WEBVTT

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Not Quite Right features discussions that
are unfiltered and uncensored,

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and may include themes that are
inappropriate for younger listeners.

1a9e52d8-a850-4f81-bef3-3e5d33c8cd03-0
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Also, I swear a lot.

6c9b3cd4-ec23-4fe6-8fd3-7fc036a37afc-0
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Something doesn't seem quite right.

8e2b0881-243d-49f3-9162-378f49777ec9-0
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Welcome to Not quite right.

8c07c1b1-ac78-4759-8e57-2bd5263122c4-0
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My name is Ed and I'm Amanda.

fe641c36-f1a3-49dc-8237-0aa8ffc02c3a-0
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And this is the third Daredevil for the
July 2026 Not Quite Right Prize for flash

fe641c36-f1a3-49dc-8237-0aa8ffc02c3a-1
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Fiction.

b8ae8f77-b3b5-4f63-9a34-f8495730fc7e-0
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Mm.

23f50bbd-0d8d-4cac-87f2-238bc5ecdffe-0
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Hmm.

8bab0f3c-4068-4115-ab78-e1e1aca96335-0
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Daredevils are people who've signed up to
have their story dragged through the mud.

1eb6e40b-4faf-4d9a-8062-140eb2f222e5-0
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Yeah.

99cc5106-87ee-4ce2-aea5-ee94e5d7b94f-0
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In public, Great.

12b3ef8a-c20e-413b-ae38-94e455adc757-0
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On air on the podcast.

c87406ef-9ddd-432b-8c35-2000c4d2d2ef-0
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That's fun.

63ea19e6-dcf2-4373-b19b-51cc900b10df-0
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Why not?

a8f484e9-59f5-42ae-a0df-22faf40dab99-0
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It's fun for us.

b1e34567-150d-4de2-a0fc-17e4f82e385a-0
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It is fun.

777e96f0-ed76-4c2a-a116-5b7d7f81e118-0
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It's one of the funnest things that I do,
to be honest.

0b7ebc68-3514-4ba3-a959-cf60663e9b85-0
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So what we'll do is we'll read the story,
we'll talk about the story,

0b7ebc68-3514-4ba3-a959-cf60663e9b85-1
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we'll break it down, share our thoughts,
and hopefully all learn something in the

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process.

1b15fc8c-6ac6-46be-a4f1-0cc5ddd2243c-0
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And our poor unfortunate soul for this
episode is Damien Perry.

66821367-95b8-43b8-87ad-ed8cebcbd32a-0
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And Damien is a first time daredevil,
second time entrant,

66821367-95b8-43b8-87ad-ed8cebcbd32a-1
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so I feel I should describe him as a babe
in the woods.

ab10c4b4-05d7-405b-b234-e443b0e9f928-0
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So a newer entrant has not yet long
listed.

a1c661f6-8e87-42c9-830f-2130bb93a143-0
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OK, so we don't know much about Damien.

e40d36f3-33c3-48d5-a7f7-90d21dd3336c-0
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We'll find out a little bit more in this
episode.

c814c972-269f-4b39-8a8a-d2c8eef7fc7a-0
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Damien has of course, written,
as have all our daredevils around for

c814c972-269f-4b39-8a8a-d2c8eef7fc7a-1
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Team Amanda.

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So well done, Damien X well done.

cddb029c-7e56-4e66-9701-f0ba2852e9fd-0
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So such a good choice.

e054ff77-c3a9-4c65-b4f2-75e6a7221441-0
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And you know what?

ab2f046c-b62b-4591-afb6-92fb8a20b7a6-0
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What better way to get to know someone
than to really just dig deep into their

ab2f046c-b62b-4591-afb6-92fb8a20b7a6-1
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story and RIP it apart?

56217fd8-be79-4dd3-bafd-bc5bdc3af68d-0
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You know,
like that's a nice way to get to know

56217fd8-be79-4dd3-bafd-bc5bdc3af68d-1
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each other.

23c7b719-b56c-4a66-8319-82a671729125-0
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Absolutely.

b15fd719-b217-492a-8872-aa3f28bc95eb-0
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And we will be doing that.

a1346c0a-08c7-4a20-92f8-bb0f3dbc8ffb-0
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So what were the prompts for this round
for Team Amanda?

