WEBVTT

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Not Quite Right features discussions that
are unfiltered and uncensored,

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and may include themes that are
inappropriate for younger listeners.

6e56b874-c1d3-4d5e-a756-cba12afb8251-0
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Also, I swear a lot.

823105f7-a048-4347-939f-55d8db155a92-0
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Something doesn't seem quite right.

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Welcome to Not quite right.

396f0989-98b6-488f-b674-66e3df713951-0
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My name is Ed and I'm Amanda and welcome
to the second Daredevil for the July 2026

396f0989-98b6-488f-b674-66e3df713951-1
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Not Quite Right prize for Flash Fiction.

185045e5-45eb-4027-ab3d-12704dce3f63-0
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Daredevils are people signed up to have
their story roasted by Amanda and I?

f126ed2e-0b8d-4550-b3e0-c9e36e670c10-0
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Yummy on air on the podcast.

47e4297c-a3ad-4f1a-a83a-1ce6cc9aa34e-0
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So we'll read the story,
talk about the story, break it down,

47e4297c-a3ad-4f1a-a83a-1ce6cc9aa34e-1
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share our thoughts and hopefully we'll
all learn something in the process.

63129b07-12fa-47de-94c8-9b02c1bc344b-0
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And our trusting victim today is Sally
Rides assignment.

803bf44b-8d09-4508-97fc-58cf41b13750-0
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Hi, Sally.

2a27cb1d-1807-4f55-aaf0-4e3619e43d3f-0
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Now, Sally's actually an OG entrant.

e95d8a4a-f043-498c-b573-74188240e950-0
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She entered in the inaugural comp all the
way back in 2023.

6764f46d-e793-4104-adb4-2ef28e7f9760-0
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I recall.

9118e57c-43b4-4c4f-9ce8-4ea992647447-0
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Now, Amanda's side note,
2023 was only three years ago.

2cfad124-e3f1-4233-81fa-56cc8e585a87-0
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Oh, my God.

f1c4e745-8c6f-4151-bd5e-7386118e567a-0
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You sure?

c3bb497b-673b-4a96-a428-860110a35d70-0
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It's like about 10?

2f1b4c44-8968-46fd-b2ef-339572c3549c-0
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Yeah.

bfeda50a-e8d7-4c0b-ad4e-89da56b7adcf-0
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So yeah, Sally's an OG entrant.

ae9bd7f3-7dcc-4a2b-af65-6e0620741db2-0
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She's entered many rounds and she's got a
few accolades to show for it.

6782e708-3d67-4e5c-afad-af7d2e0ee5bf-0
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She's got 4 long listings and 1 short
listing.

62918d69-f36e-4591-8597-d2d75fa6c491-0
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In fact,
she long listed in the very first round

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of the competition with her story.

e2e94fcf-862c-4e2c-9675-ea60f972d75c-0
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Unfortunately for fortunately,
she actually shortlisted in April 2024

e2e94fcf-862c-4e2c-9675-ea60f972d75c-1
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with her story,
A Guide to Judging the Pie Entries at the

e2e94fcf-862c-4e2c-9675-ea60f972d75c-2
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Women's Auxiliary Club Annual Fair from
last year's judge,

e2e94fcf-862c-4e2c-9675-ea60f972d75c-3
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who should have known better.

ed9ccb2a-2f85-4d00-8688-1e6b0a41746f-0
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Like, very clearly.

1597228d-a552-4e3b-a4f0-1c98515e3bba-0
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Remember that story?

cb7de661-30a6-4e05-9f31-133a359941f7-0
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Yeah, the pie judging.

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Mm Hmm.

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Also,
a few more long lists to the DJ who

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insists on playing our house every
morning at 9:00 AM and to Hiroshima with

a0ab08cf-b465-4648-9466-f8d4b49ff49d-2
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love.

c36f52a3-2e38-4b60-9621-73c8cd3bfc1b-0
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I believe that would have been from the
crane round of the competition.

73fa0283-ecd5-4ba6-9606-28c1cff9df9f-0
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And finally, another long list.

96a1c187-927c-482a-b0af-4656af8b63a6-0
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Marcus Wilkins psychiatric interview to
determine fitness to stand trial.

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Question one.

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Do you know while you're here?

396a7399-01fa-4af6-9b9c-178e7b34f69b-0
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So a fan of the long titles as well is
Sally from the looks of it.

6e39c416-571d-454a-90c0-76c90fa148cf-0
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And Sally's actually,
as of the time of recording equal 9th on

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the leaderboard.

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So some serious accolades here.

7e8996e8-d0c4-42a4-b606-8d9600a1ee77-0
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And Amanda, you've met Sally.

165b98b8-4ebf-4e6f-9425-259ddc2ee8e9-0
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I have met Sally.

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So Sally and her partner Todd came out to
Australia,

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to Sydney on a bit of a world tour.

989a1ced-84f7-4ae4-a721-8e45f21940ec-0
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And so I, you know,
shot down to Sydney to say hello,

989a1ced-84f7-4ae4-a721-8e45f21940ec-1
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and we spent the day in Circular Quay,
and it was lovely.

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So, you know, I'm a big fan of Sally's.

ff762ec7-5320-4da0-8d5d-e72ab6aa40d2-0
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Obviously,
we like Sally's writing on this occasion.

313ae574-cbca-46b9-a22e-4c323b9050e6-0
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I guess she'll be disappointed this
particular story didn't make the long

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list or short list this time around.

a4e636b5-4251-4262-b29c-802b2880d32c-0
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And so I guess hopefully we can look into
the reasons why.

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Yeah.

cb7aaa0e-b381-4ec2-a85f-f996cd4a7ca9-0
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And perhaps what sets this story apart
from some of those others.

19926ab1-670a-4ee4-9050-0ddbadd88f75-0
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Yeah.

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Perhaps it was the very short title this
time around.

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Oh, big mistake.

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Big mistake.

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And of course,
Sally has written for Team Amanda,

48bedbd1-3744-4982-b75c-487f7988e4b5-1
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of course, as you do.

9d8fb455-7e9f-4a9c-8643-b6d11acf696d-0
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So what were the prompts this round,
Amanda?

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So the word prompt was Moon.

16db170e-f213-43fc-b790-5c9b69dc23b6-0
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The action prompt was a character who
conceals something.

acc1d1ff-13a8-4870-b570-4f84f8100633-0
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And the kicker was to write a story
inspired by yin energy.

0c3f2515-f420-420b-b868-6762f47f7e7f-0
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So the yin from yin and Yang,
the feminine side,

0c3f2515-f420-420b-b868-6762f47f7e7f-1
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the dark side of the mountain shadow,
the quieter side.

af6b26d2-35e2-4c57-8b65-9c91ddb5d0c5-0
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My guess of that dichotomy.

36cf5f43-990e-4bac-b7a6-5c3319fed2ae-0
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All right,
so seeing that we've got a female

36cf5f43-990e-4bac-b7a6-5c3319fed2ae-1
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protagonist and a Team Amanda entry,
why don't you read the story?

325ed4ea-36a9-474c-80e6-9aeb913e07d7-0
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This story, though, No, I'd love to.

87206cb4-5459-469c-90b6-c6ec693baef8-0
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All right,
so here is Reading The Room by Sally

87206cb4-5459-469c-90b6-c6ec693baef8-1
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Riser Simon reading The Room,
which is actually the Benedict High

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School gymnasium,
plastered in crepe paper and balloons,

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A sagging welcome.

88f7bb0e-4e8a-44c1-9b71-9eb162c74d76-0
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Class of 2016 banner spanning the
threshold.

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Cassandra sits in her car,
tarot cards fanned on the passenger's

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seat.

da930706-e741-445e-8a9c-746c24413977-0
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What do I need to know about tonight?

b46cf0da-01eb-4cde-be1d-adb01c24a999-0
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She pulls a single card.

304143d8-e7d9-4ef8-a067-8a92253f33db-0
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The moon.

83ef0444-98cf-474e-8d01-987663d2e4d0-0
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She whispers, of course,
and slides it into her pocket.

8f3631ae-a42c-433e-ba23-4b7afb2f051d-0
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Cassandra hadn't been voted onto the most
likely page of the yearbook,

8f3631ae-a42c-433e-ba23-4b7afb2f051d-1
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although if Weird Girl or Most likely to
be forgotten had been categories,

8f3631ae-a42c-433e-ba23-4b7afb2f051d-2
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she'd have warranted a page all to
herself.

8c6efb54-bd66-4eb3-93e5-d5d21c23ed91-0
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The class clown Marcus is where she
imagined he'd be doing stand up by the

8c6efb54-bd66-4eb3-93e5-d5d21c23ed91-1
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punch bowl 3 women throw their heads back
in unison laughter.

bb25332a-be6a-4c18-a442-762fd96ad125-0
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Cassandra hopes he's funnier now.

d7f05624-c739-45c3-89a1-1378769c5839-0
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Funnier than when he started like the
Cowardly Lion and asked her to prom and

d7f05624-c739-45c3-89a1-1378769c5839-1
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those who saw laughed as he pivoted to I
am Oz the Great and Powerful.

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As she approaches,
Cassandra notices Marcus's hands form

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fists inside his pockets.

2d0dfda0-5d73-4853-b956-503bb738ebe7-0
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The women motion to the dance floor,
but he shakes his head and waves them off.

e12a41ea-c69f-45cd-af4d-02e97a211503-0
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Now he's blocking the cups.

5af1e0e3-4d3a-47db-9c99-70f00ed1f0fb-0
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Cassandra taps his shoulder.

92a54bf6-862d-46ec-8036-e20e53d1c721-0
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Excuse me?

5605f75a-de15-4523-94b8-2e94819be40b-0
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She's praying he'll crack a joke.

112ac079-ab80-4bbe-839a-d4792c43a6ea-0
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She will bite a tongue.

5e52d818-fc4d-4e9b-9b9e-21330cc09206-0
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She's practised A steely eyed glare.

40d6d383-349b-4b0c-92e2-c141a32cb8ed-0
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Cassandra, is that you?

bd7d74af-feb9-4709-b521-8fa7e5f0e683-0
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He takes her in.

ddcd12b5-4f64-4521-bd44-3278d5696a49-0
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You look gorgeous.

6f0c2a4c-1dbd-4e10-b822-08a2183b5eef-0
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I miss saying goodbye at graduation.

bc743594-36ae-4736-b1c0-98958bac5d46-0
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She did not prepare for flattery or
sincerity or the intensity of those blue

bc743594-36ae-4736-b1c0-98958bac5d46-1
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eyes.

cc87c91c-8577-47b2-80f4-d1b2d83c8c22-0
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Teacher's pet.

da2b0041-c613-4aa7-833a-dc2fdc4bbad1-0
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Mr Heinz spins records from a makeshift
stage.

f3a12270-44a5-4015-9179-f885ceaa9d24-0
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She wonders what he's still doing here.

dd40195b-3ca8-4af7-9253-3a15352fb754-0
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Senior year,
he'd spent numerous lunch periods

dd40195b-3ca8-4af7-9253-3a15352fb754-1
00:05:53.666 --> 00:05:57.640
critiquing her short stories,
insisting he'd write a novel someday.

e62efe51-988b-4d13-8373-4a631a6297ed-0
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Can I request a song?

bd07e535-a749-4ef8-a7e1-f739f8abfbfd-0
00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:02.400
She yells over the cacophony.

a24606cf-dc4b-428d-add6-21fcf2d7d3d8-0
00:06:03.520 --> 00:06:04.520
He leans down.

249a5278-d332-4d38-915f-f883d3bdb99a-0
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Cassandra Morrison,
if you aren't the cat's meow.

7db3c0d3-c228-4cd3-aa5c-c5218ac370ec-0
00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:10.560
Sorry for the cliche.

126101ec-ecde-4588-a8b2-ad03b56b9278-0
00:06:11.080 --> 00:06:13.280
Let me choose a song for you instead.

1b57b72a-2676-428d-bf33-076b69c07208-0
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Pink's just like fire spills from the
speakers.

3fa566a9-37d3-429b-a782-db58f40a5753-0
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He hops from the stage, a book in hand.

2def0643-a649-44d9-8b39-796438c1bbfa-0
00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:26.040
Calliope's Island,
a novel by Gerald Hines.

854e6325-27cf-4104-8780-13a537f9385e-0
00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:28.320
I dedicated it to you.

35e0fdcd-4844-431b-9850-94fc8409ea64-0
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Cassandra had not prepared for
dedications or speechlessness or tears.

a18b8aaa-b4cf-4187-bddf-24980b606d7c-0
00:06:39.320 --> 00:06:40.360
Drama Queens.

0194e120-41de-4a2e-ba0f-c18a2857fbd4-0
00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:43.920
The trio catches Cassandra's eye.

6dc92d47-b159-4eba-b8a9-82d35ab33d57-0
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Three girls,
voices once heard above everyone else's,

6dc92d47-b159-4eba-b8a9-82d35ab33d57-1
00:06:47.684 --> 00:06:48.480
as if screaming.

4fa5c14f-24e5-43df-a64b-97e4ad100ec9-0
00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:49.640
Look at us.

b2d85d2d-f941-48fb-9d66-7ae9e5ae63d9-0
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They still dance the same,
bobbing side to side in a closed circle.

b76f7c89-d0bc-4b6d-b3df-f8964dbceaf3-0
00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:00.880
Cassandra eases into the crowd,
pretending to dance toward the restroom.

f9b77514-833c-4bc1-8955-ae4322b4a712-0
00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:04.760
She waits for them to see her and sing
their sing songy taunt.

7c4a945c-a1e6-433d-8a3b-1161ad49095c-0
00:07:05.240 --> 00:07:07.000
Look, it's the Widow.

79d1d002-58c5-41b4-a76a-d27e00bca697-0
00:07:08.520 --> 00:07:11.480
Cassandra has prepared her flippant reply.

e7a5684a-0b93-406e-99f1-a4a5887955bc-0
00:07:12.880 --> 00:07:16.160
As the song ends,
she notices 2 of them release held hands.

6aca2e49-1206-420b-beaa-9d79a9bd7a7a-0
00:07:16.680 --> 00:07:19.080
The third pulls her sleeves over scarred
wrists.

47915017-d1b5-4087-9012-102ee728ef59-0
00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:22.840
They speak in hushed tones as they leave
the dance floor.

079e38cb-fa81-4ba7-a1f7-f58a7a0a2288-0
00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:32.440
Cassandra had not prepared for quieted
tongues or revelations or serenity.

949ad14f-3b7c-41cf-8092-d0b24ba00670-0
00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:36.320
Cassandra Morrison.

c4130553-24ae-451a-902d-661c0649f9ef-0
00:07:37.920 --> 00:07:40.600
Tarot cards are still fanned on the
passenger seat.

e6fdbb7d-9d54-445c-b4b6-d87e21469b62-0
00:07:41.320 --> 00:07:44.200
Cassandra replaces the moon into the deck
and shuffles.

3128c5ba-1063-49e4-98b6-0ea4af28d535-0
00:07:45.880 --> 00:07:47.720
What do I need to know about tomorrow?

328d6f3c-8e0c-45c6-918c-eee1bd80265e-0
00:07:49.320 --> 00:07:52.840
She reaches for a card, hesitates.

28f9fb37-dc93-44c2-a515-ab62acf7faf0-0
00:07:55.800 --> 00:07:57.160
There's a knock on her window.

6efb37ce-3d47-43e9-a8b1-9c6407217517-0
00:07:59.320 --> 00:08:00.240
It's Marcus.

786c184d-0a58-4916-af2a-f43c55167cf6-0
00:08:17.940 --> 00:08:19.820
So thank you so much for your story,
Sally.

92001f13-991c-4dec-9f41-cbe4de3c52f0-0
00:08:19.820 --> 00:08:23.780
And Sally has left us a voicemail,
so we'll play that now.

7fe3ec80-0090-42b8-a98b-0614a56512b1-0
00:08:26.820 --> 00:08:29.940
Hi, Amanda and Ed,
Sally Simon here from the US.

a7dad2ec-b5db-498b-b568-aed308af6f01-0
00:08:30.220 --> 00:08:33.183
Since writing to prompts does not always
come easy for me,

a7dad2ec-b5db-498b-b568-aed308af6f01-1
00:08:33.183 --> 00:08:34.540
I'm here for your scrutiny.

a945af8f-8524-48b6-b119-ff58d5b3d447-0
00:08:34.580 --> 00:08:36.700
Let me tell you about reading the room.

