The following is a special presentation of the Not Quite Right Podcast,
in which we discuss in detail entries to our ****** flash fiction competition,
the Not Quite Right Prize for Flesh Fiction.
This episode contains adult themes and is not appropriate for listeners under the
age of 18.
And mum, if you're still listening, that's on you.
Something doesn't seem quite right.
Well, hello.
Hi, I'm Ed, I'm Amanda, and welcome to the third and possibly
final Baredevil.
Now, Baredevils are people who have signed up
for the honour and the privilege of being, let's put it simply,
straight up ****** by Amanda and I together.
It's a bit of a threesome sometimes, you know.
We'll read the story, we'll share our thoughts,
we will no doubt have opinions and hopefully we'll all learn something
together.
But I can't think of a nicer threesome than with the One and Only Holly Sadowski.
I think you speak for all of us.
I think Holly deserves a little bit of credit for actually being our first
baredevil.
Yeah, back in the day, like before baredevils actually existed.
Holly is 1/4 time Daredevil for counting this time as well.
And just just to clarify, so we normally have daredevils, right?
For those of you who are new here, our Daredevils are the people who sign up
to have their stories critiqued on air and.
And the baredevils are the ****** fiction version of that.
But yes, as you mentioned, Holly took revenge on us early in the
piece.
Holly had written another story and we critiqued it.
And I mean, she did ask for it, but then came back again guns blazing
with a spicy story.
So yes, Holly submitted her story, Johnson and Johnson as a daredevil,
as a as not quite right prize entry back in the first year of the not quite right
prize, the first full year back in 2024.
So if you flick back through the archives, I'm sure you'll find it.
It was highly.
It was a highly sexual sexual it was and she forced you to read it and it we let's
call it the spade a spade here.
It was an ****** fan fiction.
It was featuring myself and and yeah, yeah,
in absentia if it let's let's close that book.
Let's park that whole chapter.
If you're interested, go back into the archives.
But anyway, Holly's back.
So Holly has chosen to embarrass us once again, and we love her for it.
It's a love hate thing.
Yeah, but it's mostly love.
But this time, it's not me who's being embarrassed.
It's you, Amanda and I.
For that, I'm especially grateful.
Yes, well, I know what happens in this story.
And I'm already sweating.
I've got my fork here.
Where do you go?
Oh, so here is Fork Me Zaddy by Holly
Sadowski.
When I was a teenager, I had posters of demigods plastered on my
bedroom walls.
Orpheus, Achilles, Perseus, Hercules, especially Hercules,
and every night headgear affixed to my braces.
I'd beg Zeus to make one of them fall in love with me.
In hindsight, it was probably for the best that Zeus
ignored the prayers of a hormonal 15 year old girl.
Or maybe it was ******* some mortal woman to create a more age appropriate demigod
for me.
All I know is that year after year my prayers went unanswered.
Nisa, you're dreaming too small.
My sister Persephone scolded.
Why have the love of a demigod when you could have the love of a God?
Easy for her to say, she was a full born goddess.
I was half mortal and therefore only a demigod.
Who was I to set my sights on a God?
But loathe as I was to admit it, maybe she was right.
So one night we sneaked out of the house and set up offerings in Aphrodite's
temple, each of us praying for the adoration of a
God.
What my sister conveniently failed to mention to me was to be specific in my
request, because that ***** snagged Hades, making her queen of the underworld.
I, on the other hand, would one day rule an entirely different
realm.
Standing before the mirror, getting ready for my date,
I still can't help but compare my appearance to that of my sisters.
Admittedly A pathetic tendency.
My mother and sister are blonde and a fair complexion.
They are summer and spring personified, like the morning sun shining through the
trees, the dew sparkling like fairy dust upon
the grass.
I, on the other hand, favour my mortal father.
Freckles dot my skin like the constellations in the sky,
and my Auburn curls are as unruly as a lion's mane.
I sigh, questioning the decision to go On this
date.
Despite my better judgement, I had caved and let Persephone set me up.
Nessa, she said you should be with an actual God
as benefits your station.
What she meant was my station as her sister.
The doorbell rings as I put the finishing touches on my makeup.
I walk to the door bracing myself.
He may be a God, but considering my past setups that
doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot.
I open the door and my panties immediately flood at the site.
Unintentionally, my eyes immediately dart to his godly
bulge.
My gaze travels up this statuesque man to his narrow hips and expansive chest and
then broad shoulders I want to dig my nails into.
Dark thick hair curls at his ears with cheekbones that could cut glass,
and his Hazel eyes perfectly complement his olive complexion.
His large hawk nose somehow fits his features rather than detracts from them.
Or maybe I'm thinking about how I'd like to sit on that face later tonight.
Nyssa.
He asks, extending a hand.
I'm Olivia.
I give my best seductive look and gaze up at him through my lashes as I take his
profit hand.
It's a pleasure.
Olivia brings my hand to his lips, gently kissing it.
Hades did not do your beauty justice.
His voice is a deep baritone that vibrates to my core.
Splush.
He tucks my hand under his arm.
Come, I have a feast awaiting us at my temple.
