of it,
but we open with Troy lay in his sleeping

766550be-c587-438e-bf6a-ffdd703e3667-1
00:20:39.108 --> 00:20:41.769
bag,
staring at the rolling sheets of clouds

766550be-c587-438e-bf6a-ffdd703e3667-2
00:20:41.769 --> 00:20:46.086
blocking the night sky as they glided
ever so slowly across the infinite

766550be-c587-438e-bf6a-ffdd703e3667-3
00:20:46.086 --> 00:20:46.559
expanse.

17e91bce-6e71-43b8-be1f-326f2888ce5a-0
00:20:46.840 --> 00:20:49.517
And yeah,
I think that's a good opening line in

17e91bce-6e71-43b8-be1f-326f2888ce5a-1
00:20:49.517 --> 00:20:51.080
that it both sets the scene.

11813e26-6b1c-46e4-9a9b-7d5bac9b3791-0
00:20:51.080 --> 00:20:53.200
We, we can picture where he is.

f30d91c1-28b7-452f-a3ff-ee83428ca322-0
00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:55.000
The sleeping bag does all the work there.

bf18625d-06f7-43c5-8e73-000a55f39b72-0
00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:57.390
Like if you're in a sleeping bag and you
can see the sky,

bf18625d-06f7-43c5-8e73-000a55f39b72-1
00:20:57.390 --> 00:20:59.080
we can pretty much picture where you are.

69905407-2dac-4d37-a3f3-4bde769c80c2-0
00:20:59.520 --> 00:21:03.120
And not only does it set the scene,
it sets the tone as well.

fc6298f0-ebe6-47f3-8ea2-b182b6fa6694-0
00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:03.400
Yeah.

96cf5fc9-d618-4c91-9286-7a19af25c184-0
00:21:03.400 --> 00:21:06.193
And look,
this idea of rolling sheets of clouds,

96cf5fc9-d618-4c91-9286-7a19af25c184-1
00:21:06.193 --> 00:21:08.360
like, I really liked that description.

106805da-8fe3-43a9-922c-5ad853e72189-0
00:21:08.360 --> 00:21:09.240
You can picture that.

c11be56e-a72f-45f0-9a8c-f2304c4f7695-0
00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:12.720
So that was a really,
really beautiful turn of phrase.

56f02e34-e852-49af-9610-94c09623f49b-0
00:21:13.320 --> 00:21:15.240
What I would challenge,
and this is first sentence.

022752f2-7c83-4412-90da-e060ece67a01-0
00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:17.520
So let's let's start challenging right
away.

95c596e2-18f7-4056-b612-325d6f2151cf-0
00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:21.840
But we've got Troy Lane, his sleeping bag,
staring at the rolling sheets of clouds.

7e61bd5d-d70f-4776-82f8-7d7a3beb5e5c-0
00:21:21.840 --> 00:21:26.240
Now that use of staring there is,
you know, what we'd call filtering.

d2eb4e53-a44b-4c64-bc68-df047d67f81d-0
00:21:26.840 --> 00:21:30.432
So to the extent possible,
when you're describing that your main

d2eb4e53-a44b-4c64-bc68-df047d67f81d-1
00:21:30.432 --> 00:21:34.355
character is experiencing something,
so they're seeing it, hearing it,

d2eb4e53-a44b-4c64-bc68-df047d67f81d-2
00:21:34.355 --> 00:21:38.334
feeling it, smelling it, tasting it,
thinking it, whatever it might be,

d2eb4e53-a44b-4c64-bc68-df047d67f81d-3
00:21:38.334 --> 00:21:42.036
work to remove those words,
work to remove, in this case, staring,

d2eb4e53-a44b-4c64-bc68-df047d67f81d-4
00:21:42.036 --> 00:21:44.800
in this case, standing for,
looking at or seeing.

9f1dbaf9-4156-4bcc-8df8-b708f446e724-0
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.280
We don't need you to tell us that.

a933b9ba-8843-4241-a437-0426c8cf25a1-0
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:50.680
So instead of that,
just show us the rolling sheets of clouds.

f1f08e64-30a0-4113-9508-de4c3278a5f1-0
00:21:51.080 --> 00:21:56.021
So Troy lay in his sleeping bag above
rolling sheets of clouds blocked the

f1f08e64-30a0-4113-9508-de4c3278a5f1-1
00:21:56.021 --> 00:21:56.680
night sky.

345534a4-2775-401f-95ab-956fd9c2f112-0
00:21:56.760 --> 00:22:00.711
You can give us that image without
needing to stage direct where Troy's

345534a4-2775-401f-95ab-956fd9c2f112-1
00:22:00.711 --> 00:22:03.400
looking because we know he's the main
character.

67418b79-538a-44a5-a479-d008201a2591-0
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.165
We are looking at what he is looking at,
and it's a minor point,

67418b79-538a-44a5-a479-d008201a2591-1
00:22:07.165 --> 00:22:10.080
but it can make it feel more immediate
for the reader.

9ff79f62-2a53-4c17-8370-6b9be4aa079f-0
00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:14.054
If we're giving stage direction,
it's reminding us there's a storyteller

9ff79f62-2a53-4c17-8370-6b9be4aa079f-1
00:22:14.054 --> 00:22:16.920
here and we want to just be in the story
as much as possible.

915dd905-502a-4e59-baa0-f3a3caede0f6-0
00:22:17.120 --> 00:22:17.280
Yeah.

3296be12-4110-4c77-a5d1-d362585508de-0
00:22:17.280 --> 00:22:20.714
I think in addition to that,
in this situation specifically,

3296be12-4110-4c77-a5d1-d362585508de-1
00:22:20.714 --> 00:22:24.880
the verb staring is a very static action,
like just staring at something.

3e95eada-3453-49df-a5d1-d7c2a4ce02c1-0
00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:25.880
Not much is happening.

35987069-989d-4887-bed6-b9fa3882fcd0-0
00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:30.075
And when you remove that,
you're actually highlighting the rolling

35987069-989d-4887-bed6-b9fa3882fcd0-1
00:22:30.075 --> 00:22:30.480
clouds.

a1cabfb7-773b-4fe9-a52d-0319069336f3-0
00:22:30.560 --> 00:22:31.760
And that's more of an active.

a41eed5d-edfc-4000-9e43-d0fa930cbfff-0
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:33.200
It's an interesting point.

6e991268-57f9-4f58-9d1a-5a1dd09dd777-0
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:35.360
I've never thought of that before,
so thank you.

092ee5fc-0e58-4fc3-83c3-0c1cc54f0b15-0
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:39.296
You say we're all learning and I just,
I feel like I learned something there,

092ee5fc-0e58-4fc3-83c3-0c1cc54f0b15-1
00:22:39.296 --> 00:22:40.960
expanded my horizons, if you will.

51ca880c-4f78-4365-8e7f-0f04e20136c1-0
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:48.465
And if we're going to continue nitpicking
that very first sentence because we love

51ca880c-4f78-4365-8e7f-0f04e20136c1-1
00:22:48.465 --> 00:22:51.672
to do it,
this section of they glided ever so

51ca880c-4f78-4365-8e7f-0f04e20136c1-2
00:22:51.672 --> 00:22:52.160
slowly.

f5968afa-1558-426e-b38d-b560f2a825fa-0
00:22:52.560 --> 00:22:54.480
Now slowly being an adverb.

369cc592-597e-41d0-90b1-78dcfa0cb513-0
00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:58.913
Whenever you see an adverb so often,
usually a word ending with LY,

369cc592-597e-41d0-90b1-78dcfa0cb513-1
00:22:58.913 --> 00:23:03.520
that's an opportunity again to think
about, can I make the verb stronger?

ec6cc92d-96c8-415e-9018-b8a128bbbb35-0
00:23:03.520 --> 00:23:04.840
So we've got glided.

30e3116e-b68c-4798-ba39-b673a809da30-0
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:05.120
Now.

a29ffdaa-5d75-4bcb-a2ea-679333b9617a-0
00:23:05.120 --> 00:23:07.360
To me,
glided is not a thing that happens slowly.

6fb84956-4a0f-4539-9fa4-21ee78f14d23-0
00:23:07.360 --> 00:23:10.943
If you think gliding,
it's pretty smooth and effortless and it

6fb84956-4a0f-4539-9fa4-21ee78f14d23-1
00:23:10.943 --> 00:23:14.186
just goes ahead,
I think there are other choices of word

6fb84956-4a0f-4539-9fa4-21ee78f14d23-2
00:23:14.186 --> 00:23:18.680
which would imply that it's slow so that
you don't need to say ever so slowly.

36a9f6de-a80a-48d5-bc79-ac357b359435-0
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.880
Inched, for example, or crept.