702422a0-027f-4924-9aa6-b16ac63f219b-0
00:08:37.300 --> 00:08:42.158
I love tarot cards so I immediately went
to the Moon card which means illusion and

702422a0-027f-4924-9aa6-b16ac63f219b-1
00:08:42.158 --> 00:08:46.724
I decided to set it in a 10 year reunion
so it would be relatable to the most

702422a0-027f-4924-9aa6-b16ac63f219b-2
00:08:46.724 --> 00:08:47.719
amount of people.

1d491a29-a388-44ca-aed0-a4dc620dce62-0
00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:52.907
My goal was to write about identity and
how we all hide ourselves in various ways

1d491a29-a388-44ca-aed0-a4dc620dce62-1
00:08:52.907 --> 00:08:56.600
behind labels that can be wrong,
even those that we give ourself.

f8f09186-36b8-4417-8975-27e2ed86578c-0
00:08:57.280 --> 00:09:02.595
The question is did that message come
across without being too internal or the

f8f09186-36b8-4417-8975-27e2ed86578c-1
00:09:02.595 --> 00:09:04.480
characters being too cliche?

aa033243-8c59-49ef-8e23-601274d09216-0
00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:08.372
And just for funsies,
I would love you guys at the end of the

aa033243-8c59-49ef-8e23-601274d09216-1
00:09:08.372 --> 00:09:12.403
Stair Devil to say Sally Simon would
receive most likely to blank ha ha ha

aa033243-8c59-49ef-8e23-601274d09216-2
00:09:12.403 --> 00:09:13.640
have fun with that one.

fae2f89a-8c02-40c3-b6b7-df761279c749-0
00:09:14.360 --> 00:09:16.845
In general,
I would like to know if this particular

fae2f89a-8c02-40c3-b6b7-df761279c749-1
00:09:16.845 --> 00:09:20.000
story had too many dots that need to be
connected by the readers.

cb5e61c2-ff11-476d-90e6-471de6674c56-0
00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:24.887
And in overall the stories that I have
written for you guys,

cb5e61c2-ff11-476d-90e6-471de6674c56-1
00:09:24.887 --> 00:09:30.280
what would you say are my strengths and
what is the one area I can improve?

cd9be056-7184-40cc-89bf-46abdddf291b-0
00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:34.620
Not necessarily to win the pointy trophy,
which I would love to do,

cd9be056-7184-40cc-89bf-46abdddf291b-1
00:09:34.620 --> 00:09:37.400
but just to have you both say a year from
now.

dce7d872-17bf-493c-9b3a-ae0af8dce0a6-0
00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:40.446
Wow,
Sally Simon's writing has really moved to

dce7d872-17bf-493c-9b3a-ae0af8dce0a6-1
00:09:40.446 --> 00:09:41.240
the next level.

cc37dfc8-443c-44d0-b89e-c786273f81fa-0
00:09:41.560 --> 00:09:42.920
Love you guys, bring it.

171d10c1-7892-47e1-859b-a6720fd0ee98-0
00:09:44.880 --> 00:09:45.520
So thanks, Sally.

24016dea-0234-4681-8a77-0fde24fbb671-0
00:09:45.520 --> 00:09:47.120
There's a lot to unpack there.

b1a57c24-8d1f-42d2-93d1-f8b0bfebae0d-0
00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:50.499
I think we'll get to that bigger
overarching question about, you know,

b1a57c24-8d1f-42d2-93d1-f8b0bfebae0d-1
00:09:50.499 --> 00:09:52.880
previous stories and so on maybe towards
the end.

4ade3fea-bc00-4e7d-bae3-17d1973e43ea-0
00:09:53.280 --> 00:09:55.915
But, you know,
acknowledging that writing to prompts is

4ade3fea-bc00-4e7d-bae3-17d1973e43ea-1
00:09:55.915 --> 00:09:56.480
a challenge.

d31e7c6b-0b75-44eb-b175-ba8dfb157a4e-0
00:09:56.560 --> 00:09:58.760
I personally find that really challenging
as well.

0772ae98-4b2e-4f8c-a271-78c08f0394d6-0
00:09:58.760 --> 00:10:02.760
I always say about myself like I I'm OK
with my writing style.

c3d6850e-f206-4950-b195-3992ab90ae3c-0
00:10:02.760 --> 00:10:03.720
I'm pretty happy with it.

2098768b-7962-40e0-8bf1-055a3dfb1346-0
00:10:03.720 --> 00:10:06.360
It's not, you know, Shakespeare,
but I'm pretty happy with how I write.

0e2fe849-993c-420e-bfec-c9c6f9b08c02-0
00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:08.920
It's the idea generation that I struggle
with.

579bc6a2-fa91-4c21-9bfb-95fd415c3208-0
00:10:08.920 --> 00:10:11.685
And that's where the prompts are like
designed to help you,

579bc6a2-fa91-4c21-9bfb-95fd415c3208-1
00:10:11.685 --> 00:10:13.160
but sometimes become your enemy.

2f5e8109-4b0d-4898-b911-cb9226189ed7-0
00:10:13.560 --> 00:10:17.240
And I say all the time how I Rage Against
the prompts as soon as they drop.

0a954597-3ef9-48b4-891b-2df71b2edc71-0
00:10:17.400 --> 00:10:20.252
And for me,
it's a process of just accepting them and

0a954597-3ef9-48b4-891b-2df71b2edc71-1
00:10:20.252 --> 00:10:21.520
just getting on with it.

c2f858b2-0f9b-47c2-be63-f8d29ba1fbae-0
00:10:21.800 --> 00:10:23.480
But, you know, I envy people.

03029661-7f55-4706-999d-bda0f75f32f8-0
00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:27.840
Like I will call Dean out because I
really envy Dean's ability to.

23652d7f-03fc-4bf1-931a-d718d980cbf9-0
00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:31.800
He has said before, you know,
he treats prompts like a puzzle box.

ee4166cf-b778-4fd3-952e-51de3dc1d2d0-0
00:10:31.800 --> 00:10:35.760
And how do I connect these and fit them
together to make something beautiful?

97212323-c683-473b-bc10-6560152f2b62-0
00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:39.522
Whereas many of us are,
and I will put myself firmly in this camp,

97212323-c683-473b-bc10-6560152f2b62-1
00:10:39.522 --> 00:10:41.680
but like, how can I just get away with it?

b98b2799-65b5-4a0f-ba4c-e0f3ccf0e890-0
00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:44.420
You know,
how can I hide the prompts or just deal

b98b2799-65b5-4a0f-ba4c-e0f3ccf0e890-1
00:10:44.420 --> 00:10:48.040
with them instead of like using them to
kind of inspire something?

f7424161-6d3c-4e81-97a2-fcaa6124acce-0
00:10:48.040 --> 00:10:50.200
And and, you know,
we're all different and that's OK.

7cbbedbc-dba7-4206-a8a7-49b928cd0e07-0
00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:52.360
But just acknowledging that that is a
challenge.

3ca881d2-5869-488f-9103-dff219994deb-0
00:10:52.760 --> 00:10:56.880
But also like, Sally, you have, you know,
met that challenge multiple times.

1f019d4f-1b2e-4f34-962c-13353465adac-0
00:10:56.880 --> 00:11:00.120
So it's not like we're going in here
without that skill.

6f5a9647-0dad-4fba-846f-df92f30137a3-0
00:11:00.120 --> 00:11:03.640
It's maybe just a skill that you don't
feel as comfortable using.

4a971434-663d-4332-8c62-7a0f8e6f2749-0
00:11:03.880 --> 00:11:05.280
But yeah, plenty to talk about there.

214fa16c-f875-4d6b-b40e-9c55be31cc40-0
00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:08.720
So let's maybe just work through this
story as a starting point.

40f65c66-f28d-4c63-9c41-e0ae30139f0a-0
00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:10.360
And did you want to start with the title?

dda293d7-e9a7-47f3-994b-53a791a12a0f-0
00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:11.000
Absolutely.

0b49853b-1441-4578-9e77-2372bfb0098c-0
00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.542
So the title here is reading the room and
you know,

0b49853b-1441-4578-9e77-2372bfb0098c-1
00:11:14.542 --> 00:11:17.200
that is what is happening in the story.

53124766-558d-48a9-abab-0afb60d52cb1-0
00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:20.160
I guess there is this tarot reading of
sorts.

084cff55-fe4c-4fbf-9545-a7eac7e5837b-0
00:11:20.160 --> 00:11:23.910
So it's a tarot reading,
the tarot reading very close to your

084cff55-fe4c-4fbf-9545-a7eac7e5837b-1
00:11:23.910 --> 00:11:25.120
heart at the moment.

88e8c6fc-dda1-4c79-a755-96e7db805e44-0
00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:27.280
And look, it is a cliche phrase.

097dc3f8-9898-49ea-9262-ad6efdf1b6f5-0
00:11:27.280 --> 00:11:30.772
So it is at risk of, I guess,
falling into the background and not being

097dc3f8-9898-49ea-9262-ad6efdf1b6f5-1
00:11:30.772 --> 00:11:31.160
noticed.

27d6105f-9c2e-49bb-9b97-a8150a210da5-0
00:11:31.160 --> 00:11:34.120
So that is always a challenge that I put
forward to any title.

992518ef-ea68-40aa-9796-02278fa3a3de-0
00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:38.063
Like if you're using a stock phrase,
there is that risk that it won't have the

992518ef-ea68-40aa-9796-02278fa3a3de-1
00:11:38.063 --> 00:11:42.057
resonance that you want it to because
it's something that we've read many times

992518ef-ea68-40aa-9796-02278fa3a3de-2
00:11:42.057 --> 00:11:45.951
and it has kind of an inbuilt meaning
that may not be reflective of what your

992518ef-ea68-40aa-9796-02278fa3a3de-3
00:11:45.951 --> 00:11:47.000
story is setting out.

f056854a-dd77-4c09-82e2-c7f35ae9cc5d-0
00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:49.080
In this case,
I think there is a pun there,

f056854a-dd77-4c09-82e2-c7f35ae9cc5d-1
00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:50.680
I guess around the reading and the room.

3f358a27-e500-4d9a-9598-da8097f36a74-0
00:11:50.680 --> 00:11:56.025
It does link in quite well and it has
this added layer of the story flowing

3f358a27-e500-4d9a-9598-da8097f36a74-1
00:11:56.025 --> 00:11:57.080
from the title.

a346e667-5ba2-4b12-aa33-e00038a57c5c-0
00:11:57.080 --> 00:12:01.426
So actually the title is almost the first
line in the story here, actually,

a346e667-5ba2-4b12-aa33-e00038a57c5c-1
00:12:01.426 --> 00:12:03.600
you know, to throw Dean under the bus.

cb5d41fa-b441-4539-b208-7aa2f65e622a-0
00:12:03.760 --> 00:12:06.534
He,
his note for this story was around that

cb5d41fa-b441-4539-b208-7aa2f65e622a-1
00:12:06.534 --> 00:12:11.516
opening being a little bit confusing
because it does assume that the reader is

cb5d41fa-b441-4539-b208-7aa2f65e622a-2
00:12:11.516 --> 00:12:15.174
reading the title,
then considering that title as part of

cb5d41fa-b441-4539-b208-7aa2f65e622a-3
00:12:15.174 --> 00:12:17.760
the story, and then reading on from that.

dcb8683e-6b98-486b-9392-37fecbbb56d7-0
00:12:17.920 --> 00:12:18.160
Yeah.

b13e4f51-f2fe-44a8-8358-9e9a5ce05368-0
00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:22.262
And if you don't make that connection,
you're thrown straight into which

b13e4f51-f2fe-44a8-8358-9e9a5ce05368-1
00:12:22.262 --> 00:12:24.960
actually is the Benedict High School
gymnasium.

12b7dc49-93b3-491e-a776-d8a62518b930-0
00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:26.040
And we're like, what is.

0a79096c-476b-4d7b-9a58-5476b219d167-0
00:12:26.040 --> 00:12:26.400
Yeah.

eba11c56-61cf-4629-8b0a-3e37e52582a0-0
00:12:26.400 --> 00:12:27.760
So it's a little bit confusing.

0a7b92a4-7c24-4c93-93e9-11408ea1c203-0
00:12:27.760 --> 00:12:31.520
But I guess once you put two and two
together, yeah, then it does make sense.

711bdbc6-8134-43ac-924e-d8400b82c48e-0
00:12:31.720 --> 00:12:32.040
Yeah.

afc4f491-a2c6-4a34-a041-3a837d199ea0-0
00:12:32.040 --> 00:12:33.600
I mean, that's Justine's feedback, like.

8ecafd31-2216-42e2-88c9-5a64ca38ea24-0
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:36.628
But you know it,
it is worth considering that when you do

8ecafd31-2216-42e2-88c9-5a64ca38ea24-1
00:12:36.628 --> 00:12:40.702
something that's a bit non standard,
then there's a risk that you're going to

8ecafd31-2216-42e2-88c9-5a64ca38ea24-2
00:12:40.702 --> 00:12:43.000
lose some of the audience when you do
that.

db566518-14f5-4ff4-ab5d-e75968062b35-0
00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:46.118
And so just bearing that in mind,
and I didn't necessarily find this to be

db566518-14f5-4ff4-ab5d-e75968062b35-1
00:12:46.118 --> 00:12:48.580
a problem, but it is again,
we talked about like, you know,

db566518-14f5-4ff4-ab5d-e75968062b35-2
00:12:48.580 --> 00:12:50.920
I mentioned in the last episode,
the speed bumps, right?

a44c4a1d-c52a-46a3-ba4a-467eddcdd648-0
00:12:50.920 --> 00:12:53.538
Like if there's just a little bump and we
can smooth it out,

a44c4a1d-c52a-46a3-ba4a-467eddcdd648-1
00:12:53.538 --> 00:12:56.200
let's do that because you just want to
avoid them if you can.

cbd1bcb8-a081-4460-a3cc-6b67bab2a3ad-0
00:12:56.560 --> 00:13:01.154
And I would say that although that's fun
to sort of flow from the title into the

cbd1bcb8-a081-4460-a3cc-6b67bab2a3ad-1
00:13:01.154 --> 00:13:04.046
first line,
I'm not sure that adds enough value to

cbd1bcb8-a081-4460-a3cc-6b67bab2a3ad-2
00:13:04.046 --> 00:13:07.280
justify it if it's going to potentially
cause a problem.

201e3a55-f6fc-4151-b8b4-b4f6a979fcd1-0
00:13:07.280 --> 00:13:09.640
And I,
I would say start the story in a more

201e3a55-f6fc-4151-b8b4-b4f6a979fcd1-1
00:13:09.640 --> 00:13:12.000
classic way to avoid that potential
problem.

e782c4ff-153a-40a4-b4af-d5fa3c6be0db-0
00:13:12.040 --> 00:13:12.800
Yeah, definitely true.

92d65df4-c638-4f90-971f-0b5c424ae847-0
00:13:12.800 --> 00:13:16.594
And we've spoken about the title being an
opportunity to provide some more context

92d65df4-c638-4f90-971f-0b5c424ae847-1
00:13:16.594 --> 00:13:17.280
into the story.

934525a0-e120-46ca-9063-73eac8547a43-0
00:13:17.280 --> 00:13:20.857
So sometimes the title gives you the
setting or the time period or something

934525a0-e120-46ca-9063-73eac8547a43-1
00:13:20.857 --> 00:13:23.320
along those lines and can be very useful
to do that.

fffc6a07-6bb1-48a0-b4a5-883c90acf1e6-0
00:13:23.760 --> 00:13:25.360
In this case,
I don't think it really does.

9362ba06-7b67-4296-bdd3-3faee298887d-0
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:28.957
It creates that little pun and it ties up
some of the elements of the story

9362ba06-7b67-4296-bdd3-3faee298887d-1
00:13:28.957 --> 00:13:30.945
together,
but doesn't really give you new

9362ba06-7b67-4296-bdd3-3faee298887d-2
00:13:30.945 --> 00:13:33.880
information that you need to draw into
the story in that way.