My eyes widen.
You have your own temple, There must be some catch,
some reason my sister would set me up with such a perfect specimen.
Olivia chuckles.
I may be a lesser God, but I have more followers than even your
brother in Ioffer a prayer up to Aphrodite in thanks as we set off.
Olivier parks the car and places a hand on my knee.
We've arrived.
I managed to tear my gaze away from his rugged visage to look out the window,
and my stomach drops at the sight.
Is the temple behind the Olive Garden?
I ask.
Olivier chuckles.
Beautiful and a sense of humour.
I'm a lucky man.
The pieces start to click together.
Olive Garden.
Olivio Gardenius So you're the God of Olive Garden, He says proudly,
spreading his arms wide as he escorts me into the restaurant.
I curse Aphrodite, and then I curse Persephone,
the hottest single God I've ever seen in his D list.
He's probably the official caterer to Mount Olympus,
but mostly I curse the bastardised Italian food I'm about to eat.
The moment we enter the establishment, my eyes are assaulted by the faux Tuscany
decor, and the pungent scent of garlic hangs
heavy in the air.
It takes a good 20 minutes for us to push through the crowd.
It devoted followers to Olivia's private dining room,
the soles of my shoes sticking to the tiled floor.
People really love Olive Garden, ha?
I ask, scooching into the curved booth.
He chuckles.
Well, when you're here, your family.
I groan inwardly.
My brain and libido are warring like the Titans against the Olympians.
Does the embarrassment of his Olive Garden realm outweigh his ********
Redwood status?
Oblivious to my inner turmoil, he waves his arm and an assortment of
Americanized Italian food materialises on our table.
Olivier quickly tucks into his pasta, marinara sauce wetting his lips.
My mind wanders, wondering if he'd be as ravenous eating
me out.
Checkmate for the libido.
I grab a breadstick, a bead of pre parmesan glistening at the
tip.
Olivia, I playing with the phallic carb.
I see you're generous with the portions.
I wonder if you're just as generous with dessert.
His head darts up from his bottomless pasta, finally focused on me.
I use the breadstick to slap my cheek, trailing the bread down my neck to my
cleavage.
His pupils dilate, focused on the buttery trail the
breadstick is leaving on my skin.
My other hand trails up his muscular thigh, brushing against his tented crotch.
Is that a breadstick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
His hand wraps around the back of my neck, holding me steady as he kisses my jaw up
to my ear.
For you unlimited breadsticks.
I gasp as he takes my lobe between his teeth, biting gently.
The floodgates are open and I know I'll be leaving snail trails on the seat,
but I don't care.
I want, no need more Olivia.
I pant.
Yes, my tiramisu treasure.
He whispers, his hand snakes up my skirt and I spread
my legs, ready to welcome him in.
You're so wet.
He whispers, inserting 2 fingers inside me like a
never ending soup bowl.
His thumb grazes my **** and I arch my back to get closer.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hanging on for dear life as his fingers
work their magic.
Olivia increases the tempo, kissing and licking my neck.
I've been wanting to toss your salad since I laid eyes on you.
Heat pulls at my centre and I cry out as a wave of euphoria washes over me.
I cling to Olivia, clutching him to me as his long fingers
make me *** again.
I open my eyes once I catch my breath to find his Hazel eyes gazing at me.
You are exquisite.
He whispers kissing gently kissing the tip of my nose, grabbing his hand.
I maintain eye contact as I suck my juices off his fingers.
I gently push him back and begin undoing his pants.
He gasps.
You don't have.
I silence him with a kiss and spit strings from our lips as I pull back.
I'm hungry for some sausage.
I purr, lowering myself until I'm kneeling in
front of him.
And what a glorious sausage it is.
With one hand wrapped around his shaft, I take him into my mouth,
luxuriating at the field of his ****.
His fingers weave through my hair.
Grab those meatballs.
I do as he asks, continuing to suck and kiss his ****.
His grip in my hair tightens and his panting increases.
My hand drifts from his balls, 1 little finger slipping into that
glorious ***.
Nyssa.
He whispers my name like a prayer.
I'm.
His moan reverberates through the restaurant in the halls of Olympus.
He erupts, and I take his sacred offering, relishing my power to make a God reach
the heights of ecstasy.
And then I taste it.
His is no ordinary seed.
Warm, garlicky Alfredo fills my mouth.
I swallow, wiping A stray drop of creamy sauce from
my chin.
I rise from my knees and curl up on Olivia's lap,
his strong arms wrapping around me and holding me tightly to his chest.
I gently shift my position, straddling him with my skirt hiked to my
waist.
Fork me Sadie as he stuffs me like a manicotti.
Ioffer up a prayer of thanks to Aphrodite.
Let Persephone have her crown.
I found paradise in pasta and Olivia's arms.
So thank you, Holly, for your sexy story.
I'll never look at garlic sauce the same way again.
Oh, never look at garlic sauce the same way
again.
That's what I heard.
Uh huh.
But Holly's left us a message, so we'll play that now.
Hi Ed and Amanda, this is Holly from Kansas and this is my
4th Daredevil.
