Not Quite Right features discussions that are unfiltered and uncensored,
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I swear a lot something doesn't seem quite right.
Welcome to Not Quite Right. My names Ed and I'm Amanda,
and it's time for our very first Daredevil for the April 2026 round of the
Not Quite Right Prize. I can't wait. Now Daredevils are people who have signed
up for the honour and the privilege of having their story critiqued on air and
on the podcast.
And today's little victim is Chloe Page, a familiar name. Yeah,
Chloe's no stranger to the Not quite right prize.
She has shortlisted twice in recent history, once for Wanted Dead or Alive,
and more recently for her story, The Grief.
I think both of those were last year. And she's long listed several times,
and she actually finds herself in 7th place as of before this round.
We haven't yet calculated and updated the leaderboard as at the time of recording,
but 7th place and she'll be getting an extra point for.
This long listing and as of the time of recording,
we're actually yet to meet Chloe, but we are about to very soon this
Thursday at our Flesh Fiction book launch, which will of course be all done and
dusted by the time this episode goes to air.
But I'm really looking forward to meeting Chloe.
It's probably just as well we're recording this before we meet her so that
she can't kind of influence us exactly, and also that she could have some pointed
things to say to us.
Very good point. And Chloe's also just let me know that
she's going to be coming along to the workshop I'm running in Melbourne.
So I'm very, very excited to be taking my little show
on the road down to Melbourne. So I'm doing a right winning flash
fiction workshop, about 1/2 day workshop for Writers
Victoria. So if you are in Melbourne and would like
to come along, that's happening on the 20th of June and
actually you're doing the little workshops all up and down the East Coast
as it were, so.
Go to notquiteright. com if you're interested and check out
where Amanda will be next. Yeah, it's always a really good time.
Like if you love flash fiction, that's all we do.
We just talk about that for a while and you don't need to have any particular
skills or experience if you're new to it or if you're very experienced.
I think the workshop works for everybody because basically we're just talking
about the different skills and having a think about it. So I do welcome you all.
So yeah, absolutely check out the What's On
section of our website and hopefully I'll see you there. OK,
but let's get into it so.
Chloe actually wrote for Team Ed this round. So thank you so much, Chloe,
for joining my team. Unfortunately, we didn't win. She did her best.
She got a long listing. Come on, it's not your fault. I take,
I take responsibility. My team's prompts this round were the
word disco, the action of freaking out. And of course,
the kicker prompt was that you had to feature a disco dancing move.
And that could have been the name of a move or something along those lines,
or it could have been the dance.
Itself. So let's hear Chloe's story now, and then we'll come back and talk about
it. Sounds good. So here is Rosetta Stone by Chloe Page.
My world is ending. I need to buy bread.
I'm halfway through woollies cowering on the grubby tiles because my noise
cancelling headphones are dead and the supermarket's quiet hour ended early.
The international food aisle explodes into countless cacophonies,
the crank Top 40 shrieking overhead, trolleys rattling, shoes squeaking,
dozens of voices whirring into a tinnitus of language my autistic tongue can't
respond to.
Flaming fluorescent flash bangs, packaging and screaming colours and
shoppers gawking at me, rocking on the floor, reeking of coffee,
of sweat, of detergent, petrol, sunscreen, grass, garlic, cigarettes, Cologne.
I need to buy bread.
If I wrangle Ellie to kindergarten tomorrow without her sandwich,
Nutella spread thick, cut into flowers, she'll meltdown and then her kindergarten
will call, and then I'll have to skip work and then
I can't afford to rent again, and then we'll be homeless, and then,
and then.
In my floundering, I elbow the Curry paste.
The Josh shatters, throttling me with coriander and cumin
and chilli. It smears my dress like a blood stain
while I choke on my mother tongue of untranslatable grunts,
cries and yelps as I drown in this two metre ocean between the Taco shells and
the garam masala. Strangers point phones. They mutter about calling the police.
They debate labels, addict, maybe homeless or perhaps unwell.
When they see my headphones, my sunflower lanyard and my flapping
hands, they finally settle on ******. So when you round the corner, frowning,
I shrink back.
Surely A paramedic will strap me to a Gurney and cart me away for being
autistic in public, for being a single mum unable to afford
grocery delivery, for disturbing all these well adjusted
people shopping for their well adjusted families.
Instead you brush away the shattered glass, sit with me in the Curry.
Fluorescence gleam off your uniforms, reflective strips.