33cf2916-3faa-4105-8097-5c01d7efee4e-0
00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:37.108
But I mean, even as a sentence, right,
If we say reading the room,

33cf2916-3faa-4105-8097-5c01d7efee4e-1
00:13:37.108 --> 00:13:39.071
which is actually the Benedict High
School,

33cf2916-3faa-4105-8097-5c01d7efee4e-2
00:13:39.071 --> 00:13:41.480
that's sort of not a full sentence like
it should be.

d9c2d9ed-e77b-4ac3-8f4a-d0f917a88635-0
00:13:41.480 --> 00:13:44.134
Cassandra is reading the Room,
which is actually,

d9c2d9ed-e77b-4ac3-8f4a-d0f917a88635-1
00:13:44.134 --> 00:13:47.480
and so maybe the title would be Cassandra
is Reading the Room.

96f1b10e-1c57-403c-927f-bc49d3637e0a-0
00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:50.883
All that's by the by,
like we have to be clear when we do these

96f1b10e-1c57-403c-927f-bc49d3637e0a-1
00:13:50.883 --> 00:13:53.166
daredevils,
our perspective is in a competition

96f1b10e-1c57-403c-927f-bc49d3637e0a-2
00:13:53.166 --> 00:13:53.879
setting, right?

803ed4e4-19d5-47b5-aef0-9c4b9b82e537-0
00:13:53.880 --> 00:13:57.460
Which is not the same as you're writing
for your own amusement,

803ed4e4-19d5-47b5-aef0-9c4b9b82e537-1
00:13:57.460 --> 00:14:01.432
You're writing to be published,
you're writing for any number of other

803ed4e4-19d5-47b5-aef0-9c4b9b82e537-2
00:14:01.432 --> 00:14:01.880
reasons.

0fa13125-d9a8-4398-8d53-ebc9c7aabb86-0
00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:05.680
All we can give you is when we're reading
a bunch of stories, how that impacts us.

ce276319-d08f-4221-af07-53fea9fbd75f-0
00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:09.322
And again, like,
while it can be fun to do creative stuff,

ce276319-d08f-4221-af07-53fea9fbd75f-1
00:14:09.322 --> 00:14:12.950
if it's going to create a barrier,
then in a competition setting,

ce276319-d08f-4221-af07-53fea9fbd75f-2
00:14:12.950 --> 00:14:14.160
we'd say leave it out.

683c0db2-3f0c-4040-b3c8-18fe85272df1-0
00:14:14.160 --> 00:14:16.640
All right,
So we go straight into the story.

5cfb1232-3733-48a9-b4ad-f1d0c84fe70c-0
00:14:16.640 --> 00:14:19.535
There we are setting the scene very
quickly,

5cfb1232-3733-48a9-b4ad-f1d0c84fe70c-1
00:14:19.535 --> 00:14:24.297
the Benedict High School gymnasium,
which is plastered in crepe paper and

5cfb1232-3733-48a9-b4ad-f1d0c84fe70c-2
00:14:24.297 --> 00:14:27.000
balloons and welcome Class of 2016 banner.

28147262-9ac6-41f0-a383-b5d0dbe4cdfd-0
00:14:27.000 --> 00:14:29.534
So, you know,
noteworthy that that's our second

28147262-9ac6-41f0-a383-b5d0dbe4cdfd-1
00:14:29.534 --> 00:14:32.280
Daredevil now that is set at a high
school reunion.

b96dd5e5-e1ad-4cef-bbb0-88fcb337fb3c-0
00:14:32.280 --> 00:14:37.340
So something about these prompts is
prompting people to contemplate ageing

b96dd5e5-e1ad-4cef-bbb0-88fcb337fb3c-1
00:14:37.340 --> 00:14:37.880
perhaps.

f1882323-458d-4e35-98f1-3aa5b4cc4acb-0
00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:38.800
Perhaps.

5876c326-4683-43cf-b574-241bc75f2cc1-0
00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.640
But look,
as we said with the last Daredevil,

5876c326-4683-43cf-b574-241bc75f2cc1-1
00:14:41.640 --> 00:14:44.200
some universal themes that that come
through.

ae0809dc-c4d6-4b7f-a3cb-931cc1a8cfcd-0
00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:48.400
It's an experience that most of us have
had going to to a high school reunion.

fe4094b8-25c8-4eaf-996c-755290b7f727-0
00:14:48.400 --> 00:14:52.498
And I guess there's a prepackaged set of
emotions and expectations that we bring

fe4094b8-25c8-4eaf-996c-755290b7f727-1
00:14:52.498 --> 00:14:56.040
along to that scenario that we can bring
along to this story as well.

3eadd631-4fce-4abe-919d-b1929dee7568-0
00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:56.400
Yeah.

7bec8b79-aa0d-4b2e-a6f1-8d8b9d5be4de-0
00:14:56.400 --> 00:14:59.948
And I guess in a flash fiction setting
and in a competition setting,

7bec8b79-aa0d-4b2e-a6f1-8d8b9d5be4de-1
00:14:59.948 --> 00:15:03.085
the question becomes,
how do you take that universal feeling

7bec8b79-aa0d-4b2e-a6f1-8d8b9d5be4de-2
00:15:03.085 --> 00:15:06.120
and make it unique and personal and
special and different?

1b07c4bc-ec2f-47f0-9b42-7aa1d447bcfe-0
00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:08.631
You know,
enough to kind of rise above the pack and

1b07c4bc-ec2f-47f0-9b42-7aa1d447bcfe-1
00:15:08.631 --> 00:15:11.771
be something not just like a reflective
piece on how that feels,

1b07c4bc-ec2f-47f0-9b42-7aa1d447bcfe-2
00:15:11.771 --> 00:15:15.104
but something a bit different,
something that makes us maybe look at

1b07c4bc-ec2f-47f0-9b42-7aa1d447bcfe-3
00:15:15.104 --> 00:15:16.360
that feeling in a new way.

07a58c51-ebbc-425e-9b0a-2f443526ad39-0
00:15:16.760 --> 00:15:20.059
But we didn't kind of take a step back
because we say reading the Room,

07a58c51-ebbc-425e-9b0a-2f443526ad39-1
00:15:20.059 --> 00:15:22.580
which is actually the high school
gymnasium plastered,

07a58c51-ebbc-425e-9b0a-2f443526ad39-2
00:15:22.580 --> 00:15:23.679
But we take a step back.

0b3e253e-b9d6-4ceb-8ed9-f2479532e9b9-0
00:15:23.800 --> 00:15:25.320
Now Cassandra is in her car.

3a72e249-576b-4c7f-b7e2-e8669a8e5e51-0
00:15:25.960 --> 00:15:30.220
So I don't know if that really was a
problem for me reading the story the

3a72e249-576b-4c7f-b7e2-e8669a8e5e51-1
00:15:30.220 --> 00:15:33.560
first time around,
but just analysing how we set that up.

4b727d2c-0d85-440c-907d-2676b7376cdd-0
00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.040
Like we're straight into the story.

9d80afdd-bb32-41c6-ad7b-d3ea2c431e30-0
00:15:35.040 --> 00:15:37.840
We're in the high school gymnasium,
but now we're back in the car.

6fcab8df-31f1-473f-97b8-a60c5b524c9e-0
00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:40.360
So it's a little bit of a disjointed
start there.

04c2a45d-0fd0-4e24-a004-fcbe2df1763c-0
00:15:40.400 --> 00:15:40.680
Yeah.

b8f2d755-5c3c-42c5-bbd1-40ad162561cb-0
00:15:40.680 --> 00:15:45.720
I think as just a general piece of advice,
I would always say wherever possible,

b8f2d755-5c3c-42c5-bbd1-40ad162561cb-1
00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:47.400
try and keep it all in one.

71d4c303-ff4b-4a93-bf7d-9b9bad746b19-0
00:15:47.400 --> 00:15:48.080
Yeah, setting.

7f5a2b46-f0c0-4ee7-b96e-3c694a8fed30-0
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:52.040
And that just allows you to have a few
more words to set that scene.

14d5e6bb-37f1-4bf9-8f4d-78b77ec6b668-0
00:15:52.040 --> 00:15:53.240
And we've set the scene, right?

85da666a-9e88-473a-841d-de33764a93eb-0
00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:54.960
All we need it was that sagging banner.

50d52308-3aa5-4c1a-a2f2-0fabfc047578-0
00:15:55.400 --> 00:15:57.320
And we were there in the high school
gymnasium.

0b5f2dc0-7e49-43b0-9049-49c8114c0686-0
00:15:57.640 --> 00:15:59.960
But now we have to sort of set the scene
in the car.

a4aaee93-d36c-4743-b00b-3b5f19ffd8a0-0
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:00.400
Yeah.

f313f65c-9b47-404d-8273-f25837e31c5c-0
00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:04.760
And I feel like there's a way to just
bring that tarot moment.

37c32806-ee70-44cd-b00b-af493e945e92-0
00:16:04.760 --> 00:16:06.785
I mean,
she you've got the cards fanned out,

37c32806-ee70-44cd-b00b-af493e945e92-1
00:16:06.785 --> 00:16:08.360
but she's only looking at one card.

e2b37ddc-f419-4c51-85f8-f2ae4a099a00-0
00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:11.873
So there's no reason why she couldn't
have that tucked in her back pocket or

e2b37ddc-f419-4c51-85f8-f2ae4a099a00-1
00:16:11.873 --> 00:16:14.680
something as she steps into the room and
acknowledge it that way.

e821eaf2-6e88-4ff8-9638-981555b05695-0
00:16:14.680 --> 00:16:17.720
Or she peeks into her bag and it's sort
of staring back at her.

dbaf60ac-bb6c-425f-9ee3-49a911aa20c8-0
00:16:17.720 --> 00:16:19.920
There are options for bringing that into
the moment.

c987f1d4-39da-4d2f-a35a-0966959e1119-0
00:16:20.440 --> 00:16:22.960
And you may want to set it in the car,
and that's fine.

aca9c6a2-e40f-49a9-9ed1-99d34cc443b5-0
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.600
And that's that's it's a valid choice for
you as the artist.

8f078b5f-318e-4091-ab62-8ecc79bf6a77-0
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:30.526
But I do think tightening in that way can
help keep the reader immersed in the

8f078b5f-318e-4091-ab62-8ecc79bf6a77-1
00:16:30.526 --> 00:16:31.400
scene as well.

6698117d-6394-44c1-8c5e-f704010b7376-0
00:16:31.400 --> 00:16:32.680
We're not sort of jumping around.

c0eb6872-ffba-4d82-bcb5-7ee4c05a29ad-0
00:16:32.680 --> 00:16:33.440
We're there.

1c069e38-59e5-40d0-aa22-f8c9bee596e7-0
00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:37.477
And we've got that sensory experience of
being in the gymnasium and being ready to

1c069e38-59e5-40d0-aa22-f8c9bee596e7-1
00:16:37.477 --> 00:16:39.520
go and watch the action that happens next.

d5074063-691e-48b1-8603-9c5172308e6d-0
00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:39.960
Yeah.

6d9bd66c-6c6b-410a-b726-c0458895a5e4-0
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.192
I guess what Sally might be wanting to
achieve there is the circularity that

6d9bd66c-6c6b-410a-b726-c0458895a5e4-1
00:16:44.192 --> 00:16:48.440
comes through in the final ending where
she's back in the car and he's there.

26686c60-218e-499a-a410-6c2ba4bd88c5-0
00:16:49.040 --> 00:16:50.360
So she's sitting in a car.

0c0d2187-7ab5-4056-b3fd-9715353437ae-0
00:16:50.400 --> 00:16:51.920
Tarot cards, a fan.

91464321-9a24-4b5d-a3e9-0f36171a80ca-0
00:16:51.920 --> 00:16:54.320
Obviously that tells us something about
her character.

281961a8-230d-4756-a759-74935e9578df-0
00:16:54.800 --> 00:16:58.960
She pulls a card, the moon, and she says,
of course.

c51bd774-c454-4cc9-a1f9-ea4531fec02a-0
00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:01.578
And for me,
as someone who doesn't know about tarot,

c51bd774-c454-4cc9-a1f9-ea4531fec02a-1
00:17:01.578 --> 00:17:04.046
of course, that doesn't,
that doesn't mean much to me,

c51bd774-c454-4cc9-a1f9-ea4531fec02a-2
00:17:04.046 --> 00:17:06.200
like pulling the moon and then putting it
back.

c0273a16-1c99-422e-923e-51a3aaaeb545-0
00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:07.640
I don't really know what that means.

e2e197ce-35f2-4c68-96da-4d10e23f1200-0
00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:10.323
So, you know,
I've got a bit some assumed knowledge on

e2e197ce-35f2-4c68-96da-4d10e23f1200-1
00:17:10.323 --> 00:17:13.006
behalf of the reader,
but I think in this case, Sally,

e2e197ce-35f2-4c68-96da-4d10e23f1200-2
00:17:13.006 --> 00:17:16.568
you probably do know your audience,
at least part of your audience being

e2e197ce-35f2-4c68-96da-4d10e23f1200-3
00:17:16.568 --> 00:17:18.520
Amanda, who would know what the moon is.

0f73844f-027c-43f6-8a8e-ad5d566488c5-0
00:17:18.520 --> 00:17:20.240
Yes, I do know the moon card.

4f367312-2866-451e-a795-df7a728c25da-0
00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:23.840
I call it the ***** card because like,
that's how I feel when I pull that card.

f36c44e3-f1f0-48af-bb6b-7be788d2140c-0
00:17:24.280 --> 00:17:28.720
Sally has expressed in her message there
that it represents illusion, right?

5a0cb994-3d6e-40b3-8ab8-b98148f91b11-0
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:31.360
That's one of the things it represents to
me.

5846cbba-2252-4de0-b266-db86012b0ad2-0
00:17:31.360 --> 00:17:32.880
The moon card is PMS.

852bc837-55d4-4a2b-a205-f426f610b5e4-0
00:17:33.040 --> 00:17:33.960
It's just PMS.

9379c4f5-eb83-4462-b293-7d90373ef735-0
00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:36.560
It's like your mind's playing tricks on
you.

c119b9e6-9abe-47b9-b373-7786596cc79f-0
00:17:36.560 --> 00:17:39.480
You're you're scared, you're anxious,
like all of this ****.

fba0746c-782d-44a5-b879-8619e9d36d2c-0
00:17:39.480 --> 00:17:42.600
That's what the moon card is,
which is why I don't like it.

3ea8e535-64e8-4ade-9ef9-3648ef873b9d-0
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.920
But yeah, that's me.

db2b7b72-61b0-4883-9a10-44dfb5248223-0
00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:46.716
I have this knowledge,
There are plenty of people who do,

db2b7b72-61b0-4883-9a10-44dfb5248223-1
00:17:46.716 --> 00:17:49.272
but there are far more people who don't
have access,

db2b7b72-61b0-4883-9a10-44dfb5248223-2
00:17:49.272 --> 00:17:50.959
immediate access to that knowledge.

67c5a672-fd61-42ea-9be7-77571d119e52-0
00:17:51.280 --> 00:17:55.000
So I identified myself that as a problem,
right?

3f780487-8da4-4daf-9fc1-95cc96bd2991-0
00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.199
We need to set that up because Sally,
clearly that's your thesis here,

3f780487-8da4-4daf-9fc1-95cc96bd2991-1
00:17:59.199 --> 00:18:03.280
this illusion and breaking down that
illusion after all these years.

fa522a69-59ab-46cd-bc51-635c731d39a5-0
00:18:03.560 --> 00:18:07.668
And so that definitely needs to be very,
very clear to all readers as we start

fa522a69-59ab-46cd-bc51-635c731d39a5-1
00:18:07.668 --> 00:18:08.240
this story.

ccc018b8-fe83-4395-89e8-224edb749535-0
00:18:08.520 --> 00:18:10.832
And look,
it would only take another half a

ccc018b8-fe83-4395-89e8-224edb749535-1
00:18:10.832 --> 00:18:13.040
sentence to establish what the moon means.

893681c0-ae99-4275-a60b-f8d780896767-0
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:17.496
You could do it in ideally like a line of
dialogue, like get out of her head,

893681c0-ae99-4275-a60b-f8d780896767-1
00:18:17.496 --> 00:18:21.552
like how does that come into the scene
that she says it or that in some other

893681c0-ae99-4275-a60b-f8d780896767-2
00:18:21.552 --> 00:18:24.360
way that gets represented in the action
of the scene.