06dd975a-e3f1-4ecc-9b07-e6120fee0331-0
00:23:21.880 --> 00:23:25.122
Or, you know,
I'm not necessarily trying to choose the

06dd975a-e3f1-4ecc-9b07-e6120fee0331-1
00:23:25.122 --> 00:23:28.129
word here,
but just pointing out that whenever you

06dd975a-e3f1-4ecc-9b07-e6120fee0331-2
00:23:28.129 --> 00:23:31.313
have an adverb,
you can look at maybe cleaning up the

06dd975a-e3f1-4ecc-9b07-e6120fee0331-3
00:23:31.313 --> 00:23:32.080
bird instead.

0807fd30-7f72-454e-a788-69933758abc5-0
00:23:32.120 --> 00:23:32.280
Yep.

b4d1154f-3e0c-4963-bb1b-4fab2d1b44b2-0
00:23:32.840 --> 00:23:36.432
So just the rest of this opening
paragraph we have Troy shivering,

b4d1154f-3e0c-4963-bb1b-4fab2d1b44b2-1
00:23:36.432 --> 00:23:40.240
wiggling himself towards the cooling
embers of the long gone campfire.

646020ab-b25b-4fc5-abef-ee7455772889-0
00:23:40.640 --> 00:23:42.360
He kept his eyes on the sky.

dfad2389-c7ac-49b5-8d74-d9a38e48a844-0
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:44.949
If only the clouds were as far as the
world went,

dfad2389-c7ac-49b5-8d74-d9a38e48a844-1
00:23:44.949 --> 00:23:47.716
or if at the very least they wrapped the
entire planet,

dfad2389-c7ac-49b5-8d74-d9a38e48a844-2
00:23:47.716 --> 00:23:51.520
never showing the tiny inhabitants of
Earth that there was something beyond.

50ad2b08-2595-43fd-b485-c25c09fe186d-0
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:54.640
So very reflective ideas here.

47a7cd82-7691-40b1-ad0e-4fbd5f46cbd5-0
00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:57.342
Again,
one of the problems I have is just we

47a7cd82-7691-40b1-ad0e-4fbd5f46cbd5-1
00:23:57.342 --> 00:24:00.680
don't really understand what he's dealing
with at this point.

8c3c5f02-4c73-4390-a048-9bfb0fb229fc-0
00:24:01.040 --> 00:24:04.787
We're getting these reflections,
but they are quite generic reflections I

8c3c5f02-4c73-4390-a048-9bfb0fb229fc-1
00:24:04.787 --> 00:24:08.080
guess of anyone who's feeling like things
are too much for them.

c81d8cef-16e4-4dcf-abc9-18efbc1bc0f3-0
00:24:08.080 --> 00:24:10.736
Right,
so just that the idea of putting us into

c81d8cef-16e4-4dcf-abc9-18efbc1bc0f3-1
00:24:10.736 --> 00:24:14.554
to his mental world so that we can
understand what those reflections

c81d8cef-16e4-4dcf-abc9-18efbc1bc0f3-2
00:24:14.554 --> 00:24:18.760
specifically point to would help us
connect emotionally with the character.

a380d5be-243b-4565-9e5f-15bc9843fd90-0
00:24:19.360 --> 00:24:23.177
One more point from this paragraph,
but we can also apply it to the rest of

a380d5be-243b-4565-9e5f-15bc9843fd90-1
00:24:23.177 --> 00:24:23.680
the story.

0bbb4518-4e8d-4cb6-a2ac-b41ebaa659cf-0
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:26.720
And this actually comes from Dean's
comment on the story.

a7f3fd3b-372c-4801-8191-b5906d62fda8-0
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:27.800
So thank you Dean.

4a9b8556-f23f-4ba6-9c5a-603c03f4bbcb-0
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:33.643
But we have a story here with 1 character
called Troy and Troy's name comes up

4a9b8556-f23f-4ba6-9c5a-603c03f4bbcb-1
00:24:33.643 --> 00:24:35.800
again and again during the story.

e530e885-9a21-4f10-be98-ebdfed7dc0a0-0
00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:38.845
And that's an opportunity to simplify and
just use, hey,

e530e885-9a21-4f10-be98-ebdfed7dc0a0-1
00:24:38.845 --> 00:24:42.640
because we know who you're talking about
because there's no one else in the story.

b55a90e1-4604-47db-bee5-d53ad636b672-0
00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:44.891
Well, again,
it's an opportunity to remove some of

b55a90e1-4604-47db-bee5-d53ad636b672-1
00:24:44.891 --> 00:24:46.080
that stage direction as well.

491e5e71-cf99-4f5c-9c82-6c65be93554a-0
00:24:46.080 --> 00:24:46.800
Like we've got.

06a08532-6e5a-4e3d-a5e0-35540242b097-0
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:49.671
He kept his eyes on the sky,
tearing his eyes from the sky,

06a08532-6e5a-4e3d-a5e0-35540242b097-1
00:24:49.671 --> 00:24:50.680
these sorts of things.

43bbebdb-09dc-48cc-9bc8-0e176b6ba8e0-0
00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:52.400
I mean, that's his and not Troy there.

beed8ee0-ff1f-48b0-8c05-215021069e10-0
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:55.559
But nevertheless,
we don't need to keep reminding the

beed8ee0-ff1f-48b0-8c05-215021069e10-1
00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:57.080
reader where he's looking.

3c1461e4-0b66-4e9f-8736-68a72394a415-0
00:24:57.080 --> 00:25:00.920
If you just show us what he's looking at,
we will see it and it will be implied

3c1461e4-0b66-4e9f-8736-68a72394a415-1
00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:02.120
that that's what he sees.

0e388930-6b3e-4655-9f69-3d97b505a5d5-0
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.422
And, you know,
in a single character story,

0e388930-6b3e-4655-9f69-3d97b505a5d5-1
00:25:04.422 --> 00:25:08.059
I guess that removes some of that
awkwardness that comes with having to

0e388930-6b3e-4655-9f69-3d97b505a5d5-2
00:25:08.059 --> 00:25:10.080
repeat again and again what he is doing.

26eeaf22-3df9-4095-8ee8-dbf24cc78461-0
00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:10.360
Yeah.

1e9bef52-44f0-46b4-bdad-f1d839a4eebd-0
00:25:10.360 --> 00:25:14.280
But it all stems from this idea of
keeping things active, which is important.

7479b178-6dcc-40d9-a6af-8d838fb6f20e-0
00:25:14.840 --> 00:25:17.936
But there,
I guess there is only so much you can do

7479b178-6dcc-40d9-a6af-8d838fb6f20e-1
00:25:17.936 --> 00:25:22.641
when you are a person in a sleeping bag
under the sky and your fire's not even

7479b178-6dcc-40d9-a6af-8d838fb6f20e-2
00:25:22.641 --> 00:25:22.880
lit.

eeb45997-9db4-4ab7-91b5-acc6064af98c-0
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:25.720
So I guess we do get some other things we
could do to keep warm.

ec5c929e-9890-47bc-b536-b544d5ccdb68-0
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:28.600
OK.

8a80a032-2ce0-4c52-bc8a-58fe27146e8c-0
00:25:28.880 --> 00:25:29.520
I've been watching.

61d65535-a41b-4ffc-acb4-4b041023a272-0
00:25:29.520 --> 00:25:30.480
Too much heat arrival.

7298a06c-d016-4721-afd0-aa63c2fe3ea4-0
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:30.920
Such as?

6ed0a0ab-b7e5-447c-bc7b-536edb575835-0
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:34.272
But,
but he's not there with other hockey

6ed0a0ab-b7e5-447c-bc7b-536edb575835-1
00:25:34.272 --> 00:25:34.720
players.

256b020e-f046-4a33-935d-dcf6909c275b-0
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:34.840
He's.

80d3d5ec-938e-4578-ac3d-a000cddb259f-0
00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:36.000
Oh, yeah, you're right.

2f3fcf2f-4fc5-4310-97bc-ba43349527d4-0
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:38.240
You make a very good point,
Which is a shame.

c44c5e65-c63a-44f6-b1ff-0207b57c7b29-0
00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:42.480
He'd probably cheer right up.

7a13dcda-b200-4f6d-b5f5-cb1a35aaaaeb-0
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:46.600
He'd be like she who?

d2d7cdf6-15cf-4891-8cad-e9a47e1610ed-0
00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:51.120
Oh, I'm sorry.

990172d6-80f4-4884-b8d8-be931ffa4b8b-0
00:25:51.120 --> 00:25:52.440
This is serious business.

60ac0ea1-008a-4818-b4a7-e9ed58dc4642-0
00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:52.920
I'm sorry.

75069711-bb9f-4b8c-8e79-cbce1d924aaa-0
00:25:52.920 --> 00:25:55.240
Once I get into heated rival territory,
it's all over.

