WEBVTT

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Not Quite Right features discussions that
are unfiltered and uncensored,

d70fc7ac-fdc5-4329-83c9-597e19f4c8ab-1
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and may include themes that are
inappropriate for younger listeners.

6c472a02-d721-4c59-a0f7-102e23109b44-0
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Also, I swear a lot.

3c8f6d47-635d-48fe-a905-47695ebc4a18-0
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Something doesn't seem quite right.

c424680c-bf23-4580-95e3-051b8859cc1e-0
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Welcome to Not Quite right.

84b24617-4773-4f8c-8a4c-12a0680b76b1-0
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My names Ed and I'm Amanda.

8e7c6083-6d1b-47c1-a5c0-b9a7d4b95214-0
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We're back ******* with our third
Daredevil for the April round of the Not

8e7c6083-6d1b-47c1-a5c0-b9a7d4b95214-1
00:00:33.692 --> 00:00:35.040
Quite Right prize.

c67d1011-656c-48f4-8e30-babbf373795f-0
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And Daredevils are people who have signed
up to be our little playthings for the

c67d1011-656c-48f4-8e30-babbf373795f-1
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episode to have their stories critiqued
on the air.

c84add18-7800-4039-be9f-ab734ba3e3c5-0
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So we will read the story,
we'll talk about the story,

c84add18-7800-4039-be9f-ab734ba3e3c5-1
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and hopefully all learn something in the
process.

7a8ff8ef-5eca-428b-8465-b13620dc9d19-0
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Sounds good.

87e71110-ab14-4c69-b0ea-0e397ffad26f-0
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Now I feel like we need to start renaming
our rounds of the competition because

87e71110-ab14-4c69-b0ea-0e397ffad26f-1
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it's like it's not April anymore.

50b6e2bf-fcac-4b19-b2cc-a017a86cd42a-0
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Do you know what I mean?

208a5b19-5645-4bd8-9da6-5eb78ce8a8b2-0
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Gets a little confusing.

eb0288ba-8815-4968-ad4e-9c1815c2c6d9-0
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Well,
now I'm confused because it is the April

eb0288ba-8815-4968-ad4e-9c1815c2c6d9-1
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round.

f81e8761-d8ab-41eb-a43d-e4010dbed3c2-0
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What?

d52ffb3a-e61f-47ca-ab8c-c0638a51715b-0
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No, but it's been a long time since April.

04d31f2e-8602-4694-b359-2654ac66087c-0
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It has been what I'm trying to say.

576377ef-8b35-4cf3-8625-5a9bc31e91c0-0
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April.

7a1b7805-f8f9-462b-91da-fcbbce21bea2-0
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Yeah.

962457bb-c6bb-4b12-88d6-432ab5dbffbf-0
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It would be more confusing, I feel,
if we changed the name of the round

962457bb-c6bb-4b12-88d6-432ab5dbffbf-1
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halfway through the round.

1c58c3d0-6bcb-4d6e-af17-4577cc636f0f-0
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Anyway, that's a subject for another day.

ef824217-b36f-495a-904b-3393fb4fe262-0
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Today's brave daredevil is Andy Blakely
Sterling.

22bb1d79-e200-4d1f-8378-b7c83a835020-0
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And Andy's actually extra brave because
it's his first time entering the not

22bb1d79-e200-4d1f-8378-b7c83a835020-1
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quite right prize and first time being a
daredevil.

f254b5b7-c0a4-4c35-9a67-c63840a16f54-0
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And Andy is writing for Team Ed this
round.

80fdbdc2-45b2-4b47-8096-9ed88abe958a-0
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And big mistake.

1961d8c8-1a20-4f6c-8486-291db0a037b2-0
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And my team's prompts were the word disco,
the action of freaking out.

9461cc31-3673-4411-a5de-26fb7581e7e1-0
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And your story must include a disco
dancing move.

c5f8d113-b6bd-426c-9071-c96485bd4ab5-0
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So this is our first taste of Andy's
writing.

c367eabc-4b37-4ba9-a530-a6df1bc9c14c-0
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So let's get straight into it, shall we?

e4f52894-be25-443b-9144-d11d15b9f1c6-0
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Sounds good.

8e7a6c2a-ece7-46cd-ab9b-07405168dd54-0
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I'll be doing the reading.

0949e87d-082d-454d-8884-ca7e26b5aa52-0
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So here is Metamorphosis by Andy Blakely
Sterling.

40472823-9646-41e5-b91b-507b9f0f6e56-0
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I always thought Kafka was a bit dramatic,
but I get it now.

4c9dd6d4-5a5c-41ed-9ee8-b8eecb54ca2e-0
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I poke my belly with a white tipped paw
to confirm that I'm not dreaming and I am

4c9dd6d4-5a5c-41ed-9ee8-b8eecb54ca2e-1
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in fact, now a house cat.

d18906c2-99e3-445a-9af4-3fef34d70c6e-0
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I remember stressing about my master's
thesis and making rent to stay with my

d18906c2-99e3-445a-9af4-3fef34d70c6e-1
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best friend in the city,
wishing life was simpler.

e61e0ca9-eac6-4482-8d10-91f029500ed1-0
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Microeconomic research could wait.

b31eeebf-30af-44c0-be86-fca6393c8186-0
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My advisor could stop complaining about
my flamboyant style,

b31eeebf-30af-44c0-be86-fca6393c8186-1
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distracting scholars even for a little
while.

17afb345-aca0-4ab6-8991-3a023fa217fe-0
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I remember enjoying the Daydream.

b8968012-91b8-4724-8554-b660666cc60e-0
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I do not remember wishing to become a cat.

1fe8b3f7-62bc-4a99-b375-f3ec6d8b65f0-0
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Squirming in my spot on the couch I see 4
paws with a swipe of one.

e7820cb5-af74-4ba5-a384-0ba0c18c9b56-0
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I've confirmed cat ears.

f6a9ac33-f877-4500-bfd2-35bfede53b6a-0
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I curl forward more flexible than I was
before and check my parts.

89a5840f-e115-42c0-8d31-c305d813af49-0
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It's weird to be furry everywhere,
but I'm still a guy or male I guess.

50013e53-cce3-48ab-acc9-51ea555c41a7-0
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This is either the craziest dream or my
life is ******.

9ece4046-c905-47be-86d3-e2de3b486a91-0
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The door opening in the Jingle of keys
interrupt my thoughts.

01d90a59-e96f-40d7-8e1e-f733563cda24-0
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Caleb, are you home?

5f484a1d-92c3-4456-948a-c7e24e1659a8-0
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I know we said we'd cut back,
but I really need Thai tonight.

e3a91e7f-9a8f-4126-b901-5a2695e97a43-0
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Dean yells from the kitchenette.

9669121e-5d99-4eac-950e-4dfc1811a5c5-0
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I freeze, unsure what to do.

4ea76b8e-937f-4416-9377-aa60ba5a0afb-0
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He'll worry if he thinks I'm missing.

22f4c707-3e1a-45e4-90b2-b16846dd6e04-0
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We've looked out for each other since we
were 12.

2ebe2dde-7297-40a9-b618-32fe2be74498-0
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Being the only two gay boys in school is
a bonding experience.

bdef6095-0cf4-40a3-b9f6-1dfb66000ee7-0
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Caleb,
I see your keys and I've had too much

bdef6095-0cf4-40a3-b9f6-1dfb66000ee7-1
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work drama today for a prank right now.

4733f46a-f2a3-463f-b7fb-7eac6eaf7eb1-0
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Just come out, please.

bca0f502-a101-4b03-8e49-20cf4cb00c1d-0
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Dean's tone sounds stressed and my heart
breaks for how much worse it's about to

bca0f502-a101-4b03-8e49-20cf4cb00c1d-1
00:04:16.387 --> 00:04:16.600
get.

c3738deb-acd5-4dd3-923c-e775b474c79d-0
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Meow is all that comes out when I try for
words after landing on the floor closer

c3738deb-acd5-4dd3-923c-e775b474c79d-1
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to him.

0add2289-6959-46cd-b539-56559fd979bb-0
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What the ****?

ec912f3e-33fa-4e8b-8b4e-5f5d9820888f-0
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Dean practically leaps off the floor in
shock and spills his bag of Muesli all

ec912f3e-33fa-4e8b-8b4e-5f5d9820888f-1
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over the floor.

6716ad18-0212-481f-9439-da5c9138ddc2-0
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He backs away in panic.

13847be3-d3bd-4070-8f60-f3a426c94020-0
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I rush forward to trace my paw in the
mess.

cb583dd1-1a5a-468d-97ed-21dabe09745c-0
00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:45.349
I manage a high D before he comes up back
to shoo me off the food and I pray he

cb583dd1-1a5a-468d-97ed-21dabe09745c-1
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sees my genius.

516b1623-2253-4364-a2bc-b86f75bc529d-0
00:04:48.640 --> 00:04:51.160
Wait, you know my name?

b7ab82f2-7e3c-4008-80e1-28e79ab56dfb-0
00:04:52.440 --> 00:04:55.280
Dean looks at me in shock and I nod my
furry little head.

ca06417b-a371-4703-b685-3c031fd1c0d6-0
00:04:56.440 --> 00:04:58.280
Holy **** Caleb.

6b2517ca-fbe8-4fae-bcc3-6823c4130436-0
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He half stutters in shock.

d4c26675-256f-4ba1-b8a9-c6c609c82cf5-0
00:05:02.120 --> 00:05:03.160
I nod again.

999423b3-baca-4bdb-b5f4-6890cab3be6c-0
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I can't believe this.

09716cfe-dd70-45be-a6bf-75d38d0edfeb-0
00:05:05.880 --> 00:05:07.680
You can't be Caleb, you're a cat.

dd5d1b92-94d3-4c2e-855e-547f558f6f76-0
00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:10.680
He shakes his head in disbelief.

56970e37-07e9-47ed-940c-e45b7d1090a7-0
00:05:11.880 --> 00:05:15.680
I think of the only thing Dean would know
that only I know to prove myself.

320d4255-ad68-4277-afdb-2a26a243cdf7-0
00:05:17.200 --> 00:05:19.920
With a huff,
I stand up on my hind legs and start.

0c4a57f3-0d11-4262-80e2-f5c690d65e83-0
00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:27.960
2 paw claps a turn 2 disco finger points,
then leave up my one paw for the high 5.

5f00679e-b47c-498b-9c4f-1a96e0c58891-0
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He stares,
eyes filling with tears and laughs.

74efdac4-7746-49e1-90c7-fae251372ce8-0
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**** Caleb,
I can't believe you remember that stupid

74efdac4-7746-49e1-90c7-fae251372ce8-1
00:05:41.116 --> 00:05:41.840
handshake.

2cff5a1a-7286-421b-ba4b-4a98ecc37a68-0
00:05:42.960 --> 00:05:46.040
It's almost less believable than you
being a cat.

8cdede16-46b3-4811-b22d-18efd96dd559-0
00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:51.280
He scoops me in a tight hug and talks
into my fur.

2aa5b953-b600-476d-b014-bb830aa3a623-0
00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.120
We'll figure it out, OK?

500c9a11-5104-4225-8538-f158de8071e4-0
00:05:58.120 --> 00:05:59.600
I purr in relief.

0fe757b7-f682-42a5-87f0-8ee5c9994cdf-0
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:03.720
He leans back to give me a smirk.

236e83c0-17fd-4710-b9d9-c55869386ce2-0
00:06:05.880 --> 00:06:09.680
Actually,
your career outlook might be better now.

bf711d87-be1f-4016-8225-154f912eb897-0
00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:12.360
We'll cover rent with YouTube.

518310f5-4d74-4ec8-8dc0-e661aa4d5e62-0
00:06:30.860 --> 00:06:32.940
So thank you, Andy, for your story.

66fd5adb-891c-4e7f-8857-0c5080e4f705-0
00:06:33.340 --> 00:06:37.340
And Andy hasn't left us a message,
but he has sent us an email.

549c739c-3465-42be-9424-75e8379b3352-0
00:06:37.900 --> 00:06:39.060
So I'll read that now.

2d542a5f-c05f-458d-b5a6-6de139ccdc08-0
00:06:39.060 --> 00:06:41.987
All right,
for reasons I don't understand but my

2d542a5f-c05f-458d-b5a6-6de139ccdc08-1
00:06:41.987 --> 00:06:43.840
high school teacher would love.

6e98949c-7983-4243-bd9a-1ec6c0065af8-0
00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:47.480
When I read the freaking out prompt,
I immediately thought of Kafka.

d79ebae5-f9b4-4979-aa20-bec22ea536a8-0
00:06:47.760 --> 00:06:50.686
Unfortunately,
I couldn't stop thinking about Kafka,

d79ebae5-f9b4-4979-aa20-bec22ea536a8-1
00:06:50.686 --> 00:06:54.000
so I had to abandon any ideas for break
dancing and hustle.

20d06137-d964-477a-8052-185348c087cd-0
00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:59.255
I usually like to play with humour in my
writing rather than pure trauma **** so I

20d06137-d964-477a-8052-185348c087cd-1
00:06:59.255 --> 00:07:03.492
ran with the idea of what if
Metamorphosis wasn't a depressing story

20d06137-d964-477a-8052-185348c087cd-2
00:07:03.492 --> 00:07:07.360
of strife and isolation,
but instead somehow it turned out OK.

5d15b536-fdb0-4fca-b7ef-2ea8b52980c6-0
00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:09.760
And what creature somehow works with
disco?

a8df7d83-3bad-44d6-aaab-a01763ce9ea8-0
00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:14.782
Naturally this is what came out,
so I'm sorry or you're welcome depending

a8df7d83-3bad-44d6-aaab-a01763ce9ea8-1
00:07:14.782 --> 00:07:16.000
on how you like it.

21222c3a-84fc-48f8-b1a0-d7a583b50bea-0
00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:18.857
I'm definitely a bit more sorry about the
title,

21222c3a-84fc-48f8-b1a0-d7a583b50bea-1
00:07:18.857 --> 00:07:22.600
but it seemed to match the absurdity and
made me laugh so it stuck.

0028d1aa-83a1-4bd5-a383-2e3617c8fcb9-0
00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:27.544
I would love your thoughts on if the
human lands well and also if it places

0028d1aa-83a1-4bd5-a383-2e3617c8fcb9-1
00:07:27.544 --> 00:07:29.160
well with the overall story.

821e43c0-5fd8-4dfd-8586-dde3a94b7279-0
00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:33.378
Would also love to hear if you felt the
emotional impact and story arc flowed

821e43c0-5fd8-4dfd-8586-dde3a94b7279-1
00:07:33.378 --> 00:07:35.440
through clearly in the short word count.

4cee4fbb-4a8b-44d9-aab4-08c996cece70-0
00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:36.160
Thank you.

ed0b87fb-32c8-4417-824a-e5435c233e06-0
00:07:36.320 --> 00:07:37.640
Cheers, Andy.

3b2fb496-0d78-434c-89bd-e4c6f29bd965-0
00:07:38.040 --> 00:07:38.960
Well, thank you, Andy.

43c83f10-b1d1-43a3-b304-d521485d9905-0
00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:41.640
I'm interested in what the connection
this is.