You fish a palm sized notepad from your breast pocket and then a pen.
Even though I splutter tears and snot all over your hands, you steady mine.
I don't expect you'll understand my scrolls, but I scroll nonetheless.
Because I'm voiceless, Ellie's kindergarten is calling,
and my world is ending. I need to buy bread. You nod, stand,
and leave the aisle.
And when you return, cradling a half dozen loaves,
I managed to point to the home brand. I wasn't born with your codecs for
communication, but here we are discovering a pigeon
language. You help me up and ferry me across this
ocean past India.
In Spain, Greece and Mexico, the grumbling dialects and beeping
checkouts, bread clutched as priceless cargo.
The car park greets us with a breeze. A whispering brush through my hair.
I slump against my car and try returning your notepad. Still stuttering...
You shake your head, push the notepad back into my hand,
curl my fingers around it. If language is lost and tongues can't
translate, at least there is this. Our paper Rosetta Stone. So.
I nod, clip the notepad to my sunflower lanyard,
and then turn to face the sun.
So thank you, Chloe. And before we get into the story,
just to mention that Elise, our guest judge Elise this round,
picked this story for her wild card, which we talked about on the shortlist
episode. And she called out the reasons why the
story really spoke to her so obviously. And she's marked it as a favourite as
well in her judging with a note that this is definitely her favourite story.
So I guess before we get into it, like we should call out that these are
our opinions about the story that we will talk about.
But you know, a different judge can have completely
different opinions and, and there are things that appeal to some
judges that might not appeal to others and vice versa. So a winning story, Chloe,
given that one of our judges gave it a hearty yes and nominated you for a wild
card. So you're going into this critique with
that going for you. And Chloe's left us a voicemail,
so we'll play that now.
Hello Chloe, Page here dragging myself to the pyre for
my Daredevil roasting. This is my first Daredevil and I'm
excited to be here. I'm also excited to meet you at the Flesh
Fiction book launch. I've been writing for a year and a half
now, so I'm incredibly lucky and grateful to
have shortlisted twice already, but I am daring to dream bigger and I
would love to get my hands on the pointy trophy.
Rosetta Stone is actually inspired by a recent event,
this is just a more dramatic version. I never got their names,
but their real life paramedics were the loveliest people.
The freaking out prompt was the perfect opportunity to write about it.
I have a list of issues with this story so I'm keen to see if you agree and what
you have to say. If you have time, I'd also like to know if there were any
similar problems in my 2 short listed stories.
Because this is my first Daredevil, I trust you will be so nice and so
gracious to me. Also because you are just truly
delightful people who definitely have no reason at all to hold a grudge against me.
Thank you so much for supporting my work and tell your darlings I said hi.
So thank you, Chloe. You've done really well in a year and a
half and she's just, she's already.
Hit our shortlist several times and long list as well.
So well done and winning other comps as well. So yeah,
very impressive and Ed styling is right here and heard your little hello she's
waving so.
My darling, we'll meet you at the Flesh Fiction
launch. So that's the way to meet you there.
And interesting hearing that this was based on a true story as well.
We always say write what you know. Yeah, like,
I don't know what your experience is exactly. Chloe,
I know you've mentioned before about something that we posted relating to the
experience of neurodivergence and how, you know,
I'm always talking about emotional resonance and so on.
And this story is all about how those emotions and that way of thinking and
feeling isn't exactly experience the same.
Same way by all people or understood the same way by all people.
And so it's very important and wonderful to be able to showcase that experience in
this way. And if you did have a similar experience
while shopping, like I'm sorry to hear that.
Like I think that's incredibly overwhelming and stressful. And look,
nobody loves grocery shopping. Let's be honest,
it is it is overwhelming to most.
And certainly while I don't share these particular challenges,
I have been a parent of young child in a shopping centre who's melting down
themselves and then, you know, you're sleep deprived and you're trying
to deal with that. So I can certainly relate on that level.
Yeah. Obviously wanting to share that idea of
this small act of kindness and how much it really means and how important that
can be to people. I think that's wonderful.
And you mentioned that there are some thoughts that you have about this, Chloe.
Will be interesting to see if they align to our feedback as we go through that now.
So shall we start, as we do, with the title?