862f3f2b-ee48-4c45-9c51-3ee76d65472a-0
00:25:55.840 --> 00:26:00.840
So we we get some more moments of Troy
dealing with these thoughts we get.

77a420e3-8e55-453f-bd39-0709555893ae-0
00:26:00.840 --> 00:26:03.225
His chest tightened,
shutting his eyes tight,

77a420e3-8e55-453f-bd39-0709555893ae-1
00:26:03.225 --> 00:26:05.040
trying to trap his pointless tears.

1337ff21-9cd1-4217-a020-72fcf640d169-0
00:26:05.040 --> 00:26:06.840
He clawed himself out of the sleeping bag.

7e63bf30-f8ee-4989-9447-1f23163fb448-0
00:26:06.840 --> 00:26:07.600
He needed air.

41ecb865-c8a2-4aeb-ba50-f4ca79f350e9-0
00:26:07.600 --> 00:26:09.680
The damn things he felt had to go.

e7a6dfe5-4589-423c-a7da-11243c04dd0c-0
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.960
If only the clouds could take them.

abe28783-9f83-4d2e-905c-6a92de36d8df-0
00:26:12.520 --> 00:26:14.920
So again, some really good showing there.

d4e5a476-583b-4c53-9595-e0137d4cfac9-0
00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:17.425
I guess you need to let the reader in,
as I've said,

d4e5a476-583b-4c53-9595-e0137d4cfac9-1
00:26:17.425 --> 00:26:19.080
on to what those thoughts might be.

c94a8ff8-0d82-4622-9609-0397db5564a2-0
00:26:19.080 --> 00:26:22.189
And I think if we knew,
then we would be feeling some of that

c94a8ff8-0d82-4622-9609-0397db5564a2-1
00:26:22.189 --> 00:26:22.440
pain.

0386179d-87a0-4e19-88ca-d6fc0cf5b877-0
00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:23.560
It would sort of resonate more.

f41c2e76-ca52-4a7a-9ec3-5f31aee3a9fc-0
00:26:23.560 --> 00:26:25.800
Like at the moment you don't know what
he's dealing with.

4e5d761d-fd35-4a2b-8bf2-8083646ce604-0
00:26:25.800 --> 00:26:28.120
It could be something completely
innocuous and silly.

e4c4168d-49da-46ba-8a85-30fa0353ee65-0
00:26:28.120 --> 00:26:30.080
And of course,
it's implied that it's quite serious.

adf0006f-8976-4f1c-b2eb-d8aef3caf557-0
00:26:30.080 --> 00:26:30.960
But we don't know.

1fe08982-63a5-48bb-b0ab-c1ff6a785214-0
00:26:31.040 --> 00:26:33.513
You know,
if you meet someone in the street and

1fe08982-63a5-48bb-b0ab-c1ff6a785214-1
00:26:33.513 --> 00:26:36.914
they're in distress and you don't know
what's going on with them,

1fe08982-63a5-48bb-b0ab-c1ff6a785214-2
00:26:36.914 --> 00:26:39.440
it's very hard to sort of connect and
help them.

4dcee8f2-68ac-45d9-9bf3-28485dc1024f-0
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:43.184
But if they were to tell you right away
what the problem was,

4dcee8f2-68ac-45d9-9bf3-28485dc1024f-1
00:26:43.184 --> 00:26:45.600
they've lost their daughter immediately.

90d75480-0b95-49d4-b868-d9d1b51bda6e-0
00:26:45.680 --> 00:26:48.493
You've connected,
and now their distress makes perfect

90d75480-0b95-49d4-b868-d9d1b51bda6e-1
00:26:48.493 --> 00:26:48.800
sense.

8bdd6e99-ca11-400a-95b1-40a6773e11b7-0
00:26:48.800 --> 00:26:50.000
So I think it's just about that.

c77f5441-1414-444c-8120-e1f6ebf41a7a-0
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:52.846
It's about bringing that up,
but not just about bringing that

c77f5441-1414-444c-8120-e1f6ebf41a7a-1
00:26:52.846 --> 00:26:55.325
explanation of the context to the start
of the story,

c77f5441-1414-444c-8120-e1f6ebf41a7a-2
00:26:55.325 --> 00:26:56.840
but also the stakes and the goal.

16d5211e-2dcd-447a-91e4-89ec63ffe9b6-0
00:26:56.840 --> 00:27:00.640
So his goal seems to be to repress his
emotion.

8cb8ebad-f47e-4a35-b719-286b4cfcad94-0
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:04.373
That appears to be the goal here is to
sort of swallowing it all down and trying

8cb8ebad-f47e-4a35-b719-286b4cfcad94-1
00:27:04.373 --> 00:27:05.480
to fight back the tears.

bb9c249e-fa9b-4eb4-8b2a-2a47463c8674-0
00:27:05.480 --> 00:27:08.191
And his goal seems to to be to kind of
repress that,

bb9c249e-fa9b-4eb4-8b2a-2a47463c8674-1
00:27:08.191 --> 00:27:10.800
but we don't have any sense of the stakes
of that.

e7c6f962-607b-40ce-a0bc-af960a4b065e-0
00:27:10.800 --> 00:27:12.320
Like, what would happen if you cried?

8af364d2-ebd7-4977-8c14-627531932dbc-0
00:27:12.320 --> 00:27:14.720
Why do you care that there's no one
around?

f4ae7adc-4d15-49a2-b922-92ddc052fff4-0
00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:17.805
So of all the times to cry,
even if you have issues with crying,

f4ae7adc-4d15-49a2-b922-92ddc052fff4-1
00:27:17.805 --> 00:27:18.840
no one's going to know.

b6d84a9a-24f9-47e6-95da-e5b07efba60c-0
00:27:19.360 --> 00:27:23.738
And I'm also going to say something right
now, and it may sound really, really,

b6d84a9a-24f9-47e6-95da-e5b07efba60c-1
00:27:23.738 --> 00:27:25.600
really dumb, but bear with me, OK?

b132f726-8ae5-466b-8199-6fe30a93de10-0
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:29.186
So if you are in a state of mind where
you are saying,

b132f726-8ae5-466b-8199-6fe30a93de10-1
00:27:29.186 --> 00:27:33.752
I wish the clouds would just blanket the
earth so that I wouldn't have to remember

b132f726-8ae5-466b-8199-6fe30a93de10-2
00:27:33.752 --> 00:27:37.769
that there's anything beyond it,
why would you go to the one place where

b132f726-8ae5-466b-8199-6fe30a93de10-3
00:27:37.769 --> 00:27:39.200
you're going to see stars?

4bdaeb09-90c4-44d0-965e-cc67e12db919-0
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:43.248
You go into your house in the suburbs and
you won't see stars because there's too

4bdaeb09-90c4-44d0-965e-cc67e12db919-1
00:27:43.248 --> 00:27:44.120
many lights, you know?

2832bb7f-b4c9-4d58-9a4c-aefc904eb69f-0
00:27:44.560 --> 00:27:46.280
And OK, that's stupid, right?

8c9a26fc-bc3d-4986-8176-0c566a074003-0
00:27:46.280 --> 00:27:48.840
But quite seriously,
why would you do that?

2904197f-b14e-4a2c-b550-e58b1defadce-0
00:27:48.840 --> 00:27:50.000
Why are you camping?

4ff112f6-f0b1-4c48-b9dc-fd6d21e6fe9b-0
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:54.920
What brought you there and now that
you're there, what are you trying to do?

c496604f-3b0c-4664-9255-ff81634ba98e-0
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:58.344
Like are you just wrestling with this
independent of anything else or are you

c496604f-3b0c-4664-9255-ff81634ba98e-1
00:27:58.344 --> 00:27:59.760
trying to achieve something here?

f9292817-9741-4959-bfa6-f20e3c605acc-0
00:28:00.320 --> 00:28:01.200
It's not clear.

f5f59e96-b881-4929-8cbf-d96dd80adf87-0
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:03.560
And so that's part of that interiority
thing.

1503518f-82f0-4fef-8af3-7990bd393003-0
00:28:03.560 --> 00:28:07.672
And while we have character change and we
do because he does cry by the end and

1503518f-82f0-4fef-8af3-7990bd393003-1
00:28:07.672 --> 00:28:10.756
have that release,
but we don't have that sense of the goal

1503518f-82f0-4fef-8af3-7990bd393003-2
00:28:10.756 --> 00:28:14.200
and the stakes at the beginning of why
crying is an issue or what.

3bcbe05f-9228-4429-9a84-d556190d836e-0
00:28:14.520 --> 00:28:17.932
What's stopping you and why you're here
and what are you trying to achieve on

3bcbe05f-9228-4429-9a84-d556190d836e-1
00:28:17.932 --> 00:28:18.720
this camping trip?

860a58d9-24df-4f60-ba09-8435c3e8093d-0
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:19.360
We don't know.