43c3f420-220e-4f00-912e-89056ba4c9fe-0
00:07:41.640 --> 00:07:44.260
Maybe something I'm missing,
but what's the connection between a cat

43c3f420-220e-4f00-912e-89056ba4c9fe-1
00:07:44.260 --> 00:07:44.640
and disco?

b4ded891-f092-4a3c-8f7d-cd7f10eb50de-0
00:07:44.640 --> 00:07:46.720
When I think about disco,
I think disco duck.

38c77125-7d21-4878-9e3c-2995306404b7-0
00:07:46.920 --> 00:07:48.920
OK, well both of those are new to me.

47ddef8d-f4c8-4c55-bd56-5f8deb4945f6-0
00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:50.760
So the song disco, duck, disco.

f1550a3d-05eb-4084-b1c8-0e3872555334-0
00:07:50.760 --> 00:07:51.560
No, I don't.

a59d2b63-6d70-47c9-8eda-9f2559891725-0
00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:52.560
The song disco duck.

60269dbe-abf0-4bb3-b1b9-93442fd07d96-0
00:07:52.560 --> 00:07:53.600
Am I hallucinating that?

310ec76e-5de0-4005-8271-39f90b78ebad-0
00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:57.640
I'm not sure I'd associate any animals in
particular.

3c5c652d-9b0f-4f8a-af77-40f41e458bac-0
00:07:57.640 --> 00:07:58.560
Maybe like a cool cat.

b884d1a6-73b2-4aad-a9e9-dc3b2e9d2ddf-0
00:07:58.560 --> 00:07:59.080
Like a cool.

f10e3628-2147-43ef-addc-9eb01b411bea-0
00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:00.440
OK, All right.

4b3ae2da-c5f1-4809-86ad-f771645f84a1-0
00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:01.760
That's more a jazz thing, though.

58e4a2cc-31a2-47bd-828a-f998d8d2fa06-0
00:08:01.760 --> 00:08:02.040
Yeah.

6aedc5d2-bc8f-4cff-9c5a-6ed736a3a52c-0
00:08:02.040 --> 00:08:02.600
I don't know.

6bb69898-24c5-419d-ba0d-2a72cfb46ef2-0
00:08:02.920 --> 00:08:04.560
Interesting to research that one.

5c427792-8e42-4329-95c0-5d7177b6bab4-0
00:08:05.280 --> 00:08:08.552
And so, yeah,
Kafka's metamorphosis ends with the

5c427792-8e42-4329-95c0-5d7177b6bab4-1
00:08:08.552 --> 00:08:12.480
protagonist dying and everyone being
really happy about it.

0067e01e-e4ce-41ac-8e81-2a2a904dda29-0
00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:15.920
So this was a different ending,
much happier ending than that.

9d2d5fa3-a1e1-414a-a4dc-99343f7d2fa8-0
00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:18.720
So I think you've you succeeded in that
goal.

1c995439-495a-4dc8-b2c0-cef2f442770c-0
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:20.920
Andy, this is the answer to the question.

8701a308-ef7b-495c-b164-c7e5beee69d0-0
00:08:20.920 --> 00:08:22.360
Would you still love me if I were a cat?

2bc784a4-31e1-4006-bac4-2f08bddc2002-0
00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:22.920
Yeah, exactly.

bee97b41-479a-4e13-b0d8-505e671eb8be-0
00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:27.360
And Dean doesn't even bat an eyelid in
this story.

0d94159e-c46c-4795-a236-94da538d0c5b-0
00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:28.200
Oh, he bats an eyelid.

acb1766f-e427-4437-8b24-757e2114b823-0
00:08:28.200 --> 00:08:30.680
He bats an eyelid,
then he and then he bats an eyelid.

f95cd9c1-29a1-4f25-9a8b-797e57b8fe7b-0
00:08:30.680 --> 00:08:31.320
You know what I'm saying?

67a65478-c947-4453-916a-4ee0a3f4a74e-0
00:08:31.320 --> 00:08:31.560
MMM.

a3eb164c-727f-477c-a1ab-a24275e4781c-0
00:08:31.880 --> 00:08:32.480
He's into it.

d104b38b-57ce-4eb6-ae81-bd7797a1f26d-0
00:08:32.600 --> 00:08:37.080
So seeing as you mentioned the title,
Andy, let's cover that first.

adc20530-d89d-484b-a9f0-d5641de54cf6-0
00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:41.320
And the title is Metamor for Sis with a
couple of hyphens in there.

d0f93a9b-3a4f-4c88-b8f5-4af5a75e93e4-0
00:08:41.320 --> 00:08:43.040
And I actually think that's a great title.

590ee1a9-f55e-4cbd-be71-5912901ca9fc-0
00:08:43.040 --> 00:08:43.920
Yeah, it works.

a716cef1-04b1-4400-8d70-4f6ef35edbb6-0
00:08:44.160 --> 00:08:48.206
It references the story,
obviously gives it A twist, It's relevant,

a716cef1-04b1-4400-8d70-4f6ef35edbb6-1
00:08:48.206 --> 00:08:49.040
fits the tone.

5c81f6eb-d934-4ed0-953d-dbe059ad817d-0
00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:50.440
I think it actually ticks all the boxes.

c3ee8174-86d8-4ac7-aa9e-ac781cd929e3-0
00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:50.560
Yeah.

a2743f67-97f3-4f37-8840-f98357e10eec-0
00:08:50.560 --> 00:08:52.400
And you know, I get what you're saying.

872a41e2-6b29-4ac6-8862-58ed9960ddda-0
00:08:52.400 --> 00:08:56.677
It's a like, it's a bit of a pun,
but it's fun and it works and the stories

872a41e2-6b29-4ac6-8862-58ed9960ddda-1
00:08:56.677 --> 00:08:57.240
like that.

5a0599f3-0be1-4ef8-bd9a-cff4e049c7bb-0
00:08:57.240 --> 00:08:58.240
So it fits exactly.

945915e1-396e-48ec-b9e4-a625b84a31df-0
00:08:58.280 --> 00:08:58.520
Yeah.

421a5625-a558-415a-b81f-664e31f9c651-0
00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:02.840
So before we get into the words of the
story, let's just talk about higher level,

421a5625-a558-415a-b81f-664e31f9c651-1
00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:04.840
the concept and our thoughts around that.

ee25f56d-2f32-4b78-ac30-0c9cf441ae53-0
00:09:04.840 --> 00:09:05.680
What do you think, Amanda?

daba055f-012a-4ae4-9e60-a4d038494865-0
00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:06.200
Yeah.

878bb09b-1a9e-4cf5-a64b-b9cfc643f44c-0
00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:07.360
So I, I love it.

ac9641b4-dfd3-4113-908f-6613419a9657-0
00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:09.040
I mean, I love the fun idea.

eafe87f8-49c9-4779-8891-1949634de051-0
00:09:09.040 --> 00:09:14.047
I love that you've gone with what was
sort of playing on your mind and run with

eafe87f8-49c9-4779-8891-1949634de051-1
00:09:14.047 --> 00:09:14.360
that.

582aaaa4-5f82-4b12-9299-3ff0b342e377-0
00:09:14.840 --> 00:09:18.168
And I like the idea that you were trying
to challenge, you know,

582aaaa4-5f82-4b12-9299-3ff0b342e377-1
00:09:18.168 --> 00:09:21.650
the ending of Metamorphosis,
give something positive and of course,

582aaaa4-5f82-4b12-9299-3ff0b342e377-2
00:09:21.650 --> 00:09:22.880
hear it not quite right.

be86a897-d469-4cd2-b67a-c51782a0f58f-0
00:09:22.880 --> 00:09:27.455
We do appreciate both humour and trauma
**** and both are more than welcome in

be86a897-d469-4cd2-b67a-c51782a0f58f-1
00:09:27.455 --> 00:09:28.440
this competition.

00d72db8-78ae-4aa0-bb8d-4eb3ae01d01d-0
00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:32.575
So I do feel like you need to write what
you want to write and that's really

00d72db8-78ae-4aa0-bb8d-4eb3ae01d01d-1
00:09:32.575 --> 00:09:36.120
important and we're here to receive that,
whatever that might be.

73233c4e-2e23-4e97-b76c-fa0f52418ee8-0
00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:37.800
And so all of that's great.

dd24bd2b-1ef4-413d-90b3-12feda6018f1-0
00:09:37.800 --> 00:09:42.608
Now I do have a challenge though,
which is that I felt like there was a few

dd24bd2b-1ef4-413d-90b3-12feda6018f1-1
00:09:42.608 --> 00:09:45.835
confused ideas here in this story and
that for me,

dd24bd2b-1ef4-413d-90b3-12feda6018f1-2
00:09:45.835 --> 00:09:50.770
there wasn't kind of 1 cohesive sort of
theme or point that our attention was

dd24bd2b-1ef4-413d-90b3-12feda6018f1-3
00:09:50.770 --> 00:09:51.720
being drawn to.

ee3d9824-6085-4fdc-9759-6946c8068675-0
00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:56.428
So we have this idea of metamorphosis,
we have this idea of turning into a cat

ee3d9824-6085-4fdc-9759-6946c8068675-1
00:09:56.428 --> 00:09:59.157
instead,
and of course cats being quite joyful and

ee3d9824-6085-4fdc-9759-6946c8068675-2
00:09:59.157 --> 00:10:02.208
that being, you know,
a joyful version of metamorphosis,

ee3d9824-6085-4fdc-9759-6946c8068675-3
00:10:02.208 --> 00:10:03.600
which I love as a concept.

9532a64f-0f67-437a-b9eb-b5208c4c826c-0
00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:07.338
But then we have some other stuff going
on in here that I guess for me,

9532a64f-0f67-437a-b9eb-b5208c4c826c-1
00:10:07.338 --> 00:10:11.597
started taking me down these other little
paths and I wasn't quite sure where the

9532a64f-0f67-437a-b9eb-b5208c4c826c-2
00:10:11.597 --> 00:10:12.480
story was headed.

db7894eb-12e1-453a-90f4-25eb85a94f9d-0
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:17.462
So it's a student who's talking about his
microeconomic research being too

db7894eb-12e1-453a-90f4-25eb85a94f9d-1
00:10:17.462 --> 00:10:21.049
flamboyant, you know,
at uni or wherever it might be,

db7894eb-12e1-453a-90f4-25eb85a94f9d-2
00:10:21.049 --> 00:10:23.640
who suddenly finds themselves as a cat.

29c0cabc-33d2-49c7-839a-5ad97d77d5ec-0
00:10:23.640 --> 00:10:25.240
Now that's the setup and that's fine.

720d6e94-07ca-43b5-a457-69ade0092555-0
00:10:25.240 --> 00:10:28.040
But that doesn't really ever get paid off
that detail.

b739df72-6366-47fe-9445-f8e54f7bb9da-0
00:10:28.040 --> 00:10:30.878
So we're,
we're given this very specific detail of

b739df72-6366-47fe-9445-f8e54f7bb9da-1
00:10:30.878 --> 00:10:34.440
microeconomic research,
but it's not sort of really paid off at

b739df72-6366-47fe-9445-f8e54f7bb9da-2
00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:35.720
any point in the story.

8a8fb1d6-0ccb-4196-90f5-15603f92b8ff-0
00:10:35.720 --> 00:10:39.520
Later we have of course,
this relationship that's going on.

362b7831-ea2e-4c0a-ab94-91488f16f038-0
00:10:39.880 --> 00:10:42.238
We have Caleb coming home and wanting
Thai food,

362b7831-ea2e-4c0a-ab94-91488f16f038-1
00:10:42.238 --> 00:10:46.040
like at that sort of casual thing of your
partner coming home and and whatnot.

ba395fc8-9429-4889-bf67-6fb12e911e8a-0
00:10:46.200 --> 00:10:49.238
And then we have this random disco
handshake,

ba395fc8-9429-4889-bf67-6fb12e911e8a-1
00:10:49.238 --> 00:10:54.391
disco themed handshake between them,
which is I guess the proof that Caleb is

ba395fc8-9429-4889-bf67-6fb12e911e8a-2
00:10:54.391 --> 00:10:54.920
the cat.

02ab1435-89dd-4edb-aed0-0ca0d0c25e3e-0
00:10:55.400 --> 00:10:59.240
And then ending on that note of the
career being on YouTube instead of

02ab1435-89dd-4edb-aed0-0ca0d0c25e3e-1
00:10:59.240 --> 00:11:01.080
presumably microeconomic research.

4de1ff1f-110d-45b9-ab7b-062881d202e6-0
00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:03.400
So that's kind of the thread of the story.

b045e85c-8cd4-4728-a984-8889e45edb19-0
00:11:03.400 --> 00:11:06.275
And while that's fine and follows a line
thematically,

b045e85c-8cd4-4728-a984-8889e45edb19-1
00:11:06.275 --> 00:11:09.360
I'm not really sure what we're supposed
to take from that.

12f51495-8b7e-49c4-867f-bc89bb09a854-0
00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:13.098
It's sort of just here and there and
these things are happening and I'm not

12f51495-8b7e-49c4-867f-bc89bb09a854-1
00:11:13.098 --> 00:11:16.002
really sure what the pivotal moment or
like, let's be blunt,

12f51495-8b7e-49c4-867f-bc89bb09a854-2
00:11:16.002 --> 00:11:19.573
I'm not sure what the point of the story
is apart from just entertainment,

12f51495-8b7e-49c4-867f-bc89bb09a854-3
00:11:19.573 --> 00:11:20.240
which is fine.

31c3511c-25eb-4634-97c2-2d63a8b12cdb-0
00:11:20.400 --> 00:11:24.918
I think the the idea of him struggling
with his position as a student and what

31c3511c-25eb-4634-97c2-2d63a8b12cdb-1
00:11:24.918 --> 00:11:28.464
his future looks like,
it is paid off in a way that the final

31c3511c-25eb-4634-97c2-2d63a8b12cdb-2
00:11:28.464 --> 00:11:32.240
line takes us to a point of, well,
we have an alternative career.

3de71591-773e-4baa-867a-0b170ad30ed4-0
00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:35.108
But I will,
I will agree that these themes that run

3de71591-773e-4baa-867a-0b170ad30ed4-1
00:11:35.108 --> 00:11:39.016
through it and these ideas maybe do need
a little bit more fleshing out for them

3de71591-773e-4baa-867a-0b170ad30ed4-2
00:11:39.016 --> 00:11:42.200
all to really point the reader in the
same direction, as you say.

d8835ecc-1c9d-445a-92f9-99aaf45676f9-0
00:11:42.200 --> 00:11:45.320
So we get to the end and we are like
satisfied on all of the lions.

58070f16-c958-423b-aa7e-e35452f7fa65-0
00:11:45.760 --> 00:11:47.160
And that's what I think I'm talking about.

0e1063cc-60c2-44ae-a0f5-24c1217f4a48-0
00:11:47.160 --> 00:11:50.080
If you go back to, you know,
my best friend Poe and what have you.