1863db92-e17e-4de4-b7ac-bdac529efc95-0
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So our word prompt for this round was
Moon.

7dedb617-dcfa-4b51-9a5b-80e90aea1c63-0
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Our action prompt was concealing
something or a character who conceals

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something.

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And our kicker,
which is our prompt that changes each

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round,
was to write a story inspired by yin

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energy.

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So the yin from yin and Yang,
famously the dark side shadow,

5edcf344-ff6b-47b9-8f3a-de15cc16d37b-1
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the dark side with just a little bit of
light, just a little bit of Yang, right?

d86b4b3f-d711-4881-8963-fda79f73eea2-0
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It's all about balance.

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It's all about harmony.

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And I'm excited to read it.

26cd85ae-b27e-44ba-888e-f71c6ed70719-0
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And the story is called Getting in Front
of Kevin Feige by Damien Perry.

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The killings happened a month ago.

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Why today?

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What does he know?

450fe369-5ed4-45da-87e3-4d602f468f24-0
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I tried to ignore an itch along my
trapezius and instead adjusted the collar

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of my jacket over a black turtleneck.

9cb8e4fc-5562-4c79-a6e4-2bc0b8affea5-0
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I glanced at my watch and then over at
Richard Barry.

8e456382-38ef-4713-99fb-b5963f6c2ee1-0
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The ******* caught my eye, smiled,
and moved to join me.

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Almost ready, I promise, he said.

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His smile was warm, but I saw through it.

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Can I get you anything?

81a4da76-283f-487d-9576-7585fdc864cf-0
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My career would be nice,
You took it after all.

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Oh no, that's fine.

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I just would like to get this done.

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Of course, he said.

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He glanced around.

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I think we're good to go.

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The itch worsened.

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The sky darkened.

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Did you plan this?

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To see me after dark,
to see how I'd react?

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Ready.

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He asked.

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I nodded.

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He signalled the crew.

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Good evening, viewers.

4f53ce8b-b7db-4f44-bedd-113b7aacec97-0
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I'm Richard Barry here with Oscar nominee
Otsana Lyle in the beautiful Botanic

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Gardens,
a beauty overshadowed by a series of

4f53ce8b-b7db-4f44-bedd-113b7aacec97-2
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horrific murders and almost by the loss
of our Mis Lyle a month later.

6b5d5910-e48a-409f-b76c-231375055d6b-0
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Otsana, how are you feeling?

44801884-9e15-4cf5-af6c-7a1f457c882b-0
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You know, Richard,
I was unsure how I would feel returning

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here.

590873d0-b3c9-4eb7-9e41-87885d5a51f2-0
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That night was was traumatic.

a23e9cbe-792a-4712-9d31-2cf05d443d00-0
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And afterwards, with the accusations,
the media,

a23e9cbe-792a-4712-9d31-2cf05d443d00-1
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I shot Richard a reproachful glance were
harsh.

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But you were right.

4e1c6a0b-81e9-4ab0-9923-437281d9ee73-0
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It's time you bribe the doctor,
saw the nictophobia diagnosis delayed and

4e1c6a0b-81e9-4ab0-9923-437281d9ee73-1
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delayed the interview.

b0ed5846-dee4-433f-b17f-518b0f554214-0
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My agent had bullied me into this.

266cc194-2494-423d-b7e8-806a9686c1ea-0
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Raise my exposure, paint me as a survivor.

da5cf6d6-c4cd-4824-9b8d-f0968ab9c52e-0
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Send the footage to Foggy.

bc6c50ef-f51e-48d8-82b6-da6b23bd73e1-0
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Don't mess this up.

9b9d845b-a3b1-43d2-9d58-68c4fab305fe-0
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Fine.

343ec94c-af74-4f84-920e-a52a14159ae6-0
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I would stay.

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I knew I was safe.

ab042882-4866-42bd-88d0-c98342c5c25c-0
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That wasn't the problem.

e00b39ef-74dd-4f34-a172-e866e4d122db-0
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It was never a fear of the dark.

426d287f-7bc8-4758-988b-1b2aa70548e5-0
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Excellent, said Richard.

ac0e06bc-484c-4ab7-ad4a-af8d07ad39c5-0
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I'm going to play a clip from the night,
is that OK?

cf096ac2-8d66-4f6c-a6b6-bd6e73eb6d1d-0
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I nodded.