I've always loved taking Greek mythology and turning it on its head,
putting the characters into absurd situations because honestly,
they're kind of the original soap opera.
At least that's how I viewed it for the prompt Make the Unsexy Sexy.
My mind made its way to Olive Garden and I cannot tell you the disappointment I
felt when I found out that Australia doesn't even have Olive Gardens.
So even though I was worried that this would mean some of the jokes wouldn't
land, I really couldn't bring myself to change
it to a different chain like Outback Steakhouse.
So I hope you all enjoy my story.
Fork me zaddy.
Though maybe don't eat anything if you're listening to this.
Well, we forgot to issue that disclaimer before
we read the story, but no, you probably shouldn't be eating any,
you know, Italian food.
Why not?
Oh, well, maybe it enhances the.
I feel like it enhances the experience.
But we do know about Olive Garden.
I think as Australians, yeah, we dispose to American media,
we whether we like it or not, comms and Olive Garden comes up as a
reference quite often.
So I imagine it to be like a Sizzler type of situation, but Italian.
Yeah.
So Sizzler.
I don't know if that's a thing over there.
Probably is.
Could be.
It was a thing in the 90s, big time.
Basically a main restaurant where it was all buffet style and you could just have
as much as you wanted or you can eat of everything.
That's what I picture as well, like kind of a cheap family restaurant
kind of thing.
I know it's the kind of place you wouldn't propose.
I feel like that's like there's a lot of memes about like dates at Olive Garden,
whether that's acceptable.
Do you know?
I once went on a date to the black stump.
Now that's did you.
It's taking us back to the black stump in Erina.
Black stump back bad though.
No, but and but the reason was because my boy
friend at the time had like a 2 for one shopper docket.
Oh, wow.
And you know, I've never been more romanced in my life.
And that's sarcasm.
If you can't pick up the sarcasm there, that's sarcasm.
I mean, to be fair, it was like 17, so it's fine.
But does it really do it?
I feel like you can't expect that much when you're 17.
No, you know, he was paying.
I guess he he only paid for himself.
So it worked out well.
Yeah, that's true.
Or maybe he only paid for you.
It's still taking perspective, I guess.
Anyway, all that aside, I'll tell you right now we're not here to
talk about your.
No, I'll tell you right now it was a very
different experience that I had to what went on in this story here.
There's no breadsticks and Alfredo involved.
No, thankfully.
But yeah, I mean, we do.
Like, does that make this an incest or a faux
sest story?
Like if we're all family at Olive Garden, Right.
OK, so how that works, I'm not quite sure how that.
Well, all the Greek gods are kind of in
incestual.
True.
Yeah, to some extent.
So.
So it's all fine.
So we're all family.
2 layers, double layers of incest here.
So this is Lucas, our third bare devil.
And all three bare devils have either featured in the long list or the podium
or come damn close.
And this is no exception.
Fork me Zaddy has those words on it cut because we.
Well, that's one word, but yeah.
You're in that mood now, aren't you?
Have you to drink, You're belligerent, You're looking for someone to abuse.
And here I am.
Yeah.
Hi.
It has that word cut, which means that we wanted to put this,
desperately wanted to put this on the long list,
but there was only a few spaces.
And comedy, ****** comedy was the largest category.
Most entries really hard to make it on there.
We wanted to put this on there, but and I guess that's decisions.
That's what's interesting in these bedevil episodes.
It's like if I didn't long list, like why not?
Like what?
What was it about my story that didn't get me there?
And we loved this story.
So why did a story that we loved not make it?
And, and I guess that's what we hope to
demystify.
I will say already though that we did market in our notes as publishing quality,
which meant that we wanted to share it with everyone.
So it was by no means like this is a **** story when it doesn't make the long list.
And I think that's worth remembering here because there'd be a lot of listeners,
I hope listening to that.
Hopefully I've done it justice.
But like laughing, thinking this is bloody grey piece of
comedy.
And I agree.
So I guess that's the point, right?
Like you're among good company when you don't make the long list.
But anyway, let's get into that.
Let's have a deep dive, as you say, into what sets this story apart.
Well, just speaking at a kind of a higher level,
what we often talk about is kind of the element of surprise,
something that is out of left field that makes your story stand out.
And here's a story that stands out on its premise.
Like, this is not, you could have 1,000, 000 monkeys typing at the typewriters and
none of them will come up with the Greek gods and Olive Garden and sex.
Yeah, that takes the Holy Sadowski, that one.
But all those elements work together.
I mean, the surprise of the God having his realm,
his temple being the Olive Garden.
And it's fitting.
And, you know, the way that the story pans out as well,
We have the protagonist here who is initially reluctant,
but once she gets a taste of that Alfredo, she comes around.
I think it's clearly expressed that he's pretty hard as well.
Yeah.
I think that's a factor that plays into it.
But you say it's all working well together.
And I'm going to get straight into critique territory.
Yeah.
Because I have one overarching issue.
Is it, is it the Greek Italian thing?
Yes.
Yeah, that's the one.
Yeah.
Like, we've got Greek gods and an Italian
restaurant, and there is something in that that my
brain doesn't like.