4e01fac1-9ac9-438d-b1af-58a57e302175-0
00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:53.127
And but also just this idea of threads,
of a story,

4e01fac1-9ac9-438d-b1af-58a57e302175-1
00:11:53.127 --> 00:11:56.000
weaving all the threads together into one
piece.

c7490ae6-644d-4be5-8258-2e590a932118-0
00:11:56.320 --> 00:12:00.002
Now at the moment we have a story,
but there's a few things going on and

c7490ae6-644d-4be5-8258-2e590a932118-1
00:12:00.002 --> 00:12:03.080
they're not necessarily building towards
a climactic moment.

e783efd0-805b-4074-a821-74705ec593fd-0
00:12:03.520 --> 00:12:04.400
And I think they can.

d4ff48d5-abe2-47c2-b436-b109e6302e53-0
00:12:04.400 --> 00:12:07.680
So the YouTube thing at the end I think
is fabulous actually.

c761c31b-11c2-49b4-aa51-a8108fd4abab-0
00:12:07.680 --> 00:12:11.899
And I think that does pay off the opening
of the story and does give us that

c761c31b-11c2-49b4-aa51-a8108fd4abab-1
00:12:11.899 --> 00:12:15.680
satisfying kind of loop where we've now
arrived at somewhere better.

964fc51e-30d3-4d64-a4be-b4cdae8c345a-0
00:12:15.680 --> 00:12:17.880
And I think it's funny and I think that
fits.

62502a5a-46fb-46fc-8b98-be121d7c8077-0
00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:22.132
And what I would have liked, I suppose,
is the whole middle of the story to

62502a5a-46fb-46fc-8b98-be121d7c8077-1
00:12:22.132 --> 00:12:26.000
really be pointing towards that ending
and setting us up for that ending.

a2ae7339-5e3e-45e7-8f32-325c03caee56-0
00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:30.451
Whereas what we have is this domestic
scene where he's hiding,

a2ae7339-5e3e-45e7-8f32-325c03caee56-1
00:12:30.451 --> 00:12:35.764
waiting for Dean to notice him for quite
a huge chunk of this story without that

a2ae7339-5e3e-45e7-8f32-325c03caee56-2
00:12:35.764 --> 00:12:39.240
really having any bearing on the outcome
at the end.

90fb88be-9979-4a5c-901d-e8134ffced8b-0
00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:42.880
So what I would have liked to have seen
is perhaps some more relevant conflict.

92b17934-aab8-4bfc-8a90-3531e5fa6b0c-0
00:12:42.880 --> 00:12:45.456
So if we start out with that,
he's a struggling student,

92b17934-aab8-4bfc-8a90-3531e5fa6b0c-1
00:12:45.456 --> 00:12:46.360
we need to see that.

df7df69e-b19c-4883-9a94-d43742ce76ad-0
00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:49.440
We've said he's worrying about money and
that sort of stuff.

513093d4-3be5-4aea-b162-0416f1ca87f2-0
00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:52.345
That's sort of set up,
but it's not played out in the action of

513093d4-3be5-4aea-b162-0416f1ca87f2-1
00:12:52.345 --> 00:12:52.800
the scene.

ec7c5058-e012-4d93-a7af-067fe9269731-0
00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:55.937
I don't know what I would suggest,
to be honest,

ec7c5058-e012-4d93-a7af-067fe9269731-1
00:12:55.937 --> 00:12:59.800
for the action here to lead into that
ending, but I think there are options.

b65cbd9e-fdbc-42b3-bac6-ff19bead7942-0
00:12:59.800 --> 00:13:01.560
I think we can think it through as we go.

b77d17e4-7367-47bf-8d02-02697e9de79a-0
00:13:01.560 --> 00:13:01.920
Yeah.

e26590f2-2bd7-4219-9bb3-266c3283e229-0
00:13:01.920 --> 00:13:03.360
So I've got some more high level thoughts.

228ad535-35ce-43ef-882f-0baca8dfd990-0
00:13:03.360 --> 00:13:06.319
And this is just from the perspective of,
like, you know, me,

228ad535-35ce-43ef-882f-0baca8dfd990-1
00:13:06.319 --> 00:13:07.560
I love an absurdist story.

0c85f655-8ccd-4aa8-8394-4e5bdb6a2564-0
00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:12.358
But I've also issued this kind of warning
before that sometimes if you start your

0c85f655-8ccd-4aa8-8394-4e5bdb6a2564-1
00:13:12.358 --> 00:13:15.920
story in an absurd situation,
it's difficult to develop from that.

0da1372e-a661-4829-b5f8-5bb372088a9b-0
00:13:15.920 --> 00:13:19.720
And that is, in my view,
not enough to carry a story.

01375abd-aa7b-4192-b97a-c9e8b26e8c91-0
00:13:19.720 --> 00:13:22.285
Like,
you start with a premise that's absurd

01375abd-aa7b-4192-b97a-c9e8b26e8c91-1
00:13:22.285 --> 00:13:25.080
and fun,
but then you have to take it somewhere.

08e004f2-bc26-4552-b2be-d0b5b5bfbdb0-0
00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:27.480
You have to take it somewhere interesting
and surprising.

67548d8b-af09-4862-ba17-4b33a0895ea9-0
00:13:28.040 --> 00:13:33.812
And I'm just reflecting on Kafka original
Metamorphosis and the fact that everyone

67548d8b-af09-4862-ba17-4b33a0895ea9-1
00:13:33.812 --> 00:13:38.680
only remembers the opening line really
and the premise of that story.

09b506a2-645e-43f4-b5db-a11e72b91e51-0
00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:41.532
And most people,
even those who've read it,

09b506a2-645e-43f4-b5db-a11e72b91e51-1
00:13:41.532 --> 00:13:45.383
don't remember how it ends and don't
really remember what takes place in that

09b506a2-645e-43f4-b5db-a11e72b91e51-2
00:13:45.383 --> 00:13:45.680
story.

ba208881-4a6c-4692-9a71-d58c2c46a7ec-0
00:13:45.680 --> 00:13:48.369
To be fair,
not a whole lot does take place in that

ba208881-4a6c-4692-9a71-d58c2c46a7ec-1
00:13:48.369 --> 00:13:48.680
story.

3f7bc1bb-5e49-49fc-9318-af9eb6289c6c-0
00:13:48.680 --> 00:13:49.400
It really is.

1b5b4fca-9c07-4a9a-9658-4756c5d84603-0
00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:50.760
It's the, it's the premise.

3da28ea5-51a1-4e2e-b2fa-ad78fc1ec1fb-0
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:53.701
But that story,
given the fact that there is longer,

3da28ea5-51a1-4e2e-b2fa-ad78fc1ec1fb-1
00:13:53.701 --> 00:13:57.530
you know, more word count there,
obviously there's a exploration of a lot

3da28ea5-51a1-4e2e-b2fa-ad78fc1ec1fb-2
00:13:57.530 --> 00:14:00.272
of those themes of like alienation and
and so forth,

3da28ea5-51a1-4e2e-b2fa-ad78fc1ec1fb-3
00:14:00.272 --> 00:14:02.600
that kind of flow out of that,
that premise.

eba02e2a-2c6f-4df8-9623-f988e4732f29-0
00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:06.913
I feel like when you start with an absurd
premise, you need to think very carefully,

eba02e2a-2c6f-4df8-9623-f988e4732f29-1
00:14:06.913 --> 00:14:08.960
like,
can I take it to a more absurd place?

2192651d-8467-4097-b8a6-b30ec51aa9dc-0
00:14:09.280 --> 00:14:12.720
Can I take it to a surprising place or
even like a mundane place?

25c09d88-a43b-425c-beac-106b9aa655cc-0
00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:17.022
But it has to warrant the journey because
if it doesn't justify the journey,

25c09d88-a43b-425c-beac-106b9aa655cc-1
00:14:17.022 --> 00:14:19.760
then you've told your story in the
opening line.

7d827c59-20ed-4109-8019-a3d559e28ee5-0
00:14:19.800 --> 00:14:20.120
Yeah.

82c8b4e1-24ce-4aac-8e51-8606e4213420-0
00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:22.494
So I think maybe the challenge for this
story,

82c8b4e1-24ce-4aac-8e51-8606e4213420-1
00:14:22.494 --> 00:14:25.828
and I would say it's probably a story
that has a great beginning,

82c8b4e1-24ce-4aac-8e51-8606e4213420-2
00:14:25.828 --> 00:14:28.505
a great ending,
but perhaps the challenge is in that

82c8b4e1-24ce-4aac-8e51-8606e4213420-3
00:14:28.505 --> 00:14:30.880
middle and in that development of the
concept.

9c014d2a-10f0-49ec-8dbf-c19b5c4f916e-0
00:14:31.400 --> 00:14:35.924
I think part of that challenge is,
is that we've set ourselves this almost

9c014d2a-10f0-49ec-8dbf-c19b5c4f916e-1
00:14:35.924 --> 00:14:40.509
impossible goal of within 500 words,
having a couple come to terms with the

9c014d2a-10f0-49ec-8dbf-c19b5c4f916e-2
00:14:40.509 --> 00:14:44.490
fact that one has turned into a cat in a
way that feels resonant,

9c014d2a-10f0-49ec-8dbf-c19b5c4f916e-3
00:14:44.490 --> 00:14:46.239
and that's almost impossible.

dd603c1d-bd39-447b-b992-8d866723f3df-0
00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:47.560
Like, how are you going to do that?

a8def253-e1ae-40de-bc4e-12bc2797e985-0
00:14:47.560 --> 00:14:52.145
Even reading it as it is, I think, well,
wouldn't you be a little bit more upset

a8def253-e1ae-40de-bc4e-12bc2797e985-1
00:14:52.145 --> 00:14:55.994
that your partner change into a cat,
a little bit more incredulous,

a8def253-e1ae-40de-bc4e-12bc2797e985-2
00:14:55.994 --> 00:15:00.410
a little bit more alarmed or doubting,
like all of these things that are real

a8def253-e1ae-40de-bc4e-12bc2797e985-3
00:15:00.410 --> 00:15:00.919
emotions.

58e07bea-13d6-42cf-a68b-f83e5cdd949f-0
00:15:00.920 --> 00:15:02.480
And of course, it is just a story.

bf34b371-fb38-470a-a8fb-04d5f0415428-0
00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:05.295
So we are able like,
we can get to a situation where we

bf34b371-fb38-470a-a8fb-04d5f0415428-1
00:15:05.295 --> 00:15:06.200
suspend disbelief.

bb677fa9-f679-4b2e-ae11-59bc142bc64c-0
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:10.028
I don't know that I did suspend disbelief
enough to find this story resonant,

bb677fa9-f679-4b2e-ae11-59bc142bc64c-1
00:15:10.028 --> 00:15:11.000
speaking for myself.

994bc5d1-6f04-448f-bda4-b24aa39bf1dc-0
00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:12.200
So that's the challenge, right?

a2345aec-863b-467f-8940-b9704c6928d8-0
00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:16.793
And so we spend so much word count now
working on the back and forth between

a2345aec-863b-467f-8940-b9704c6928d8-1
00:15:16.793 --> 00:15:21.686
these two characters to try and get that
acceptance up up to a level of it sounds

a2345aec-863b-467f-8940-b9704c6928d8-2
00:15:21.686 --> 00:15:22.760
believable enough.

d4ffd4a0-4f8e-4d43-8e89-883dd14f6591-0
00:15:22.880 --> 00:15:23.200
Yeah.

7cf05dea-c975-44d9-94c5-42fb3d400371-0
00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:26.952
And I think to be honest,
I don't think that's the best use of that

7cf05dea-c975-44d9-94c5-42fb3d400371-1
00:15:26.952 --> 00:15:27.560
word count.

eee4d3ff-5951-44d5-b312-52202fe1f92a-0
00:15:27.560 --> 00:15:27.840
Yeah.

1edc66ec-a9df-458e-9dfa-c84f03dd833f-0
00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:30.000
I was actually going to say the same
thing,

1edc66ec-a9df-458e-9dfa-c84f03dd833f-1
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.831
that that a lot of the interaction in
this story is Dean coming to terms with

1edc66ec-a9df-458e-9dfa-c84f03dd833f-2
00:15:33.831 --> 00:15:37.760
what's happened with Caleb and Caleb
trying to prove to him that it's happened.

15c03204-cead-4681-a710-5e4b8a6504c3-0
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:40.273
As the reader,
we know it's happened because it's been

15c03204-cead-4681-a710-5e4b8a6504c3-1
00:15:40.273 --> 00:15:40.680
told to us.

158819cf-169f-43d8-8074-cb707168cc32-0
00:15:40.680 --> 00:15:44.240
So this is for us as an experience,
is not really that fulfilling.

69eaf70d-05dd-419a-8ab9-e60818699f94-0
00:15:44.400 --> 00:15:44.560
Yeah.

d94c2a60-9529-48a3-8f26-3e61ff13c28b-0
00:15:44.560 --> 00:15:45.720
Because we're already on board.

70ce5281-804c-468e-8598-17ccb40e9529-0
00:15:45.920 --> 00:15:49.649
Maybe one of the things that makes
Kafka's original interesting and

70ce5281-804c-468e-8598-17ccb40e9529-1
00:15:49.649 --> 00:15:53.160
different is that the family don't really
need to be convinced.

709c8ce4-6740-482d-a6ee-d3d5426fb0cc-0
00:15:53.160 --> 00:15:55.480
And the family are just like Blase about
the whole thing.

ef18aecf-a9e5-4be4-bf6c-eb7bf1a9b9b0-0
00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:59.320
And in fact, they're disappointed in him,
which is which is the fun twist on it.

b39fe38a-20c0-452d-bcc6-8bfa2e2a62ad-0
00:15:59.520 --> 00:16:00.640
It's not like he has to prove it.

68057ac4-9f2c-4a0a-a7e9-faad48aae993-0
00:16:00.640 --> 00:16:02.240
They're just like, oh, here we go again.

f82263cd-4335-4703-a256-bd667c3b32de-0
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:04.160
Like you've, you've more of his ********.

42eacfc7-ced4-4d61-b743-04772b38333f-0
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:05.280
More of his ********.

42109eb3-34e5-4797-a277-6baf41f9cc2e-0
00:16:05.280 --> 00:16:05.840
Exactly.

d50a82bc-96e8-4a2d-a3d7-f112e7d27d8d-0
00:16:06.680 --> 00:16:09.187
So I think,
I think if you wanted to make it

d50a82bc-96e8-4a2d-a3d7-f112e7d27d8d-1
00:16:09.187 --> 00:16:13.200
interesting in this in the same way,
maybe not have the whole trying to

d50a82bc-96e8-4a2d-a3d7-f112e7d27d8d-2
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:17.435
convince your flatmate that it's him and
trying to think of like an equally

d50a82bc-96e8-4a2d-a3d7-f112e7d27d8d-3
00:16:17.435 --> 00:16:19.720
ridiculous way to move the story forward.

e86bf9f1-1318-4ca9-aafe-2940b0f6ec83-0
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:23.774
I will say at this point that throughout
the story, I've viewed them as a couple,

e86bf9f1-1318-4ca9-aafe-2940b0f6ec83-1
00:16:23.774 --> 00:16:26.720
even though it's very clearly stated that
they're best friends.

b0f2fa99-f084-484e-8351-c691387bb3b3-0
00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:30.133
And I think in that case,
like you would be a little bit more upset

b0f2fa99-f084-484e-8351-c691387bb3b3-1
00:16:30.133 --> 00:16:31.840
if your partner turned into a cat.