9818f7da-c0b7-45de-8659-c5bd1d38f82f-0
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Audio came from a nearby monitor.

3c6a3baa-c94e-466b-a67d-b67ddb83fdbc-0
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She came out of nowhere,
my past self said, sobbing.

9fbf36c6-d044-4435-a384-50430ad96d6c-0
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Knocked me down.

ed5e4845-e89e-467c-8f71-3cd83e4d274c-0
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She was trying to kill me.

89932167-16a0-4899-b59c-b9435f16cecf-0
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Her nails, her teeth.

eddcdd9f-e6b4-4e09-80d6-39cc786aaa75-0
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Richard was watching me.

cab6e446-07e3-48f2-9de4-78a98b706293-0
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I remembered the sudden weight of my
attacker, claws piercing skin.

4541e6ec-c243-4638-b7ea-9bd4be05333d-0
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And then the silver dagger had been a
souvenir from my last movie.

ae0d7022-f065-444e-8e35-47c781ef28b4-0
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She looked so human after death.

6c919fdc-3bc7-4763-8a22-ac4a48d0eb18-0
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I rubbed the scar on my neck.

4f1e66ac-19bf-4c1a-9313-9c25010c4858-0
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People are calling you a hero,
Richard said,

4f1e66ac-19bf-4c1a-9313-9c25010c4858-1
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his gaze evaluating a cool breeze.

16861039-fcad-4680-a8e1-a251bcace617-0
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A night breeze brushed against my
prickling skin.

38075cfb-48cd-479a-88c1-d2768fdc716d-0
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The lights were too bright for taking a
life.

e2c62569-8fcb-4e3f-bcd1-5b8600bb2e82-0
00:06:06.440 --> 00:06:09.400
I snapped,
letting the cool professionalism slip.

84a046c9-4896-4ba2-b637-9a7e9d2d893f-0
00:06:10.040 --> 00:06:12.880
For defending myself against someone who
was trying to kill me.

e928a660-69fc-460e-9972-408fe1e9456a-0
00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:17.068
I saw satisfaction in Richard's
expression,

e928a660-69fc-460e-9972-408fe1e9456a-1
00:06:17.068 --> 00:06:19.440
heard the blood pulse in his neck.

8f433038-5132-46e8-8a84-9b9c5e1d3c7b-0
00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:22.560
He saw a victim.

32be89fa-f097-436a-b2bc-0dfedec2c8c9-0
00:06:23.560 --> 00:06:26.960
So did I I took a breath.

5b281e28-d6c6-4504-9246-bca1d4efb3fe-0
00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:29.920
I did what I had to do.

f51519d5-b60d-42a5-9f84-b02d6b867a55-0
00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:31.840
I paid the price.

63335d2f-8618-4a4f-bb5a-c6fa9c7e7474-0
00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:35.680
I stood up,
pulling the microphone from my lapel.

3e2000bf-eae4-473b-87f6-dfac8de8f928-0
00:06:36.320 --> 00:06:37.160
Did you want to see me?

77ab694f-69cd-4bcd-a5bd-9355dc9fedfd-0
00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:37.760
Afraid?

0ecce186-1372-41e7-8564-5a3281daa9a3-0
00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:40.600
I'm not afraid, but you should be.

35d42efc-d014-45ef-8e47-f4648e2958c4-0
00:06:41.280 --> 00:06:42.160
I'm leaving.

9f278883-5665-409f-aef2-832b0080b702-0
00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:45.280
But it was too late.

42f12e6f-0b17-42b7-8db6-4e818280b0a7-0
00:06:46.760 --> 00:06:50.240
The full moon pierced the darkness and
bathed me in her glory.

b79731e3-7d1b-455a-b59c-9ecadc5c7bc7-0
00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:52.600
The cameras rolled on.

e6ac3169-55de-4c6b-9ad4-dbe0ae3daa75-0
00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:55.680
I howled.

3827015e-e59c-41aa-b6c7-83fa50e4d495-0
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:30.131
So thank you,
Damien for your story and Amanda for your

3827015e-e59c-41aa-b6c7-83fa50e4d495-1
00:07:30.131 --> 00:07:30.960
lovely reading.

645324d4-8f76-4f51-b210-538df238d8bb-0
00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:34.040
And Damien, you've left us a message,
so we'll play that now.