0c263649-b5f7-4950-99e1-b84073c55ad0-0
00:18:24.600 --> 00:18:28.680
So now we get a little bit more insight
into Cassandra's character.

a0eeedbe-d271-43ad-9319-0a086f495133-0
00:18:28.680 --> 00:18:37.083
We know that she's what would you say,
27 year old or said with love, of course,

a0eeedbe-d271-43ad-9319-0a086f495133-1
00:18:37.083 --> 00:18:38.640
a tarot weirdo.

b06fa94f-6740-4d26-a537-b8ccf4a4f581-0
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:40.600
But you know, she's back in school.

4d6412cd-9b69-4dc4-8cef-ca8adffef2c8-0
00:18:40.600 --> 00:18:45.200
She self identifies as the weird girl or
most likely to be forgotten.

fee937c0-40aa-4b3f-a570-8aad2cc529cd-0
00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:49.504
So we go ahead and get a picture of what
she was like in school and what she's

fee937c0-40aa-4b3f-a570-8aad2cc529cd-1
00:18:49.504 --> 00:18:53.755
like now and kind of how she's going back
into this scenario of a high school

fee937c0-40aa-4b3f-a570-8aad2cc529cd-2
00:18:53.755 --> 00:18:56.261
reunion,
not as the popular girl or whatever,

fee937c0-40aa-4b3f-a570-8aad2cc529cd-3
00:18:56.261 --> 00:18:59.640
but as like a former weird girl and maybe
current weird girl.

0a8f9333-aa25-4e4b-8eb2-3ef92a70e016-0
00:18:59.800 --> 00:19:00.520
Weird woman.

57f34d39-ffe4-4925-b392-7e70bd95db93-0
00:19:00.760 --> 00:19:02.400
She's evolved, yes, that's right.

a950bfec-b016-451d-94fc-6708e2766629-0
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.839
And we have now a little title,
little section title here,

a950bfec-b016-451d-94fc-6708e2766629-1
00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:09.800
which is the class clown,
which is interesting.

b0b37353-f3c3-46d0-8b1f-bac04b08da7b-0
00:19:09.800 --> 00:19:14.000
It's not really highlighted as a section
and no formatting thing.

3133f235-fdb2-4bbe-b4e1-36144c845623-0
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:16.104
Yeah,
it's just a sentence without a full stop

3133f235-fdb2-4bbe-b4e1-36144c845623-1
00:19:16.104 --> 00:19:17.000
at the end, I guess.

2e2392e5-69fe-41b7-99e0-b0809a36e377-0
00:19:17.040 --> 00:19:17.240
Yeah.

e4ad2aba-12f8-44b7-9ea8-5feed0c78e76-0
00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:19.840
It sort of needed to be bold as a heading
or something like that.

a66c9632-bcae-4452-9499-5f12aafac6ae-0
00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:21.160
Yeah, just as a signpost.

b2337bba-a960-40ad-a142-9716630bb10d-0
00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:24.009
I think this is interesting,
but I think also like,

b2337bba-a960-40ad-a142-9716630bb10d-1
00:19:24.009 --> 00:19:28.288
I wonder if you could have done more with
the tarot theme here and built around the

b2337bba-a960-40ad-a142-9716630bb10d-2
00:19:28.288 --> 00:19:31.345
cards themselves,
like when you're maybe too much to do the

b2337bba-a960-40ad-a142-9716630bb10d-3
00:19:31.345 --> 00:19:31.600
full.

eafebb62-b9b4-4fd7-8121-ba266656a134-0
00:19:31.600 --> 00:19:32.640
Exactly, exactly.

e5dfdbcd-9192-4a91-881c-6bc0b0c5b4b0-0
00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:34.480
The full rather than the class clown.

686378d1-3c51-4341-b812-f6fcd2cf35e5-0
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:35.720
Or maybe that's too on the nose.

ae617c5b-4f07-4907-8c1b-cf1f1e1413b5-0
00:19:35.760 --> 00:19:36.320
I don't know.

24796a3e-8d18-4201-8377-5584b21f5b86-0
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:38.640
But yeah, it's just an opportunity there.

72479a71-7b68-4820-bc0b-5f1c3637a76c-0
00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:40.839
Well, I mean,
essentially to reinforce the theme,

72479a71-7b68-4820-bc0b-5f1c3637a76c-1
00:19:40.839 --> 00:19:44.164
you're right because we've called this
story Reading the Room and we started

72479a71-7b68-4820-bc0b-5f1c3637a76c-2
00:19:44.164 --> 00:19:44.640
with Tarot.

63979c0b-bb90-4bce-b6e7-575496997816-0
00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:48.325
We end with the tarot, I guess,
like we end back in the car again,

63979c0b-bb90-4bce-b6e7-575496997816-1
00:19:48.325 --> 00:19:49.800
but we don't really use that.

652b2f6e-3596-4b05-a0dd-7215d6c417f4-0
00:19:49.960 --> 00:19:51.840
And so it's kind of like a throwaway.

7b464f44-a4f1-4a67-adb0-0865759bca93-0
00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:54.327
But because it's linked in with that
title,

7b464f44-a4f1-4a67-adb0-0865759bca93-1
00:19:54.327 --> 00:19:58.040
it really needs to play out a little bit
more in the action of the scene.

f8e83041-29b5-4dd4-b388-5ce90c7765ec-0
00:19:58.040 --> 00:20:02.186
And so if she is the weirdo who loves
tarot, hand up guilty,

f8e83041-29b5-4dd4-b388-5ce90c7765ec-1
00:20:02.186 --> 00:20:07.760
then let that be her thing throughout and
let that kind of really frame the story

f8e83041-29b5-4dd4-b388-5ce90c7765ec-2
00:20:07.760 --> 00:20:09.120
all the way through.

bfe3f7bb-194f-4d07-b001-c5a2924492af-0
00:20:09.120 --> 00:20:09.400
Yeah.

a84d2182-c35d-4614-9609-dce65cb884e6-0
00:20:09.560 --> 00:20:12.109
If you're going to call the story that
and lead that way,

a84d2182-c35d-4614-9609-dce65cb884e6-1
00:20:12.109 --> 00:20:14.440
then that's kind of the payoff that we're
expecting.

98981a8a-4028-4f3c-9824-86f3a5cc0337-0
00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:18.400
And then maybe rather than just a heading,
we get a card.

0136c57a-5269-4ccb-b433-3849acd87716-0
00:20:18.520 --> 00:20:19.440
So we've got the full.

0d3b2602-f09d-4f08-a575-066be3ce1ce5-0
00:20:19.520 --> 00:20:22.720
Yeah,
not necessarily fitting in this case.

a8c196f1-3cc2-4062-aa4c-defc97c1d6a9-0
00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:24.240
Like, don't get me started on the tarot.

0181d37a-62fd-4b44-8bda-c1b66c2f4453-0
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.380
But anyway,
you'd have to have a little bit of a

0181d37a-62fd-4b44-8bda-c1b66c2f4453-1
00:20:26.380 --> 00:20:28.520
think about exactly what you wanted to do
there.

298a9e24-bb0f-4148-b157-4b544b74aae9-0
00:20:28.800 --> 00:20:31.428
But I also think, like Sally,
in your message,

298a9e24-bb0f-4148-b157-4b544b74aae9-1
00:20:31.428 --> 00:20:34.840
you asked about whether the character was
too cliche, right?

e2d44b2b-71b9-4171-9598-388695cc721b-0
00:20:34.840 --> 00:20:39.207
We've got multiple characters here,
and if we are just putting them under

e2d44b2b-71b9-4171-9598-388695cc721b-1
00:20:39.207 --> 00:20:44.106
this kind of framework of the class clown
and the popular girls and the teacher or

e2d44b2b-71b9-4171-9598-388695cc721b-2
00:20:44.106 --> 00:20:48.119
the teacher's pet, then yeah,
they kind of are a bit cliche, right?

fe8bef3d-1d57-4895-bacc-592784d015f9-0
00:20:48.360 --> 00:20:53.087
If you use the tarot card to maybe reveal
something a bit more unique and specific,

fe8bef3d-1d57-4895-bacc-592784d015f9-1
00:20:53.087 --> 00:20:56.520
they might start to feel a little bit
more like real people.

7cbb3dda-9fba-4275-b008-6253223f44f7-0
00:20:56.520 --> 00:20:58.680
And we mentioned this in the previous
episode as well.

0a1bf57a-312d-4ad6-9b5c-bdd71f329119-0
00:20:58.680 --> 00:21:01.213
We've got these archetypes,
we've got the weird girl,

0a1bf57a-312d-4ad6-9b5c-bdd71f329119-1
00:21:01.213 --> 00:21:03.840
we've got the popular girls,
we've got the class clown.

84e9c43f-170d-40f1-baf0-871de302cef9-0
00:21:04.120 --> 00:21:06.320
And I'm not sure to be honest,
and we talk about illusion.

ad3d9b04-6fae-4b54-a489-2906b1654a41-0
00:21:06.320 --> 00:21:09.928
I'm not sure that we are ever given
really anything particularly different to

ad3d9b04-6fae-4b54-a489-2906b1654a41-1
00:21:09.928 --> 00:21:10.160
that.

cadc9772-66f1-4765-b98d-828c9b41d74d-0
00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:12.840
I think people would stay true to form
really here.

f079fc46-e38c-4cf2-8a34-491d3e01681c-0
00:21:13.280 --> 00:21:16.360
But it's how do we make those people feel
like, real?

f964acb9-4862-4029-b9fa-80fc3b026369-0
00:21:16.360 --> 00:21:18.360
How do they jump off the page and feel
real?

f7124871-7a46-45a0-9865-c3d840cef709-0
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:18.880
Yeah.

8cf47ef4-f991-4640-a274-f0d1cb6e624f-0
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:21.502
Look,
I think there is some change here or or

8cf47ef4-f991-4640-a274-f0d1cb6e624f-1
00:21:21.502 --> 00:21:25.057
at least some interesting development of
the characters and, you know,

8cf47ef4-f991-4640-a274-f0d1cb6e624f-2
00:21:25.057 --> 00:21:26.959
jumping ahead later to the cool girls.

0ee9e73d-ae6c-444a-a1a8-04433d19be7e-0
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:31.654
Like we're seeing this identity of the
cool girls and how they have evolved in

0ee9e73d-ae6c-444a-a1a8-04433d19be7e-1
00:21:31.654 --> 00:21:34.600
the intervening 10 years since high
school ended.

5dfb8f41-c5f7-4d25-a46c-accf66aeeaf9-0
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.889
And they're no longer so confident in
themselves because the world has kind of

5dfb8f41-c5f7-4d25-a46c-accf66aeeaf9-1
00:21:39.889 --> 00:21:41.560
dealt them a bit of a hand.

f04fe93e-8dc0-408e-95b5-434c3a44a3a0-0
00:21:41.560 --> 00:21:45.723
And maybe that's just that's part of the
reflection on identity that Sally

f04fe93e-8dc0-408e-95b5-434c3a44a3a0-1
00:21:45.723 --> 00:21:47.000
mentioned in her notes.

29d7f35d-c3c0-45d1-8cfe-7735d62cee25-0
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:49.720
So I think there's a bit more to them
than just the cutouts.

40a76bd3-0976-410c-ab84-6f0481932801-0
00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:53.496
We see the the fact that they are
archetypes, but also we see like,

40a76bd3-0976-410c-ab84-6f0481932801-1
00:21:53.496 --> 00:21:56.440
what do those archetypes look like in 10
years time?

58ec30bc-3aba-4a56-982d-69b03eee3dce-0
00:21:56.440 --> 00:21:58.320
Which I think is an interesting place for
a story.

28040552-5b6e-448d-a8d7-cb6c43c777d9-0
00:21:59.040 --> 00:22:01.520
So the the first person that we meet here
is the class clown.

97546b7a-610b-4e30-b4f2-5498f8dd5a5a-0
00:22:01.520 --> 00:22:02.440
It's Marcus.

50a2c844-eecd-487e-b8ee-c5f57776d550-0
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:07.040
And I think this is intriguing,
but I'm not entirely sure what to think

50a2c844-eecd-487e-b8ee-c5f57776d550-1
00:22:07.040 --> 00:22:07.680
of Marcus.

0ab9dace-0cc6-4e37-8ce9-c324346163fa-0
00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:11.390
And I guess more importantly,
I'm not sure what Cassandra really thinks

0ab9dace-0cc6-4e37-8ce9-c324346163fa-1
00:22:11.390 --> 00:22:15.280
of Marcus here because we don't really
get her perspective a lot of the time.

09a0f6ae-7146-4eb1-b355-e9b16d4f1ca4-0
00:22:15.280 --> 00:22:18.337
She's reading the room and she's telling
us about the people in the room

09a0f6ae-7146-4eb1-b355-e9b16d4f1ca4-1
00:22:18.337 --> 00:22:18.840
essentially.

a94ffb6a-7386-446b-b5c2-b85c9cb2c3ce-0
00:22:18.840 --> 00:22:20.800
But what does she think about Marcus?

5aff40c2-97dc-41ad-9906-f50dd4d3a430-0
00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:26.252
We get this scene where Marcus has asked
her out to prom like years ago and then

5aff40c2-97dc-41ad-9906-f50dd4d3a430-1
00:22:26.252 --> 00:22:29.715
he's kind of,
he started because he's nervous and he

5aff40c2-97dc-41ad-9906-f50dd4d3a430-2
00:22:29.715 --> 00:22:31.480
then said something stupid.

42228dd6-f62a-4d53-9d29-911187bbe7c0-0
00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:33.040
So we kind of get him.

b3108c9d-a0f6-4821-9238-476d7c58a75c-0
00:22:33.040 --> 00:22:37.441
We get hit the that he likes her and that
he fumbled and he doesn't know what he's

b3108c9d-a0f6-4821-9238-476d7c58a75c-1
00:22:37.441 --> 00:22:37.760
doing.

1ce7e4bc-f427-4163-8e4e-f5576df5cfbe-0
00:22:37.760 --> 00:22:40.880
But Cassandra is a bit passive in this
scenario.

fe750d1e-6b79-42d7-99a6-2003cf99e885-0
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:41.960
Like does she like him?

bd6afc49-aa59-4270-8961-dd31cfd9aa3a-0
00:22:41.960 --> 00:22:44.840
Does she want him to follow through?

a4be2c4d-ad3f-429e-ad49-6cface9310e2-0
00:22:44.840 --> 00:22:47.760
She's kind of doesn't seem to care,
I guess.

7a4af6fd-9bac-4ed0-ae29-39ab9ec89bad-0
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:52.743
I mean, I think, and I could be wrong,
but I think what Sally's implying here is

7a4af6fd-9bac-4ed0-ae29-39ab9ec89bad-1
00:22:52.743 --> 00:22:57.369
that he asked her to prom and then she
felt like he was just joking and he was

7a4af6fd-9bac-4ed0-ae29-39ab9ec89bad-2
00:22:57.369 --> 00:22:59.360
making fun of her, the weird girl.

08ae3881-c398-495d-aaca-95c381630451-0
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:03.080
And then she was like hurt by that and
that he was just making fun of her.

1fffee55-0aee-48f8-a4c3-9379cf909648-0
00:23:03.080 --> 00:23:07.113
And, and now we realise later, oh,
actually he was into her and he was

1fffee55-0aee-48f8-a4c3-9379cf909648-1
00:23:07.113 --> 00:23:10.920
awkward and that's why he kind of,
as you say, fumble at the time.

35298079-8964-4fcb-86db-c23a004ce532-0
00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:13.600
I think that's the picture that's being
presented here.

a0e94fc7-456b-4325-897b-34247572d672-0
00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:14.680
But it's not clear.

d757e026-904f-4e03-895b-5de08b9c7f44-0
00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:18.440
And it's not clear was she into him back
or not.

2d98858e-fbc4-4872-8211-e44eeea2964d-0
00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:22.640
Like even if he, even if he was into her,
we never know if she was into him.

af1b8f85-16f6-4f88-afca-e7a8771c55b6-0
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:26.600
And and we do get that moment where she's
sort of getting lost in his eyes.