4cafe9f7-3173-46a2-ad92-98bc4ddf8bc1-0
00:16:32.280 --> 00:16:35.320
So that's my error there,
but here's what I'm thinking.

0b815595-1c6f-4d20-856d-e9162d844c5f-0
00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:37.756
OK,
so you've started with this very absurd

0b815595-1c6f-4d20-856d-e9162d844c5f-1
00:16:37.756 --> 00:16:38.200
premise.

67be52f5-a77b-453a-b720-5850b4b55aaf-0
00:16:38.400 --> 00:16:38.840
Love it.

c1e13272-8d79-4e87-a5e0-06e3145d5d7d-0
00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:43.817
What we need to do is have Dean
immediately accept it or almost

c1e13272-8d79-4e87-a5e0-06e3145d5d7d-1
00:16:43.817 --> 00:16:47.680
immediately one moment of conflict that
we just flip.

c1c6803a-dc55-4e3d-ac34-e13fd1b51e49-0
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:50.628
And this comes back to that idea that we
well,

c1c6803a-dc55-4e3d-ac34-e13fd1b51e49-1
00:16:50.628 --> 00:16:54.857
that I learned about on this podcast some
time ago about hanging a Lantern on

c1c6803a-dc55-4e3d-ac34-e13fd1b51e49-2
00:16:54.857 --> 00:16:55.399
something.

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-0
00:16:55.640 --> 00:16:59.007
So in your story,
if you are going to do something that is

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-1
00:16:59.007 --> 00:17:01.747
absurd,
or if you're going to do something that

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-2
00:17:01.747 --> 00:17:04.373
someone needs to suspend their disbelief
for,

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-3
00:17:04.373 --> 00:17:07.113
then you need to shine a light on it
basically,

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-4
00:17:07.113 --> 00:17:10.367
and say wink to the to the reader,
I know this is wrong,

537695a6-992d-4c5e-bcb7-5bd30c81d62a-5
00:17:10.367 --> 00:17:11.680
you know this is wrong.

836e7654-6fc7-4d8d-8cbc-7a3903dea871-0
00:17:11.760 --> 00:17:12.600
We're accepting it.

742d2853-dbe7-4a17-a5a3-02316b4e122b-0
00:17:12.600 --> 00:17:13.160
Let's go.

ea33f1c1-ccb1-4c68-bd32-caa81960df34-0
00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:14.320
That's what I'm talking about here.

59ecdfae-a9b6-444f-b018-11e5dce00649-0
00:17:14.320 --> 00:17:16.880
So we need that moment and we need it
fairly quickly.

d561871b-fa6f-4d20-96f1-71b70292b948-0
00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:22.150
And then what I would like to see is the
delivery, like the promise of the premise,

d561871b-fa6f-4d20-96f1-71b70292b948-1
00:17:22.150 --> 00:17:24.875
if you will,
the fun **** that this story should

d561871b-fa6f-4d20-96f1-71b70292b948-2
00:17:24.875 --> 00:17:25.320
deliver.

ddb537d2-a9e5-4da1-856b-6570e424ee2a-0
00:17:25.320 --> 00:17:25.840
Yes, right.

3ed80452-210a-4250-b369-3c8c8c108969-0
00:17:25.840 --> 00:17:28.720
So we've got moments of cat like
behaviour.

7fe7b24d-0311-49b5-936c-d21a39dab934-0
00:17:28.840 --> 00:17:31.360
But if we're going to do this,
let's go hard.

41c357e1-bdbc-4ba7-8368-713ebe221262-0
00:17:31.360 --> 00:17:34.893
And if we're going to talk about now
having a career on YouTube,

41c357e1-bdbc-4ba7-8368-713ebe221262-1
00:17:34.893 --> 00:17:38.481
what are the cute, funny,
amazing things that Caleb now does that

41c357e1-bdbc-4ba7-8368-713ebe221262-2
00:17:38.481 --> 00:17:39.080
he's a cat?

09d6a91b-eef4-4968-aaf0-02ddd6fd0040-0
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:45.189
And how is that playing out in the scene
and causing conflict and chaos that will

09d6a91b-eef4-4968-aaf0-02ddd6fd0040-1
00:17:45.189 --> 00:17:49.960
lead us to the climactic moment of
realising he can be a YouTube star?

32b5d6ed-78cc-4120-8115-e995a7c1e9f5-0
00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:52.240
Because I do love that as an arc, right?

9699eac8-bc5e-475b-886b-8a3d2b2ffc83-0
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:55.843
I do think that works,
especially if your whole thesis of your

9699eac8-bc5e-475b-886b-8a3d2b2ffc83-1
00:17:55.843 --> 00:17:58.760
story is to have a happy ending for
Metamorphosis.

8f112b1a-b3c3-401a-bc68-296a05cd0dad-0
00:17:58.760 --> 00:17:59.680
I think that's perfect.

05e7ff76-efe8-4fc6-b933-3b358a949241-0
00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:03.093
But what you need to do is have it almost
be terrible, which may be hard,

05e7ff76-efe8-4fc6-b933-3b358a949241-1
00:18:03.093 --> 00:18:05.400
like you're wanting to keep it at that
fun level.

a8e4e758-eac9-4f1b-a673-899b8493bf1d-0
00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:08.651
But in fact,
I think if you make it so that he nearly

a8e4e758-eac9-4f1b-a673-899b8493bf1d-1
00:18:08.651 --> 00:18:11.000
fails, then bring up that happy ending.

f2dfb186-5d12-4f52-9bc3-60d85c2f9213-0
00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.840
That's the more satisfying journey from a
reader's perspective.

fa721b22-a3f2-48ba-8365-7f316ead558f-0
00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:17.260
At a very high level,
how I see that working out is he's a cat

fa721b22-a3f2-48ba-8365-7f316ead558f-1
00:18:17.260 --> 00:18:17.440
now.

e0ba0f8f-6a6a-416a-86c9-20297267be8e-0
00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:20.560
He's doing cat things and it's causing
even more problems.

05a2c267-938c-4355-9a40-883fa4c6d03d-0
00:18:20.560 --> 00:18:21.960
So we were broke already.

c8c9802f-70f8-4532-b8fe-de8a09e8f409-0
00:18:22.320 --> 00:18:25.080
We were a student struggling with making
ends meet.

f5b71272-57b2-4c43-bd70-53642794c7ba-0
00:18:25.560 --> 00:18:28.400
And that was the setup at the start,
the challenge.

be450051-031a-4a9a-86a4-88a5cc8b3f9a-0
00:18:28.840 --> 00:18:31.400
And maybe he was like ready to get his
job.

f7aa37ca-6f14-4cb2-bc5f-9c88c7fd1c20-0
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:33.280
Maybe he's about to go to a job interview.

f6b821ff-b836-4138-b9b9-795a0b121f7c-0
00:18:33.280 --> 00:18:36.520
Like,
let's really set up that premise strongly.

0ecf4177-a54f-431c-8efe-271abec738c0-0
00:18:36.520 --> 00:18:39.120
So he's meant to have a job interview
that day actually.

13e21841-bed8-461c-a7a7-7b6dbb98433c-0
00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:40.600
And it's for this really important job.

c5797a04-4d2e-4584-a801-27d4cdf7aad6-0
00:18:40.600 --> 00:18:44.493
He's going to finally have money after
all this study and now he's a ******* cat

c5797a04-4d2e-4584-a801-27d4cdf7aad6-1
00:18:44.493 --> 00:18:46.080
and now he has to deal with that.

65c00183-013e-42ca-aedb-e6e67417a111-0
00:18:46.080 --> 00:18:50.054
And sure, his flatmate can be there,
his best friend and we can have it play

65c00183-013e-42ca-aedb-e6e67417a111-1
00:18:50.054 --> 00:18:50.880
out in that way.

c5bd8fe4-9ac8-4d74-8f30-8729b0eafdff-0
00:18:51.360 --> 00:18:55.150
But throughout the story,
what I think would work is we're trying

c5bd8fe4-9ac8-4d74-8f30-8729b0eafdff-1
00:18:55.150 --> 00:18:59.745
to get to this job interview or we're
trying and maybe it's a Zoom interview or

c5bd8fe4-9ac8-4d74-8f30-8729b0eafdff-2
00:18:59.745 --> 00:19:00.320
something.

a6f5d1b2-46e6-4b33-969a-cfa0422fe167-0
00:19:00.320 --> 00:19:03.160
And he and then he swipes the mouse off
the desk when he's trying to log on.

f53c084d-7bd5-420a-8932-5839966d51b6-0
00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:06.971
Like all of these things that stand in
conflict to his scene goal,

f53c084d-7bd5-420a-8932-5839966d51b6-1
00:19:06.971 --> 00:19:08.280
which is to make money.

39f9b474-6d2a-441c-a1b8-7432509d1831-0
00:19:08.280 --> 00:19:12.545
Then to end with now you're going to be a
YouTube star would satisfy that arc from

39f9b474-6d2a-441c-a1b8-7432509d1831-1
00:19:12.545 --> 00:19:16.708
the beginning of needing money, Struggle,
struggle, struggle, struggle, failing,

39f9b474-6d2a-441c-a1b8-7432509d1831-2
00:19:16.708 --> 00:19:17.120
failing.

7d8b5ab2-8e2c-4f17-8458-3c4e5bbc0cbf-0
00:19:17.360 --> 00:19:20.733
But actually being a cat,
Now I'm going to be even more rich is

7d8b5ab2-8e2c-4f17-8458-3c4e5bbc0cbf-1
00:19:20.733 --> 00:19:24.160
kind of like the arc of a story that you
would expect to happen.

f6671c3b-263d-42b8-a875-54750c74bce9-0
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:24.400
Yeah.

e18fb0e8-9303-4d5d-83ad-6de7efe02dc3-0
00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:26.929
Because at the moment when we get that
final line,

e18fb0e8-9303-4d5d-83ad-6de7efe02dc3-1
00:19:26.929 --> 00:19:30.053
we do put the pieces together that
initially he is struggling,

e18fb0e8-9303-4d5d-83ad-6de7efe02dc3-2
00:19:30.053 --> 00:19:34.120
but it also does come out of nowhere a
little bit like we're kind of hit with it.

df095d48-627a-4368-8930-4260307ddb05-0
00:19:34.120 --> 00:19:35.000
It's quite sudden.

ccc199a3-09ba-4f96-8525-e14c80bbe801-0
00:19:35.120 --> 00:19:39.388
I also think just generally speaking,
I would have liked to see the choice of

ccc199a3-09ba-4f96-8525-e14c80bbe801-1
00:19:39.388 --> 00:19:41.960
going with a cat a little bit better paid
off.

5a8792d7-f633-4988-b1ee-559a0f8bf358-0
00:19:42.280 --> 00:19:46.619
And I think in the metamorphosis,
like the idea of a cockroach or a vermin

5a8792d7-f633-4988-b1ee-559a0f8bf358-1
00:19:46.619 --> 00:19:50.090
is paid off because that's the kind of
thing he feels like,

5a8792d7-f633-4988-b1ee-559a0f8bf358-2
00:19:50.090 --> 00:19:53.272
like the most lowly creature,
the most lowly creature,

5a8792d7-f633-4988-b1ee-559a0f8bf358-3
00:19:53.272 --> 00:19:55.240
the thing that you'd like step on.

b1a9698d-1478-4fce-939a-47a4ea9be7da-0
00:19:55.360 --> 00:19:59.960
I don't feel it is paid off as well with
the cat choice.

2a96178d-2fbf-49d5-a706-561b4c5cbdcc-0
00:19:59.960 --> 00:20:03.637
We do get obviously some moments of cat
like behaviour but it could have been a

2a96178d-2fbf-49d5-a706-561b4c5cbdcc-1
00:20:03.637 --> 00:20:06.900
cat, it could have been a duck,
it could have been like whatever to go

2a96178d-2fbf-49d5-a706-561b4c5cbdcc-2
00:20:06.900 --> 00:20:08.280
with the disco theme and then.

fc061958-183d-4211-a2bb-255d8d0def6e-0
00:20:08.360 --> 00:20:11.229
This is a general thing when we have a
theme, like, we get it,

fc061958-183d-4211-a2bb-255d8d0def6e-1
00:20:11.229 --> 00:20:12.960
but it also has to work for the story.

c005f042-7372-4be6-8e31-e4def6621b06-0
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:17.641
So maybe if the cat is the choice,
then somehow that has to be a little bit

c005f042-7372-4be6-8e31-e4def6621b06-1
00:20:17.641 --> 00:20:19.920
more relevant, I think, to the story.

a2f8d974-4320-4ae4-82b3-b93ac6e4d711-0
00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:20.200
Yeah.

2f9e21c3-3704-44e9-bf1d-179ce270e9db-0
00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:22.328
I mean,
maybe it comes back to this moment in the

2f9e21c3-3704-44e9-bf1d-179ce270e9db-1
00:20:22.328 --> 00:20:25.520
second paragraph where he's saying,
I remember stressing about my master's

2f9e21c3-3704-44e9-bf1d-179ce270e9db-2
00:20:25.520 --> 00:20:28.840
thesis and making rent to stay with my
best friend, wishing life was simpler.

d3ba565d-e1aa-44c6-88ce-cf71c654986d-0
00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.857
Microeconomic research could wait,
my advisor could stop complaining about

d3ba565d-e1aa-44c6-88ce-cf71c654986d-1
00:20:32.857 --> 00:20:34.320
my flamboyant style, etcetera.

9f1541a5-b918-4009-9941-9145999caeab-0
00:20:34.600 --> 00:20:35.840
I remember enjoying the Daydream.

37160752-39ec-405b-894c-15c2c0967273-0
00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:38.000
I do not remember wishing to become a cat.

f93b5658-b88f-44b4-9bb3-a88af8870a93-0
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.368
Well,
that's your moment where the actual cat

f93b5658-b88f-44b4-9bb3-a88af8870a93-1
00:20:40.368 --> 00:20:42.840
reasoning and connection should have been
made.

9aec55fc-ffe9-4704-96a7-b185723918fe-0
00:20:43.040 --> 00:20:47.420
So what is it about your current
circumstances that result in you waking

9aec55fc-ffe9-4704-96a7-b185723918fe-1
00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:48.560
up to become a cat?

6059a17b-183e-48a2-bade-fe6aa325a4bf-0
00:20:48.560 --> 00:20:51.760
And I would suggest, for example,
just as an example,

6059a17b-183e-48a2-bade-fe6aa325a4bf-1
00:20:51.760 --> 00:20:55.968
because there are other options,
but like you're lying in the sun in a

6059a17b-183e-48a2-bade-fe6aa325a4bf-2
00:20:55.968 --> 00:20:59.820
sunny patch in the window,
stressing about your life and feeling

6059a17b-183e-48a2-bade-fe6aa325a4bf-3
00:20:59.820 --> 00:21:04.680
like maybe you fish something out of the
bin to eat it because you're that broke.

03a0dc5a-8607-4c8e-a39f-da37770693ac-0
00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:08.960
Like there are options that you could
have that would make that make more sense.