7b1b7ea3-1281-4fd6-a812-1bcf4febfea7-0
00:07:37.400 --> 00:07:39.800
My name's Damien Perry from Melbourne,
Australia.

611260b9-17b8-46eb-b288-40187a3528f2-0
00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:45.679
I prostate myself before your wisdom and
offer my story to the sacrificial altar

611260b9-17b8-46eb-b288-40187a3528f2-1
00:07:45.679 --> 00:07:47.560
of the daredevil experience.

a0db5bff-e27b-4205-ae68-480766a39680-0
00:07:48.400 --> 00:07:49.760
I really love this prompt.

37311c61-4c63-448a-8e4d-869de9477ecf-0
00:07:50.400 --> 00:07:53.362
I filled a couple of pages with
brainstorm notes,

37311c61-4c63-448a-8e4d-869de9477ecf-1
00:07:53.362 --> 00:07:57.924
wrote three different story outlines,
and at some stage I'll write the other

37311c61-4c63-448a-8e4d-869de9477ecf-2
00:07:57.924 --> 00:07:59.880
two up as actual stories as well.

7e43decd-cb0c-484b-bc61-2b0bf1f4d9f7-0
00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:06.062
But a sketch I drew of the moon kept
drawing me in, coupling that with change,

7e43decd-cb0c-484b-bc61-2b0bf1f4d9f7-1
00:08:06.062 --> 00:08:11.080
feminine energy, and being passive,
and this story sucked me right in.

d321f874-2468-412c-a115-94fc8d20989d-0
00:08:11.080 --> 00:08:15.096
So sorry Ed,
but I've joined Team Amanda for the

d321f874-2468-412c-a115-94fc8d20989d-1
00:08:15.096 --> 00:08:16.080
second time.

c4969a64-8931-4c7a-bb11-5f252e989725-0
00:08:17.480 --> 00:08:20.360
As for feedback,
I'll leave it up to the experts.

c08eb203-248e-4306-9b1b-7dd66623ec36-0
00:08:20.440 --> 00:08:22.200
I stayed away from darting eyes.

8f9c3180-dd76-44c1-a503-95fcde260f35-0
00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:24.080
I tried to start it in the middle.

7665ab46-8860-434e-8edb-120961b61825-0
00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:26.280
I looked at my singular theme.

3a16c013-36a9-4eab-8bc4-05a869c203d6-0
00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:29.280
I'm hoping it's a story that draws your
attention.

a59456a6-4df7-4d21-995b-8b94c42ba7cf-0
00:08:29.960 --> 00:08:30.720
Treat me mean.

e79a869e-2980-4416-861e-91ca369dcd89-0
00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:32.880
I'm looking forward to hearing what you
have to say.

6cdfe0c9-32a8-4fdb-8bd0-f577e0ae7365-0
00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:36.480
First of all, to my ears.

09ada61f-61c7-498f-ad35-35d50710e600-0
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:37.200
Deceive me.

30193b15-2aca-4c9d-8fe8-0b7d8d5781ac-0
00:08:38.920 --> 00:08:41.587
I feel like Damien just offered to
prostate himself,

30193b15-2aca-4c9d-8fe8-0b7d8d5781ac-1
00:08:41.587 --> 00:08:43.400
which I'm not sure is what we meant.

c5192f70-e52a-4de2-bc8a-76a4347e1df1-0
00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:46.200
Bit of a verbal typo,
but I think it might be.

5796e752-3e24-446e-a598-7ca9fcacca25-0
00:08:46.280 --> 00:08:49.160
We'll go ahead and assume you meant
prostate yourself.

f52b4301-25e8-47c0-b447-7a0cd39717f5-0
00:08:49.200 --> 00:08:49.440
Yes.

783bb913-f841-4a90-8e00-ef15644f3390-0
00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:50.480
I think it's better for everyone.

e4fa3b0d-caf3-4cb1-ab7d-8538a54d2e8b-0
00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:51.960
I I feel like it is.

6d9a9a9c-fa11-4384-ba8b-c655bf609c59-0
00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:53.800
But thank you so much, Damien.

e263e87d-505c-48af-9fbc-6f79fb874e9d-0
00:08:53.800 --> 00:08:55.440
It's nice to have an Aussie in the mix.

ffaec838-2c40-4dca-b280-74e0d1834d7f-0
00:08:55.440 --> 00:08:57.120
So thank you for joining us.

b40d3f92-2b13-44e4-8268-294bd715e478-0
00:08:57.560 --> 00:09:00.120
And I'm so pleased that the prompts
inspired you.