49bf7387-85e5-4c7e-923a-87f42ac062d8-0
00:23:26.600 --> 00:23:28.000
But that comes a little bit later.

fadb556f-6cef-4e51-9fcf-430cd83811d6-0
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:31.000
And I think it would be helpful to know
that setup.

a5e193bc-7fa0-4400-a07f-ccb8bb16498c-0
00:23:31.080 --> 00:23:31.440
Yeah.

a4d646e2-ea6b-415e-a260-036ff5a98a1f-0
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:35.417
And I guess when we talk about story and
look at this scene in in totality as well,

a4d646e2-ea6b-415e-a260-036ff5a98a1f-1
00:23:35.417 --> 00:23:38.040
like there's a few characters that are
going to be introduced.

6c20df86-73c8-41a8-9376-195365c54ede-0
00:23:38.040 --> 00:23:42.313
We'll talk about those,
but really the whole point of the scene

6c20df86-73c8-41a8-9376-195365c54ede-1
00:23:42.313 --> 00:23:46.186
seems to be Marcus,
because she's chosen to end on him as

6c20df86-73c8-41a8-9376-195365c54ede-2
00:23:46.186 --> 00:23:46.520
well.

ac46761f-5be7-4042-9512-487dabfbce48-0
00:23:46.520 --> 00:23:50.479
And that's the resolution of the scene is
that Marcus comes back and knocks on the

ac46761f-5be7-4042-9512-487dabfbce48-1
00:23:50.479 --> 00:23:54.200
window and we get maybe the development
of that story, if not the conclusion.

a7c48376-0517-4765-92c9-1ed385edcdd9-0
00:23:54.800 --> 00:23:56.960
But we have a few other diversions.

116cbe94-d006-4c9d-ac9d-fdee2a019216-0
00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:59.369
And I think that if we're talking about
single effect,

116cbe94-d006-4c9d-ac9d-fdee2a019216-1
00:23:59.369 --> 00:24:01.560
if we're talking about like,
why tell this story?

29861246-8fee-4e71-85a1-a5d76b2238e0-0
00:24:01.560 --> 00:24:03.760
What is it about this scene that's
important?

a754475c-613b-4e58-9eb3-4f31ed02e4f6-0
00:24:03.880 --> 00:24:06.960
There are these little explorations,
but we want that development.

cfcc2344-84ff-4dbe-b46d-d3b1338c658d-0
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:08.560
We want that change.

a565809f-45e0-4a7f-be11-599989235b95-0
00:24:08.560 --> 00:24:10.920
And what does Cassandra want out of the
scene?

528557be-096d-4a15-92f0-d2898d1a8125-0
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:16.043
So just in this scene with Marcus,
just want to call out a couple of other

528557be-096d-4a15-92f0-d2898d1a8125-1
00:24:16.043 --> 00:24:16.560
moments.

73589fb1-2e06-418d-bd4e-8670dfd27274-0
00:24:16.560 --> 00:24:20.908
So as she approaches,
Cassandra notices Marcus's hands form

73589fb1-2e06-418d-bd4e-8670dfd27274-1
00:24:20.908 --> 00:24:22.720
fists inside his pockets.

7d6c7f45-3774-4aad-a625-7dfe83980cd6-0
00:24:23.120 --> 00:24:26.400
So we are told that Cassandra notices
Marcus's hand.

b9ee2b69-3b0f-4f0e-b0e9-4e4c811ea360-0
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:31.688
Generally we would advise to just skip
that step and just describe Marcus's

b9ee2b69-3b0f-4f0e-b0e9-4e4c811ea360-1
00:24:31.688 --> 00:24:33.080
hands forming fists.

7cf3c962-a11b-453e-877b-a6058cfa5c5b-0
00:24:33.080 --> 00:24:38.080
So we don't have that action being told
through this layer of character filtering.

627f0418-bca4-46ef-9bb5-09cfb518646c-0
00:24:38.080 --> 00:24:40.160
We just get the action itself taking
place.

a1805692-ecfe-4abc-b989-30e18f94ade0-0
00:24:40.280 --> 00:24:43.825
But what's good there is that Sally has
made an effort to show the emotion there,

a1805692-ecfe-4abc-b989-30e18f94ade0-1
00:24:43.825 --> 00:24:45.080
like the hands forming fists.

dc9f2c44-ef2e-4919-9cc7-1279cf75cec9-0
00:24:45.080 --> 00:24:48.469
We're not saying, oh,
we walk past and Marcus is feeling

dc9f2c44-ef2e-4919-9cc7-1279cf75cec9-1
00:24:48.469 --> 00:24:51.680
anxious or whatever it might be,
we get that gesture.

1bc93b76-0c67-4715-aa29-b874785ee0c5-0
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:54.520
However,
I would also add that I'm not clear what.

4e7fc2ac-0a58-45fb-ad9b-d0419326e584-0
00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:58.654
First of all, sorry this is a nitpick,
but how do you see someone's hand form

4e7fc2ac-0a58-45fb-ad9b-d0419326e584-1
00:24:58.654 --> 00:24:58.960
fists?

105794c7-f185-481c-963d-88a788e54141-0
00:24:58.960 --> 00:25:00.080
Yeah, in their pocket.

84b218b5-c06a-41da-8b06-1e060e88480d-0
00:25:00.360 --> 00:25:01.880
Maybe he's wearing skinny jeans,
I don't know.

aef36f89-f006-4fb4-977a-d07adbdacc3a-0
00:25:02.760 --> 00:25:04.480
But that's hidden, right?

4f4bca08-a1ea-4d58-9502-db60d64f202e-0
00:25:04.520 --> 00:25:05.840
So you can't necessarily see that.

c39848f8-e30f-438c-a2d2-b1f779cbf057-0
00:25:05.840 --> 00:25:06.600
So that's a nitpick.

a2273a73-35f8-425d-8e87-acd1a7e4f539-0
00:25:06.600 --> 00:25:10.383
But more importantly,
it's great that we're doing showing here,

a2273a73-35f8-425d-8e87-acd1a7e4f539-1
00:25:10.383 --> 00:25:13.280
but I'm not sure what's being expressed
by that.

20f25e60-3a31-4824-b440-f587751f50d7-0
00:25:13.280 --> 00:25:14.920
Yeah, like, that sounds aggressive.

62600896-eb5f-4221-8aa1-3397cd256ed6-0
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:17.360
Yeah, To me,
you're forming fists in your pocket.

068ba17c-42b5-4800-b6be-386ffcc43cad-0
00:25:17.360 --> 00:25:21.240
And I gather that what we're trying to
show is this kind of self restraint.

3931e850-6942-44ae-b03d-210ef06c4548-0
00:25:21.240 --> 00:25:24.160
Like he's just anxious because
Cassandra's walking past.

1f6be9eb-a3c4-4271-b431-3436c32b25ba-0
00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:25.520
It's the Darcy Hand.

cb8e279b-b76e-498d-a2dc-8d33f7d959d5-0
00:25:25.520 --> 00:25:28.240
It's the Darcy Hand Plex in reverse,
Right.

22287b80-364f-4be3-94c4-a3e0def591bf-0
00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:30.240
But that's not clear.

77524155-d94d-4a9f-a4e4-cc9be7286d5a-0
00:25:30.320 --> 00:25:34.474
I think there are other options there for
gestures that he could make that would be

77524155-d94d-4a9f-a4e4-cc9be7286d5a-1
00:25:34.474 --> 00:25:35.760
a little bit more obvious.

209b1da5-24eb-4a03-82e5-2bac5d27bb69-0
00:25:35.760 --> 00:25:38.538
And you know,
I guess it's hard because you're trying

209b1da5-24eb-4a03-82e5-2bac5d27bb69-1
00:25:38.538 --> 00:25:42.604
to walk that line between Cassandra's
still not really getting it and having a

209b1da5-24eb-4a03-82e5-2bac5d27bb69-2
00:25:42.604 --> 00:25:45.280
gesture that could be interpreted a
couple of ways.

c2116e16-a07f-49cd-bb05-c58580f23c9f-0
00:25:45.280 --> 00:25:46.360
And so that's the challenge.

407cb4b0-3745-4493-8ac5-699c7be24841-0
00:25:46.360 --> 00:25:50.464
But I think in this case,
we needed just that little bit tip into

407cb4b0-3745-4493-8ac5-699c7be24841-1
00:25:50.464 --> 00:25:53.200
clarity of what that gesture meant for
him.

66eff8a7-86e1-48d5-a9e4-3127e571be91-0
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:56.120
So this
May be an opportunity that I
noticed.

ad816726-9587-4466-828b-d22ac9c8feb5-0
00:25:56.120 --> 00:25:59.240
So it says now he's blocking the cups.

73303b9b-a401-4f04-b363-2e1ab063e4a6-0
00:25:59.600 --> 00:26:01.680
And to me, those are tarot words, right?

056e0499-54c6-44e3-8968-840feb80a05d-0
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:03.000
Blocking and cups.

3e0822f3-d276-4191-899b-ced562ecba8d-0
00:26:03.480 --> 00:26:05.760
But they're not used as tarot words.

97737027-6174-4a96-b9be-17a735306b22-0
00:26:05.760 --> 00:26:09.707
And I don't know, I'm not a tarot expert,
but like, there's opportunities there,

97737027-6174-4a96-b9be-17a735306b22-1
00:26:09.707 --> 00:26:10.000
right?

73803963-b324-4d7b-ab95-f917a1848eb3-0
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.680
Yeah, you're mentioning cups.

9a78083a-0060-4f8f-884e-43d2e3bc0f90-0
00:26:12.040 --> 00:26:15.120
Mention what the cups might signify,
and you're mentioning blocking.

c72d81eb-1961-48a1-b0bb-30c523a1bef5-0
00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:16.880
Link that into what that might signify.

6430ccd3-5d52-4b3c-a41b-9507b324d314-0
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:21.214
And if you are spending more time on this
relationship with Marcus and having that

6430ccd3-5d52-4b3c-a41b-9507b324d314-1
00:26:21.214 --> 00:26:24.921
be like the core of the scene,
then there's maybe more time to explore

6430ccd3-5d52-4b3c-a41b-9507b324d314-2
00:26:24.921 --> 00:26:28.472
from Cassandra's perspective how she
would view these interactions,

6430ccd3-5d52-4b3c-a41b-9507b324d314-3
00:26:28.472 --> 00:26:31.396
and she would notice things like the cups
and blocking,

6430ccd3-5d52-4b3c-a41b-9507b324d314-4
00:26:31.396 --> 00:26:35.000
and that might help her unpack what's
actually happening around her.

45c675e6-5874-4328-98b0-fd8f19c37698-0
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:36.640
I think that's could be very compelling.

c179b176-3bf8-46d4-a829-454fb004bb6e-0
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:37.480
Yeah, absolutely.

ee735097-366b-4415-afce-4b25087c2944-0
00:26:37.480 --> 00:26:41.040
So for those playing along at home,
cups are emotions, right?

bca1f468-23eb-44e0-864b-0e0e8d9645dc-0
00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:44.297
So it's like the soup is cups in tarot,
it's one of the suits,

bca1f468-23eb-44e0-864b-0e0e8d9645dc-1
00:26:44.297 --> 00:26:47.400
and it's all about emotions and love and
all of that stuff.

b4eac36d-98b8-4caf-99d3-b7fc867c5494-0
00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:47.680
So.

9eb40108-90eb-4bc1-8b0f-5045265248b8-0
00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:51.600
And the two of cups in particular is all
about love and relationships.

26fba7b5-7189-44b6-948e-c6cca529c027-0
00:26:51.600 --> 00:26:53.560
And so absolutely, you could play on that.

86ee3e01-d885-4795-ae65-05069462e6bd-0
00:26:53.560 --> 00:26:57.756
And I suspect Sally was playing on that,
but it wasn't evident enough to the

86ee3e01-d885-4795-ae65-05069462e6bd-1
00:26:57.756 --> 00:27:01.680
casual observer and it needed to be if we
were going to play with that.

e39d3fa9-d69c-4e43-b01f-1cfba3b79ee2-0
00:27:01.800 --> 00:27:05.033
OK,
so we move into this next scene now with

e39d3fa9-d69c-4e43-b01f-1cfba3b79ee2-1
00:27:05.033 --> 00:27:05.680
Mr Hines.

baff54ff-263e-46a2-8950-14902cbf0937-0
00:27:06.120 --> 00:27:07.800
And yeah, I guess, look,
we have another character.

b6208ac7-1bf4-4785-9bb8-17ce1886b73c-0
00:27:07.800 --> 00:27:09.200
We have another connection.

79145ead-d140-4ec0-9c2a-c7d85ee18329-0
00:27:09.600 --> 00:27:11.720
He very quickly comes and goes.

41cfe5d4-5fbb-4c05-ba2f-825c9fa44fba-0
00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:14.763
He's introduced, he does his thing,
he's obviously followed through and

41cfe5d4-5fbb-4c05-ba2f-825c9fa44fba-1
00:27:14.763 --> 00:27:16.200
written his novel, which is great.

eed89372-b41e-4445-9ebe-4fc4b44743cb-0
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:17.520
But then he's gone.

c028c5e0-6447-4ae6-b8b3-26aaa8021a92-0
00:27:17.840 --> 00:27:22.540
And I think this is probably my main
critique of this story is that we have a

c028c5e0-6447-4ae6-b8b3-26aaa8021a92-1
00:27:22.540 --> 00:27:27.240
few threads here that are not really tied
together and feel like digressions.

1ea2c7da-90eb-4706-b089-a5ec1d3025fe-0
00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:30.966
And I think from the message,
Sally is exploring a theme here,

1ea2c7da-90eb-4706-b089-a5ec1d3025fe-1
00:27:30.966 --> 00:27:35.640
and she's exploring this idea of identity
and how they might change over time.

b9524fba-a079-4b2a-befa-8cd137d1e2ae-0
00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:38.635
And I think the setting,
the high school reunion,

b9524fba-a079-4b2a-befa-8cd137d1e2ae-1
00:27:38.635 --> 00:27:40.120
is a perfect place to do that.

7bfd69ac-8285-478a-adc1-3cf023736983-0
00:27:40.560 --> 00:27:43.021
But when we're talking about flash
fiction,

7bfd69ac-8285-478a-adc1-3cf023736983-1
00:27:43.021 --> 00:27:47.385
I feel as though we need a little bit
more focus on a single through line and

7bfd69ac-8285-478a-adc1-3cf023736983-2
00:27:47.385 --> 00:27:49.400
an element there that gets paid off.

ebcd8be2-9867-4374-8fd2-cff95af5a910-0
00:27:49.400 --> 00:27:53.560
And we have these several elements that
just don't get paid off.

418e03b1-f8f7-4060-8900-350a8e22158c-0
00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:57.296
Well, I want to add to that too,
because I think that this particular

418e03b1-f8f7-4060-8900-350a8e22158c-1
00:27:57.296 --> 00:27:59.840
section with the teacher is a little bit
problematic.

93658e95-e16d-4bf2-b2dc-e1e039c2a34a-0
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:05.656
And I speak for myself and our assistant
judge in this case in saying that creeped

93658e95-e16d-4bf2-b2dc-e1e039c2a34a-1
00:28:05.656 --> 00:28:06.120
me out.

a04c9855-2f38-4221-8561-508c87030308-0
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:08.560
Oh, like,
I found this teacher a bit creepy.

4d22d528-5fb8-4334-a50f-845d9ac3c364-0
00:28:08.560 --> 00:28:10.400
Like, why is he like,
you're the cat's meow?

846d1084-4e74-4eb2-8b63-1252c992c64b-0
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:12.200
And like, he's like he's hitting on her.

61123953-f11f-42c5-990d-5f1969e39b74-0
00:28:12.200 --> 00:28:14.600
And I don't know if that was intentional
or not,

61123953-f11f-42c5-990d-5f1969e39b74-1
00:28:14.600 --> 00:28:16.560
but it wasn't just me who felt that way.

f6b5901a-79ac-459e-abc8-1b55284c460e-0
00:28:16.600 --> 00:28:21.120
And so therefore, that's definitely there,
whether it's intended or not.

d64dc61a-35ad-46f9-957f-05402d24f0c7-0
00:28:21.520 --> 00:28:23.960
And to me, that's like raising red flags.

c5723b2c-7215-4226-b622-bfaddc94e65b-0
00:28:23.960 --> 00:28:25.280
So now I'm concerned about that.

1614527c-34d4-4062-b44c-acc67abf9403-0
00:28:25.280 --> 00:28:28.040
And now I'm all distracted about what's
going on with the teacher.