896d2c41-9c69-44ea-877b-849018141fb1-0
00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:19.960
You're just there.

e71c76e6-476a-42e4-96d9-164ee771db34-0
00:28:20.040 --> 00:28:23.393
I get the impression that Karosh for,
based on what you've said,

e71c76e6-476a-42e4-96d9-164ee771db34-1
00:28:23.393 --> 00:28:26.180
like this word conjured this scene for
you, you know,

e71c76e6-476a-42e4-96d9-164ee771db34-2
00:28:26.180 --> 00:28:28.760
the scene of trying to move beyond your
emotions.

da9d6626-c4c6-4e7a-a341-f238cc96b796-0
00:28:28.760 --> 00:28:32.391
But what you're saying there, Amanda,
is just the wider context of that for the

da9d6626-c4c6-4e7a-a341-f238cc96b796-1
00:28:32.391 --> 00:28:35.160
character and why they would be in that
place of all places.

aeb70cd0-18c8-4f9d-89d2-cd29de5e1c13-0
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:40.092
And I'm also thinking along the lines of
something I've always like to come back

aeb70cd0-18c8-4f9d-89d2-cd29de5e1c13-1
00:28:40.092 --> 00:28:42.489
to is just escalation, ramping up,
I guess,

aeb70cd0-18c8-4f9d-89d2-cd29de5e1c13-2
00:28:42.489 --> 00:28:47.120
the drama and even introducing some crazy
elements and how that can help your story.

d11d1e8b-0b5f-4c78-ae1e-51e5aaeb8fc9-0
00:28:47.120 --> 00:28:50.149
Because, you know,
you're working with your limited pieces

d11d1e8b-0b5f-4c78-ae1e-51e5aaeb8fc9-1
00:28:50.149 --> 00:28:53.898
and trying to move them around,
but you've chosen a setting that is very

d11d1e8b-0b5f-4c78-ae1e-51e5aaeb8fc9-2
00:28:53.898 --> 00:28:54.719
difficult to do.

a351762c-b1a6-4471-b9d9-a02f3f46f807-0
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:56.560
So I thought about a couple of things.

065a7834-d0d6-45f9-be13-8a69ea3c57c3-0
00:28:56.560 --> 00:28:58.800
One of them might be why he's there.

1575bc30-3275-4841-8415-a3f5c1b2f9e2-0
00:28:58.800 --> 00:29:02.280
Is that because whoever he's lost,
assuming it's a it's a partner.

96eaaa9a-211b-4dba-95af-d902e7ca07d7-0
00:29:02.360 --> 00:29:04.040
Maybe this is where they used to go,
right?

85564eb0-ad79-46fa-8151-b8a40d3de69f-0
00:29:04.360 --> 00:29:08.840
And so why doesn't he bring like he could
bring a second sleeping bag and roll that

85564eb0-ad79-46fa-8151-b8a40d3de69f-1
00:29:08.840 --> 00:29:10.920
out and that can be part of the action.

600906d6-4c7c-4cdc-bb1f-c797c650e7ed-0
00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:12.600
And that couldn't kind of express that.

650249a2-4ddd-4236-ab3c-867409b050d8-0
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:17.200
Or even more wild than that is what if,
and now it's my turn to be stupid.

12c13c5c-7612-40cf-85d5-4ed1085ba546-0
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:17.920
You are grinning.

9b45d756-cafd-4e12-b9ec-ff2e1cde354d-0
00:29:18.400 --> 00:29:19.720
What if a bear turns up?

23dc2421-8948-42d5-931d-4fceba13e066-0
00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:22.720
Like what if something catastrophic
happens?

7b996cce-4299-4fa9-a4fe-4d60df25bba4-0
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.062
The and I don't know how that would play
out,

7b996cce-4299-4fa9-a4fe-4d60df25bba4-1
00:29:25.062 --> 00:29:28.163
but I'm just thinking outside the box
because when you're writing a story,

7b996cce-4299-4fa9-a4fe-4d60df25bba4-2
00:29:28.163 --> 00:29:29.280
it doesn't have to be real.

e4a922aa-fd48-49e5-832c-c908a123d684-0
00:29:29.560 --> 00:29:32.550
But you know,
what if a bear turns up or what if like a

e4a922aa-fd48-49e5-832c-c908a123d684-1
00:29:32.550 --> 00:29:36.875
a wolf confronts him or something that
that forces that moment of realisation or

e4a922aa-fd48-49e5-832c-c908a123d684-2
00:29:36.875 --> 00:29:40.240
maybe it's not I'm about to die moment or
something like that.

65ee2c18-283b-408d-966b-d461cbc28afc-0
00:29:40.800 --> 00:29:43.766
What if,
and this is for all my if you know,

65ee2c18-283b-408d-966b-d461cbc28afc-1
00:29:43.766 --> 00:29:44.360
you know.

ba243740-abe2-4a84-bcbb-5cd1b142537b-0
00:29:44.360 --> 00:29:48.045
OK,
what if a **** shrieks really loudly and

ba243740-abe2-4a84-bcbb-5cd1b142537b-1
00:29:48.045 --> 00:29:49.520
scares him, right?

76aeeaaf-d5ef-4f0b-8811-ea4f274c27df-0
00:29:49.760 --> 00:29:50.480
If you know, you know.

b2f79e5d-0c61-4e65-9931-a8c7c2bddf02-0
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:51.920
And if you don't, well, that's sad.

662eead6-46b7-46ce-abcd-25580618568f-0
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:53.960
Can you explain that one to me?

c2644d64-71c5-444a-b791-d8af4775fab5-0
00:29:55.080 --> 00:29:56.400
That's a heated rivalry, right?

9ebbc76c-5a9d-4314-ab97-fa2e1b23e1b7-0
00:29:56.720 --> 00:29:56.840
I see.

d7eddf2e-9ad2-4ff4-8046-a218f325c99a-0
00:29:57.120 --> 00:30:00.565
No, but quite seriously,
like having a shocking moment that breaks

d7eddf2e-9ad2-4ff4-8046-a218f325c99a-1
00:30:00.565 --> 00:30:04.371
you out of this internality like and
reminds you where you are and what's

d7eddf2e-9ad2-4ff4-8046-a218f325c99a-2
00:30:04.371 --> 00:30:05.400
going on around you.

57c36aba-a12c-49ab-b767-efe3ea6e6a50-0
00:30:05.760 --> 00:30:08.200
You know,
those moments sometimes can kind of break

57c36aba-a12c-49ab-b767-efe3ea6e6a50-1
00:30:08.200 --> 00:30:09.280
the dam of the tension.

38229ddf-db85-46c9-bb0e-aba536ed42ec-0
00:30:09.280 --> 00:30:13.145
And now you're laughing and now you're
crying because you're laughing and it's

38229ddf-db85-46c9-bb0e-aba536ed42ec-1
00:30:13.145 --> 00:30:14.320
all flooding out of you.

979d1c05-12dd-4aa2-9d78-d0f7b3b255e7-0
00:30:14.320 --> 00:30:15.720
So there are options.

4c7f8444-41be-4f1b-9cce-bac7e68930be-0
00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:19.320
And this isn't to say that that is the
way to to deal with this story.

4d1a9e99-ea49-4371-980c-d8ec74c75722-0
00:30:19.320 --> 00:30:21.480
There are many other options that you
could go with.

97d8de45-59ab-4300-8eb2-531e323711c0-0
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:24.207
But as you've said,
it just like sort of building and

97d8de45-59ab-4300-8eb2-531e323711c0-1
00:30:24.207 --> 00:30:26.480
escalating and putting more pressure on
him.

7ae8fd2c-25be-4ca6-8722-c72073b1023d-0
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:30.760
So if his goal is to, for example,
get through his first solo camping trip

7ae8fd2c-25be-4ca6-8722-c72073b1023d-1
00:30:30.760 --> 00:30:33.955
since he lost her,
this is just I'm just putting it out

7ae8fd2c-25be-4ca6-8722-c72073b1023d-2
00:30:33.955 --> 00:30:35.040
there as an option.

ee57bd24-b85b-46cf-a9bb-37cb8578c141-0
00:30:35.040 --> 00:30:39.060
If that's his scene goal and he wants to
do that in a way where he doesn't deal

ee57bd24-b85b-46cf-a9bb-37cb8578c141-1
00:30:39.060 --> 00:30:42.075
with his emotion,
he's just he just needs to get through it

ee57bd24-b85b-46cf-a9bb-37cb8578c141-2
00:30:42.075 --> 00:30:43.080
and that's his goal.

a7a029fc-5aef-4b8a-a916-3b972f4f394f-0
00:30:43.080 --> 00:30:45.882
And if he cries,
then it means he's failed, you know,

a7a029fc-5aef-4b8a-a916-3b972f4f394f-1
00:30:45.882 --> 00:30:48.840
because he's needs to be strong and all
of these things.