You know, it's fine.
We can suspend that and enjoy this story and it's plenty funny and there's no need
to go down that path and get nitpicky.
But there is a part of my brain that is picking that knit and finding it
unsatisfying.
I don't think that's what would stand between this story and a long listing,
for example.
But I think it it's worth considering.
I mean, we do have Roman gods as well, and they're the same ones.
Yeah.
Really.
So I feel like for me, that's an issue, But I don't know.
You picked it, too.
Like, you guessed.
Yeah.
Like, I have to say, reading the story, it didn't really Take Me Out of it.
No.
Because really, if it's Roman versus Italian,
that also doesn't quite, you know, exactly match up like Rome and Italy,
modern Italian cuisine as opposed to ancient Roman gods.
It's also not the same thing, you know, but geographically it is.
But culturally and, you know, in time period,
it's not exactly the same thing.
So I think you can accept a little bit of a stretch.
You're going to accept a stretch in One Direction.
You're going to accept it in another direction.
Pay the job.
Yeah.
Oh, man, reject it.
Oh, and again, come on, you can do it.
Go on, sweetie.
OK, there we go.
Third time's a charm.
You know, you're right.
We can we can suspend our disbelief or our nitpicking brains on that,
but it's worth mentioning.
Yeah, No, but that's right.
I mean, the stronger you can make that connection,
the better it becomes.
I guess.
Yeah.
So let's talk about the title for a moment,
because this is another example of a title that stands out.
It works.
Fork me.
We're talking about forks.
We're talking about Olive Garden.
We're talking about having a lovely dinner together.
Oh, is that what we were talking about?
Lovely dinner, lovely dinner.
All right.
And Zaddy, there's a word that you introduced me to
back in the day, back in episode 4 of the podcast.
It was four or five.
I currently which one it was in the context of, what's his name,
Jimmy Stewart.
So going to my happy place right now.
Yes.
So Holly's leaned into that as well.
So that's lovely and memorable.
Title recalls the story, his creative twist, all of those things.
It's got a comedic tone, which fits the story.
Yeah.
You don't.
You don't title your story.
Fork me Zaddy.
And then it's about grief and loss.
So well done on getting the tone right on that one.
So should we get into the words themselves?
And of course, we're not going to go line by line
because there are way too many lines.
But starting with the opening, when I was a teenager,
I had posters of demigods plastered on my bedroom walls.
And I have to say, first reading of this, the posters on the walls made me think
like modern, like not ancient Greek.
And this is a weird situation where they're Greek gods in the modern day,
right?
But took a little bit of time for me to kind of understand where that line was in
this story.
It didn't really immediately drop me into, oh, I get it.
I'm a teenager.
I'm a also a in this pantheon of Greek gods and also it's modern times and
there's an Olive Garden kind of took a little bit to workout where all of those
pieces came together.
I agree.
And it's kind of hard to remember back now because it's that first impression
thing that you only get once.
And I agree, now that you bring it up, I was a little bit lost in this opening.
I didn't have that clarity that we talk about when you say drop us into the scene.
I think the elements are there, but it's a lot for a reader to kind of
figure out all at once.
And so there may have been maybe just a tiny bit more hand holding required there.
It's not an issue now when we go back and read it again because we know what's
going on and we picture the scene.
But yes, certainly on that first reading, we're a little bit lost for that opening.
I don't know how you would solve that necessarily.
I mean, I think it's a good combination, the posters and the gods.
I think that does bring that ancient Greek in the modern day and and make it
relatable to as as like a modern story.
So I think that works.
It's more about maybe just pretty much straight up saying I'm a demigod and it
it does, but maybe not quick enough.
Like we probably need to set that up just a little bit more clearly.
Yeah, it is really hard to think what comes
first here.
I think Holly's done a good job of at least in a couple of paragraphs,
bringing all that in.
So as it goes on, we kind of develop that picture.
There may be some opportunities around where the story has started.
I think like we have this little section when when I was a teenager and kind of
there is a bit of back story in the introduction of the sister character.
I don't know how much of that needs to be in there really to sell the story because
the story takes place at Olive Garden.
So there is a possibility there of, like, starting it with standing before the
mirror, getting ready for my date and that moment
as we kind of lead into the date and then having the back story fill us in.
Yeah.
And look, I don't mind that it starts because I
think we have that return of the sister.
It's not like it's a throwaway moment.
It is part of it.
This idea of family, this idea of gods and demigods and her
sense of self worth and all of that is wrapped up in that scene.
And you could move it, but I don't think you can cut straight to
here's my date.
I think you need that emotional set up of like I lack self confidence and what kind
of dodgy God am I going to end U with and all of that to really sell the comedy as
well.
And Holly does pay that off right in the closing lines as well to just close that
circle of the story.
So I wouldn't say lose it.
It's just a case of finessing it so that it's clear.
So look, there are a few instances here which I'd
like to get your opinion on, a few instances of flooded panties.
What are your thoughts about that in this story or in this story?
I open the door and my panties immediately flood at the site.