831d8c7e-e2e9-4c4c-a818-c3c75f06451e-0
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:02.561
Yeah,
to the point of having three stories,

831d8c7e-e2e9-4c4c-a818-c3c75f06451e-1
00:09:02.561 --> 00:09:05.160
I feel like we've got a plotter on our
hands here.

cc5d38b4-3f6a-42da-8aae-07c9620cae61-0
00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:05.920
Oh, yeah, right.

20ae54f3-6e57-4239-ae54-9b1f069e2dd9-0
00:09:05.920 --> 00:09:06.200
Yeah.

8b8f3c91-3a92-44df-a73c-729a2cff8217-0
00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:09.841
Someone who's got three ideas working it
through to figure out the best one before

8b8f3c91-3a92-44df-a73c-729a2cff8217-1
00:09:09.841 --> 00:09:10.280
you start.

70986282-de42-4e78-b09f-a41f8e146294-0
00:09:10.360 --> 00:09:12.541
Personally,
I find that to be a helpful approach,

70986282-de42-4e78-b09f-a41f8e146294-1
00:09:12.541 --> 00:09:13.240
so that's great.

6895ce2b-bbb6-455d-93e7-a35e965212f5-0
00:09:13.720 --> 00:09:15.560
So we're going to get into the story.

c6aa7051-54b4-4626-82fe-39a30dc64840-0
00:09:15.560 --> 00:09:16.560
We'll look at some different things.

09b8345c-6ce9-480b-989f-9772f45a2ea3-0
00:09:16.560 --> 00:09:18.906
And look, you know,
you mentioned some things there that you

09b8345c-6ce9-480b-989f-9772f45a2ea3-1
00:09:18.906 --> 00:09:19.560
did have in mind.

8a032f62-accf-42ff-ae38-2689747430d7-0
00:09:19.560 --> 00:09:21.440
You said you avoided the darting eyes.

82aac213-c50a-4fcd-a682-46036bb419a2-0
00:09:21.720 --> 00:09:25.240
You started in the middle and you were
focused on this singular theme.

e3bc9e54-8f67-4fb9-9820-c868ab191b2f-0
00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:26.320
And I think that's great.

97a2cd59-7aaa-4a4b-a554-4adf7f0db408-0
00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:28.600
Like having your tool belt, right?

4436fb59-dc32-4bc6-a9dd-719f950cfa9d-0
00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:32.389
You've got these different tools that you
go back to when you're either writing or

4436fb59-dc32-4bc6-a9dd-719f950cfa9d-1
00:09:32.389 --> 00:09:33.120
editing a story.

b5947f63-4ed7-47c0-a5f6-f6e0e5005872-0
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:35.720
And those are some great fundamental
tools to have.

3f6fecd1-16ec-47d0-8216-fb4287864e4d-0
00:09:35.720 --> 00:09:36.880
So well done there.

8699e79c-c6cc-40ca-b0e7-5d40bb5071b7-0
00:09:36.880 --> 00:09:38.600
And you absolutely ticked all of those.

51682dbc-f6a6-4b40-b1c6-f42d8f8d244d-0
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:41.800
And now we get to go into all of the
problems right now.

d8a5eda3-9e26-42b6-8d48-d972afaf420d-0
00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:46.208
We never get to go into all of our little
issues and nitpicks and bring that all

d8a5eda3-9e26-42b6-8d48-d972afaf420d-1
00:09:46.208 --> 00:09:46.640
unstuck.

160f4e9c-9602-4152-bc98-6904738e4cec-0
00:09:46.640 --> 00:09:47.920
So brace yourself.

a01f972a-d4bc-449b-a2ff-5cca355542f0-0
00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:50.440
Alright, so let's start with the title,
as we like to do.

639e518f-4d38-4edf-aaf7-e44d2f387425-0
00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:53.200
And the title is getting in front of
Kevin Feige.

1b5dc77f-ebf4-4274-a41f-287768198108-0
00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:57.600
And I didn't realise this was a real
person in fact, until just now.

a30d0233-5a93-41ed-9e2c-90a181eba4c2-0
00:09:57.720 --> 00:09:58.200
Just now.