0688ef97-05f0-46ca-bdeb-db4e81166ec6-0
00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:53.289
Let's say that's his set up and then the
pressure is building on him and he keeps

0688ef97-05f0-46ca-bdeb-db4e81166ec6-1
00:30:53.289 --> 00:30:56.600
getting reminders of her and it's trying
to push him to cry.

31cb5873-17f8-464a-b96b-682239208532-0
00:30:56.600 --> 00:30:58.000
And he's like, I'm not going to cry.

a2770738-6706-4361-a5d3-eef8a608c414-0
00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:00.318
And you know,
and then finally he looks up and there's

a2770738-6706-4361-a5d3-eef8a608c414-1
00:31:00.318 --> 00:31:02.680
a break in the clouds and that's when it
all comes out.

edd0f70b-ae46-42e8-8abc-ec526e2aa153-0
00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:06.534
I think that feels more powerful because
we know what he's working against and we

edd0f70b-ae46-42e8-8abc-ec526e2aa153-1
00:31:06.534 --> 00:31:10.153
can see that conflict in the push and
pull of trying to make him cry kind of

edd0f70b-ae46-42e8-8abc-ec526e2aa153-2
00:31:10.153 --> 00:31:12.080
thing, and him having to fight that urge.

25db49bb-9766-4aa6-a40d-2c47ffa3cbaa-0
00:31:12.080 --> 00:31:15.720
And then, well, when he does cry,
the irony is he feels better.

884ec5bb-009e-4ecd-b36f-2a7a096b6aee-0
00:31:15.800 --> 00:31:19.600
That's kind of how that story might play
out if he went with that as a scene goal.

e85a8423-9548-45de-a714-c128ad4534ea-0
00:31:19.600 --> 00:31:21.760
But of course,
there are many other ways to take that.

aa36611d-e0f7-4dc6-b6ae-21b67ccd90c6-0
00:31:21.760 --> 00:31:24.640
And maybe it is his mother who died or
whatever it might be.

58c1db27-5933-45bd-aa36-03886f482e0a-0
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:26.440
But, you know, why is he there?

02c4a392-be92-41e6-a752-276c28d48258-0
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:27.880
What's he trying to achieve?

5de4edb7-791b-4c3d-a254-f691c133ff03-0
00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:30.480
And let's watch him sort of fight that
throughout.

63529e4d-7007-4dfb-ba58-f37fa7ff4882-0
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:30.960
Yeah.

7194ac80-108d-46cb-bd40-d715e9a1e22b-0
00:31:31.320 --> 00:31:32.480
And maybe fight a bear.

a1093181-7f3d-4c8b-b603-5bad298391ca-0
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:35.720
Well, no,
there are so many ways you can go.

c01d6d73-ec28-4ce3-a3d6-bc9ecfc47dd7-0
00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:39.429
And the the reason why I would say that
is just because that's what makes your

c01d6d73-ec28-4ce3-a3d6-bc9ecfc47dd7-1
00:31:39.429 --> 00:31:40.040
story unique.

dbd846fd-42f8-4735-80c5-5a4971f876c8-0
00:31:40.440 --> 00:31:45.540
And I think just having the courage to
think of absurd things happening makes

dbd846fd-42f8-4735-80c5-5a4971f876c8-1
00:31:45.540 --> 00:31:50.575
your story memorable and, you know,
elevates it beyond an internal quest for

dbd846fd-42f8-4735-80c5-5a4971f876c8-2
00:31:50.575 --> 00:31:55.479
meaning to something that is striking and
memorable and personal for this.

d96747fc-caf4-45d7-9470-ddcabe7821a0-0
00:31:55.480 --> 00:31:55.800
Yeah.

44ff7101-1de0-41f9-ba95-45aae567c1ca-0
00:31:55.800 --> 00:31:57.548
And there's any number of things that,
you know,

44ff7101-1de0-41f9-ba95-45aae567c1ca-1
00:31:57.548 --> 00:31:59.440
it could start raining and he has to deal
with that.

d39fe1e9-1498-4526-a227-e8269837894f-0
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:03.496
And, you know,
maybe he sees someone or maybe he

d39fe1e9-1498-4526-a227-e8269837894f-1
00:32:03.496 --> 00:32:06.960
stumbles upon a hockey rink and I'm
antics.

7d510446-2515-41d2-bc55-d80f35f510d3-0
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:09.120
And so.

13a9d7de-3daa-42b5-8c26-66f9b5338790-0
00:32:09.160 --> 00:32:09.760
Yeah, cottage.

147416d6-7e3a-4437-882b-b94c500aaed4-0
00:32:09.800 --> 00:32:11.520
He stumbles across a cottage.

5b6b5439-1e2a-49f7-877f-a0a11db50d01-0
00:32:11.520 --> 00:32:11.800
Yeah.

2299b35a-bc74-4b78-8938-6db57076699b-0
00:32:11.800 --> 00:32:13.786
So I mean,
I would say even if you've got that

2299b35a-bc74-4b78-8938-6db57076699b-1
00:32:13.786 --> 00:32:15.858
premise,
even if you've got that idea of he's in

2299b35a-bc74-4b78-8938-6db57076699b-2
00:32:15.858 --> 00:32:19.240
the woods and he's wrestling with these
emotions, it doesn't have to end there.

8ce40cda-6b44-4e73-b0ab-f4859ddfa169-0
00:32:19.320 --> 00:32:21.280
Even if it starts there,
it doesn't have to end there.

ac45ed75-a62b-4229-89c1-e39152d90de6-0
00:32:21.520 --> 00:32:25.342
And there are ways that you can escalate
and don't be afraid to think outside the

ac45ed75-a62b-4229-89c1-e39152d90de6-1
00:32:25.342 --> 00:32:28.000
box and, you know,
challenge yourself to just go places.

fdab6c54-3553-49d7-9a97-2c12e24533e8-0
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:29.400
But that's just fun too, isn't it?

70c4037a-e37a-4aba-8d93-484ed4b24f5a-0
00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:29.520
Right.

a6625064-9a19-4de0-be4d-48966fbffb7b-0
00:32:29.520 --> 00:32:29.680
Yeah.

2a51bce8-bc7c-4862-84bf-d10ef362a1cd-0
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:33.622
Like when that's the imagination part and
some of your ideas will be garbage ideas

2a51bce8-bc7c-4862-84bf-d10ef362a1cd-1
00:32:33.622 --> 00:32:36.520
and other ideas, you'll be like, whoa,
spark of inspiration.

9a9b538b-2aec-4720-a681-01cc4cfa18ea-0
00:32:36.520 --> 00:32:37.960
I feel excellent about this.

7b4ee066-8e39-4c71-b964-3ca552693dbb-0
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:39.600
So that's always a good idea.

4637dd9e-fa51-4eab-804b-692dc5acaac2-0
00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:42.413
And I will say just tied to that,
you know,

4637dd9e-fa51-4eab-804b-692dc5acaac2-1
00:32:42.413 --> 00:32:46.426
we're talking about the emotion of this
story, and it is an emotional story,

4637dd9e-fa51-4eab-804b-692dc5acaac2-2
00:32:46.426 --> 00:32:49.136
but I would say that for the duration of
the story,

4637dd9e-fa51-4eab-804b-692dc5acaac2-3
00:32:49.136 --> 00:32:52.940
we're kind of emotionally in one place
until right at the end, you know,

4637dd9e-fa51-4eab-804b-692dc5acaac2-4
00:32:52.940 --> 00:32:54.400
the dam bursts and he cries.

178c78d5-00ec-456d-b2c2-e1f38d0660a4-0
00:32:54.760 --> 00:32:58.060
And it's good to have as we talk about a
single effect, you know,

178c78d5-00ec-456d-b2c2-e1f38d0660a4-1
00:32:58.060 --> 00:32:59.360
a single emotional effect.

bba26043-eb82-45d9-ac58-22e8a33c09aa-0
00:32:59.360 --> 00:33:02.840
But that's the effect at the end that
we're building to throughout the story.

ac399733-596d-4b14-ac07-8594f3fcefbc-0
00:33:02.840 --> 00:33:06.914
We need to be seeing movement and
building of tension, as you've indicated,

ac399733-596d-4b14-ac07-8594f3fcefbc-1
00:33:06.914 --> 00:33:10.400
would also build the intensity of that
emotion at the same time.

84342380-877e-46b8-aea9-d68ffe5de5d7-0
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:14.193
So all of these things actually work
together to enhance a story,

84342380-877e-46b8-aea9-d68ffe5de5d7-1
00:33:14.193 --> 00:33:16.720
make it feel more meaningful and more
powerful.

c31a49f0-d167-4ad1-bb5c-502a36713341-0
00:33:17.080 --> 00:33:17.280
Yeah.

a874799c-c399-4bae-bf27-18fadd6ea614-0
00:33:17.320 --> 00:33:19.040
So let's, let's jump to the end.