2a992984-9ae3-4f16-96aa-90f2942c721b-0
00:21:08.960 --> 00:21:12.011
And so that when you wake up as a cat,
you're like, OK,

2a992984-9ae3-4f16-96aa-90f2942c721b-1
00:21:12.011 --> 00:21:15.880
like I've gone so far now I really am
like an alley cat kind of thing.

b262eaab-ff61-4d43-ba79-d94160608128-0
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:16.640
You can do it.

a02f2bf0-98c4-413a-90cd-716c62177aa2-0
00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:17.920
You've just got to be creative.

66c07764-0d92-4308-90e4-9bcf44d9ef79-0
00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:23.512
All of this is to say that I think the
one major challenge that this story had

66c07764-0d92-4308-90e4-9bcf44d9ef79-1
00:21:23.512 --> 00:21:25.760
was plot development sort of thing.

1f9eb4dd-8f0c-4d20-aadc-eec398e700e2-0
00:21:25.760 --> 00:21:27.671
And so I would say as like a piece of
advice,

1f9eb4dd-8f0c-4d20-aadc-eec398e700e2-1
00:21:27.671 --> 00:21:30.040
because this is a problem that people
have all the time.

cfd64cd2-44d5-4784-a244-cd4e53f740b9-0
00:21:30.040 --> 00:21:33.383
Like I've got this idea and it's gnawing
at my mind,

cfd64cd2-44d5-4784-a244-cd4e53f740b9-1
00:21:33.383 --> 00:21:38.240
but how do I turn that idea or or
sequence of ideas into a satisfying story?

7a94fd04-04a6-4126-a0b2-b3637ae6c106-0
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:41.000
And I think it does come back to on a
very simple level.

34fa1f7d-8de1-4501-8c9b-80b00447698c-0
00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:43.320
And of course, there are many,
many other things to think about.

612c573f-af6a-4fce-9a4f-88cc6189ee81-0
00:21:43.320 --> 00:21:46.618
But in this case,
coming back to what is the character's

612c573f-af6a-4fce-9a4f-88cc6189ee81-1
00:21:46.618 --> 00:21:48.760
scene goal at the start of the scene?

44ecfb21-59df-4c97-b657-8c470b169113-0
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.024
How is that character going to struggle
and fail throughout the scene to get what

44ecfb21-59df-4c97-b657-8c470b169113-1
00:21:53.024 --> 00:21:53.520
they want?

288d4a0d-afe0-482a-9676-07fd13a7cec1-0
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:54.920
And then where are they going to be?

2e7f9f85-4a5f-4d7c-98a0-18fda09611f0-0
00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:59.434
That is a changed circumstance at the end,
and usually you want some sort of irony

2e7f9f85-4a5f-4d7c-98a0-18fda09611f0-1
00:21:59.434 --> 00:22:02.480
or some reason why we've ended up in a
different place.

49046040-f5e9-4f81-83ee-21aa6cb74148-0
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:04.360
And I think that's what we have here.

f92bc5d2-042c-4f75-91fd-6e2590b42669-0
00:22:04.360 --> 00:22:07.800
We have the scene goal kind of,
but it's not that clear.

e34ab8f2-dad7-47cc-a836-832230198409-0
00:22:08.200 --> 00:22:11.916
And then we have the ending,
which is to me funny and a great ending

e34ab8f2-dad7-47cc-a836-832230198409-1
00:22:11.916 --> 00:22:15.040
for this story that now he can make his
money on YouTube.

9e65c1b1-2e3f-404b-b103-c8bbea8e675a-0
00:22:15.040 --> 00:22:18.699
But what we don't have is that clear link
and that clear thread that goes

9e65c1b1-2e3f-404b-b103-c8bbea8e675a-1
00:22:18.699 --> 00:22:22.358
throughout the story of the conflict,
the attempts to get that scene goal

9e65c1b1-2e3f-404b-b103-c8bbea8e675a-2
00:22:22.358 --> 00:22:25.968
throughout, attempt and failure,
attempt and failure, the push and pull,

9e65c1b1-2e3f-404b-b103-c8bbea8e675a-3
00:22:25.968 --> 00:22:29.232
cause and effect, Domino's,
whatever you might want to call it to

9e65c1b1-2e3f-404b-b103-c8bbea8e675a-4
00:22:29.232 --> 00:22:30.319
arrive at that ending.

c923fd4a-b15d-463d-87e8-06d2d740a892-0
00:22:30.360 --> 00:22:32.240
And all of that is possible.

730da5df-c1af-4ce9-a5f6-39707169e459-0
00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:35.609
I think in this story,
I think there's really fun ideas and I

730da5df-c1af-4ce9-a5f6-39707169e459-1
00:22:35.609 --> 00:22:37.240
think all of those ideas work.

1f9a89fe-191b-4f38-9c23-a0db7df854b7-0
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:43.539
It's more about how do we weave that into
that satisfying and and yes, predictable,

1f9a89fe-191b-4f38-9c23-a0db7df854b7-1
00:22:43.539 --> 00:22:46.400
but for a reason kind of story structure.

310122e2-f20b-4d7a-8044-f9f2c6530868-0
00:22:46.840 --> 00:22:49.000
OK, so let's get to some of the lines.

36fc522b-506c-4480-9bd7-81bf82bb0317-0
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:49.760
We'll look at the story.

a794b323-e276-4c97-ba09-9bc944ef02db-0
00:22:49.760 --> 00:22:53.056
We've spoken a lot about the high level
things and I think those are the most

a794b323-e276-4c97-ba09-9bc944ef02db-1
00:22:53.056 --> 00:22:55.000
critical when we're talking about this
story.

c70c28ec-5d0a-4505-8aae-2ffe70869aa7-0
00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:58.712
So I don't want to get too caught up in
all of the lines,

c70c28ec-5d0a-4505-8aae-2ffe70869aa7-1
00:22:58.712 --> 00:23:03.256
but we will go through the story and
start with the opening, which is,

c70c28ec-5d0a-4505-8aae-2ffe70869aa7-2
00:23:03.256 --> 00:23:07.160
I always thought Kafka was a bit dramatic,
but I get it now.

0eb88eba-99fe-4662-b49c-bd58504fc14b-0
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:12.452
I poke my belly with a white tipped paw
to confirm that I'm not dreaming and I am

0eb88eba-99fe-4662-b49c-bd58504fc14b-1
00:23:12.452 --> 00:23:13.920
in fact now a house cat.

e6c5dd44-212f-42c7-b2a7-2d1fd89af215-0
00:23:14.120 --> 00:23:18.819
So this opening I felt was quite
effective that we get that relationship,

e6c5dd44-212f-42c7-b2a7-2d1fd89af215-1
00:23:18.819 --> 00:23:23.581
that reference to Kafka straight up,
and it's in the title and it's in the

e6c5dd44-212f-42c7-b2a7-2d1fd89af215-2
00:23:23.581 --> 00:23:24.280
first line.

2b06eb8c-93a6-4218-93ae-2a112773732f-0
00:23:24.280 --> 00:23:25.960
So we kind of know what we're in for here.

4a16b660-1390-41f5-9bbf-929f28892d0f-0
00:23:26.320 --> 00:23:31.096
We know that we're going to get a
Metamorph of a kind and we also get the

4a16b660-1390-41f5-9bbf-929f28892d0f-1
00:23:31.096 --> 00:23:34.065
tone,
the story being quite light hearted and

4a16b660-1390-41f5-9bbf-929f28892d0f-2
00:23:34.065 --> 00:23:34.840
and comedic.

26f13fa0-f84a-485a-b8a5-a77388cbc136-0
00:23:34.840 --> 00:23:35.680
So it's all in there.

9eaf56da-0ee1-4a69-88c7-12bb339e014d-0
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:39.440
I don't think there's anything missing
from me in terms of like scene setting.

3ecc1c2d-60a4-473a-8ae1-0aa779750afd-0
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:42.040
I feel like I just assume, yeah,
we're in a house.

37cbaacc-1614-49f8-b7ae-de0fa5e687fa-0
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:42.840
No, I agree.

be9fef2a-98b7-4886-b09c-f85212ff1528-0
00:23:42.840 --> 00:23:44.320
I think it's got everything you need.

b18f3c9e-0a72-4ce0-9d5e-c59b0480cbbf-0
00:23:44.520 --> 00:23:48.280
And I think it was also the right choice
to start with it having already happened.

4580cdcd-188b-4de6-b909-b5e2877760a4-0
00:23:48.560 --> 00:23:52.024
You know, it's only a 500 word story,
so we don't want to watch the whole

4580cdcd-188b-4de6-b909-b5e2877760a4-1
00:23:52.024 --> 00:23:52.680
metamorphosis.

44c6cdc5-fc8c-4e96-a1a2-a39861b6cb35-0
00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:54.640
That would be too much for us to handle.

fdf7fc96-a75e-472d-8800-2dc70924e63f-0
00:23:55.040 --> 00:23:57.856
And so to to begin there where it's
already happened,

fdf7fc96-a75e-472d-8800-2dc70924e63f-1
00:23:57.856 --> 00:23:59.160
I think is a good choice.

13922fd0-93f6-44f8-ae74-4b3d94c3c692-0
00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:00.240
So yeah, good start.

f3d5e3c5-d6a2-425b-a43b-3c7524bae890-0
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.812
So moving forward,
there were a few lines in this story

f3d5e3c5-d6a2-425b-a43b-3c7524bae890-1
00:24:03.812 --> 00:24:08.916
which I stumbled over a little bit just
because they were a little bit long and

f3d5e3c5-d6a2-425b-a43b-3c7524bae890-2
00:24:08.916 --> 00:24:10.320
contained a few ideas.

afdbf093-5afd-4362-b50e-2bb4b925003b-0
00:24:10.760 --> 00:24:14.990
And so I would encourage maybe just
reviewing those and seeing how they can

afdbf093-5afd-4362-b50e-2bb4b925003b-1
00:24:14.990 --> 00:24:17.440
be streamlined to read a little bit
better.

867f37ab-d94f-4560-9fd5-41462a5d9182-0
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:21.175
So one of those was,
I remember stressing about my master's

867f37ab-d94f-4560-9fd5-41462a5d9182-1
00:24:21.175 --> 00:24:25.160
thesis and making rent to stay with my
best friend in the city.

7d9ed0d5-3dbd-4852-868e-498516e3dc46-0
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:27.080
So that's quite a mouthful.

165d2a5f-8d18-4a32-8f1c-6254020acecd-0
00:24:27.080 --> 00:24:28.520
We've got the master's thesis.

af727468-2043-4db0-90fe-fc37a43b1984-0
00:24:28.520 --> 00:24:31.400
We've got making rent and staying with my
best friend in the city.

dc5a2534-0d0b-4ce7-8abb-4ff922daab66-0
00:24:31.400 --> 00:24:35.124
So trying to introduce a few concepts
fairly quickly, quick succession,

dc5a2534-0d0b-4ce7-8abb-4ff922daab66-1
00:24:35.124 --> 00:24:37.400
but it's a bit of a stumbling block for
me.

1a42e4c6-d41d-4b88-828b-935f02c67cb3-0
00:24:37.480 --> 00:24:38.080
Yeah, no.

906addaa-2f67-4b74-b48a-28aee7e6b3e7-0
00:24:38.120 --> 00:24:41.322
And I think that's a good piece of advice
generally,

906addaa-2f67-4b74-b48a-28aee7e6b3e7-1
00:24:41.322 --> 00:24:46.216
especially in those opening paragraphs,
is to kind of keep each sentence to just

906addaa-2f67-4b74-b48a-28aee7e6b3e7-2
00:24:46.216 --> 00:24:46.760
one idea.

dd2e714c-4717-40a6-a1be-a37f6775a7c9-0
00:24:47.120 --> 00:24:51.266
And it's not a rule by any means,
but it's about not how you are guiding

dd2e714c-4717-40a6-a1be-a37f6775a7c9-1
00:24:51.266 --> 00:24:52.800
the reader into your story.

342c6672-24c7-4e65-a5dd-86eb6a943eb7-0
00:24:52.800 --> 00:24:55.320
So we talk about dropping us into the
scene.

7241f42d-783b-4008-8a02-5b3aed398fa8-0
00:24:55.680 --> 00:25:00.200
And if you hit us with too many things at
once, it can be overwhelming.

5d53ee1b-3b02-4f82-9a4b-812d52b40f92-0
00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:02.120
Like you don't want to necessarily ease
us in.

0eb3ac34-7d3c-40c9-bd1b-4c9904325e9c-0
00:25:02.120 --> 00:25:02.520
It doesn't.

c354d261-7d67-419b-a1fa-e9e4628d6e7f-0
00:25:02.520 --> 00:25:04.080
You don't want it to be slow.

64f91ae2-e22d-422c-8364-78bbb08bb65f-0
00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:05.720
So that's not what I'm suggesting.

1985759f-1ce4-4f4b-8a9e-21d0d449f1bd-0
00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:09.770
It's more a case of just give us the
chance to process each piece at a time

1985759f-1ce4-4f4b-8a9e-21d0d449f1bd-1
00:25:09.770 --> 00:25:13.280
and it's really as simple as breaking it
up into different sentences.

17167bfb-33c4-45d2-aced-67c40036d377-0
00:25:13.560 --> 00:25:15.531
I mean,
the other challenge in this opening

17167bfb-33c4-45d2-aced-67c40036d377-1
00:25:15.531 --> 00:25:19.116
paragraph is that there are quite a few
things that aren't ever really paid off

17167bfb-33c4-45d2-aced-67c40036d377-2
00:25:19.116 --> 00:25:20.640
anyway, so potentially not needed.

60aac955-5b10-4612-9fa5-ee89c7304286-0
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:24.806
We've got master's thesis,
we've got microeconomic research,

60aac955-5b10-4612-9fa5-ee89c7304286-1
00:25:24.806 --> 00:25:28.211
we've got making rent, best friend,
flamboyant style,

60aac955-5b10-4612-9fa5-ee89c7304286-2
00:25:28.211 --> 00:25:30.040
all of these sorts of things.

0121c3f3-c38d-477e-9894-d09cec0d9002-0
00:25:30.040 --> 00:25:32.923
Now,
all of those are character features that

0121c3f3-c38d-477e-9894-d09cec0d9002-1
00:25:32.923 --> 00:25:37.248
could be used in the story and could
build towards a more satisfying

0121c3f3-c38d-477e-9894-d09cec0d9002-2
00:25:37.248 --> 00:25:40.507
conclusion,
but because they're not really expanded

0121c3f3-c38d-477e-9894-d09cec0d9002-3
00:25:40.507 --> 00:25:44.080
on as the story progresses,
they fall away a little bit.

ae5f00eb-f9e5-4770-a54a-192b651ea169-0
00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:49.064
So I would suggest just picking kind of
one or two things and focusing on those

ae5f00eb-f9e5-4770-a54a-192b651ea169-1
00:25:49.064 --> 00:25:51.280
rather than trying to cram too much in.

e5d926a8-2920-4070-a830-b481def037a4-0
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:54.417
So if it's microeconomic research
specifically,

e5d926a8-2920-4070-a830-b481def037a4-1
00:25:54.417 --> 00:25:59.151
why and what does that tell us about this
character and what does that mean by the

e5d926a8-2920-4070-a830-b481def037a4-2
00:25:59.151 --> 00:26:00.920
end of the story kind of thing?

f22fb0e4-0ee7-4d44-b5de-683b3ef8d43b-0
00:26:01.320 --> 00:26:04.566
If it's just more the fact that they're a
student and, you know,

f22fb0e4-0ee7-4d44-b5de-683b3ef8d43b-1
00:26:04.566 --> 00:26:07.663
struggling with money,
I think that works based on what we've

f22fb0e4-0ee7-4d44-b5de-683b3ef8d43b-2
00:26:07.663 --> 00:26:11.360
discussed already about some ideas about
where you could take this story.

a11bb330-7cc5-4e02-bddf-00756c969d86-0
00:26:11.360 --> 00:26:15.265
But you know, the flamboyant style thing,
that's something that could work if

a11bb330-7cc5-4e02-bddf-00756c969d86-1
00:26:15.265 --> 00:26:18.120
you're linking that to why this person's
becoming a cat.