6d6b3feb-7d6c-4107-b386-b1f5c30fc1fd-0
00:28:28.600 --> 00:28:31.480
And I'm not sure that that's what you
were intending there, Sally.

c364f133-9f11-4259-800a-d87ec971cab6-0
00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:33.680
And so therefore,
I think that's a problem.

bbe0591f-270b-43ac-a1fc-95ac76da1713-0
00:28:34.040 --> 00:28:35.640
You know,
he's playing a song just for her.

cb3a0806-1f76-4adc-b80e-8ebb73c584ba-0
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:41.134
Like speaking as someone who has a
problematic relationship with DJs,

cb3a0806-1f76-4adc-b80e-8ebb73c584ba-1
00:28:41.134 --> 00:28:43.960
this is like they're all their DJ's.

6c02a6a9-9fd3-448b-ae38-afb3e7dfeb26-0
00:28:44.600 --> 00:28:45.160
Just one.

ec82217b-9e6a-41a5-9942-a98eed948f10-0
00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:47.400
It's several DJ's.

b4467f38-9a1c-4192-9354-3014e6c4c7d1-0
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:50.645
My dad was a DJ,
so I've got daddy issues big time when it

b4467f38-9a1c-4192-9354-3014e6c4c7d1-1
00:28:50.645 --> 00:28:51.800
comes to DJ's anyway.

6e488b3c-9d10-4eec-a765-a1b44c6f8242-0
00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:54.320
But point being like,
this is very intimate.

602eda10-cf6a-417f-9d36-fe5a82556d2a-0
00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:56.560
Like he's playing a song for her and it's
kind of.

0df9bd61-a921-4329-b765-7840191b7f9d-0
00:28:56.560 --> 00:28:59.131
And he's like,
I dedicated my book to you and I'm just

0df9bd61-a921-4329-b765-7840191b7f9d-1
00:28:59.131 --> 00:28:59.880
like, Oh my God.

8865eb30-b64d-4e6b-8eae-1f853688b32b-0
00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:02.120
But yeah,
he had that ready to go in his pocket.

f3e5ffe5-75d2-43ff-ad39-30005275eab9-0
00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:05.440
Just pre signed on the off chance that
she'd turn up.

a4a7268b-3550-48b2-8b57-9e1f170a4130-0
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:07.040
Well,
I guess you'd be hoping she'd turn up.

004309c4-92d1-4a21-82ee-4c7b528b0c08-0
00:29:07.040 --> 00:29:07.240
Yeah.

9746c3b3-30cf-4871-8f66-4508b4e23999-0
00:29:07.760 --> 00:29:08.280
At the reunion.

d61c7d85-8e6d-4a6a-9616-09b64990711c-0
00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:09.040
No, that's fair enough.

c9d4e42c-c4f0-4964-92b4-9f67bd4dd839-0
00:29:09.040 --> 00:29:11.680
Look, I didn't pick up on that,
but that's obviously a, a gender thing.

731b630b-bf22-439f-9c8c-787b834b1cd8-0
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:13.080
Potentially, Yeah.

74278838-9dae-4e9f-b1ad-fcd74873ce8f-0
00:29:13.080 --> 00:29:14.200
And I'm not sure about that song.

6773e61d-8cb0-40e6-a053-e777f12c71d7-0
00:29:14.200 --> 00:29:15.320
Pink's just like fire.

4bea9b15-8997-4060-8843-e24c80126789-0
00:29:15.320 --> 00:29:16.440
I don't know the lyrics to that.

c8f23bb1-3f5f-417f-9337-8bff3a8f115e-0
00:29:16.440 --> 00:29:17.920
Is it, is that problematic as well?

d55e9234-d522-4ba0-9f49-0fa40b0374ca-0
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:18.880
Let's look it up.

ea0d1c34-b2c8-4179-a5ea-7cc33f0d9630-0
00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:22.787
So I think I'm just looking at the lyrics
now and I'm just doing a,

ea0d1c34-b2c8-4179-a5ea-7cc33f0d9630-1
00:29:22.787 --> 00:29:23.920
a quick interpretation.

998b60a8-a027-4b05-a100-1a0610723d46-0
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:27.548
I think the theme there is like,
marching to the beat of your own drum

998b60a8-a027-4b05-a100-1a0610723d46-1
00:29:27.548 --> 00:29:30.104
kind of thing,
like being very truly yourself and

998b60a8-a027-4b05-a100-1a0610723d46-2
00:29:30.104 --> 00:29:34.040
forgetting about all the generic people
who want you to be the same as them.

86d8bd68-3e61-4a4b-b962-3e6b0404dea2-0
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.680
But, you know,
there's still some undertones potentially.

2378edcf-4e50-4bcb-ac59-16caacba6b8b-0
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.000
So, yeah.

560f40ae-a0fb-46c0-983b-88cc35e5f674-0
00:29:39.040 --> 00:29:39.960
Watch this madness.

a81a7a78-ed65-4598-a1cd-cc7d8f213174-0
00:29:39.960 --> 00:29:40.920
Colourful charade.

f2da36fb-a06b-4894-80da-c16fb5ab018e-0
00:29:40.920 --> 00:29:42.840
No one can be just like me anyway.

b6a2e2e8-c354-43e8-86be-f35a525de05b-0
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:44.040
Just like magic.

292b264f-8cd2-4385-8934-e73de79c8862-0
00:29:44.080 --> 00:29:45.200
I'll be flying free.

d47e97bd-9118-4eba-87e6-b92f6e94b0f1-0
00:29:45.600 --> 00:29:47.200
I'm a disappear when they come for me.

dc09598d-8714-4e94-a279-7d5351c4c626-0
00:29:47.280 --> 00:29:50.760
So anyway, this teacher, Mr Heinz,
just no.

4bcad09f-7f9c-49e9-a2d8-430727461f67-0
00:29:51.600 --> 00:29:51.760
Yeah.

b686aadb-9574-4ade-9b0b-7120f848befc-0
00:29:52.680 --> 00:29:54.880
But I did have another point I wanted to
make.

e558dbf8-8938-4920-84d4-2e817db68b7e-0
00:29:55.040 --> 00:29:57.400
And it's about the teacher and about
Marcus as well.

ef857404-cd97-4560-a0ad-192b3cdc16b8-0
00:29:57.480 --> 00:30:00.640
And that was that they're kind of just in
love with her, right?

e6c6719c-754f-4f32-a4ea-b1719d7cc03d-0
00:30:01.080 --> 00:30:03.120
And that didn't feel earned in this story.

f5cfee64-3a1e-481c-a6bf-5019e1250563-0
00:30:03.120 --> 00:30:06.400
It's like she's coming back after 10
years and realising everybody loves her.

14d21236-24e1-4e34-be34-4080058ba28b-0
00:30:06.520 --> 00:30:08.360
Like, great, that's wonderful.

13141594-0d0d-46dd-a3bc-07f28fc3b3e9-0
00:30:08.680 --> 00:30:12.400
But how does that flow from who she is as
a person?

d6b60d77-9a33-4f07-9f23-84c11e6c35d9-0
00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:14.556
It's kind of like, oh,
I'm the weirdo and actually everyone

d6b60d77-9a33-4f07-9f23-84c11e6c35d9-1
00:30:14.556 --> 00:30:14.880
loves me.

6a0ddf04-b5d0-467a-a6e9-f917879a465d-0
00:30:14.880 --> 00:30:15.280
Great.

8bb7d6af-534a-4e35-a047-9d382d509b66-0
00:30:15.280 --> 00:30:19.042
But I guess I just wanted a little bit
more set up there to understand,

8bb7d6af-534a-4e35-a047-9d382d509b66-1
00:30:19.042 --> 00:30:22.020
appreciate why they loved her so much and
why, you know,

8bb7d6af-534a-4e35-a047-9d382d509b66-2
00:30:22.020 --> 00:30:24.320
she was so influential on them in this
way.

5d0d83df-4cb5-48e5-b63b-731212d2418d-0
00:30:24.320 --> 00:30:26.120
So again, just a bit of a challenge.

10dca807-3010-4ac0-ac30-7a602389220e-0
00:30:26.120 --> 00:30:30.280
And from my perspective, like you said,
Ed, it's about focus.

d03ed989-16c8-443a-a3c0-cd7dadd0da77-0
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:31.400
I think that's the case.

2ada673d-258e-4ef8-9a59-c6089628cf1f-0
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:36.824
I think our focus is being shifted here
to something that's distracting us from

2ada673d-258e-4ef8-9a59-c6089628cf1f-1
00:30:36.824 --> 00:30:37.960
the key messages.

22049150-f46b-4907-bc4b-2b9b29464072-0
00:30:38.560 --> 00:30:40.962
All right,
so the next section is called drama

22049150-f46b-4907-bc4b-2b9b29464072-1
00:30:40.962 --> 00:30:41.320
Queens.

8f27be60-de63-4f49-aaf9-94a1ff55fa89-0
00:30:41.320 --> 00:30:46.080
And we get like the popular girls who
once teased Cassandra, by the looks of it.

8da4a210-7f4d-450e-bf3c-19b482dfe4d3-0
00:30:46.680 --> 00:30:51.464
And look, again, as I've mentioned,
we do get a sense of very quickly told of

8da4a210-7f4d-450e-bf3c-19b482dfe4d3-1
00:30:51.464 --> 00:30:54.960
how the intervening years have treated
these cool girls.

e91c4412-b29d-44df-8b4f-e120180f834f-0
00:30:54.960 --> 00:30:56.160
And it hasn't been kindly.

1d6138d8-3330-426d-abbe-762baa97004f-0
00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:58.960
And she's expecting them to behave much
in the way that they had.

52628b43-106b-4f44-b654-1cf2e2e108e0-0
00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:03.120
They've kind of slunk off the dance floor
pretty quickly because of that.

089b55c9-6267-49f9-bf50-54981b286495-0
00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:06.295
I just wonder, though,
like if we're getting Cassandra's

089b55c9-6267-49f9-bf50-54981b286495-1
00:31:06.295 --> 00:31:09.344
perspective here,
Is she putting these two and two together

089b55c9-6267-49f9-bf50-54981b286495-2
00:31:09.344 --> 00:31:12.240
on these girls and how they've developed
over the years?

62796464-7c17-468e-a503-ea9f8c7b48fb-0
00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:14.320
Because it's a lot to take in very
quickly.

87e49563-59ea-4c08-89a7-0f1dd33cb00a-0
00:31:14.760 --> 00:31:18.360
I guess we're seeing the scarred wrists
and we're making assumptions.

69c60fe2-ba0e-462e-b060-71794344c8f7-0
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:19.760
Is she seeing that?

ef4c8de4-c4f1-4766-976e-88863517bacc-0
00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:22.600
I'm not sure that that's really coming
from her.

ab300b3c-3136-4f1f-bb48-a1b2f944e384-0
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:26.040
I don't see Cassandra's character coming
through really in this.

671a3543-6146-45a5-9776-e6c1d351c1e1-0
00:31:26.040 --> 00:31:26.200
Yeah.

61161710-8e4f-48a8-9f0c-593382342f6f-0
00:31:26.200 --> 00:31:28.200
She's not reacting to having seen that.

3ac6ce31-0c5d-4279-8bcf-b794607b52e5-0
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:30.440
So she sees it,
and then she just moves on.

59a070ef-a3f6-420f-b142-139d99648947-0
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:31.280
She doesn't react.

b0a000c1-0e36-4062-8721-1bb2a8d575e9-0
00:31:31.400 --> 00:31:33.240
And I think it's important to have
reaction.

c4148dc3-33be-4ff9-b7d8-f6625aab9b05-0
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:35.356
I mean,
it's very important to have cause and

c4148dc3-33be-4ff9-b7d8-f6625aab9b05-1
00:31:35.356 --> 00:31:36.000
effect, right.

fb63ea2c-d8c3-4835-9679-17667cc6a960-0
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:40.697
From a big picture perspective,
this story is about a girl who comes to

fb63ea2c-d8c3-4835-9679-17667cc6a960-1
00:31:40.697 --> 00:31:44.680
her high school reunion and walks around
the room observing people.

9b36780f-8d8d-49fc-8ff6-83b9950601e5-0
00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:47.491
And to be honest,
that's not a particularly interesting

9b36780f-8d8d-49fc-8ff6-83b9950601e5-1
00:31:47.491 --> 00:31:48.640
piece of action to watch.

7e4431d3-ce28-496b-8470-99606eca5e39-0
00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:51.863
She's walking around,
she's sort of making assumptions about

7e4431d3-ce28-496b-8470-99606eca5e39-1
00:31:51.863 --> 00:31:55.320
people and having those assumptions
challenge, which is the interesting part.

bced6cde-6f9d-488e-9822-ca6653b25e31-0
00:31:55.320 --> 00:31:57.880
But she's not interacting much with those
people.

7399b8f3-7c5c-4add-87c3-89373d9384a4-0
00:31:57.880 --> 00:31:59.240
She's had an interaction with Marcus.

dd18a62e-5c5c-4aee-9e7c-38a6e718e4d0-0
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:03.219
She's had an interaction with the teacher,
but those interactions don't then prompt

dd18a62e-5c5c-4aee-9e7c-38a6e718e4d0-1
00:32:03.219 --> 00:32:04.120
her to do anything.

23f824ac-a3c4-4014-ade0-f9ec52677f49-0
00:32:04.120 --> 00:32:05.960
It happens and then she moves on.

ddd0abfa-4ed9-4bed-b659-12ceb3c40e2f-0
00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:08.569
And we've talked before about dominoes in
a story,

ddd0abfa-4ed9-4bed-b659-12ceb3c40e2f-1
00:32:08.569 --> 00:32:11.083
like how does one thing 'cause the next
thing to happen,

ddd0abfa-4ed9-4bed-b659-12ceb3c40e2f-2
00:32:11.083 --> 00:32:12.760
which causes the next thing to happen?

e49d613a-82b2-4514-824a-b9181f04b528-0
00:32:12.760 --> 00:32:16.126
Like action, reaction,
action reaction throughout the story,

e49d613a-82b2-4514-824a-b9181f04b528-1
00:32:16.126 --> 00:32:20.375
as opposed to just a sequence of events
that are sort of independent of each

e49d613a-82b2-4514-824a-b9181f04b528-2
00:32:20.375 --> 00:32:23.080
other and don't influence each other in
any way.

d09d3eee-5bb1-4876-9c37-363bcc59f65f-0
00:32:23.080 --> 00:32:26.440
So that's a challenge I would put on the
structure of this story.

efd8a249-f535-4673-ac65-7fbb32302c85-0
00:32:26.760 --> 00:32:31.342
I guess now we're coming back from
looking at these characters from her part

efd8a249-f535-4673-ac65-7fbb32302c85-1
00:32:31.342 --> 00:32:31.640
fast.

e598e42f-5f7d-4c63-b5e6-3393ae7c4ac7-0
00:32:31.640 --> 00:32:34.000
And now we're going into Cassandra
herself.

0461a6c8-0ff3-4e21-b16a-c9b802cc4785-0
00:32:34.040 --> 00:32:34.320
Yeah.

d8a0b7b5-2f34-4222-8c75-9aa402c5e784-0
00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:35.800
And who she is.

8449ce20-ce67-4c17-b4a4-b242e2246bf9-0
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:39.379
And again,
it was a choice there to return to where

8449ce20-ce67-4c17-b4a4-b242e2246bf9-1
00:32:39.379 --> 00:32:43.821
we started in the car,
which I But I found that quite surprising,

8449ce20-ce67-4c17-b4a4-b242e2246bf9-2
00:32:43.821 --> 00:32:44.360
jarring.

2e6dd7b3-da7c-4021-ba2e-be17eb24180b-0
00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:44.880
I'm not sure.

2004d0d8-84d2-437b-8a6a-0a0e579ac6a5-0
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:48.049
Again, with the dominoes,
like what put her back in the car,

2004d0d8-84d2-437b-8a6a-0a0e579ac6a5-1
00:32:48.049 --> 00:32:49.400
because she's her reunion.

537af569-d216-4ea4-8484-c241168e1089-0
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:52.000
She's interacting,
she's finding out things.

23a8d6c5-5a4c-4719-8ad9-80f8aea13827-0
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:53.800
She's not really coming out of her shell.