23562857-2c1b-4429-8fd4-b17a5cafded8-0
00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:02.480
So like a little behind the scenes,
I had to just Google how to pronounce

23562857-2c1b-4429-8fd4-b17a5cafded8-1
00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:05.720
this name because it's an unfamiliar name
to me, Feige.

0bdf5d78-e22c-48e1-a9a7-8669f8a06c14-0
00:10:05.920 --> 00:10:09.861
So I was going from the surname and it's
revealed that Kevin Feige is the

0bdf5d78-e22c-48e1-a9a7-8669f8a06c14-1
00:10:09.861 --> 00:10:13.271
president of Marvel Studios,
which I'm not a big Marvel person,

0bdf5d78-e22c-48e1-a9a7-8669f8a06c14-2
00:10:13.271 --> 00:10:16.307
but even if I was,
I'm not sure that I would necessarily

0bdf5d78-e22c-48e1-a9a7-8669f8a06c14-3
00:10:16.307 --> 00:10:16.840
know that.

c6008f3e-2bfe-4f2b-ae90-e7752b92876f-0
00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:19.868
And so for me,
the first biggest question was who the

c6008f3e-2bfe-4f2b-ae90-e7752b92876f-1
00:10:19.868 --> 00:10:20.560
hell is Kevin?

b31040eb-7646-414e-bc84-23dfe5c235c1-0
00:10:20.560 --> 00:10:24.909
And I guess now knowing who Kevin Feige
is gives us a bit of a layer of

b31040eb-7646-414e-bc84-23dfe5c235c1-1
00:10:24.909 --> 00:10:29.440
understanding once we know she's an Oscar
nominated actress and and so on.

85baad40-0685-483f-8fcf-df34488b39fe-0
00:10:29.640 --> 00:10:33.340
But still,
I don't know how Kevin specifically plays

85baad40-0685-483f-8fcf-df34488b39fe-1
00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:39.204
into this story and why he's the focus of
this story when he's not sort of directly

85baad40-0685-483f-8fcf-df34488b39fe-2
00:10:39.204 --> 00:10:40.880
brought into the action.

2e0e4e35-e28d-44a0-96f8-06c9d7469a6e-0
00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:44.141
Yes, look,
I guess he's referenced in the story

2e0e4e35-e28d-44a0-96f8-06c9d7469a6e-1
00:10:44.141 --> 00:10:44.600
itself.

b9c1a20e-2869-4aef-9272-fde3e8000da8-0
00:10:44.880 --> 00:10:47.920
But we've got more this antagonist almost
of Richard Barry.

dd4d7d2d-d023-404d-9c87-df73fed40c31-0
00:10:47.920 --> 00:10:48.480
This this.

ea08c7b3-f613-47ec-9fcd-701123aaf425-0
00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:48.800
Yeah.

c8aa06a5-ab1e-4089-aee9-9a708469722e-0
00:10:48.800 --> 00:10:49.440
Interviewer.

d325918e-a354-4c32-95e5-95508fbcd235-0
00:10:49.560 --> 00:10:51.977
Yeah,
it's definitely not the overarching idea

d325918e-a354-4c32-95e5-95508fbcd235-1
00:10:51.977 --> 00:10:56.040
of the story that has to do with Kevin
Feige or the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

f52ff1ed-c181-404f-a519-2d3bce3e217f-0
00:10:56.040 --> 00:10:58.440
It's more about this idea of the werewolf.

f18a60da-4084-4b2c-911e-0e8993f4c0aa-0
00:10:58.520 --> 00:11:00.757
And I'm,
I'm getting the the idea that you don't

f18a60da-4084-4b2c-911e-0e8993f4c0aa-1
00:11:00.757 --> 00:11:03.315
want to like,
spill the beans about the werewolf in the

f18a60da-4084-4b2c-911e-0e8993f4c0aa-2
00:11:03.315 --> 00:11:04.639
title and make it about that.

ae050e91-daf0-44cc-abb5-b9bdfe72978c-0
00:11:04.640 --> 00:11:08.061
So we've got a little bit of misdirection
happening there, but I guess, yeah,

ae050e91-daf0-44cc-abb5-b9bdfe72978c-1
00:11:08.061 --> 00:11:11.440
the the issue is that there's a bit of
assumed knowledge around this person.