8540d189-fce3-4640-b33e-0eb1cd3693b8-0
00:26:18.200 --> 00:26:23.027
But I think that that link needs to be
much stronger in terms of character

8540d189-fce3-4640-b33e-0eb1cd3693b8-1
00:26:23.027 --> 00:26:23.800
development.

ebc2d744-94ad-4a91-9b28-b3d476e6eca3-0
00:26:23.800 --> 00:26:26.267
I think if you're going to have these
things,

ebc2d744-94ad-4a91-9b28-b3d476e6eca3-1
00:26:26.267 --> 00:26:30.720
you need to actually develop them and pay
off why they are relevant in this story.

d5e99636-94a8-4262-9036-1fe34a30f20a-0
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.442
Otherwise you can probably just skip over
them and get to the things that are

d5e99636-94a8-4262-9036-1fe34a30f20a-1
00:26:34.442 --> 00:26:34.920
important.

afe10ef2-a2d2-4b04-9568-40909944c6cc-0
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:35.360
Yeah.

44317080-babe-46a8-ac15-8be87aaa5265-0
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:39.088
And there's there's quite a few things
additionally introduced in like the

44317080-babe-46a8-ac15-8be87aaa5265-1
00:26:39.088 --> 00:26:40.840
dialogue between the two characters.

767f3b8e-ce1b-4e83-b5ec-52e262facd98-0
00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:42.800
So we have Caleb, I see your keys.

75e7fb7d-e9b5-469f-9109-df4eec81a198-0
00:26:42.800 --> 00:26:45.560
I've I've had too much work drama today
for a prank right now.

d22c4e8d-73a1-4a2c-9242-62ad02db03dc-0
00:26:45.560 --> 00:26:50.760
So we've got like cutting back on
expenses, but I really need Thai food.

9cf57ac0-f55a-48a8-8051-96291a2a5b6e-0
00:26:50.760 --> 00:26:55.416
And meanwhile, Dean's got work dramas,
like there's a few details that are

9cf57ac0-f55a-48a8-8051-96291a2a5b6e-1
00:26:55.416 --> 00:26:58.272
coming in,
which is great that we we get like

9cf57ac0-f55a-48a8-8051-96291a2a5b6e-2
00:26:58.272 --> 00:27:01.624
insights into their situation and their
relationship,

9cf57ac0-f55a-48a8-8051-96291a2a5b6e-3
00:27:01.624 --> 00:27:06.467
but especially in 500 words stories,
they do need to really all point us into

9cf57ac0-f55a-48a8-8051-96291a2a5b6e-4
00:27:06.467 --> 00:27:08.640
a, a direction and and be paid off.

1bed4c21-54a2-4e33-9341-d5746c4ed649-0
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:12.444
An additional challenge here,
which we probably should have mentioned

1bed4c21-54a2-4e33-9341-d5746c4ed649-1
00:27:12.444 --> 00:27:14.520
earlier,
is that not only does Dean have to come

1bed4c21-54a2-4e33-9341-d5746c4ed649-2
00:27:14.520 --> 00:27:17.018
to terms with it,
but Caleb also has to come to terms with

1bed4c21-54a2-4e33-9341-d5746c4ed649-3
00:27:17.018 --> 00:27:17.400
it first.

698772f1-c2d5-46b7-aa25-fc5cd7b88a5b-0
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:20.000
And and he does seemingly quite quickly.

1813d66d-a7be-4b44-94a4-2cf2d4e0283a-0
00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:25.134
But all of that is not particularly
exciting or interesting as elements of

1813d66d-a7be-4b44-94a4-2cf2d4e0283a-1
00:27:25.134 --> 00:27:25.760
the story.

578a077b-6d3f-4142-acd9-2ae60e536867-0
00:27:25.760 --> 00:27:28.920
And so I guess I'd be looking for ways to
avoid that.

88a0f27d-1659-488f-bee7-ccdcc57884cf-0
00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:31.442
Now,
in in my hypothetical example of how the

88a0f27d-1659-488f-bee7-ccdcc57884cf-1
00:27:31.442 --> 00:27:34.788
story might play out,
if you were like trying to get to a job

88a0f27d-1659-488f-bee7-ccdcc57884cf-2
00:27:34.788 --> 00:27:38.080
interview, for example,
then you might not have Dean at all.

fe571b93-294f-4541-9841-eda2e0ae641f-0
00:27:38.160 --> 00:27:39.800
And you would have the interviewer.

4ab9f9d9-8fd3-4045-afa2-e0ac588ac293-0
00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:41.320
And then the conflict is with them.

641c7f56-e0d2-4eac-bcde-ef2d799be5b3-0
00:27:41.320 --> 00:27:43.910
And you know,
there are other options for how you could

641c7f56-e0d2-4eac-bcde-ef2d799be5b3-1
00:27:43.910 --> 00:27:44.280
take it.

c404e51f-8a87-4df6-a8a2-fc5a6bef04db-0
00:27:44.280 --> 00:27:48.434
But if it is going to be like a domestic
scene and it is going to be with Dean,

c404e51f-8a87-4df6-a8a2-fc5a6bef04db-1
00:27:48.434 --> 00:27:52.588
then you have to think specifically about
why their relationship is relevant in

c404e51f-8a87-4df6-a8a2-fc5a6bef04db-2
00:27:52.588 --> 00:27:53.160
this story.

0ed99580-20da-4d82-801a-599207184977-0
00:27:53.480 --> 00:27:56.625
Otherwise,
you're adding this whole character who is

0ed99580-20da-4d82-801a-599207184977-1
00:27:56.625 --> 00:28:00.720
not particularly like contributing to the
message behind this story.

6091322a-3119-489d-8473-271840893c7e-0
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:04.000
So I want to call out a couple of other
lines here.

7af67dbf-72ac-4d83-909b-d900123944af-0
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:06.872
And there are a few lines that I felt
were a little bit head hoppy,

7af67dbf-72ac-4d83-909b-d900123944af-1
00:28:06.872 --> 00:28:07.760
a little bit telling.

e81ed16d-d930-4e6b-ae77-afc604fc7c56-0
00:28:07.760 --> 00:28:09.920
Maybe head hopping is not the right words.

8cd355fc-8b1a-4f84-8e22-927f4f9100ae-0
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:14.336
But we are often getting Dean's
perspective told through the eyes of

8cd355fc-8b1a-4f84-8e22-927f4f9100ae-1
00:28:14.336 --> 00:28:14.720
Caleb.

548dd4e4-8ceb-4ad0-84a6-6bd51e4ba166-0
00:28:15.120 --> 00:28:19.471
And one thing that stood out to me with
that perspective is that the emotions

548dd4e4-8ceb-4ad0-84a6-6bd51e4ba166-1
00:28:19.471 --> 00:28:21.480
that Dean's feeling often get named.

8401c526-dec7-4e02-a49c-9efe0f1efda0-0
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:24.640
So we see Dean's tone sounds stressed.

a218bd86-6763-44bd-9d3b-922e040700a8-0
00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:26.080
We're naming an emotion.

0ece1efd-5e3f-4fab-bab6-172022f0f387-0
00:28:26.080 --> 00:28:28.040
Dean looks at me in in shock.

79d4b2a3-8783-4c75-b2f1-738ac7385158-0
00:28:28.200 --> 00:28:30.000
He half stutters in shock.

13ab6976-fa3d-49a2-aca2-65bfe9659411-0
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:32.160
He shakes his head in disbelief.

eff1e015-20d2-4611-b984-8751a9a38365-0
00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:35.360
So there's a lot of emotion naming there.

9c0d28d3-91c1-4366-98b6-2c708f287650-0
00:28:35.360 --> 00:28:38.083
And Andy,
you're doing the right thing and tying

9c0d28d3-91c1-4366-98b6-2c708f287650-1
00:28:38.083 --> 00:28:42.475
that to an action and not simply just
stating the emotion the other characters

9c0d28d3-91c1-4366-98b6-2c708f287650-2
00:28:42.475 --> 00:28:42.920
feeling.

98774c8f-6127-40da-bcf7-b3521532d943-0
00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:48.220
But what we would recommend is simply
describing the action and let letting the

98774c8f-6127-40da-bcf7-b3521532d943-1
00:28:48.220 --> 00:28:50.400
reader infer the emotion from that.

9e42c813-29a5-48ce-92d8-feb735c22a68-0
00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:55.273
And I think often times you can just get
rid of the emotion and it'll do the

9e42c813-29a5-48ce-92d8-feb735c22a68-1
00:28:55.273 --> 00:28:56.120
talking already.

0f7916e5-5212-4d08-a519-c088a70dbf87-0
00:28:56.120 --> 00:28:57.440
So he shakes his head.

d38b4ef4-84ed-42a3-b8a9-4bb1fe3b1bf6-0
00:28:58.040 --> 00:29:01.264
Well, you know, if he's,
if he's saying something that expresses

d38b4ef4-84ed-42a3-b8a9-4bb1fe3b1bf6-1
00:29:01.264 --> 00:29:04.440
disbelief and then he's shaking his head,
that's enough for us.

a8e73bf6-aae9-4c8a-898b-ba5003125b1b-0
00:29:04.440 --> 00:29:05.480
We don't need any more.

c449618a-c1af-43b3-bca2-28c38e774d5f-0
00:29:05.840 --> 00:29:09.720
But sometimes it's worth describing the
action in more detail.

8d268110-5254-4bf9-9099-0aad65aa951d-0
00:29:10.040 --> 00:29:14.441
And one thing that I love to see in flash
fiction is very beautiful,

8d268110-5254-4bf9-9099-0aad65aa951d-1
00:29:14.441 --> 00:29:18.650
evocative description of an action that
feels very true and real,

8d268110-5254-4bf9-9099-0aad65aa951d-2
00:29:18.650 --> 00:29:21.840
but which I've never thought of before,
you know?

fe9b6e56-3c8f-47b9-bd56-a7b753354a94-0
00:29:21.840 --> 00:29:24.080
And it's like, wow,
they express something there.

40dfc52d-5128-49ec-99f5-b5faab6a0f29-0
00:29:24.440 --> 00:29:27.476
I've never thought of it that way,
but that's exactly what that facial

40dfc52d-5128-49ec-99f5-b5faab6a0f29-1
00:29:27.476 --> 00:29:30.085
expression looks like,
or that's exactly how someone behaves

40dfc52d-5128-49ec-99f5-b5faab6a0f29-2
00:29:30.085 --> 00:29:32.695
when they're embarrassed,
or that's how that's like the gold

40dfc52d-5128-49ec-99f5-b5faab6a0f29-3
00:29:32.695 --> 00:29:33.080
standard.

d2442cc2-d695-4107-bb8c-29f8a7957d21-0
00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:35.440
And I think we strive for that.

dc760258-4866-4ca7-b3a4-ad8037270970-0
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:37.200
Not in every sentence, right?

323eb5e0-cdfc-4038-903b-b2380626ff13-0
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:39.600
But not everything needs that level of
care.

4e3203d6-0df3-43c1-b3a4-32781a019302-0
00:29:40.080 --> 00:29:44.676
But moving away from naming emotions to
showing them in such a way that it's

4e3203d6-0df3-43c1-b3a4-32781a019302-1
00:29:44.676 --> 00:29:47.661
clear to the reader and satisfying to the
reader,

4e3203d6-0df3-43c1-b3a4-32781a019302-2
00:29:47.661 --> 00:29:51.840
and they can picture that in their mind's
eye and get it immediately.

6c316b4c-b312-4ff2-869e-22c877bd53ef-0
00:29:51.840 --> 00:29:56.689
Because that is how at least neurotypical
people understand each other in the real

6c316b4c-b312-4ff2-869e-22c877bd53ef-1
00:29:56.689 --> 00:29:57.040
world.

16e0829a-752a-4eaa-964c-9fa5bccbb454-0
00:29:57.320 --> 00:29:59.528
They look at facial expressions,
body language,

16e0829a-752a-4eaa-964c-9fa5bccbb454-1
00:29:59.528 --> 00:30:03.440
they listen to what people are saying and
that tells them how the person is feeling.

7d066a00-8095-4251-9cd8-e0710a302619-0
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:05.720
They don't need to be told necessarily.

5a5cd1c5-9a31-4d70-9361-7dd9528c5769-0
00:30:06.080 --> 00:30:08.080
I am in a state of disbelief right now.

a15b625e-8cf9-404f-bc0c-ada4fdad082d-0
00:30:08.320 --> 00:30:09.520
So there is a line here.

25918687-16f8-4c08-bd89-050e46788fec-0
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:10.480
What the ****?

d474e74b-442c-4e18-8c35-e8b88c7bac3d-0
00:30:10.520 --> 00:30:14.608
Dean practically leaps off the floor in
shock and spills his bag of Muesli over

d474e74b-442c-4e18-8c35-e8b88c7bac3d-1
00:30:14.608 --> 00:30:15.120
the floor.

1322cafa-aaeb-4620-a8ee-74efa0a7868c-0
00:30:15.120 --> 00:30:15.840
All over the floor.

fc82d903-a037-47ab-ba58-e43ddd046264-0
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:20.404
And I think you almost get there because
you can just remove the in shock, hmm,

fc82d903-a037-47ab-ba58-e43ddd046264-1
00:30:20.404 --> 00:30:23.800
from that sentence because we do
understand that he's in shock.

ad990c0b-5fd2-45f7-b459-a2a59f6d827f-0
00:30:23.800 --> 00:30:24.520
Yeah, exactly.

6bfee9c0-2471-44a4-8c1a-fd7534845df0-0
00:30:24.520 --> 00:30:27.840
And I think that's a good example of
where that description is sufficient.