82cca375-5ab1-43c2-a5eb-9920da1213b0-0
00:33:19.080 --> 00:33:23.218
I don't want to spend too much time on
the pros itself because I think I think

82cca375-5ab1-43c2-a5eb-9920da1213b0-1
00:33:23.218 --> 00:33:25.000
the pros is generally quite solid.

413de387-4970-473a-b0b4-9f4fa88e655e-0
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:28.880
And you've given some examples of a
couple of things to watch out for.

9700e092-cd4d-454d-b99a-b0d5c18335dc-0
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:33.602
But the last couple of paragraphs I
wanted to jump to because we've got this

9700e092-cd4d-454d-b99a-b0d5c18335dc-1
00:33:33.602 --> 00:33:38.570
moment of where like the clouds break and
he sees her face in the sky beyond the

9700e092-cd4d-454d-b99a-b0d5c18335dc-2
00:33:38.570 --> 00:33:39.000
clouds.

c8c9a20b-0ccd-4642-b90d-d3edddadd29c-0
00:33:39.160 --> 00:33:42.000
And he allows himself to kind of give in
to that.

76aa41c7-b340-44b6-96d8-3863068f1177-0
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:43.720
He realises like, I just can't fight it.

052a8470-2794-4cac-88c3-92ef026804b1-0
00:33:43.840 --> 00:33:46.080
And it's described as the nagging voice.

951de632-10d8-44f4-ab17-2f3f7dd7a850-0
00:33:46.080 --> 00:33:50.974
1 So he sees the rosy lips smiling down
and he has this moment of crying and,

951de632-10d8-44f4-ab17-2f3f7dd7a850-1
00:33:50.974 --> 00:33:54.299
and breaking down, which is,
I think it's a, it's a,

951de632-10d8-44f4-ab17-2f3f7dd7a850-2
00:33:54.299 --> 00:33:55.680
a nice moment to have.

19150efc-0649-47cd-ad40-8c8ba209d97c-0
00:33:56.360 --> 00:34:00.493
But what follows on from that is that
something occurred to him and then we get

19150efc-0649-47cd-ad40-8c8ba209d97c-1
00:34:00.493 --> 00:34:01.320
this resolution.

6764d773-6cff-4c5a-8bfa-4b056c68db93-0
00:34:01.600 --> 00:34:04.803
And as you called out earlier,
the realisation needs to come from

6764d773-6cff-4c5a-8bfa-4b056c68db93-1
00:34:04.803 --> 00:34:07.376
something else,
I think something more active in the

6764d773-6cff-4c5a-8bfa-4b056c68db93-2
00:34:07.376 --> 00:34:11.114
scene and something ideally that has
flowed on from the action he's taken in

6764d773-6cff-4c5a-8bfa-4b056c68db93-3
00:34:11.114 --> 00:34:11.600
the scene.

5b31e732-65f1-4e45-ac3e-265f1488514f-0
00:34:11.600 --> 00:34:13.080
So again, cause and effect.

dd8b029e-a675-43de-a60a-f2299a313a1b-0
00:34:13.080 --> 00:34:14.920
And I've described it this way before.

7dcf5dc2-f512-4815-a91d-e37140abb457-0
00:34:14.920 --> 00:34:18.145
And in fact,
I steal this concept from KM Weiland from

7dcf5dc2-f512-4815-a91d-e37140abb457-1
00:34:18.145 --> 00:34:21.430
the Helping Writers Become Authors
podcast and website,

7dcf5dc2-f512-4815-a91d-e37140abb457-2
00:34:21.430 --> 00:34:23.600
who no doubt stole it from elsewhere.

27bda079-d08f-41a1-af47-ae08e5575e9d-0
00:34:23.600 --> 00:34:24.800
I don't know, maybe she coined it.

e39a0f5d-b6af-4c53-a993-ff6f6c6dddb1-0
00:34:25.120 --> 00:34:26.960
But this idea of Domino's right?

afd9b7a4-5d92-436c-b645-b2f061cd3277-0
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:30.309
So in a story,
and she talks mainly about novel length

afd9b7a4-5d92-436c-b645-b2f061cd3277-1
00:34:30.309 --> 00:34:33.318
fiction,
but it still applies in a piece of flash

afd9b7a4-5d92-436c-b645-b2f061cd3277-2
00:34:33.318 --> 00:34:33.800
fiction.

dbeba936-d7af-4deb-97e5-db90b9724c41-0
00:34:34.200 --> 00:34:37.876
The idea that one thing happens and it
knocks the next thing over and that

dbeba936-d7af-4deb-97e5-db90b9724c41-1
00:34:37.876 --> 00:34:39.200
knocks the next thing over.

dc6a37b8-ae06-4fcd-a015-4ae7d9d07ad1-0
00:34:39.680 --> 00:34:42.280
And that's what we're talking about here
about action.

c478c50c-e0ad-47d9-bf77-d422e7437b08-0
00:34:42.280 --> 00:34:45.680
What does he do that causes something
else to happen?

c0e39222-2b0d-4d03-a7d8-6f97bda7d743-0
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:47.920
And when that happens,
what does that cause to happen?

fab8e707-d54f-4fdc-a02f-b4f5bac28b24-0
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:50.280
And it might be a reaction from him,
for example.

37717ee2-e2bd-401f-8369-78f24b9ff46c-0
00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:54.454
And then when he reacts a certain way,
which initially is probably not the best

37717ee2-e2bd-401f-8369-78f24b9ff46c-1
00:34:54.454 --> 00:34:57.037
way to react,
what does that do that actually makes

37717ee2-e2bd-401f-8369-78f24b9ff46c-2
00:34:57.037 --> 00:34:59.719
this situation worse And you know how we
building it.

9fb56897-5cf3-4f37-9f08-c19d74a7c0aa-0
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:03.759
And then by the end,
what is that final domino that brings us

9fb56897-5cf3-4f37-9f08-c19d74a7c0aa-1
00:35:03.759 --> 00:35:06.920
that change that happens for the main
character?

f282c3f5-bae0-4cd9-905d-1ab2efa4d760-0
00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:11.183
I find personally that visual of dominoes
to be a helpful way to think of cause and

f282c3f5-bae0-4cd9-905d-1ab2efa4d760-1
00:35:11.183 --> 00:35:12.080
effect in a story.

56c9e3b8-bce0-4ec1-af14-227512fff6ea-0
00:35:12.520 --> 00:35:16.916
May or may not be helpful to you,
but I do think whatever way you slice it,

56c9e3b8-bce0-4ec1-af14-227512fff6ea-1
00:35:16.916 --> 00:35:21.255
working to have actions that are
meaningful in the story that progress the

56c9e3b8-bce0-4ec1-af14-227512fff6ea-2
00:35:21.255 --> 00:35:23.280
plot is always a good goal to have.

8343d090-ec7c-497b-9ef0-a192bd43f610-0
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:27.247
All right,
so let's go to the prompts before we wrap

8343d090-ec7c-497b-9ef0-a192bd43f610-1
00:35:27.247 --> 00:35:27.440
up.

844e87f6-b014-4267-8a1c-04819b4c6a04-0
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:31.840
So the the word prompt was draw and that
was used in the sentence,

844e87f6-b014-4267-8a1c-04819b4c6a04-1
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:36.240
the nagging voice one drawing a pair of
rosy lips among the stars.

8c471893-9ddf-41ae-b39c-f156f66375af-0
00:35:36.840 --> 00:35:41.423
So a more metaphorical or physical but
non literal, non literal,

8c471893-9ddf-41ae-b39c-f156f66375af-1
00:35:41.423 --> 00:35:46.288
slightly non literal way of drawing the
action prompt of chasing is,

8c471893-9ddf-41ae-b39c-f156f66375af-2
00:35:46.288 --> 00:35:52.210
as Croatia's described in his explanation,
is running from his emotions and failing

8c471893-9ddf-41ae-b39c-f156f66375af-3
00:35:52.210 --> 00:35:53.479
to shake them off.

1382fcd5-de78-4ebf-8a4d-d27304e2c04c-0
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:55.600
Which I think is a good approach, right?

ca57b3c0-4acb-4f11-ad60-3bfe446fc7ef-0
00:35:56.040 --> 00:35:57.920
Running from something non physical there.

9b565d88-d833-4789-8984-bb85b8cdd984-0
00:35:58.720 --> 00:35:59.880
And the kicker?

c3d8534c-df78-40e8-bd86-f8284fc01bd7-0
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:03.242
Croatius said incorporating several laws
into the story,

c3d8534c-df78-40e8-bd86-f8284fc01bd7-1
00:36:03.242 --> 00:36:05.120
mainly cosmic and universal laws.

e7ef5978-f9a5-46d0-9652-c715dd063c9f-0
00:36:05.120 --> 00:36:10.209
The most overt of these is death,
which is mentioned in the term inevitable

e7ef5978-f9a5-46d0-9652-c715dd063c9f-1
00:36:10.209 --> 00:36:11.080
death throes.