And then later on there's a bit of a what are the what's the word,
a sploosh that takes place.
I guess I will say that the line my panties immediately flooded the site was
a bit much for me.
Like it was kind of, it took me out of the moment in the sense
that it was a bit too overly dramatic.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess it's just a tongue in cheek kind
of thing that you might say like, wow, this guy had such an impact on me.
But it's not said in that kind of sarcastic way.
It's stated like as if it actually happened.
And I think for me, that was a little bit jarring.
But I don't know why you had a different.
No, you like, liked it.
No, I was just so interested to see what your
thoughts are.
I mean, this is a comedic story, right?
And the tone is lighthearted, but also there's a sex scene that happens
and you have to make it sexy as well.
Yeah.
I mean, and even just as if you're going to keep
the comedic tone like a a simple change might be to just ditch the word
immediately.
I don't know what it is, but I think that that word is making it,
yeah, more difficult to see this as just a
sarcastic kind of over the top comment because it's sort of making it a bit more
literal, if that makes sense.
One thing, and I say this just as someone who reads
and critiques a lot of stories, so it's not like a thing that's a problem,
but it's just a thing that I notice, is this scene where she's standing in
front of the mirror sort of looking at herself.
And the whole standing in front of a mirror looking at your own appearance is
a bit of a trope, bit of a cliche in stories.
And it does serve a purpose where you get to describe your own appearance in a way
that you wouldn't normally get to do in a story because you're not looking at
yourself.
So sometimes it has value, but I would sort of say it kind of
triggers me as someone who notices these things.
And I don't think you need the mirror.
I think she can just still compare herself to her sister in her mind because
she knows what she looks like.
Yeah, she can remember that.
And so we can still get that information without the mirror.
And look, I don't know that you need to get rid of
the mirror.
That's that's a me thing.
But I know I'm not the only one.
I know that mirrors in fiction are a bit of a like a overdone kind of thing.
So I would just tell you that, you know, and say, well, up to you.
You keep the mirror or not.
But just so you know, that's something that triggers me as a
reader.
So we get to the Olive Garden and we get there in Olivia's car,
which is interesting because of the Greek God we're talking about.
You know, there's a bit of a fusion happening here.
It takes a little while for your mind to kind of get around the details of what
are you wanting a chariot?
Oh, no, that's Roman.
No, I'm not wanting anything.
It's just this universe has rules and it just takes a little while to kind of get
in there.
But I think it they make sense.
They make internal logical sense.
There's not an issue.
And I want to call out this line because you mentioned it had something to do with
Taylor Swift and I didn't really understand it when I read it.
Does the embarrassment of his Olive Garden realm outweigh his ********
Redwood status?
And I was like, is he a tree?
What does that mean?
Holly knows what it means.
OK, look, I'm, I'm not a Swifty myself.
I know Holly is.
But it's, there's a song called Redwood, I believe.
And I, I think it's about Travis Kelsey.
That's my assumption.
What she's saying is he's massive.
All right.
Yeah, I guess that makes the biggest tree in
the forest.
That makes sense.
But it's.
Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't get it in this context.
I did.
But yeah, I mean, that is a bit of assumed knowledge,
I guess.
And yeah, it can be tricky sometimes with that kind
of phrasing because now you're thinking, literally, this is a tree.
Yeah.
So you've got to be careful with that, I guess.
And that's like, I guess a quirk of what you put in there
from your own experience as a as a Taylor Swift fan.
And it connects with the other Taylor Swift fans.
And for others, not so much.
So you're just making a decision.
Who am I trying to connect with here?
But what I like that Holly's doing here is maintaining the sexual energy and
building it up through the sequence.
So we've got the phallic breadstick, which I believe, as I understand,
is a feature of Olive Garden.
The breadsticks, Yeah, unlimited, I understand.
Well, in this case especially, they're unlimited in a different way,
perhaps because there isn't much sexual about an Olive Garden, as I understand it.
To me, it's not a sexy place.
You don't go there to to do sexual things.
So I think you've got to work to add that energy into the scene.
And she does that what I think is great.
And like, again, we say this is not Olive Garden attendees,
but knowing the trope about it and what a horrible date location it is potentially,
let's put it this way, an unimpressive date location.
So the idea that this D list, as she puts it,
God is taking her to Olive Garden as well.
And their first date is a big part of what makes this funny too.
That's the relatable thing, right?
Like, finally got a date with some guy and he's
and he's hot and whatever, and then he takes you to Olive Garden.
It's like Papao.
So I love that.
I love that that all works together as part of the theme.
And so look, it is, I guess, maybe a bit of a surprising moment as
they are at the Olive Garden enjoying their breadsticks.
There's a bit of innuendo happening.
There's a little bit of implication that's taking place.
But fairly quickly his hand snakes up my skirt and she welcomes him in to her own
personal Olive Garden.
I think there's a little bit for me, a bit of a logic thing around it gets
very sexual very quickly.
In what context is that happening?
Are they alone or not?
And, and she's very, very keen very quickly.
Yeah, despite some initial reluctance.
I mean, look, he's hot and that's really driving the
situation.