And the title here is Rosetta Stone. You've just been giving me a lovely
lecture about what the Rosetta Stone is explained to you before we I did actually,
you know what? I did Google it previously when I knew we
would be reading Chloe's story. And in fact,
probably when I read it in judging. And I was like, what is that? And yes,
I know I'm a big fat idiot. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there
who is unfamiliar with the Rosetta Stone. But for those who, like me,
are happy to admit that they don't know.
Everything. You who does know everything, why don't you share with us what it is?
OK. Well, the Rosetta Stone was a stone that
contained writing. With you so far. With you so far. Yeah,
that was discovered. I, I think it was in the 1800s at some point.
And it contained hieroglyphics and the same sentence,
basically the same paragraph written in hieroglyphics.
And in Greek that helped translate what hieroglyphics meant, because before that,
in the modern era, people didn't know what hieroglyphics.
It was like a lost language. So that one stone,
that one discovery unlocked a whole language in all of this history that goes
along with it in ancient Egypt. I promise you I'm not going to remember
any of that. So that's wonderful. So Rosetta Stone is the title. Look,
I think this captures obviously one of the main themes here of the story,
which is this idea of communication and main character here being obviously
restricted in the ways that she's able to communicate with the outside world.
And the Rosetta Stone representing the person who enters the scene and is able
to kind of translate what she's saying. So absolutely fitting title for the story.
Well, you say that and there is an element of
assumed knowledge, which, OK, everybody but me, it knows what it is.
And that's fine. But also, I don't know, like.
I think maybe it needed a little bit more than just Rosetta Stone,
like my own Rosetta Stone or something like that. I don't know.
To just put it in the context of this story,
I don't know if others would share that opinion,
but certainly there are other options. But I think it works fine. Yeah.
And so the story opens with my world is ending. I need to buy bread.
I'm halfway through woollies cowering on the grubby tiles because my noise
cancelling headphones are dead and the supermarket's quiet hour ended early.
What I feel could help this opening sequence to just kind of help the reader
to immediately be in the action and understand the stakes and understand the
situation is just to reorder some of these sequences.
We have the third paragraph here, which is full of this great detail and
all of this sensory information. So the international food aisle explodes
into countless cacophonies, the crank Top 40 shrieking overhead,
trolleys rattling, shoes squeaking, dozens of voices whirring into a tinnitus
of language my autistic tongue can't respond to,
Flaming fluorescent flashbangs packed in screaming colours and shoppers gawking at
me, rocking on the floor, reeking of coffee, of sweat, of detergent,
petrol, sunscreen, grass, garlic, cigarettes, Cologne.
I think you should lead with that. I think that's the opening because we
know from, you know, the third, fourth word where we are and then we're
just hit with this cacophony of sensory details,
which puts us exactly in the state of mind that our protagonist is in,
and we get it. So if you lead with that, if you lead with the detail and then you
hit us with my world is ending, then we know why at that point.
And then we get the detail of I need to buy bread.
So now we understand why she's in that frame of mind and we get what the stakes
are and how they're affecting her in that moment. So I would just add to that,
the first line in my world is ending. I need to buy bread is very telling.
And I know we don't, you know, everybody gets bored of this advice,
but it is good advice to show, don't tell. And that's what we're talking about here,
that these lines about the international food aisle,
etcetera are very much showing and.
Not just showing, but causing us to experience some level
of that stress as well. Because it is well written.
It's kind of building speed, you know, and picking up pace as we go through with
these stressful items. And it's a whole sensory experience.
So we have all that. The author doesn't need to then tell us
that the world is ending now.
There would be the potential to say something that sort of gives us more of
the character's voice in that moment, because of course we've got this
cacophony. We don't have much of A sense of the
character yet apart from that they're finding it overwhelming.
But My World is ending as such a cliche phrase that it doesn't actually give us
anything meaningful about this character yet,
except that obviously they're overwhelmed, which I think we get anyway.
So I do think we need the information about needing to buy the bread,
but that's that's there and.
This line that Chloe has chosen to repeat, I need to buy bread throughout.
I understand why you would do that. You know, she's coming back,
trying to centre herself on the goal. But I'm not sure that that line is
powerful enough to warrant a three time repetition in this story.
In the sense that I don't think it necessarily has that emotional impact on
the reader and that satisfaction that comes from, you know, the rule of threes,
like bringing in something three times.
It also doesn't really build throughout the story. So we've got we still,
we still need bread three times. I get why the goal remains unfulfilled,
but we're not escalating. We sort of already started with my world
is ending and the story doesn't build intentional drama from there.
This is a couple of different ideas, I guess.