4951842c-48cc-48fb-87c7-2aa6eb98d44c-0
00:36:11.680 --> 00:36:13.529
Now,
this is one of those perfect examples

4951842c-48cc-48fb-87c7-2aa6eb98d44c-1
00:36:13.529 --> 00:36:15.680
where I would have needed that brief
explanation.

2725f5f1-4f72-4d9d-a8f3-3f84a8f8f484-0
00:36:16.040 --> 00:36:19.096
Without that,
I don't think I would have been able to

2725f5f1-4f72-4d9d-a8f3-3f84a8f8f484-1
00:36:19.096 --> 00:36:21.360
identify a particular law in this story.

1ce4e7ea-d217-4ef0-8cc6-fc4c27f18fff-0
00:36:21.600 --> 00:36:24.005
And even with honestly,
a generous interpretation,

1ce4e7ea-d217-4ef0-8cc6-fc4c27f18fff-1
00:36:24.005 --> 00:36:26.080
I think I would have struggled to find
one.

353f4f88-c624-490b-8190-7cdd12a104f0-0
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:28.520
I'm perfectly happy with that explanation.

1c1049dc-54e5-4093-a18c-198c826c84e4-0
00:36:28.720 --> 00:36:29.280
That's fine.

f21a99ec-34a6-4344-ba3b-318b8f4575f5-0
00:36:29.280 --> 00:36:30.720
I think that's great inspiration.

f044bfda-0b82-4b42-bdb5-78680f1ae681-0
00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:33.039
You know,
we're not there to kind of nitpick and

f044bfda-0b82-4b42-bdb5-78680f1ae681-1
00:36:33.039 --> 00:36:35.840
say what's a law and what's not a law and
all that sort of stuff.

3ced19dc-3d57-4da8-9952-d493cdf0e53b-0
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:40.314
To see that it's inspired the stories
enough and I like that it can take people

3ced19dc-3d57-4da8-9952-d493cdf0e53b-1
00:36:40.314 --> 00:36:42.160
in different directions mentally.

0cc7f0cb-d29a-4ce3-9eef-21299517d8b1-0
00:36:42.160 --> 00:36:46.736
That's the whole point of the prompts,
is to inspire something in you and bring

0cc7f0cb-d29a-4ce3-9eef-21299517d8b1-1
00:36:46.736 --> 00:36:47.880
out your best story.

8072813a-acb5-4e15-83c8-1d8db266e9db-0
00:36:48.240 --> 00:36:51.501
But also we just need to that validation
that you have considered it and haven't

8072813a-acb5-4e15-83c8-1d8db266e9db-1
00:36:51.501 --> 00:36:54.280
forgotten all about it because of course
that's how we keep it fair.

bbdab7af-a358-40a4-8978-988409a3ee2e-0
00:36:54.280 --> 00:36:56.720
So I think that's great and I think that
ticks the boxes.

e071be09-c235-40ed-aa12-b38f36765e21-0
00:36:57.520 --> 00:37:00.871
So before we wrap up,
I just wanted to return to Croatia's

e071be09-c235-40ed-aa12-b38f36765e21-1
00:37:00.871 --> 00:37:01.440
questions.

73eafe3d-8781-4d39-8f78-941692ddba5d-0
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:04.600
And I think we've covered most of that
around the internality piece.

f990be8d-16af-4c64-8016-c4f92bfe85dd-0
00:37:04.600 --> 00:37:09.155
But the only one I wanted to spend a bit
more time on is your question about story

f990be8d-16af-4c64-8016-c4f92bfe85dd-1
00:37:09.155 --> 00:37:11.680
versus vignette and creating a narrative
arc.

61bffd69-edfe-47c4-a37b-0b3c4a86aafd-0
00:37:11.680 --> 00:37:14.800
Because I feel like you did create a
narrative arc here.

8076059f-da22-4a1a-97c7-d9b0cba56c10-0
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:18.320
And you said, Amanda,
there is that moment of change at the end.

ff618113-9340-4bed-99a1-10f7ab480cea-0
00:37:18.560 --> 00:37:21.880
And so we look at that as having a
beginning, middle and an end.

91869a44-da29-4b08-9d18-eb47a8458096-0
00:37:22.160 --> 00:37:24.480
Well,
it has a beginning and it has an end.

a659c67a-a3f7-4203-9d55-543360cae241-0
00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:26.200
It doesn't so much have a middle.

a09356c3-b2ef-4c4b-a03e-7b8f5ec8e34d-0
00:37:26.200 --> 00:37:29.240
It doesn't have like an inciting moment,
doesn't have like a development.

f8a629a6-f148-4ed3-803e-3181f2d778e8-0
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:31.120
It is beginning and end.

f503d2ff-94af-4a55-885c-37cbcffcedc4-0
00:37:31.240 --> 00:37:32.880
Yeah, I guess that's how I'd describe it.

9242db21-6d2a-4564-bb2e-99d2d2179121-0
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.880
But having said that,
those elements of story are there.

30cc2a68-e804-49a1-a182-03e87641012f-0
00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:37.920
Yeah, absolutely.

77786102-37eb-4646-8cb4-7c3cee6e5f1c-0
00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:40.254
I mean,
I think you've described it as like a

77786102-37eb-4646-8cb4-7c3cee6e5f1c-1
00:37:40.254 --> 00:37:41.320
beginning and an end.

7f7a926b-5bfa-4c86-beff-8afa2c3d3911-0
00:37:41.400 --> 00:37:44.968
And I would say another way of looking at
it is the outcome is like a foregone

7f7a926b-5bfa-4c86-beff-8afa2c3d3911-1
00:37:44.968 --> 00:37:46.640
conclusion at the start of the story.

c55d23e9-29f8-4c91-8a48-cd0490115f20-0
00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:49.240
Nothing happens in the story to make that
happen, really.

5264bc03-39fb-4a44-b162-4c9be3cb7827-0
00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:52.910
I mean, yes, we do observe the stars,
but the character hasn't done anything to

5264bc03-39fb-4a44-b162-4c9be3cb7827-1
00:37:52.910 --> 00:37:53.920
'cause that to happen.

156748e6-2bcc-4afd-b606-b6d8b21fbeb4-0
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:59.349
And so it's all just happening in his
head and he kind of already knows the

156748e6-2bcc-4afd-b606-b6d8b21fbeb4-1
00:37:59.349 --> 00:38:01.600
thing that he realises by the end.

045e6e35-5fb3-4047-95cf-7b58bedfab59-0
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.400
So I think that's the challenge you need
to overcome,

045e6e35-5fb3-4047-95cf-7b58bedfab59-1
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:06.000
is just working on that middle part.

4ef28682-e53f-4509-96c8-7f5fde197bbe-0
00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:06.960
What are the dominoes?

31daac89-7986-43dd-89f5-82eff1b455ab-0
00:38:06.960 --> 00:38:07.720
What's the cause?

88fe89f7-8472-4336-8cc8-93d11e03f76c-0
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:08.440
What's the effect?

1a74bf42-2939-48d0-b8cd-110ab3f7e983-0
00:38:08.440 --> 00:38:12.917
How does that escalate, escalate,
escalate until the moment of no return

1a74bf42-2939-48d0-b8cd-110ab3f7e983-1
00:38:12.917 --> 00:38:14.880
where something changes forever?

a02ea2ec-227c-4040-8562-29356cd4b3ce-0
00:38:14.880 --> 00:38:16.240
Yeah, we got the change.

8ec40600-2db3-47c0-a201-4951854035c4-0
00:38:16.240 --> 00:38:18.160
We just need the thing to bring it about.

43e4c46c-48c7-4bf5-90e9-0785a0a591cf-0
00:38:18.360 --> 00:38:22.200
No exactly drawing those connections,
but look as a whole, as a story.

8d694209-e4bc-4e11-b92e-a9cfa9383e74-0
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:26.185
Definitely the positive elements is that
you do have this real attempt at being

8d694209-e4bc-4e11-b92e-a9cfa9383e74-1
00:38:26.185 --> 00:38:28.920
active through the language as well as
being evocative.

a138347d-48c0-46a8-9d68-09604db37127-0
00:38:28.920 --> 00:38:32.880
I think that works really well and you do
have those steps in there.

d2dc34f9-81d0-46e6-bf73-c9ba5319ff3d-0
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:34.320
You do have those elements in there.

ce8b36bf-ad93-4712-8e08-f4e696a8a89a-0
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:35.800
They just need to be connected.