But maybe we do need a little bit more emotional justification or something
between them that really sparks.
This is more than just he's hot.
And that kind of overcomes all of her.
Yeah, instantly overcomes everything.
I mean, I think it's OK for that to be the case.
But I think maybe what we're both hinting at here is that there needs to be a
little bit more cause and effect.
Like things are happening and it's all funny and it's great.
But you know, we talk about the line of dominoes.
How is one thing causing the next thing to happen,
which causes the next thing to happen.
So an action and then a reaction.
And from that reaction, something else happens and then we react
to that.
So, you know, we talked in other stories about how it's
like, let's **** OK?
Like this is one of those stories that's a bit like that let's **** OK?
And I think it's more satisfying if we get that push and pull ****.
There's a bit of conflict, you know, he arrives and he's hot.
Great.
And but then we arrive at Olive Garden, and now I'm deflated.
All right, but how did we get from there to now?
Like, he's got his hand inside her.
Yeah.
Without too much ceremony.
Yeah, she's, you know, got the breadsticks going.
Like, how did we get from there to there?
And what's actually happened is it's taken them 20 minutes getting past people
into the restaurant and not that time spent building up what's happening
between them.
Not to mention she's.
Her background is finally.
She's on a date.
Yeah.
You know, it's not like she's, yeah.
Playing the field.
She's not experienced in this kind of thing,
but she's acting like someone who's very experienced.
Yeah.
And look, this is a story that's pure entertainment,
so you don't need to overthink it.
I still had a good time reading this story.
I didn't need to be like, oh, but what was her internal motivation when
she ****** him?
Like, you don't, you don't necessarily have to go there.
But I think in this competition setting, we're sort of feeling that lack of
cohesion, we're feeling that lack of structure that
leads us to this outcome.
And absolutely that's something worth striving for.
Even though the story is already hot and funny and it does the job the way it is.
I think the more you can make your characters feel like real people with
real motivations, even if you leave all the funny stuff the
same, the greater impact it has because they're
acting as people with real motivations.
You can identify with them, all that kind of thing.
And then you have the the human layer on top.
But I think in this case, Holly is just keen to get to the Alfredo.
Basically, we're keen to get into the sex scene,
which is, which is understandable, which I support.
This is neurotic fiction.
It's a neurotic fiction comp.
We want to see the sex.
And that's what we're getting.
Yeah.
And she definitely, like, infuses the dish with all of these little
references that are a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Got them all in there.
Yeah.
Got the breadstick, we've got the salad.
Got a tiramisu?
It's, you know, like a never ending Super Bowl.
You, if you ever insert 2 fingers inside a
woman and then say like a never ending soup bowl,
you're sure to get a positive response back to that little analogy.
And we encourage you all to try that at home.
Yeah, I think here there's a comment like as
things are getting heated and it's really fun and we've got all this these Olive
Garden references, though we do dip back into that territory
of the idiomatic expression or the cliche expression.
So we've got I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hanging on for dear life.
So this thing of hanging on for dear life and which is, you know,
a phrase that we hear all the time and we're in the midst of all this really
unique special stuff.
And I would say try and stick with that if you can.
And, and, you know, those kinds of phrases can work as
character voice, but I don't think it does work for this
character voice.
She's a very specific character, and I think perhaps she could think a
little more uniquely about the circumstances.
And I think that's probably a risk with ****** fiction in particular,
because some of these, like you said it before in a previous
episode, like it's really the same stuff that's
happening in all of these stories.
When you really get down to it, it's the same sort of stuff.
So how do we describe that in a way that feels fresh?
And we don't need to, we don't need to always be like inventing
new and elaborate ways to describe something fairly straightforward.
But I think what we're trying to do is just describe it in a way that fits the
specific situation and the specific characters as much as possible.
But yeah, like you said, there is a lot here that keeps you
entertained and keeps you hooked.
And a lot of those phrases do fall into the background.
I love the line.
I'm hungry for some sausage.
I think that's another fun food related.
They all are like, I've been waiting to toss your salad.
And all of that is great fun.
And that's what this story is about, right?
This story is just like deliver those gags because that's the whole point of
trying to make this unsexy thing irresistible.
And I think look, the the climax of this story,
the surprising moment is obviously the Alfredo.
And that's so good.
That's the bit that stays with you.
And also when you talk about Domino's being knocked over,
this is the bit that stays with our protagonist as well.
That's surprising for her.
And that's the thing that tips her over the edge.
I mean, she's already on board, let's be real.
But the Alfredo comes and then she's like, yes, this is for me.
I'm on board now.
This is a moment that a lot of stories miss.
Like you can build these references in and you can hit all the references and
it's still not quite satisfying because you haven't taken us to the next level.
And I think that Alfredo is the next level.
Totally is, yes.
It's like if you're writing a comedy, the comedy needs to reach a climax.
It needs the funniest bit right at the end, the punchline.
And the Alfredo is the punchline.
And everybody who has read this story, that is the thing that that sticks with
them.
And just the idea that this Greek God has garlic come because she's like,
it's just the funniest **** and so good, so funny.
I, I Holly, love your brand of ****** **.