4ee3588d-ff36-44d2-8555-5e249721a3c7-0
00:32:53.800 --> 00:32:57.824
It's maybe not apparent why she's had
such an impact on the people around her,

4ee3588d-ff36-44d2-8555-5e249721a3c7-1
00:32:57.824 --> 00:32:59.760
but at the end of it, nothing happens.

50ba5628-9084-45a3-804b-8796389f925f-0
00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:04.560
She's back in her car and she's not
thinking about like what just happened.

e518c7fe-063e-4d02-b2fd-8f9d14cb630a-0
00:33:04.560 --> 00:33:07.160
She's pulling a card for what's gonna
happen tomorrow.

58e89b6d-dfef-40af-bcfd-0b3e0ab005ef-0
00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:09.720
So it's like it hasn't impacted her.

d7378ce6-7a22-47c8-b3d0-87047480a2c0-0
00:33:09.720 --> 00:33:10.160
Yeah.

1d7c5fb3-6f23-4ea5-a801-a945b60eea72-0
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:12.200
She's not thinking about Marcus,
for example.

817a37f0-fe8b-4961-a257-3b8be63e95fb-0
00:33:12.200 --> 00:33:15.400
She's not like, oh,
I wonder if he's interested or whatever.

35fd168b-e0d8-4ee3-b226-7542e2d45618-0
00:33:15.400 --> 00:33:18.549
And I guess we're just not clear for me
as a as a reader,

35fd168b-e0d8-4ee3-b226-7542e2d45618-1
00:33:18.549 --> 00:33:21.970
what has the whole scene,
this whole event that's taken place,

35fd168b-e0d8-4ee3-b226-7542e2d45618-2
00:33:21.970 --> 00:33:23.600
what impact has it had on her?

ba769ba7-e7d4-4e31-8d6a-24c15bc3c86f-0
00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:28.308
It's had these little kind of moments
that she's absorbed and been surprised by

ba769ba7-e7d4-4e31-8d6a-24c15bc3c86f-1
00:33:28.308 --> 00:33:32.859
and maybe she's reflecting on them,
but not enough to get back to the car and

ba769ba7-e7d4-4e31-8d6a-24c15bc3c86f-2
00:33:32.859 --> 00:33:34.960
be like, whoa, what's just happened?

5de56239-1c46-428f-a4aa-935ef3e98575-0
00:33:35.040 --> 00:33:37.329
Like,
give me a card to tell me how to

5de56239-1c46-428f-a4aa-935ef3e98575-1
00:33:37.329 --> 00:33:38.680
interpret these events.

b2a9df96-ae65-4e66-a7af-d829bb86afe7-0
00:33:38.680 --> 00:33:39.800
She's looking at tomorrow.

5f25ec1c-b00e-4006-a657-5a198067085b-0
00:33:40.280 --> 00:33:43.916
Marcus turns up, knocks at the window,
and I don't know if she wants to hook up

5f25ec1c-b00e-4006-a657-5a198067085b-1
00:33:43.916 --> 00:33:44.280
with it.

eaf1d08b-3893-4e9b-8aef-724818b38ded-0
00:33:44.280 --> 00:33:46.000
Like, I don't know if she wants him there.

3d76b829-f665-4f3c-8086-b7333eddf92c-0
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:47.840
I don't know what's going to happen next.

2b8d386e-f16b-4532-a266-42426972d99c-0
00:33:47.840 --> 00:33:49.760
We're we're left hanging on this question.

ce9f89a5-0531-404b-83c4-741cd3aca9d3-0
00:33:49.760 --> 00:33:52.280
And I feel it's fine to be left hanging
on a question.

ba5d1d8b-ad85-4e46-a0fe-af07482346af-0
00:33:52.280 --> 00:33:56.560
Like, we don't know how it's going to go,
but I should know how she wants it to go.

e1dde273-4913-42ed-a59e-facc93fdb9cd-0
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:57.040
Yeah.

a1a3e839-1d03-4501-bfeb-d7660a9de7ae-0
00:33:57.040 --> 00:33:59.138
We don't need to see the next part of the
scene,

a1a3e839-1d03-4501-bfeb-d7660a9de7ae-1
00:33:59.138 --> 00:34:01.880
but we need to know what she cares about
and what she's hoping.

a644fe13-f0ea-4ac6-a374-2976a2a25aaf-0
00:34:02.320 --> 00:34:04.840
Look, Sally,
you don't have any issues with your prose.

15a84ee0-4ed3-458b-89ff-a7172212295a-0
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:06.160
Yeah, like your prose is great.

46060d45-ebea-4c83-b5fb-0544e6492dd5-0
00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:09.697
And we can always look at edits and
whatever in the in the detail of prose,

46060d45-ebea-4c83-b5fb-0544e6492dd5-1
00:34:09.697 --> 00:34:11.280
but you've got that under control.

fdb7380d-487c-477f-8ecd-1def29652ab7-0
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:14.941
So what I think is maybe an issue in this
story and perhaps, you know,

fdb7380d-487c-477f-8ecd-1def29652ab7-1
00:34:14.941 --> 00:34:17.160
you asked about your stories more
generally.

28dee510-bbb5-4736-9878-26ba9e153ac0-0
00:34:17.160 --> 00:34:20.910
We've had a look back and we've had a
little read through and I think

28dee510-bbb5-4736-9878-26ba9e153ac0-1
00:34:20.910 --> 00:34:22.840
potentially the issue is this focus.

654e8208-9f67-45f4-8716-56896d01a25c-0
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:25.919
So what you do,
and this is just me interpreting from

654e8208-9f67-45f4-8716-56896d01a25c-1
00:34:25.919 --> 00:34:29.512
reading the stories,
that what you do is you come and approach

654e8208-9f67-45f4-8716-56896d01a25c-2
00:34:29.512 --> 00:34:31.680
the prompts and you have ideas, right?

2f536d70-5ad7-4124-bfff-3d43456f29da-0
00:34:31.680 --> 00:34:34.720
You have a bunch of ideas that evokes
these kind of feelings in you and you

2f536d70-5ad7-4124-bfff-3d43456f29da-1
00:34:34.720 --> 00:34:37.240
start to go down these rabbit holes of
like, what's that like?

1559ad2b-a055-4467-ae2b-c41150cf2b64-0
00:34:37.240 --> 00:34:38.440
How does that remind me of high school?

027c2891-45d4-4fb7-97fc-6d080ae95909-0
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:39.760
And that's all really great.

b43bfb72-b6e2-43e5-8c57-93acbaacc377-0
00:34:39.760 --> 00:34:43.185
I think it's great that you've gone with
something universal,

b43bfb72-b6e2-43e5-8c57-93acbaacc377-1
00:34:43.185 --> 00:34:46.113
like a high school reunion,
those familiar feelings,

b43bfb72-b6e2-43e5-8c57-93acbaacc377-2
00:34:46.113 --> 00:34:47.440
and all of that's great.

aa2844ca-fea8-4800-99e4-58e20bc8bfe6-0
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:49.440
So we're in this space of ideas.

a0f5433c-e308-4938-91a9-f6bcc3ef12a3-0
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:53.869
But what I think is lacking in this story
and potentially some of the others that

a0f5433c-e308-4938-91a9-f6bcc3ef12a3-1
00:34:53.869 --> 00:34:56.840
didn't make the long list before,
is focus on a story.

fa2f3711-8a8e-4e48-8b48-ca608c9c0a83-0
00:34:57.160 --> 00:35:00.280
What is happening from a storytelling
perspective.

9c17865a-5230-4f0a-82c0-ec36f950b70c-0
00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:02.800
We need a character with the scene goal.

b95ad405-6d7e-4efe-82f1-0275d4e19d15-0
00:35:03.240 --> 00:35:04.200
We need stakes.

e5774a54-74fd-4b20-b72a-2f629cdc084b-0
00:35:04.280 --> 00:35:06.160
What will happen if they don't get what
they want?

1de167a7-9442-4081-a5f3-e04a33910c01-0
00:35:06.160 --> 00:35:09.280
We need to see them fighting against
these challenges.

83306fa6-992d-4619-a8aa-2bd8e456b00c-0
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:12.176
And then we need to see at the end,
at the climax,

83306fa6-992d-4619-a8aa-2bd8e456b00c-1
00:35:12.176 --> 00:35:15.640
do they get what they want or not and how
have they changed?

442b126a-d5e7-4195-af8b-b3e66aeb8eb6-0
00:35:15.640 --> 00:35:17.472
I mean,
that's a classic three act story

442b126a-d5e7-4195-af8b-b3e66aeb8eb6-1
00:35:17.472 --> 00:35:17.920
structure.

adf29aab-a2df-43d8-8d14-1a67a50c47a3-0
00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:21.520
Not every piece of flash fiction has to
be structured that way.

ad8c2ff4-afdc-4478-85a1-f92cca26a095-0
00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:23.737
And in fact,
you haven't structured this story that

ad8c2ff4-afdc-4478-85a1-f92cca26a095-1
00:35:23.737 --> 00:35:23.880
way.

41a33f82-bca0-427d-9fac-25061a158a23-0
00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:28.191
You've structured it in these kind of
vignettes, as we would call them,

41a33f82-bca0-427d-9fac-25061a158a23-1
00:35:28.191 --> 00:35:33.101
like an image of each of these characters,
but it hasn't flowed into a change for

41a33f82-bca0-427d-9fac-25061a158a23-2
00:35:33.101 --> 00:35:34.000
this character.

d95a87c2-bcb5-4ec3-b935-bf88116902e2-0
00:35:34.240 --> 00:35:35.240
And I think it needed to.

967cf557-8244-4a12-b063-9d83162c9af5-0
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:36.160
Yeah, I agree.

e78b44e2-2517-4f29-8042-9fe0b0910b5b-0
00:35:36.160 --> 00:35:40.662
And I think what you've really done well
in this story and your other submissions

e78b44e2-2517-4f29-8042-9fe0b0910b5b-1
00:35:40.662 --> 00:35:44.396
as well as we've just read them prior to
recording, is, as you say,

e78b44e2-2517-4f29-8042-9fe0b0910b5b-2
00:35:44.396 --> 00:35:45.440
the prose is great.

3ac353a4-bbd7-44dd-8235-01d09a5836b5-0
00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:47.400
The voice is always quite good as well.

443ea59a-02e4-4933-a7c7-ad981e82d475-0
00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:51.105
And you know, the theme,
generally universal themes,

443ea59a-02e4-4933-a7c7-ad981e82d475-1
00:35:51.105 --> 00:35:55.480
things that we can really latch onto and
interesting premises as well.

84c02576-4333-41e2-8a9d-45b5c3d15bcf-0
00:35:56.000 --> 00:36:00.324
What I always come back to with story and
how to separate it from a vignette is if

84c02576-4333-41e2-8a9d-45b5c3d15bcf-1
00:36:00.324 --> 00:36:04.283
I were telling someone this story,
would I be telling them something that's

84c02576-4333-41e2-8a9d-45b5c3d15bcf-2
00:36:04.283 --> 00:36:06.680
fulfilling or would they just have
questions?

bce94c76-0f45-4604-8f54-69d0982a223e-0
00:36:07.120 --> 00:36:10.570
So when I'm imagining myself telling this
story to someone,

bce94c76-0f45-4604-8f54-69d0982a223e-1
00:36:10.570 --> 00:36:15.402
I was at my high school reunion and I ran
into the popular girls and they might ask

bce94c76-0f45-4604-8f54-69d0982a223e-2
00:36:15.402 --> 00:36:16.840
follow up questions like.

cdaf993e-14f5-4fb3-837c-4d228184fb7a-0
00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:17.840
And then what happened?

226dac20-3b17-4d49-b681-eb4899784d3e-0
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:18.400
Did you say?

b044bccd-b1f2-42cf-b32a-9f2e623b323b-0
00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:19.800
What did you say to us exactly?

0cd04e5b-e02e-4628-aa09-7ab1e66dd311-0
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:22.950
If the teacher came up to you and said,
here's a copy of your book and then you

0cd04e5b-e02e-4628-aa09-7ab1e66dd311-1
00:36:22.950 --> 00:36:24.200
kind of walked off and then what?

f1d4ca30-07d7-4a8d-b229-205e471a2642-0
00:36:24.200 --> 00:36:25.240
And then what happened after?

8e4af663-bccf-434f-a4fa-bb0bb214902d-0
00:36:25.640 --> 00:36:27.120
So there are questions we have there.

f43358fe-82ea-4e6f-9281-72e276054eef-0
00:36:27.120 --> 00:36:30.440
We have stories being told,
but we need to get the whole story.

12cbb999-cd77-4b39-9ddc-88664b2ac303-0
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:30.680
Yeah.

bf9c343a-36c6-4581-8451-673baff8430c-0
00:36:31.040 --> 00:36:34.800
And we only really get a little bit of
that happening with Marcus's story.

60bf2e9f-089f-4ab7-9cbb-f74ee82c2ff2-0
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:36.836
And that's why,
like I latched onto that and be and said

60bf2e9f-089f-4ab7-9cbb-f74ee82c2ff2-1
00:36:36.836 --> 00:36:38.480
that should be the story that you're
telling.

b2772f1d-e213-4e84-aa74-384d90c51b2c-0
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:41.353
It's because we did get that development
in Marcus's story,

b2772f1d-e213-4e84-aa74-384d90c51b2c-1
00:36:41.353 --> 00:36:45.089
but maybe we didn't get it as completely
as we needed to because we needed to

b2772f1d-e213-4e84-aa74-384d90c51b2c-2
00:36:45.089 --> 00:36:48.872
understand Cassandra's perspective a
little bit better and her and her desires

b2772f1d-e213-4e84-aa74-384d90c51b2c-3
00:36:48.872 --> 00:36:49.160
there.

a2a50036-0aed-448f-b012-475a714b4062-0
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:51.080
But most of it is there.

2dcd80b9-55e2-4731-8ca2-949e0c4d5769-0
00:36:51.520 --> 00:36:55.120
And I think it's a matter of choosing,
choosing what you want to focus on.

deb688e7-ee42-456d-9647-7f637cf9f12d-0
00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:59.134
But these are great details and these are
interesting things to explore,

deb688e7-ee42-456d-9647-7f637cf9f12d-1
00:36:59.134 --> 00:37:03.226
like how identity changes over time and
how the weird person in school may have

deb688e7-ee42-456d-9647-7f637cf9f12d-2
00:37:03.226 --> 00:37:06.449
thought that they were the outcast and
that no one liked them,

deb688e7-ee42-456d-9647-7f637cf9f12d-3
00:37:06.449 --> 00:37:10.440
but actually they might find out years
later that it wasn't like that at all.

1ffa9636-efb7-4ee8-8521-aba63f39e342-0
00:37:10.640 --> 00:37:12.800
Those are really interesting to to
explore.

2ba54376-3a09-4847-bbb3-7d6a4bd2200c-0
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:16.486
But, you know,
those are elements that fit within a

2ba54376-3a09-4847-bbb3-7d6a4bd2200c-1
00:37:16.486 --> 00:37:18.320
story, not a story in itself.

afca0633-8f30-4e1c-b25d-9867df41633e-0
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:20.800
Yeah, it's premise versus story, right.

024fdf8b-1e00-4e5b-8803-497a49c6138c-0
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:23.440
The premise is the idea that you base
your story on.

28428b08-8b48-4c39-9fc4-308a9e827d40-0
00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:26.076
It's like the creative concept versus the
story itself,

28428b08-8b48-4c39-9fc4-308a9e827d40-1
00:37:26.076 --> 00:37:29.985
which is that whole thing we talked about
a character who experiences some sort of

28428b08-8b48-4c39-9fc4-308a9e827d40-2
00:37:29.985 --> 00:37:30.879
fundamental change.

345cb5e2-7388-4564-a56c-908d71645f4f-0
00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:31.120
Yeah.

d8a40e2d-6df3-4b77-860e-478f119db1eb-0
00:37:31.560 --> 00:37:33.818
And so I guess what we're saying is,
Sally, you know,

d8a40e2d-6df3-4b77-860e-478f119db1eb-1
00:37:33.818 --> 00:37:35.240
you asked what are your strengths?