8c696dc3-e47d-4c66-9e2d-43a039966ad9-0
00:30:27.840 --> 00:30:31.319
And so just as a piece of advice for all
writers is to look,

8c696dc3-e47d-4c66-9e2d-43a039966ad9-1
00:30:31.319 --> 00:30:36.054
anytime you name any emotion or feeling,
that's an opportunity to either just edit

8c696dc3-e47d-4c66-9e2d-43a039966ad9-2
00:30:36.054 --> 00:30:39.534
it out and let the dialogue and the
action speak for itself,

8c696dc3-e47d-4c66-9e2d-43a039966ad9-3
00:30:39.534 --> 00:30:43.813
or to find a more evocative way of
describing something so that the reader

8c696dc3-e47d-4c66-9e2d-43a039966ad9-4
00:30:43.813 --> 00:30:44.840
can experience it.

a37eb515-c637-487b-8e9d-b2619d3154bd-0
00:30:45.160 --> 00:30:48.294
And the reason that's important,
this isn't just like a dumb rule for the

a37eb515-c637-487b-8e9d-b2619d3154bd-1
00:30:48.294 --> 00:30:48.760
sake of it.

9e675e1e-fe64-4628-b6d7-4feeec396768-0
00:30:49.080 --> 00:30:53.645
The reason it's important is because it
is far more satisfying for readers to

9e675e1e-fe64-4628-b6d7-4feeec396768-1
00:30:53.645 --> 00:30:58.386
almost watch the scene in their mind and
be able to interpret all of that action

9e675e1e-fe64-4628-b6d7-4feeec396768-2
00:30:58.386 --> 00:31:03.128
and have in their own head a view of how
that person's behaving and what they're

9e675e1e-fe64-4628-b6d7-4feeec396768-3
00:31:03.128 --> 00:31:06.640
thinking or feeling as a result without
needing to be told.

f2d3db8b-0a24-416e-8c77-d575c05ddb8c-0
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:09.320
It's an extension of the whole show,
don't tell thing.

9468751b-87e3-4aea-97a9-3d40bb20db1e-0
00:31:09.320 --> 00:31:12.272
And the whole point is to just make it
more satisfying for the reader,

9468751b-87e3-4aea-97a9-3d40bb20db1e-1
00:31:12.272 --> 00:31:15.600
make it more immersive and make them feel
like they are doing some of the work.

8b1e4462-8447-424a-9b4c-3f9cc490474a-0
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:20.040
And another writing rule that you'll hear
often is avoid all adverbs.

c3640599-22b8-42e1-b7f6-25685c240c5a-0
00:31:20.120 --> 00:31:23.080
And, you know,
I don't necessarily think that you need

c3640599-22b8-42e1-b7f6-25685c240c5a-1
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:27.600
to avoid every single adverb at all times,
but there is one adverb in that sentence

c3640599-22b8-42e1-b7f6-25685c240c5a-2
00:31:27.600 --> 00:31:29.000
that I think could be cut.

7adbba7c-0b7d-4e37-a801-aab2e358fcf8-0
00:31:29.000 --> 00:31:32.720
And that is Dean practically leaps off
the floor in shock.

b7347a35-0c19-4b25-ac42-3ccbc46e7cb0-0
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:37.183
And I think that practically can be cut
in that because it really just waters

b7347a35-0c19-4b25-ac42-3ccbc46e7cb0-1
00:31:37.183 --> 00:31:40.560
down the fact that Dean is leaping off
the floor in shock.

7d5b9f84-1a69-476f-bf3f-2d590fb7f705-0
00:31:41.080 --> 00:31:43.699
And even if that is a bit of a
exaggeration,

7d5b9f84-1a69-476f-bf3f-2d590fb7f705-1
00:31:43.699 --> 00:31:46.960
I feel it's better to just have him leap
off the floor.

4002aae3-87a2-4ad6-be33-e6760806ca5c-0
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:48.000
It's more dramatic.

c7da529f-7aaa-4d73-9620-f10c4e751a37-0
00:31:48.360 --> 00:31:49.640
We get what you're saying.

e91dd9c1-4894-4a4b-acd0-0faceb78c56f-0
00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:52.920
And what does practically leaping look
like?

bb437ad1-19f5-4468-b94f-fe6245a7d4d8-0
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:54.720
It leaves this kind of?

47fc1a68-d119-41ac-a43e-aa9e3f4b71a8-0
00:31:54.720 --> 00:31:58.114
In the reader's mind of like,
how do I imagine someone practically

47fc1a68-d119-41ac-a43e-aa9e3f4b71a8-1
00:31:58.114 --> 00:31:58.520
leaping?

abd4aa2f-fe12-46f3-a6fd-552826a07696-0
00:31:58.840 --> 00:32:01.414
So I think it's just a little bit more
clarity,

abd4aa2f-fe12-46f3-a6fd-552826a07696-1
00:32:01.414 --> 00:32:03.560
a little bit more drama and more direct.

1348ad01-9f98-441f-8b04-47018f3b13cf-0
00:32:03.760 --> 00:32:05.680
And you get to save a word as well.

1caa43fe-c3bb-483e-9dcf-bdf2701ba35b-0
00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:08.760
I've just done a little Google, right?

749e9b9e-ce10-4673-9dd2-c91718929236-0
00:32:08.760 --> 00:32:12.769
So it it is of course an adverb,
but you can also be described as an

749e9b9e-ce10-4673-9dd2-c91718929236-1
00:32:12.769 --> 00:32:16.895
intensifier or a down toner,
these words that either serve to modify a

749e9b9e-ce10-4673-9dd2-c91718929236-2
00:32:16.895 --> 00:32:20.439
verb by making it sound more intense or
less intense, right?

41481abe-ce10-433d-a951-e75c6eabbb41-0
00:32:20.840 --> 00:32:25.547
So practically,
virtually almost nearly all of these

41481abe-ce10-433d-a951-e75c6eabbb41-1
00:32:25.547 --> 00:32:26.880
types of words.

b2259c63-bed3-4b0e-8ff4-321c23df9a58-0
00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:29.360
And it's something I see a lot and agree.

9edb3040-3308-4e73-b309-134b7e66676a-0
00:32:29.360 --> 00:32:33.358
Like in flash fiction,
we want to avoid watering anything down

9edb3040-3308-4e73-b309-134b7e66676a-1
00:32:33.358 --> 00:32:34.120
in that way.

c469eb46-9d33-4a0c-98be-b5bc2ff91553-0
00:32:34.120 --> 00:32:35.200
Just give us the Max.

6df0a313-302a-448f-b7f4-b36e1d5e3768-0
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:37.588
Like if it's an element of character
voice, you know,

6df0a313-302a-448f-b7f4-b36e1d5e3768-1
00:32:37.588 --> 00:32:40.550
you might use it or if it's relevant,
like for a time period, you,

6df0a313-302a-448f-b7f4-b36e1d5e3768-2
00:32:40.550 --> 00:32:43.160
you might need to modify the time period
to be more clear.

44db8dbe-a9ab-4f20-a5d1-3a88a8ae636a-0
00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:46.847
There are reasons why you might need to
use it, but more often than not,

44db8dbe-a9ab-4f20-a5d1-3a88a8ae636a-1
00:32:46.847 --> 00:32:49.120
it's like, no,
just give us the full impact.

ef60e3c6-9f78-4908-a4eb-6ca081fce202-0
00:32:49.120 --> 00:32:51.080
Like why are you trying to be more
realistic?

aae56ff3-43b5-438c-b9b1-d4af8779a588-0
00:32:51.080 --> 00:32:54.775
This is a story, you know,
so absolutely look out for words like

aae56ff3-43b5-438c-b9b1-d4af8779a588-1
00:32:54.775 --> 00:32:57.960
that and search and destroy basically
most of the time.

3479bcb4-f123-4c1b-9497-0cf4b77c9ca4-0
00:32:58.440 --> 00:33:02.289
So I have just one final little point,
just one of those little tidying up

3479bcb4-f123-4c1b-9497-0cf4b77c9ca4-1
00:33:02.289 --> 00:33:03.880
things that I will mention now.

057e569a-3f42-4e2a-be91-374ba24ceee5-0
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:06.736
And that is,
and I've talked about it before and that

057e569a-3f42-4e2a-be91-374ba24ceee5-1
00:33:06.736 --> 00:33:10.280
is describing action in the order in
which it occurs in the story.

ca65a06b-10fc-4343-a692-8b92ffa38563-0
00:33:10.280 --> 00:33:13.200
And this can be something that helps
streamline sentences as well.

8e05db29-a448-4a6d-8bf5-e599528547b5-0
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:15.031
So Ed,
you mentioned that a couple of these

8e05db29-a448-4a6d-8bf5-e599528547b5-1
00:33:15.031 --> 00:33:16.280
sentences felt like mouthfuls.

e8610a8e-ad17-443d-8b2c-2e82a47b3ad3-0
00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:18.280
I think this is probably one of them.

d479de6b-20ac-4bd3-926f-43e1a91b51a4-0
00:33:18.320 --> 00:33:23.197
It is meow is all that comes out when I
try for words after landing on the floor

d479de6b-20ac-4bd3-926f-43e1a91b51a4-1
00:33:23.197 --> 00:33:24.040
closer to him.

0b0c0ad3-3912-4d82-abee-2b8714cafd8d-0
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:24.880
All right.

0dae05e1-49d0-4ba4-ba28-39e5d8f7cb4a-0
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:26.920
So nothing wrong with that sentence.

6adc5eb3-acbb-43b7-82be-27ca0bbcb899-0
00:33:26.920 --> 00:33:28.040
It's a clear sentence.

06a547bd-9ea2-4f93-8bcd-e44f5468484d-0
00:33:28.040 --> 00:33:31.291
But from a reading perspective and a
reading flow perspective,

06a547bd-9ea2-4f93-8bcd-e44f5468484d-1
00:33:31.291 --> 00:33:35.471
you want the reader to picture the part
where he lands on the floor first before

06a547bd-9ea2-4f93-8bcd-e44f5468484d-2
00:33:35.471 --> 00:33:36.400
he then says meow.

781fce1f-823a-4fd4-9955-4ed99cabac95-0
00:33:36.800 --> 00:33:42.083
Because otherwise that we're just doing
this very brief little flip back in our

781fce1f-823a-4fd4-9955-4ed99cabac95-1
00:33:42.083 --> 00:33:42.480
minds.

d41d4c95-b184-4d51-bef1-96a82bbda5eb-0
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:47.460
And it does interrupt our flow and it's
subtle, but it is important and it's very,

d41d4c95-b184-4d51-bef1-96a82bbda5eb-1
00:33:47.460 --> 00:33:48.480
very easy to fix.

7d249af2-b7a8-437d-939e-23a50da062ac-0
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:51.809
So in sentences like that,
I would say just flip it around and

7d249af2-b7a8-437d-939e-23a50da062ac-1
00:33:51.809 --> 00:33:54.240
describe it in the order in which it
happens.

0b86346e-a8ca-436c-b016-9f5f7e45bb04-0
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:56.200
And I think that's an easy fix.

18e4a712-4b84-441e-89aa-6ff4444f09a5-0
00:33:56.680 --> 00:34:01.497
And so one more, again, a minor thing,
but this is one thing to look out for in

18e4a712-4b84-441e-89aa-6ff4444f09a5-1
00:34:01.497 --> 00:34:05.591
editing is normally on a paragraph,
what you want to do is have one

18e4a712-4b84-441e-89aa-6ff4444f09a5-2
00:34:05.591 --> 00:34:08.000
character's actions and dialogue, right?

51013453-e940-4ac4-ae0d-ff323dcde61e-0
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:11.987
And if and if someone reacts or has
another action in response to that,

51013453-e940-4ac4-ae0d-ff323dcde61e-1
00:34:11.987 --> 00:34:13.760
you'd put that on the next line.

66b2ea6c-5e0a-4eeb-b015-707cf3335e14-0
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:15.560
It just makes it, it's a clarity thing.

dbf40fd7-ca84-442a-94ba-382398359996-0
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:19.424
And there are a few instances here where
you have 1 character doing something,

dbf40fd7-ca84-442a-94ba-382398359996-1
00:34:19.424 --> 00:34:21.920
then another character doing it on the
same paragraph.

9a69fe58-56ac-43b7-8e77-692b87d3c5b9-0
00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:23.560
One example, a very short one.

92610758-8976-4f78-9062-f1bc6a7baa2b-0
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:24.600
We'll figure it out.

7307bf68-a14c-426f-8eb6-6c2a4883e775-0
00:34:24.600 --> 00:34:26.480
OK, I purr in relief.

a4954a07-96cb-4882-9e63-74c01bd0aefe-0
00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:28.200
So Dean says we'll figure it out.

f0b87359-ac27-4d05-b97e-f943731e8841-0
00:34:28.200 --> 00:34:28.600
OK.

8b83f50b-b1dc-45fe-843f-8ba7ca899414-0
00:34:29.080 --> 00:34:30.720
And then our protagonist purrs in relief.

f66092b7-3f9c-4726-9ed4-65c481167964-0
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:34.625
The second action would go on a different
line just so we can pass that a little

f66092b7-3f9c-4726-9ed4-65c481167964-1
00:34:34.625 --> 00:34:35.080
bit easier.

db5bb521-8b87-4883-b4db-d72981167651-0
00:34:35.160 --> 00:34:35.480
Yeah.

2b7705ed-4dd7-4642-af09-cd62781a6d54-0
00:34:35.480 --> 00:34:39.988
And it's again, a subtle thing,
but when you want to be clear to the

2b7705ed-4dd7-4642-af09-cd62781a6d54-1
00:34:39.988 --> 00:34:41.360
reader, it does help.

3f503ec1-00e6-4216-b8ff-acf76343a89d-0
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:43.629
Basically,
it's as simple as saying to yourself

3f503ec1-00e6-4216-b8ff-acf76343a89d-1
00:34:43.629 --> 00:34:46.465
every time the actor,
IE the person doing the action or the

3f503ec1-00e6-4216-b8ff-acf76343a89d-2
00:34:46.465 --> 00:34:49.680
speaker changes, you break onto a
Now,
from an editing perspective,

3f503ec1-00e6-4216-b8ff-acf76343a89d-3
00:34:49.680 --> 00:34:53.461
what can sometimes happen is that you
find you're going back and forth and back

3f503ec1-00e6-4216-b8ff-acf76343a89d-4
00:34:53.461 --> 00:34:55.400
and forth and it's a little bit too much.

f960150e-a8b2-4e14-ae66-4250f23d879e-0
00:34:55.800 --> 00:35:00.528
And if you do find that that's happening,
that is also a cue to just simplify

f960150e-a8b2-4e14-ae66-4250f23d879e-1
00:35:00.528 --> 00:35:01.680
usually the action.

293827e5-a926-46e9-9181-db37c87aa59a-0
00:35:01.680 --> 00:35:06.173
So if it's going back and forth too much,
can you tie two of those actions together

293827e5-a926-46e9-9181-db37c87aa59a-1
00:35:06.173 --> 00:35:10.452
or some action and dialogue together in
one and then just have one response and

293827e5-a926-46e9-9181-db37c87aa59a-2
00:35:10.452 --> 00:35:10.880
move on?

252bab29-d70b-4486-bdfd-8c55fefdc1ba-0
00:35:11.200 --> 00:35:14.455
If we are back and forthing too much,
that suggests we're also kind of staying

252bab29-d70b-4486-bdfd-8c55fefdc1ba-1
00:35:14.455 --> 00:35:16.640
in the same place potentially a little
bit too long.