This is so good.
And I love that you're comfortable sharing it and that you're comfortable
putting your name to it.
It's really good.
I will say though, that like after that moment, I don't know,
I I didn't quite get the ending there and even reading it aloud just now,
it didn't quite land for me.
So I think maybe there's some work to be done in the denim off, if you will,
Like I think you've mentioned it like when you called that the comedic climax.
I feel yes, that's the comedic climax.
Now we need the sexual climax and we end the story a little bit before the sexual
climax.
She says she hikes her skirt.
She says fork me zaddy and he stuffs her.
And then like we didn't really get that moment of like that climax happening in
full and the release that comes with that and then their own little denim eye at
the end of that.
So I think we could have maybe taken that a little bit further in that moment.
So we got kind of both climaxes.
Yeah.
And I mean, I think like it's earlier in the action
where it's more sexual and more full on and more sensory and there's a lot going
on.
And then we get to the end there and it's kind of like,
and then they **** the end kind of thing.
And I think you need it to be reaching that ultimate point where it is the most
explicit and the most full on moment of the story potentially.
But again, like this is a comedy and you came here
for the gag and we get the gags and the gags are coming one after another after
another and then bam, like that is a good choice.
So we don't want to lose that because I think that's what makes this story great.
But you know, we talk about like sticking the landing.
I don't think this quite sticks the landing.
I think it sticks the climax for the comedy.
And then I think just that ending needs something and I'm not sure what because I
do love that she's happy now.
You know, she's got one over on her sister.
Like all of that's coming together at the end,
which is what makes for a satisfying story.
I think maybe it just needs a little bit of a rethink of what exactly that
emotional.
It could just be a sequencing thing because we have that climax with the
Alfredo source, and then she's even more worked up and
she's like, fork me.
Maybe the fork me moment could come a bit earlier.
Yeah.
So that the Alfredo becomes the climax.
And then the following that we get the moment of like,
I finally kind of beat my sister.
Or if I found a way to.
Yeah.
I mean, if the Alfredo is the climactic moment,
then that has to be the thing.
Yeah.
And we don't keep going after her.
That's it.
That's the thing.
And that's where she's absolutely head over heels.
But the but the emotional ending there, that moment of we get the resolution of
her initial conflict.
The initial conflict that was set out at the start was with her sister.
And that's what's being kind of resolved and paid off in that final line.
And I think that works well.
I like that as an ending.
Yeah, absolutely.
So what do you think?
Did Holly succeed in making Olive Garden sexy?
I think so, yeah.
If you are on your next trip to America, view Olive Garden differently.
Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
You've been to America?
I haven't.
No, No, I haven't.
I've seen one, but I haven't been there.
Have been to Sizzler.
I mean Sizzler.
Like when you think about it, it's sizzling.
Does it still exist?
I know there are.
I think there's still one in Sydney that don't really want to go to Sizzler.
Yeah.
You just find a great God, God of Sizzler.
What kind of God do you think would run a Sizzler?
The God of salmonella.
So well done.
Look, I think, I think you've met your brief, Hollina,
and achieved your aim of making an Olive Garden sexy and in a way that,
like surprised us.
And that's why you came very close to the long list.
I guess that's the big lingering question, though.
What was it?
What was it that had us cutting this story when it is so funny?
Yeah, objectively very funny story.
So to answer that question, I've just gone through my notes again.
So our judging notes.
These are the judging notes from our initial first round or when we actually
read the story.
And look, I think it's a few things.
I think there were a few things and it's the things we've talked about.
So it was very funny that I've made that comment.
It's very, very funny.
But there was a little bit of confusion in that setup that needed to be smoothed
out a little bit.
And then just some logic questions, one of which being how is he forking her
immediately after garlic saucing everywhere, which is a little bit,
no refractory.
No refractory.
But you know, he is a God.
So that's OK.
But we need to sort of explain that.
And as we said, maybe they don't need to fork at all
actually.
And then one other thing which is interesting now that I go back and look
at my notes, is that I got AI vibes from this story
reading it and you know, going back now knowing that Holly wrote
it, absolutely don't feel that way.
But I guess this thought that you could put in Olive Garden as a prompt and then
get all of these gags back kind of felt like a possibility.
I'm going to read out my comment because I had the same thing about AI.
And I said, it's a pity that every time I see an—I'm
triggered into thinking it's AI.
This definitely has some of that to it, But AI is not going to write a line like
with one hand wrapped around his shaft, I take him into my mouth,
luxuriating at the feel of his ****.
And we talked about AI writing in some of our flesh fiction episodes.
And this is like an example of like a lion that is a human lion that you're
just not going to get out of a large language model.
You say that ChatGPT wouldn't say it because ChatGPT is little ***** but I
don't know, I feel like AI could say that.
But look, that wasn't the deciding factor by any
means, but it's just interesting to go back and
go, oh, OK, but we were really on guard.
Yeah, we were during the we were we were
starred at that.
False positives all over the place.
Yeah, for sure.
But look, I think it really does come down to just
some of that tightening, like ultimately, and some of the logic stuff that we
talked about, and just kind of making sure all of that
is tidied up so that we can just enjoy it without any kind of friction.