So I guess initially what I'm saying is we don't need that telling sentence.
I think Ed, you're basically agreeing and just saying
we give us all that sensory experience first,
but also think about from a structure perspective.
Perspective, OK, you've dropped us right in this scene,
which is great. We've got the scene goal that they want,
Brett. We've got, like, action happening already.
Everybody's gawking. But then where do we go from there?
And I think that there is a challenge here that the story is kind of staying in
one place emotionally throughout. Yeah. And therefore doesn't really take us on a
journey. Another piece of chunkier feedback that
I'd like to give for this story, which relates still to this language here.
Is that it does feel to me emotionally a little bit disconnected from the scene.
So it's almost as if we're going back now, present me, going back,
looking at my past and sort of having this view of what was playing out now,
that character in that moment. And I, I don't have autism myself and I,
I'm not that I'm aware of. And so I haven't had this personal
experience. I've certainly witnessed this kind of
experience for other people. And my assumption would be that when
you're in that moment, you're not intellectualised.
What this is, you're absolutely overwhelmed with the
smells and the sounds and people crowding around you,
and you're rocking on the floor. You're in this state of, like,
absolute fight or flight. You're not then saying, oh,
my world is ending. Yeah. It's just not the kind of intellectual
thought that you have. What you're thinking is, oh, God,
that smell, this sound, blah, blah, You know? And so for that reason,
I feel like these summative statements almost RIP us out of the scene.
Like hovering above, looking down on it, when what I really want to do is be
immersed in that feeling of being so overwhelmed that I don't even know what's
going on.
Yeah, firstly, we're in first person and secondly,
we're in present tense, Right.
So it is not looking back.
It's, it's like this is happening now.
Yeah.
And what you've called out is like, we have not only these generalised
statements of like, my world is ending, but we have a character who's clearly not
in control of the situation, having some pretty deep thoughts about
like, what communication means and places that
people might be at and unable to communicate in ways that other people
take for granted.
I think that's a really interesting thing to express,
but we're expressing it in a story where you're also trying to get the reader to
feel what it is like for this person in this moment where they can't do that.
So I feel like there are these two competing effects that are working
against each other in this story.
Yeah, I do think that's a challenge here.
And both of them are wonderful and valid effects,
but they are making it difficult for us to fully experience one or the other.
And I'm not sure exactly what the solution to that is,
whether you choose to do one thing thing with one this one story and do the other
thing another time in a different story.
The challenge for this story is too, for that same reason,
when things start to come down and we've got this paramedic who's sitting with
this character and being sympathetic, it's like they've already switched over
to feeling that calmness when this person sits down with them.
When in fact, what we expect is they're not calm really
right until the very end.
And so again, it's that difficulty of showing what's
happening and the kindness of this stranger,
but through the eyes of someone who's probably not yet ready to quite see that
because they're still completely heightened in this emotional state.
And just to come back to some of that stuff because I think we've gone
immediately into the critique, which is wonderful.
That's our job here.
But I want to call, pull out some things I loved about this
story.
Now, very importantly, this is a story that did make the long
list.
So there'll be a lot of people listening who are like, OK,
what's the difference between my story that didn't make the long list and this
one that did?
So stop telling me all the problems.
Like, tell me like, how to copy this story, you know?
And I think one of the big, big ticks is what we've talked about this,
the immediate action, this overwhelming feeling that we get
from the description of the action that's happening in the scene.
And I think that's very, very artfully done.
We're getting all of the senses being assaulted here, and they are.
It's like I said before, it's picking up that pace as it goes.
So it's just more and more and more until you feel like you can't take anymore.
I think the way Chloe has written that is very clever and mimics that emotional
experience of becoming overwhelmed.
So I think that's really wonderful.
Like absolute tick in terms of emotional resonance.
I, reading this, feel that overwhelm and I understand and
appreciate the reasons why this character has found themselves on the floor when
they have sensory processing issues.
You know, it makes perfect sense.
That's huge to me always is the emotional resonance.
And I think Chloe's done a wonderful job of that.
And not just there in that opening, which is a really wonderful opening,
but also throughout.
And while we might challenge the kind of philtre that's being put over the story
and this kind of analysis almost that's happening in the action of the scene,
the scene itself that's happening there is very moving.
You know, we've got this character who comes in and
just sits down and very calmly just meets this person where they're at.
And anybody who's had the experience of someone showing them kindness when they
just cannot cope themselves would see in that relief and that human connection
that comes.