30935c40-45ba-4a58-b533-a40b6980e0b5-0
00:38:35.800 --> 00:38:38.642
Whether you take it into an absurd
direction, as I,

30935c40-45ba-4a58-b533-a40b6980e0b5-1
00:38:38.642 --> 00:38:42.360
I always like to recommend,
or something a little bit more mundane.

e1c703cf-d661-4724-ad9d-2a2563fa85fb-0
00:38:42.440 --> 00:38:47.205
There just needs to be a little bit of a
development and something to things that

e1c703cf-d661-4724-ad9d-2a2563fa85fb-1
00:38:47.205 --> 00:38:49.240
are normal can be very interesting.

d53a9ee1-5c7b-4cb0-8229-f5f1ac0a0e42-0
00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:51.960
That wasn't a quality of statement.

8a3b7d42-70a0-4880-86f3-041dc3730841-0
00:38:52.280 --> 00:38:55.840
That was just a statement mundane as
opposed to absurd.

f2f79264-5a1e-4ecc-8212-8827b095a8d7-0
00:38:56.280 --> 00:38:59.021
Well, look,
I would add to that list of qualities

f2f79264-5a1e-4ecc-8212-8827b095a8d7-1
00:38:59.021 --> 00:39:02.202
about this story,
positive qualities that there really is

f2f79264-5a1e-4ecc-8212-8827b095a8d7-2
00:39:02.202 --> 00:39:05.492
that consistency of like the thesis here
that we, you know,

f2f79264-5a1e-4ecc-8212-8827b095a8d7-3
00:39:05.492 --> 00:39:09.440
we're talking about how the stars
represent hope almost or possibility.

b0d069b9-a3b7-42cc-8f6b-5b0e7e2139e1-0
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:13.503
And that this idea of being blanketed
either by a sleeping bag or by clouds and

b0d069b9-a3b7-42cc-8f6b-5b0e7e2139e1-1
00:39:13.503 --> 00:39:16.450
just being able to pretend that that
stuff doesn't exist,

b0d069b9-a3b7-42cc-8f6b-5b0e7e2139e1-2
00:39:16.450 --> 00:39:17.720
that is really beautiful.

6f36e66b-0bdb-4d95-a0d2-63cadc9b84f3-0
00:39:17.720 --> 00:39:19.240
I love that it's very resonant.

0817d23a-39a7-4c9c-abb0-fb41757fac6a-0
00:39:19.560 --> 00:39:21.980
It just is fed throughout the entire
story,

0817d23a-39a7-4c9c-abb0-fb41757fac6a-1
00:39:21.980 --> 00:39:23.960
which I think is very artfully done.

55713b92-5604-41ce-a790-f45cb8a8d3f8-0
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:26.480
So there is a lot to like about this
story.

eb5f4e1e-6701-49a5-b1d2-e2c6e776f9c8-0
00:39:26.680 --> 00:39:31.224
I do think emotionally it was powerful
and I think that that emotion would have

eb5f4e1e-6701-49a5-b1d2-e2c6e776f9c8-1
00:39:31.224 --> 00:39:35.200
only hit harder if we'd been able to
follow it from that very get go.

932471cf-72f4-4866-98b2-094a0801e657-0
00:39:35.520 --> 00:39:38.513
So yeah,
hopefully we've clarified here some of

932471cf-72f4-4866-98b2-094a0801e657-1
00:39:38.513 --> 00:39:43.440
the challenges that maybe kept this story
from the long list on this occasion.

43a1dc94-ae92-44a5-a601-178292125568-0
00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:47.982
Hopefully it's demystified a little bit
how to take something internal and make

43a1dc94-ae92-44a5-a601-178292125568-1
00:39:47.982 --> 00:39:51.640
it active and make it feed into that
essential character change.

e766bfc3-05cf-4716-afcf-e8379ce37c80-0
00:39:51.640 --> 00:39:53.160
You got the character change, so tick.

4b4b2eb2-7dbf-4bc5-9a19-b009d91e9944-0
00:39:53.160 --> 00:39:54.720
And now it's just the next step from
there.

6420fad8-c5ee-4280-b3fa-bb235eeadd4d-0
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:56.320
So thank you, Karosh.

ce348326-193b-49a5-880a-a188f3d52a13-0
00:39:57.040 --> 00:40:00.920
Third time, the charm???

7ec03e15-4237-44fd-aca2-33a45fe942a3-0
00:40:00.920 --> 00:40:02.520
That's up to you to determine.

e10315d7-ecec-430b-b2d7-687444e3ee4f-0
00:40:02.520 --> 00:40:04.120
But yes, we did like the story.

c6916ff7-fc2b-42f4-a740-c3eba0c91377-0
00:40:04.120 --> 00:40:05.680
And so, yeah, you do have an annual pass.

c7cd0025-648f-45ab-96da-e389105faad1-0
00:40:05.680 --> 00:40:08.800
So we're looking forward to reading your
story next time around.

f287f441-7018-487a-8e08-13cfad617a86-0
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:11.025
I mean,
I think we've seen progress in Croatia's

f287f441-7018-487a-8e08-13cfad617a86-1
00:40:11.025 --> 00:40:13.160
work,
so it'd be nice to see where we go next.

1d895da9-a03b-41e9-bd66-896d21d52a70-0
00:40:13.160 --> 00:40:13.960
Yeah, absolutely.

34483ac0-86ab-4769-be6d-b7a54a084bbe-0
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:16.880
And that about wraps it up for this
episode.

210ad00e-8396-4532-8320-3b563c62be2b-0
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:20.360
We'll be back in a week's time with our
third Daredevil.

90ffb8fd-f09f-4dfc-8b30-7597621385fd-0
00:40:20.600 --> 00:40:23.840
But until then, right on, Right on.

081c03ec-9480-4b71-a2ca-2bfb9cb9bbb1-0
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:29.600
We hope you enjoyed this special
Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.

4a1d8548-46ff-49c3-866e-e81bf437f1f0-0
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:33.738
If you have thoughts on this story,
follow us on social media and join the

4a1d8548-46ff-49c3-866e-e81bf437f1f0-1
00:40:33.738 --> 00:40:34.400
conversation.

c40b68e1-1026-4b22-8730-b2aba66a5825-0
00:40:34.720 --> 00:40:38.515
And if you'd like to participate in the
next round of the competition,

c40b68e1-1026-4b22-8730-b2aba66a5825-1
00:40:38.515 --> 00:40:40.760
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.

61095b17-bc09-4175-be69-281f085ba79f-0
00:40:41.040 --> 00:40:50.960
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite
right.

3a22d015-d0d4-4dc1-9138-0b6a9f78e7da-0
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:58.520
Flux in flux fluxina fluxino fluxino,
fluxino cini cini hilly pilly.

464ce566-d56d-44ce-93ff-883eb18bd5cf-0
00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:05.560
So here is fluxino cini hilly
pulification by Karoche one more time.

de135c74-8908-4413-82d2-5638066a4c09-0
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:08.440
Fluxino cini hilly pulification.

bceda835-eb96-4f9c-a84b-5bb471bfd905-0
00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:11.160
Try not to pause after hilly, it's fine.

cbbdb551-c2c1-47a6-b1e4-27372ce11345-0
00:41:11.240 --> 00:41:12.120
But I think you can.

9a9af577-89fd-4fd3-8cbe-b913639d39f6-0
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:16.624
No, I think you can do it,
just less of a pause after hilly Fluxino

9a9af577-89fd-4fd3-8cbe-b913639d39f6-1
00:41:16.624 --> 00:41:20.360
cini, hilly pulification, Foxino cini,
hilly pulification.

e269a9a7-e07f-4560-9bbb-4ebeb8f82170-0
00:41:21.800 --> 00:41:23.320
That was fine until you giggled.

a7f5502f-2944-4100-836f-1e6d20cd778a-0
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:28.568
Fluxonosinihillipilification,
Fluxonosinihillipilification,

a7f5502f-2944-4100-836f-1e6d20cd778a-1
00:41:28.568 --> 00:41:33.056
Fluxonosinihillipilification,
Fluxonosinihillipilification,

a7f5502f-2944-4100-836f-1e6d20cd778a-2
00:41:33.056 --> 00:41:38.441
Fluxonosinihillihillipilification,
Fluxonosinihillihillipilification by

a7f5502f-2944-4100-836f-1e6d20cd778a-3
00:41:38.441 --> 00:41:39.040
Karoche.

e867cb27-332b-4f43-a2c9-8e7df1ffca9c-0
00:41:39.040 --> 00:41:42.520
Let's do that as like an exercise before
we start every recording session.

806d83ff-64e5-4122-93a8-066384e1d43b-0
00:41:42.560 --> 00:41:45.389
We have to get that out and you can't
start until you say

806d83ff-64e5-4122-93a8-066384e1d43b-1
00:41:45.389 --> 00:41:47.000
Fluxonosinhillihillipilification.