Yeah.
And ultimately it just makes the whole experience more satisfying when all those
puzzle pieces fit together nicely and perfectly and you don't kind of question
why there are gaps in certain places.
It's just more satisfying as a whole.
I'm just sorry my brain is going into the gutter with all of everyone's going to
put a satisfying whole is a great point to end flesh fiction on, I feel.
Oh, I don't want it to end.
Yeah, because that is actually the end, I think the actual, actual end.
Well, having said that, we have some books coming out and we have
the very first volume of flesh fiction available now, today, this very moment,
if you go on our website.
Yeah.
And I hope you do because this book seriously,
like if you're going to buy any book, make it this one.
It really does give you that experience that we had of encountering just the most
random assortment of human desire.
It's a smorgasbord.
It is a smorgasbord.
You might say it's a buffet.
It's a buffet and the breadsticks are unlimited.
They are unlimited.
But like quite seriously, you know, and, and again,
this was our experience of judging, there's funny stories,
there's super hot stories, there's kind of sad stories,
there's like everything in between.
But all of it is fascinating because there is an element for every single
story where that author was putting themselves out there and taking a risk.
And that's what feels really cool.
I think about these stories more so maybe than our regular competition.
So absolutely, please do jump on our website and grab a
copy for yourself, one for your nan, one for your mum, and enjoy.
And 30 stories, More than 30 stories, 300 pages.
That's a lot of smarts, a lot of Devi.
Count how many, how many ***** I did count how many *****
I texted you how many ***** there were.
I'll tell you right now, it was averaging over 2 per story,
which considering some stories had no men in them,
makes for an interesting percentage.
Yeah, find them all like a Where's Wally?
A Where's Willie?
Where's Willie?
We've also got two more volumes coming out this year, hopefully,
if we can get them all out this year.
So that's a whole bunch of stories and a reminder that Amanda and I have both
written a story that feature somewhere in these three books.
So read them and try and figure it out.
Yeah.
See if you can just see guesses.
And look, we're not shy.
It's OK.
We're we're interested to find out when our secret will be revealed.
But for now, we'll pretend we'll hide behind our our
pseudonyms.
But thank you again, Holly, for being a fourth time Daredevil,
a second time baredevil.
Let's say you're the only person who has been a baredevil twice, a ******* pioneer.
And.
And who knows if flesh fiction would even exist without Johnson and Johnson.
Truly.
Yeah.
When I think about it now and pave the way,
I think it was the first ****** reading of a story.
So yes, thank you, Holly.
Maybe it was you who after all of this inspired flesh Fiction into that seed,
so to speak.
But look, you know, Never Say Never might be back again.
But for the time being, thank you to every single person who
submitted a story to Flesh fiction.
The experience of reading and judging and just immersing ourselves in the gutter
for months on end.
I already miss it.
It's life changing.
Like I know that sounds dramatic, but like it's been so fun and brought so
much joy and I hope it's brought joy to everybody listening and encourage you all
to just go back and luxuriate in it.
Enjoy the story readings, luxuriate in it like a Greek God's ****.
So thank you everyone.
And like, I think it's about time we close the door
on on flesh fiction for the time being.
Who knows what the future has to offer, but we'll be back.
We'll be back with our with our normal God.
How do we go back to normal after this?
I know look, it's it's always a little bit abnormal.
We are called not quite right after all for a reason.
We'll be getting back together pretty soon to record a regular episode which
hasn't we haven't had one come out since like October about that last regular
episode was the 100th episode celebration.
I think we're actually up to about 100 and 30 episodes now somehow and probably
several more to come.
Oh God, and we've got words on the waves.
We've got words on the waves.
We've actually got a new what's on like an events page on a website.
So if you're interested in catching Amanda and I and want to know what we're
doing, head of the website and click the link
and you will see what we're doing.
And Amanda, you've got a whole bunch of flash fiction
courses coming out, workshops.
I'm very excited.
So we've got on the Central Coast, we've got with riding NSW Hornsby Library
and with writers Victoria as well.
So I'll be going down to Victoria to deliver a workshop.
So if you are down that way, please come along and love to meet you
and we can just chat flash stuff all day long,
which is what I like to do and flash all day long.
I hear they're a bit looser about that down down South.
Oh yeah, scarf mouth.
I should shut my mouth is what should happen right now.
Shut your N mouth.
Alright well I think it's about time when you land at this plane and saw ourselves
out of the room.
It's definitely like a water based landing at this point we're in trouble
with.
All right, without further ado, let's get the **** out of here.
Thank you everyone for joining us for Flesh Fiction,
and we'll be back very shortly without regularly scheduled programming.
But until then, right on, right on.
We hope you enjoyed this special Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.
If you have thoughts on this story, follow us on social media and join the
conversation.
And if you'd like to participate in the next round of the competition,
head over to our website at notquiteright. com.
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite right.
My hand drifts from his balls, one finger slipping into that glorious
****.
1 little finger one.
OK, repeat the line about the balls in the
****.
Yes, boss.