And I think that as well is really beautiful.
And that's basically the key theme of this story and a lovely,
uplifting kind of theme.
Look, I agree as well on especially on the
scene itself.
We've all been to Woollies.
We've all listened to the Top 40 play on the radio.
And for me or some equivalent or whatever the, whatever your national equivalent is.
And for me, like reading this, I felt that I was there and I could,
you know, smell it, I could feel it, I could hear it, all of those things.
And I really love the way that Chloe has recognised that the way into this
character is to overwhelm our own senses in the writing.
And, and she's hitting us with the Curry paste
and the Taco shells and the sounds and the smells and everything is hitting us
just as it is the character.
And I think that's really effective, especially when we are,
it's a familiar place as well and a very recognisable situation.
And you know, once we get into this aspect of talking
about it as if we're passing through countries,
I think that's really great too.
And obviously that ties into the Rosetta Stone theme,
but it's also like mimicking that experience of travel.
And for people who have travelled to foreign places that are unfamiliar,
unfamiliar smells and sights and sounds and languages and getting stressed out,
that experience of travelling to these kinds of places for a neurotypical person
is perhaps like mimicking what it might be like to be in a grocery store where
you're just being, your senses are being assaulted and
you're quite stressed and you don't really feel right where you're at.
So I think that can also help people connect with that experience too,
who maybe don't have the sensory processing issues,
but who can imagine through this other experience what it might be like.
So look, I've got more to say on the themes and
especially the ending.
I don't have too much to say about the pros because as we've called out,
it works really well and the picture that's been painted is very evocative.
One line and that I found, is actually kind of a critical line to
the story.
But I don't think I got the first time I read.
I needed to kind of go back and read it a few times.
So when you're round the corner frowning, I shrink back.
Surely A paramedic will strap me to a Gurney and cart me away for being
autistic in public.
It's critical that the reader draws a connection to the U in this story,
the object, I guess, of the story to the fact that they are
actually the paramedic.
Those may be independent thoughts.
It's not necessarily obvious.
I found for me that you are the paramedic.
I'm not sure if you found that too, but I think there's a little minor point
of clarity there.
Well, actually I had no problem with that.
Did you?
Maybe you had the Rosetta Stone and I just didn't.
Maybe.
Well, look, you know, I've talked before about my experience of
disability, that my husband has a severe disability.
And once you enter that world, your eyes are open to other people's
experience of disability, and they are very different.
But I do very much resonate with the kindness that's shown here and the simple
kindness that can actually mean the world to someone who is struggling.
And we've had that simple kindness shown to us many times.
And I would like to think I could show that simple kindness to other people.
I think it's very easy to sort of have this surface level empathy and to not
sort of actually fully appreciate what someone's going through.
So for me, this story evoked the power of simple
kindness, and I think that's the thesis of this
story, and I think that's what's beautiful about
it.
One thing I also just wanted to call out, just on that note,
is the use of the R word in this story.
I know it's back in fashion in the US, but, yeah, it's a strong, powerful word.
And it's also a word that would be shocking for some people to hear,
probably less so to us millennials and older because, of course,
that word was popular when we were young anyway.
But I think it's really nice to be able to again, like, bring in that reality,
the reality that people experience, not shy away from that.
Put it out there.
Put it on the page and make us look at that.
Yeah, I'm not particularly offended by that
word.
I I don't necessarily think it's always used in a particularly offensive way.
However, of course it can be.
And for that reason, it's sort of the shock value of that as
well.
And to help appreciate this person's experience that that's what they are
facing out in the real world.
Yeah, Look, I agree.
And I think there's maybe a temptation or a worry when you're entering A rioting
competition that you could use a word like that.
And your story gets thrown in the bin because it offends someone who's on the
judging committee.
And I think Chloe knows us well enough to know that we wouldn't do that.
Well, you say that right.
But in this context, we're getting this from the perspective
of the person who's being called that slur.
Yes.
And I do wonder if we got a story that very openly used that word in an
insulting and offensive way, and not because we want to read that word,
it's because it serves the story.
No, I know.
But but I'm just raising the point that what if someone did use that word or any
other word in a way that was offensive to me?
Like, I'm reading it going I, you can't say that, you know,
and not just in a developing a kind of unlikeable character,
but in a way that the that's what the author wanted to communicate.
I think I would struggle with that, to be honest,
maybe and find it difficult to resonate with that story.