7d784d9c-94f6-4d86-80a1-08685e9f8551-0
00:37:35.240 --> 00:37:36.520
What are the things you could work on?

d0085cb9-4a7c-4df0-a56f-e21cc445c378-0
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:38.080
Your strength is the premise.

caad0e2c-647c-48fd-b460-bb51f70d27df-0
00:37:38.200 --> 00:37:40.240
You've always got these interesting
premises.

76e3c7f8-3dca-453e-94a9-14aa824065cc-0
00:37:40.720 --> 00:37:41.800
You have other strengths too.

e32ea59d-1134-48be-8e7b-33c35709e1ff-0
00:37:41.800 --> 00:37:42.680
We talked about voice.

fff69066-d9c0-4f97-8147-2bbfa16087de-0
00:37:42.680 --> 00:37:46.158
So this was probably one of the less
voicy pieces because we're not sort of

fff69066-d9c0-4f97-8147-2bbfa16087de-1
00:37:46.158 --> 00:37:47.760
getting that really from Cassandra.

77e7e719-b083-4a27-89d0-6f7a1e6d9d2d-0
00:37:48.240 --> 00:37:53.200
Some of your other long listed pieces are
very voicy and that worked really well.

1bba3053-95e6-4ba3-8069-924367a5bf31-0
00:37:53.480 --> 00:37:54.840
We've got that universality.

7f3bb56c-080e-479d-ae19-4aaec9826050-0
00:37:54.840 --> 00:37:56.800
So these these premises are really strong.

9688e25f-9f3c-40f5-9fca-a4b38b1003ed-0
00:37:56.800 --> 00:38:00.384
So it becomes about taking that,
refining that,

9688e25f-9f3c-40f5-9fca-a4b38b1003ed-1
00:38:00.384 --> 00:38:06.282
focusing that into this character and
what happens to them and how they impact

9688e25f-9f3c-40f5-9fca-a4b38b1003ed-2
00:38:06.282 --> 00:38:06.880
a scene.

d55d12e7-1b0c-445b-874c-2cd62a875449-0
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:08.040
What do they do?

424cde16-bf7c-43a6-a5f7-dfd4bf6aca3d-0
00:38:08.120 --> 00:38:10.160
What happens as a result of what they do?

6523af29-3e0b-4aa5-bd09-19a1c901a6a2-0
00:38:10.520 --> 00:38:12.080
How do they experience conflict?

27089ea3-53bf-4cd2-a0a8-aaf4b155e5a6-0
00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:13.560
How does that conflict change them?

93be650e-066d-4adb-b67b-1eb8863f1d35-0
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.018
And that's the part,
I guess that in this for this one is,

93be650e-066d-4adb-b67b-1eb8863f1d35-1
00:38:17.018 --> 00:38:19.960
is perhaps missing,
which is not always missing, right?

a93a415f-c296-42d0-b90e-41dc979d2e2f-0
00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:21.720
We've, we have other long listed stories.

6c8161f5-cdfe-4d61-adce-f04885ce861e-0
00:38:22.040 --> 00:38:24.790
And so, you know,
I'm not sure if this is the case, Sally,

6c8161f5-cdfe-4d61-adce-f04885ce861e-1
00:38:24.790 --> 00:38:27.960
but to me this reads a little bit like
this is a Panzer experience.

a12de93f-8700-4f1a-ba9d-f2c3a547edc2-0
00:38:27.960 --> 00:38:29.440
We're letting the story tell itself.

7da808d6-89e1-4adc-9e8e-d96a674d3b0d-0
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:30.960
We're just writing like we're inspired.

c9f09315-2581-419f-a4ac-da366c7b4b74-0
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:35.177
We've got an idea and we start writing
and all these ideas are coming out and

c9f09315-2581-419f-a4ac-da366c7b4b74-1
00:38:35.177 --> 00:38:35.880
that's great.

f0437708-0614-40be-a98d-dffc4e74ab1b-0
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:39.875
And so then what we need to do if we have
time, which of course we never do,

f0437708-0614-40be-a98d-dffc4e74ab1b-1
00:38:39.875 --> 00:38:40.440
is go back.

8038c53a-d67d-458b-9521-1ef9c3ddd650-0
00:38:40.560 --> 00:38:42.120
And that's where we start refining.

f64b6bcb-2467-4aa9-aad2-ce79c36553a6-0
00:38:42.120 --> 00:38:45.172
So someone like me,
I refine in my head before I start,

f64b6bcb-2467-4aa9-aad2-ce79c36553a6-1
00:38:45.172 --> 00:38:48.280
I try and think of those elements of plot
and structure.

28d444c3-fa4d-487b-a571-37de0a492cb8-0
00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:52.473
And that's why I get so bloody caught up
in knots and struggle to deliver

28d444c3-fa4d-487b-a571-37de0a492cb8-1
00:38:52.473 --> 00:38:53.040
sometimes.

dedda20c-5a5b-44d5-9bc3-2da28e793017-0
00:38:53.040 --> 00:38:57.365
But if you are more the pancer type,
then coming back into your first draught

dedda20c-5a5b-44d5-9bc3-2da28e793017-1
00:38:57.365 --> 00:39:00.360
and going, OK,
what am I actually trying to say here?

1f130e3b-7bbc-462b-aa74-38f9000c1ba4-0
00:39:00.360 --> 00:39:04.487
Which bits support that and which bits
are maybe extraneous or distracting from

1f130e3b-7bbc-462b-aa74-38f9000c1ba4-1
00:39:04.487 --> 00:39:08.562
the main thing that I'm trying to do with
this piece of flash fiction and this

1f130e3b-7bbc-462b-aa74-38f9000c1ba4-2
00:39:08.562 --> 00:39:09.440
particular scene?

4a8a2eee-5fe1-4803-8a92-813e95cde797-0
00:39:09.880 --> 00:39:10.000
Yeah.

ba7fa624-704a-4a85-a5d0-99c56ee7e11e-0
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:12.877
And look, I just,
I just want to note that those elements

ba7fa624-704a-4a85-a5d0-99c56ee7e11e-1
00:39:12.877 --> 00:39:16.698
of story are not arbitrary because we
talk about things like development and

ba7fa624-704a-4a85-a5d0-99c56ee7e11e-2
00:39:16.698 --> 00:39:17.840
change and scene goals.

bf7fe3ff-3d64-4482-a2b5-b889c389888d-0
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:20.800
It's not arbitrary just because that's
how it's done.

a2646924-269f-4ff4-86a9-448021cb2b22-0
00:39:21.080 --> 00:39:24.080
It just makes the experience more
satisfying.

ac34cbeb-4e34-47ea-85ad-c43d3ed0370b-0
00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:26.520
You know, as a writer,
you want to satisfy the reader.

945d631b-dc4b-47b2-804c-054b69db5218-0
00:39:26.520 --> 00:39:28.972
You want to the reader to come out of it
and say, hey,

945d631b-dc4b-47b2-804c-054b69db5218-1
00:39:28.972 --> 00:39:30.800
I've been told a story that's meaningful.

6ba23216-6061-45e7-b048-fbcbd05e7041-0
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:34.546
I've connected with a character, you know,
they've achieved something and that's

6ba23216-6061-45e7-b048-fbcbd05e7041-1
00:39:34.546 --> 00:39:35.360
meaningful to them.

c80bf362-8fb0-4319-81f6-7b5fedf87174-0
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:37.080
And that now that's meaningful to me.

f8068865-7b64-4fa2-894f-a3e6f23a8f39-0
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:41.568
And then if you can take more away from
that, if you also get to the end and say,

f8068865-7b64-4fa2-894f-a3e6f23a8f39-1
00:39:41.568 --> 00:39:45.546
and also there were these great themes of
like how people change over time and

f8068865-7b64-4fa2-894f-a3e6f23a8f39-2
00:39:45.546 --> 00:39:46.000
identity.

3e38430f-a088-4c0d-a49b-c402d41320ea-0
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:46.720
Surprising.

d28910a7-a12f-40c4-a0cf-afc67aef55bc-0
00:39:46.720 --> 00:39:47.800
And it was interesting.

62b62a96-127f-427e-82c5-09b800c76f06-0
00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:48.160
Yeah.

db24db09-7e08-42d5-8a99-5e05fd0841c7-0
00:39:48.160 --> 00:39:50.840
And I love the way that the story tied
all of those together.

4fd5ee97-637c-4493-a88b-87dc0fa4a803-0
00:39:51.160 --> 00:39:54.800
It's so much more impactful if all of
those elements come into play.

4c837253-628c-4445-8eef-d78c9b8fd598-0
00:39:55.040 --> 00:39:58.119
So Sally,
you said in your message you wanted us to

4c837253-628c-4445-8eef-d78c9b8fd598-1
00:39:58.119 --> 00:39:59.600
share our most likely to.

b10787e1-56ce-43bf-b3d7-f4123ca8ac64-0
00:39:59.600 --> 00:40:01.080
Sally Simon is most likely to.

10007736-b4d1-4fd6-8664-5267950dd66d-0
00:40:01.120 --> 00:40:02.040
So I'll do that now.

e5786a14-0a28-4e78-a9d8-6a6fc31595ad-0
00:40:02.520 --> 00:40:06.600
I'm voting Sally Simon,
most likely to succeed.

e192c220-2716-4fd2-bce5-80af89d7671b-0
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:11.411
And the reason I say that is because if
you are able to do this Daredevil, right,

e192c220-2716-4fd2-bce5-80af89d7671b-1
00:40:11.411 --> 00:40:15.404
you're able to put yourself out there,
but not just flippantly, right,

e192c220-2716-4fd2-bce5-80af89d7671b-2
00:40:15.404 --> 00:40:18.160
Just to engage with it and say,
what am I doing?

81ee3b3f-1265-43c4-a08c-fdeb8ba7254e-0
00:40:18.160 --> 00:40:19.880
Well, what do I need to work on?

579a9fee-9a49-4a73-8123-e287ad75e651-0
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:21.560
How can I grow from this?

06a1f049-94b7-4e99-915e-2bee000a8fce-0
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.800
Then you will grow.

e59289e6-c397-4b29-8001-1caf31a4dfba-0
00:40:23.240 --> 00:40:24.360
You absolutely will.

6e38499f-53ab-43a7-8416-3e9358943aa6-0
00:40:24.720 --> 00:40:26.200
You're an amazing writer, Sally.

4974f20b-831a-4164-9690-3e76921a62a3-0
00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:29.040
You don't need us to tell you how to do
what you're doing.

353ad9b6-8068-44ce-b5dd-8e8c1ec8a03a-0
00:40:29.320 --> 00:40:31.978
But, you know,
getting those different experiences,

353ad9b6-8068-44ce-b5dd-8e8c1ec8a03a-1
00:40:31.978 --> 00:40:35.046
getting our opinions,
getting our viewpoints on what works,

353ad9b6-8068-44ce-b5dd-8e8c1ec8a03a-2
00:40:35.046 --> 00:40:39.239
what maybe could be tweaked for next time,
I guess is always just going to inform

353ad9b6-8068-44ce-b5dd-8e8c1ec8a03a-3
00:40:39.239 --> 00:40:40.160
where you go next.

62436ac1-619e-4265-b56e-09f9ae246b7e-0
00:40:40.200 --> 00:40:43.200
And I'm very excited to see where you go
next, Sally.

5aa34a0a-f52b-492a-8315-1351f1ad5983-0
00:40:43.200 --> 00:40:47.528
So I guess we've laid down the gauntlet
to have more of a classic story structure

5aa34a0a-f52b-492a-8315-1351f1ad5983-1
00:40:47.528 --> 00:40:51.697
next time if that's something that you're
interested in exploring a little bit

5aa34a0a-f52b-492a-8315-1351f1ad5983-2
00:40:51.697 --> 00:40:52.119
further.

5e99f694-dfc3-4e0b-85e4-d9e0af344e74-0
00:40:52.440 --> 00:40:56.280
But even if not, you know, like,
we really obviously welcome your stories.

a8e784ee-1d71-4a2f-a34f-a781d7545a5b-0
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:57.560
You do so well.

121c782d-cab5-459c-97fb-9be467973bec-0
00:40:57.560 --> 00:41:00.280
You've always got these great concepts,
which I envy.

d9f4ae75-2e0b-4aa6-84b4-e098f9fb0c61-0
00:41:00.640 --> 00:41:02.913
And so, yeah,
I look forward to seeing what you come up

d9f4ae75-2e0b-4aa6-84b4-e098f9fb0c61-1
00:41:02.913 --> 00:41:03.320
with next.

cf55add8-7e46-4721-9f21-4658650a2e8b-0
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:04.480
Well, I can get behind that.

e9b10c66-a150-4e89-95ab-87e83ee2addf-0
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:09.781
And you have shortlisted before,
so it's not like you are a stranger to

e9b10c66-a150-4e89-95ab-87e83ee2addf-1
00:41:09.781 --> 00:41:10.960
these accolades.

a1a15312-258b-4eb0-b33d-e4ed522a73c9-0
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:12.040
You've shortlisted before.

966225cc-2a33-4d0a-b5b4-ec72c31c45eb-0
00:41:12.040 --> 00:41:16.617
You've long listed many times and you've
proven that you can succeed and you can

966225cc-2a33-4d0a-b5b4-ec72c31c45eb-1
00:41:16.617 --> 00:41:18.200
do well in this competition.

80bb3b4f-407c-404f-a95e-0b1aa0cd44c7-0
00:41:18.720 --> 00:41:19.760
And I think you'll do it again.

3004e6c5-99f9-4d8a-8825-2dcbe7101ddc-0
00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:20.120
Yeah.

5414cd8f-34df-4c21-b2c2-526c4500c527-0
00:41:20.120 --> 00:41:23.600
And and when you do,
we're going to take full credit for sure.

260b4561-c4b6-4f45-9a88-ce72c87136bb-0
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:26.120
But thank you so much, Sally.

cf53e08a-7e28-4e77-97bf-ce315a43efc7-0
00:41:26.120 --> 00:41:28.960
It's been really fun to look at your work
in this detail.

ead88152-f3d6-46fb-989e-5cdc9f280807-0
00:41:29.200 --> 00:41:30.880
I hope you got something out of it.

03f11736-7f20-4dc1-b903-4a468164579c-0
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:32.240
I hope we weren't too harsh.

4357081b-ea9a-4cb4-a3c9-6fbc477aff7a-0
00:41:32.240 --> 00:41:33.040
We did go hard.

e161e0d7-4f7d-47f0-8c6a-034f7541cf7c-0
00:41:33.040 --> 00:41:34.480
I know you can handle it.

330d08e8-6429-4051-b601-a82106f973b3-0
00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:36.840
I suppose so that's why we didn't hold
back.

38344f97-b258-4f50-8e89-19808dd65caa-0
00:41:37.200 --> 00:41:38.840
But yeah, I hope that you do grow.

0141c47e-f8cb-4fb4-9739-97177ddbd368-0
00:41:38.840 --> 00:41:42.160
And I hope that you do write something
you love next round as well.

e7452da0-ef28-4810-9843-615149a0df13-0
00:41:42.360 --> 00:41:42.800
Absolutely.

2ddec84e-cfc8-4b8e-a4a6-e1abdfc53107-0
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:43.640
Thank you, Sally.

4e6fc222-973c-4d22-a18b-081e04958b41-0
00:41:44.200 --> 00:41:49.560
And we'll be back in a week's time with
our third Daredevil from this round.

becd327d-b2a2-48f4-bf43-1023bc7407e5-0
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:51.800
But until then, right on.

2adef207-095a-4d42-b542-4926fa8aab07-0
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:52.760
Right on.

1a2d0463-b881-472e-8397-f6beadeffe8d-0
00:41:55.040 --> 00:41:58.440
We hope you enjoyed this special
Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.

d96b3373-4572-439b-b455-fb207da4aa99-0
00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:02.578
If you have thoughts on this story,
follow us on social media and join the

d96b3373-4572-439b-b455-fb207da4aa99-1
00:42:02.578 --> 00:42:03.240
conversation.

42cc3795-6939-4e57-a517-f9f1d9f27282-0
00:42:03.560 --> 00:42:07.355
And if you'd like to participate in the
next round of the competition,

42cc3795-6939-4e57-a517-f9f1d9f27282-1
00:42:07.355 --> 00:42:09.600
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.

1237bca4-1df5-4be1-beb8-47bd4a0e65ca-0
00:42:09.880 --> 00:42:18.040
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite
right.