1ee9f7ec-dd08-439b-97a0-9f7048b05dcf-0
00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:20.592
There's absolutely nothing wrong with
like a dialogue only story, for example,

1ee9f7ec-dd08-439b-97a0-9f7048b05dcf-1
00:35:20.592 --> 00:35:22.320
where we're one person than the other.

a4672aba-d5d8-4c51-aaae-5425630ce466-0
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.792
It is something that can exist,
but generally speaking,

a4672aba-d5d8-4c51-aaae-5425630ce466-1
00:35:25.792 --> 00:35:29.320
you want to avoid that and you want to
just keep that flow going.

ab1b2f56-ca4b-4fa1-a20e-7d1707e95bd5-0
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:33.435
So that takes us to the ending,
which we have already spoken about and

ab1b2f56-ca4b-4fa1-a20e-7d1707e95bd5-1
00:35:33.435 --> 00:35:35.040
mentioned that we we did enjoy.

9fc38222-7e24-467c-9db1-8d97069a86b9-0
00:35:35.160 --> 00:35:38.142
And so yeah,
overall I thought this was a great

9fc38222-7e24-467c-9db1-8d97069a86b9-1
00:35:38.142 --> 00:35:38.640
concept.

27ff75e6-508a-4552-b093-502c7255716c-0
00:35:39.240 --> 00:35:44.568
One of the tropes in the Flash Fiction
Tropes article on the website is animal

27ff75e6-508a-4552-b093-502c7255716c-1
00:35:44.568 --> 00:35:47.469
POV,
and this one is definitely A twist on

27ff75e6-508a-4552-b093-502c7255716c-2
00:35:47.469 --> 00:35:50.640
that animal POV and made it not trophy at
all.

4de98990-6948-43de-a5ca-57368fde2569-0
00:35:50.640 --> 00:35:54.534
So this wasn't a story that stuck out to
me as being like, oh,

4de98990-6948-43de-a5ca-57368fde2569-1
00:35:54.534 --> 00:35:56.080
another animal POV story.

73e34daa-cf0f-4ee0-a65b-5a542e7a20c3-0
00:35:56.080 --> 00:35:58.720
It was very unique and different and
great concept.

f9eea140-e965-41af-8b7e-8a6bcec7e735-0
00:35:58.960 --> 00:35:59.760
Yeah, I agree.

68269671-15ee-4bf0-9a27-4e21fb3493ec-0
00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:00.960
I think it was really fun.

1e545890-6699-40c3-8565-3b5fff5223c1-0
00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:04.845
And I think maybe that's a little bit of
a reflection of the prompts this round as

1e545890-6699-40c3-8565-3b5fff5223c1-1
00:36:04.845 --> 00:36:05.080
well.

ba7784e4-de50-463e-944f-818ef280d0f8-0
00:36:05.320 --> 00:36:08.400
I know a lot of people struggled with
those dancing prompts.

bddf9812-0f9b-4758-b6a4-b0059d71638c-0
00:36:08.400 --> 00:36:08.520
Yeah.

9ba32efd-6461-48b1-b2a5-02efe29c9176-0
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:12.780
But what they did produce was a lot of
really kind of crazy stuff,

9ba32efd-6461-48b1-b2a5-02efe29c9176-1
00:36:12.780 --> 00:36:14.760
unexpected stuff, which I love of.

b15beedd-b706-4e24-8871-82cc58529f6b-0
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:16.800
And this is a perfect example of that.

52b5c604-6873-45b7-a808-6d3038db48b8-0
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.834
I guess I don't know if I'm being
defensive here,

52b5c604-6873-45b7-a808-6d3038db48b8-1
00:36:19.834 --> 00:36:23.281
but I just wanted to talk about the
prompts for a second and about that

52b5c604-6873-45b7-a808-6d3038db48b8-2
00:36:23.281 --> 00:36:24.000
dancing prompt.

c9fe0510-168d-4d96-8dc4-8d0321e7148f-0
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:27.269
So in Team Ed,
it was prominently feature a disco

c9fe0510-168d-4d96-8dc4-8d0321e7148f-1
00:36:27.269 --> 00:36:28.120
dancing move.

2036542f-c43d-42e4-a1df-632cce64bc62-0
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:30.825
And in Team Amanda,
it was prominently featuring a break

2036542f-c43d-42e4-a1df-632cce64bc62-1
00:36:30.825 --> 00:36:31.360
dancing move.

65f0e246-29c0-4bd3-834f-3e99899de178-0
00:36:31.720 --> 00:36:34.133
Now,
I'm not sure how clear it was in the

65f0e246-29c0-4bd3-834f-3e99899de178-1
00:36:34.133 --> 00:36:38.327
communications we sent about that,
but that did not need to be an actual

65f0e246-29c0-4bd3-834f-3e99899de178-2
00:36:38.327 --> 00:36:38.960
dance move.

8ae70e28-0978-4829-9d6d-3ebdb54814ba-0
00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:41.526
So in the case of disco dancing,
for example,

8ae70e28-0978-4829-9d6d-3ebdb54814ba-1
00:36:41.526 --> 00:36:43.480
there's a move called the bus stop.

2ea34632-397d-4001-8d59-029e9032a980-0
00:36:44.200 --> 00:36:46.120
I don't, I don't know how to do it,
but it's a move.

72efcc41-3d06-46ea-89f7-d945df1c3ed1-0
00:36:46.520 --> 00:36:48.200
And it's probably simple.

c333b921-db8b-444c-bbfb-86f86a99f021-0
00:36:48.200 --> 00:36:49.600
Most disco dancing moves are.

077a2e7c-7783-45d7-9650-3384e17ca735-0
00:36:49.920 --> 00:36:52.122
But yeah,
you could have just set your story at a

077a2e7c-7783-45d7-9650-3384e17ca735-1
00:36:52.122 --> 00:36:54.280
bus stop and been a little bit ironic
with that.

04830641-056e-4fff-87f2-9e269e2ecf5a-0
00:36:54.280 --> 00:36:58.775
And I think what did happen was we ended
up with some jarring situations where

04830641-056e-4fff-87f2-9e269e2ecf5a-1
00:36:58.775 --> 00:37:02.360
like disco dancing is trying to be
crammed into another story.

7278b5c8-5b39-4c0b-8e2d-0bf1b340789c-0
00:37:02.760 --> 00:37:05.440
And in this case,
I would say that's a little bit the case.

eb311b7a-860b-4529-a813-9e8fbe38ee0a-0
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:08.093
You know,
we suddenly have this cat getting up and

eb311b7a-860b-4529-a813-9e8fbe38ee0a-1
00:37:08.093 --> 00:37:12.462
doing this disco move, and it is comical,
but it didn't sort of flow from something

eb311b7a-860b-4529-a813-9e8fbe38ee0a-2
00:37:12.462 --> 00:37:15.480
prior in the story where disco dancing
was made relevant.

6ed8696d-00d7-4362-bb6f-05ee3477e139-0
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:19.546
And I guess I just want to say to people,
like, when you get those prompts,

6ed8696d-00d7-4362-bb6f-05ee3477e139-1
00:37:19.546 --> 00:37:22.520
I absolutely welcome you to take them to,
like, a crazy place.

2629797c-261b-406e-abc7-1ef1a0728c36-0
00:37:22.520 --> 00:37:23.600
Absolutely love that.

a0bb03a6-6e0d-47a4-b56b-5c718a07c4e4-0
00:37:23.960 --> 00:37:27.777
But also just think about how it actually
works within the context of the whole

a0bb03a6-6e0d-47a4-b56b-5c718a07c4e4-1
00:37:27.777 --> 00:37:31.500
story and make sure that it's feeding
through and that it's serving the story

a0bb03a6-6e0d-47a4-b56b-5c718a07c4e4-2
00:37:31.500 --> 00:37:33.600
and not the other way around kind of
thing.

08841b90-cc92-4288-87cb-60419ee9a08b-0
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:36.740
But yeah,
I love this concept of trying to make

08841b90-cc92-4288-87cb-60419ee9a08b-1
00:37:36.740 --> 00:37:40.451
metamorphosis positive,
especially in the world that we're in at

08841b90-cc92-4288-87cb-60419ee9a08b-2
00:37:40.451 --> 00:37:41.080
the moment.

558f2de4-4ae6-45f6-9666-b8fda6b1fea3-0
00:37:41.080 --> 00:37:43.537
You know, like,
I feel like every single day I wake up a

558f2de4-4ae6-45f6-9666-b8fda6b1fea3-1
00:37:43.537 --> 00:37:44.400
cockroach, honestly.

980cbfeb-9671-4de0-b582-98ecfca84fd8-0
00:37:45.080 --> 00:37:49.734
And the idea that you might wake up a cat
instead and get a YouTube career is a

980cbfeb-9671-4de0-b582-98ecfca84fd8-1
00:37:49.734 --> 00:37:52.120
little bit more appealing, I have to say.

efe6dc03-0b9e-4c19-b578-6e90d725b4c3-0
00:37:52.120 --> 00:37:56.960
So I do like that you embraced your
positive mindset on that.

c0a77a36-2877-410c-a36c-f4e7e56fc8cf-0
00:37:57.040 --> 00:37:57.840
It's good fun.

7c4dc54a-ff9b-46b9-b1e3-dce40f52ba68-0
00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:02.729
So thank you so much for your story, Andy,
and we hope this experience hasn't been

7c4dc54a-ff9b-46b9-b1e3-dce40f52ba68-1
00:38:02.729 --> 00:38:06.120
too painful for you and that we've given
you some useful advice.

72e118ad-4cb5-40ed-ab98-173eb7029a70-0
00:38:06.800 --> 00:38:10.839
I mean, I think as a new writer,
it's like pretty daunting to come up and

72e118ad-4cb5-40ed-ab98-173eb7029a70-1
00:38:10.839 --> 00:38:12.040
do a daredevil, right?

5a181c5a-1b65-4df0-9334-0354fb3994c9-0
00:38:12.040 --> 00:38:13.400
But this is what writing is.

151c99c9-05a2-45e5-837a-3d6b0c6f8279-0
00:38:13.480 --> 00:38:17.492
If you want to get good at it,
you have to be able to take critique and

151c99c9-05a2-45e5-837a-3d6b0c6f8279-1
00:38:17.492 --> 00:38:21.225
you have to be able to say,
I'm going to use this and get stronger

151c99c9-05a2-45e5-837a-3d6b0c6f8279-2
00:38:21.225 --> 00:38:23.120
and I'm going to come back harder.

5f25498e-8148-4eb5-8ab7-55250a1defab-0
00:38:23.120 --> 00:38:25.000
And I'm like, I'm finding my voice.

5207a609-69a4-4bb9-a34f-431b844e1c43-0
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:28.832
I'm finding the things that work for me,
what resonates, what doesn't,

5207a609-69a4-4bb9-a34f-431b844e1c43-1
00:38:28.832 --> 00:38:32.503
to build yourself up to be exactly what
you want to be as a writer,

5207a609-69a4-4bb9-a34f-431b844e1c43-2
00:38:32.503 --> 00:38:36.336
as much as we'd all love to just put
words on the page and for them to

5207a609-69a4-4bb9-a34f-431b844e1c43-3
00:38:36.336 --> 00:38:39.359
miraculously work like this editing
process is crucial.

51343a40-76ae-48c2-a501-2b8bc2bd9a81-0
00:38:39.640 --> 00:38:42.889
So hopefully, Andy,
you've got some friendly beta readers who

51343a40-76ae-48c2-a501-2b8bc2bd9a81-1
00:38:42.889 --> 00:38:47.240
can help you with your next story as well
and, and just give it that final Polish.

8a24d9fc-6cd6-4d67-9519-1efa9324d20e-0
00:38:47.560 --> 00:38:51.200
But you know, in terms of writing style,
I mean, it all flowed and everything.

7cd9088b-055a-47f0-b146-e4d87a780170-0
00:38:51.200 --> 00:38:54.960
So it all just comes down to delivering
that impact, I think.

781e0470-12fd-4dcd-869d-751c25001d3f-0
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:57.508
And that's what gets you long listed and
that's absolutely,

781e0470-12fd-4dcd-869d-751c25001d3f-1
00:38:57.508 --> 00:38:59.760
absolutely what gets you shortlisted is
that impact.

6aff38ca-0ea1-4a8f-81e5-92d4cdec4b24-0
00:38:59.880 --> 00:39:03.884
But look, if you did survive that,
then we hope to see you again in the July

6aff38ca-0ea1-4a8f-81e5-92d4cdec4b24-1
00:39:03.884 --> 00:39:06.172
round,
which as of the time of recording is

6aff38ca-0ea1-4a8f-81e5-92d4cdec4b24-2
00:39:06.172 --> 00:39:08.200
shaping up to be our biggest round yet.

ab2bafa9-6ee5-4ab3-80a4-f7837059eae0-0
00:39:08.200 --> 00:39:10.080
So I'm very excited about that.

4a6d78fb-f630-4174-b1ea-1921c5b9282b-0
00:39:10.080 --> 00:39:15.577
We have our prompts brewing away,
hopefully inspiring some more wild,

4a6d78fb-f630-4174-b1ea-1921c5b9282b-1
00:39:15.577 --> 00:39:16.520
crazy ideas.

f697141f-86b8-48fa-aa62-20153fb98b19-0
00:39:17.120 --> 00:39:20.767
And yeah, if you haven't signed up yet,
make sure you head over to Not Quite

f697141f-86b8-48fa-aa62-20153fb98b19-1
00:39:20.767 --> 00:39:22.520
right prize.com and grab your ticket.

7d20608e-ba5a-446e-afe7-7c08212afe3d-0
00:39:22.520 --> 00:39:23.400
We'd love to see you.

ea4bd4cf-2728-4cc4-b1fd-9fbadab3ae8b-0
00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:23.960
We would.

f61e1bc4-456a-4f74-828d-4b50f28ff725-0
00:39:24.200 --> 00:39:27.856
So thank you, Andy,
and thank you for putting yourself out up

f61e1bc4-456a-4f74-828d-4b50f28ff725-1
00:39:27.856 --> 00:39:31.160
there and helping everyone learn along
the way as well.

9bba2917-8a8f-4059-81cd-e2ee5353750c-0
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:36.120
But we'll be back in a week's time with
our 4th Daredevil this round.

5c0291f1-db97-4715-93ac-efe62853f8db-0
00:39:36.360 --> 00:39:40.040
And until then, right on, right on.

b7e697df-1a25-4bae-b915-0d20113cb642-0
00:39:42.360 --> 00:39:45.720
We hope you enjoyed this special
Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.

5d38ae91-c323-436a-bc24-91f5d11cebe7-0
00:39:46.080 --> 00:39:49.932
If you have thoughts on this story,
follow us on social media and join the

5d38ae91-c323-436a-bc24-91f5d11cebe7-1
00:39:49.932 --> 00:39:50.600
conversation.

c34a3e73-fdce-473d-a6e0-5b2c674683cc-0
00:39:50.920 --> 00:39:54.689
And if you'd like to participate in the
next round of the competition,

c34a3e73-fdce-473d-a6e0-5b2c674683cc-1
00:39:54.689 --> 00:39:56.920
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.

03e21ce7-8727-4cf5-8eb4-160de57889f1-0
00:39:57.200 --> 00:40:03.840
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite
right.