I don't know.
That's a challenge.
We'll put Yeah to our entrance for next round.
Can you offend us so much that we give you a dishonourable mention?
Well, can you offend us but still make the
shortlist with something like deep, like deeply offensive,
not just swear words like.
Yeah.
One thing I also just wanted to mention for our friends who are from elsewhere is
the sunflower lanyard.
I'm not sure if that's an international symbol or not.
I believe it's an Aussie thing, but correct me if I'm wrong,
that the symbol of the sunflower represents hidden disabilities,
Hidden disabilities being often intellectual or sensory disabilities that
we can't see.
So obviously my husband's disability is very obvious to everyone,
and that can be helpful because people do make way for you.
But when you have a disability that's not as obvious to other people,
the idea is that you wear like a lanyard or maybe a badge or something like that
with the image of the sunflower.
And that people, especially in like public transport,
airports, things like that, they're trained to sort of understand
what that means and maybe give you a bit of additional support.
That's where the sunflower lanyard comes from.
And of course, in the ending here, we also have the character turning to
face the sun like she's her own sunflower.
And so on that note, I guess let's move into the ending and
the conclusion of the story.
And I guess to also wrap up the themes and think about how the story has reached
its conclusion.
So obviously we had this paramedic step in and and act as like an intermediary,
essentially show some sympathy and help our protagonists get out of the situation.
She muses on these ideas and it ends in if language is lost and tongues can't
translate, at least there is this our paper Rosetta
Stone.
So I nod, clip the notepad to my sunflower lanyard,
and then turn to face the sun.
I mentioned on the Longest Episode that there are a lot of stories that scented
the freak out as like the main event of the story,
and this was one of those stories.
We step in as the freak out happens, we leave as the freak out ends.
And I think that's a great idea because it creates a lot of conflict,
it creates a lot of drama, and we can kind of get into that
characters head and experience that along with her.
But I found with a lot of stories, and I'm not saying necessarily this one,
but I think there's some lessons that can be learned,
is that once that freak out is over, then what?
What is our takeaway from that moment?
In this particular case?
We do have that moment of kindness.
It is something different.
We have a change.
We have a narrative arc where we started from this place of freaking out,
if you will, inverted commas.
And we end with this sort of more serene moment where the characters turning to
face the sun.
But it feels very much just like a thing that happened.
Yeah.
And not necessarily a permanent change.
Like, yeah, a change has happened within this scene.
They've gone from this state of being to that state of being,
but not in a way that feels permanent or which will impact them going forward.
If they were to come back to the shopping centre again,
be assaulted by all those sounds and smells and so on again,
would they not meltdown again?
And because they were in a state of meltdown and not necessarily like
conscious, as we've talked about, of, of what's going on around them,
what would make that different the next time?
And it's probably nothing, right?
So we've got this one experience.
And so from a storytelling perspective, I guess we need to have a takeaway here.
What's the takeaway?
The takeaway is really for this person who did the act of kindness,
not for the character who's the recipient of that kind.
Yeah.
But perhaps when we talk about change, we've got a changed state of being, like,
you know, that we've gone from stress to calm in
this particular story.
But what we need is something a little bit more lingering.
And I'm just wondering, like, if we're just throwing out ideas.
I'm not saying this is the answer.
It's just something that's occurred to me as a,
as a possibility that we've got the setup here of these other characters who are in
the grocery store who are observing this and judging and dropping the R word.
At least it's implied that they do.
And themselves freaking out and not knowing what to do.
Is it perhaps them who, who need to change by the end of the
story, change their perspective permanently?
You know, they've come into this like, oh, this person here freaking out and like,
what's their big deal?
And then maybe they're an addict or whatever.
When did they get their empathy?
And I think that's what this story is, kind of challenging us to have empathy
for this person.
That's why we're getting this deep insight into what their experience is.
So I'm just wondering if we've got this beautiful experience with the paramedic,
whether there's actually another option there for someone who is in the scene
already to step up and to realise what's going on somehow and to form a connection
with this character.
Rather than this knight in shining armour who kind of just turns up,
does something lovely.
Because they're probably just that kind of person anyway,
and almost certainly have their own experience of autism or something along
those lines with someone in their family.
Like that's what I imagine their back story to be.
And then they just go off into the sunset.
Well, why don't we have someone in the scene
who goes from dropping the R word to like, oh, **** Actually, I think I get it now.
I think you're, you're really on to something there.
And we, we end in that moment where there's the
notepad.
You shake your head, push the notepad back into my hand,
curl my fingers around it.
Maybe another character could have done that,
like could have picked up the notepad off the ground and put in her hands.
Yeah, maybe for whatever reason, with what's going on in their life,
they are able to bridge this gap together, whatever it might be.
Like I'm just trying to think who this other character might be.
Like maybe it's a young person and they had the notepad already for whatever
reason.
I'm not sure.
We'd have to develop the back story of that person and why they are able to go
and make that connection.
What do they see in this character who's melting down that maybe reminds them of
their brother or kid at school or something like that that makes them
finally twig as to what's going on?
But, you know, this story did make the long list.
It did have an emotional impact.
And so this is where we're talking about, you know,
the difference between something making the long list and the shortlist.
It's like, yeah, you absolutely got our attention.
Your writing is beautiful.
It's structured well.
We get a lot out of this.
And we are left with a feeling and it's all working towards that feeling.
And so now it just becomes about that next level.
Well, how do we refine that idea so that it
feels like a complete package, feels satisfying and feels like something
where we go, yes, I can sort of understand and adopt like
that message into myself kind of thing.
And I, I think that's what's going on here.
Now the suggestions we've made, like that's a different story.
And so as an artist, like you don't have to go along with that.
We're just talking about what might have made it work from our perspective.
But it did.
It was Elisa's favourite info.
So you've already done really well.
And I think it's OK to say this story did what I wanted it to do.
Absolutely.
I agree.
Even if it didn't win this competition.
Yeah, they're different things.
So on that level, it's a winner.
Obviously.
I think people would feel very seen with this story and I think it's beautiful.
So from that perspective, like no notes really.
We say this all the time, it's subjective and so on.
If you love this story and if other people love this story, then great,
Go find it a home with the people for whom it will really resonate already
without changes.
So now as we come to the end of our feedback on this story,
there was one last thing that Chloe touched on in her message,
which was a question of whether there were any similar issues in this story as
compared to her previous shortlisted stories.
And I would say, look, no, I don't think so.
And the reason I say that is largely because I think each story has been very
different for a start.
And I do think like once you've sort of mastered writing,
and I think you have Chloe very impressively in a year and a half,
then it starts to become about what does each story need?
And I think each story can need very, very different things.
And, you know, yes, we've got some of these rules of thumb
that are going to be useful almost all the time.
And some of those we mentioned like show, don't tell and so on.
However, like you were talking, Ed, about how we lead into this story,
we're talking about the emotional experience here and the way POV is used
and all of these things that are specific to this particular story that I don't
think were relevant in the previous stories or certainly didn't come to the
forefront as being relevant.
So, you know, I guess as authors, we want to learn about ourselves and try
and fix our problems or whatever.
And like, dig down deep and I would say, look, I don't think you have any problems,
Chloe.
It's just all comes down to editing and looking at what the story needs.
Those three stories were all very different.
Those other two shortlisted stories, I mean,
one to Dead or Alive was a poem almost.
It was a poem, Yeah.
In in a very particular voice and with a very fun kind of out there Western plot.
Yeah, very camp kind of story.
Very, very different emotionally.
And the grief was like a very Australian story, by contrast, about like desolation.
And, you know, both of those really homed in on that
emotion that they were going for and they they hit it.
But very different effects for all these three stories.
Yeah.
And I guess this one landing on the long list as opposed to the shortlist.
I mean, we've just, we've just talked about the reasons why
that might be, the things that for this one were
challenges that maybe prevented it from really satisfying us as readers at a
level that would get it onto the shortlist.
But doesn't mean we didn't like the story.
Doesn't mean we didn't take some wonderful messages out of it.
But thanks again, Chloe.
We really appreciate your story and thanks for putting yourself out there and
being a Daredevil.
Absolutely.
I think there are some Chloe fans out there, and I'm one of them.
I do love your work Chloe, and I'm so glad to have another chance to
read it.
So thank you so much.
And this will be past me speaking, but I'm really,
really looking forward to meeting you next week.
Same.
That about wraps it up for our first Daredevil this round.
We'll be back in a week's time with our second Daredevil.
Can't wait.
But until then, right on, right on.
We hope you enjoyed this special Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.
If you have thoughts on this story, follow us on social media and join the
conversation.
And if you'd like to participate in the next round of the competition,
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite right.