64ce4c38-463c-4b8c-a2a9-e5b1df44f0ab-0
00:11:11.880 --> 00:11:16.113
And you're also, even if without that,
you are setting up this intrigue around

64ce4c38-463c-4b8c-a2a9-e5b1df44f0ab-1
00:11:16.113 --> 00:11:20.400
that being the critical plot element,
which isn't really paid off in the story.

b1a76834-5b6f-4252-a52e-22d785448c46-0
00:11:20.400 --> 00:11:20.640
Yeah.

0ec07039-db8b-4a70-bd02-434653e16843-0
00:11:20.640 --> 00:11:24.156
You would expect that to be kind of the
dramatic question that gets answered by

0ec07039-db8b-4a70-bd02-434653e16843-1
00:11:24.156 --> 00:11:25.080
the end of the story.

e5b3a79a-2e66-4f8b-aa72-896f4c2ec5ca-0
00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:27.040
Like,
what's Kevin's role and what does it mean

e5b3a79a-2e66-4f8b-aa72-896f4c2ec5ca-1
00:11:27.040 --> 00:11:30.470
to get in front of him that that would be
something that's sort of clearly resolved

e5b3a79a-2e66-4f8b-aa72-896f4c2ec5ca-2
00:11:30.470 --> 00:11:30.920
by the end.

2a4176ac-cb43-4c4f-86ea-ca55ac9a5e4c-0
00:11:30.920 --> 00:11:31.760
And it's not really.

a1958ca0-3239-4010-b362-f0c6572cf403-0
00:11:31.800 --> 00:11:32.200
Yeah.

c7b8cdaa-18b8-4b6f-9235-adf558f74d2c-0
00:11:32.200 --> 00:11:35.009
So as a title in the abstract,
I think it's a good title,

c7b8cdaa-18b8-4b6f-9235-adf558f74d2c-1
00:11:35.009 --> 00:11:38.934
but the links to the story aren't there,
I think to the level they would need to

c7b8cdaa-18b8-4b6f-9235-adf558f74d2c-2
00:11:38.934 --> 00:11:40.000
be to to pay them off.

190f7807-1ea5-42f6-bb99-778c4f5ac95d-0
00:11:40.560 --> 00:11:44.960
So having said that,
let's get into the actual story itself.

59176b12-0ec8-44bc-b803-acd2f7a9b1f1-0
00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:46.240
And the opening line.

16c95d03-9a42-4dd7-88a6-23304156cc68-0
00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:50.800
It's it's in italics in the text Here is
the killings happened a month ago.

c88b1796-6772-408d-a25f-5e25125cabb3-0
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:52.320
Why today?

65f8d6aa-3db5-4304-bcf8-31b7b8c26268-0
00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:53.840
What does he know?

1e0d6cff-a05e-4576-8ced-1c7008db6247-0
00:11:54.280 --> 00:11:56.633
A bit of,
I guess of a disembodied thought,

1e0d6cff-a05e-4576-8ced-1c7008db6247-1
00:11:56.633 --> 00:11:59.200
you know,
So that's maybe an issue to point to.

4fa0ccc3-40da-4122-b71c-67249b69ccea-0
00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:00.720
We don't know who's having this thought.

905b73cb-4ed2-4bb6-ae8a-3ff28bd5d82b-0
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:04.163
We assume it's the protagonist,
but it does give us a little bit of

905b73cb-4ed2-4bb6-ae8a-3ff28bd5d82b-1
00:12:04.163 --> 00:12:06.746
intrigue,
like it hints at a bit of a mystery that

905b73cb-4ed2-4bb6-ae8a-3ff28bd5d82b-2
00:12:06.746 --> 00:12:09.633
is there in the plot,
which I think is fine to do in the

905b73cb-4ed2-4bb6-ae8a-3ff28bd5d82b-3
00:12:09.633 --> 00:12:13.280
opening line, but we do need to get to,
like, the scene pretty quickly.

62524b97-28fb-4c68-bc75-3550eb8cb204-0
00:12:13.640 --> 00:12:13.880
Yeah.

65438c7f-4bab-4f27-babf-579673c90b77-0
00:12:13.880 --> 00:12:17.469
So when I run my little workshops,
the sort of how to write flash fiction

65438c7f-4bab-4f27-babf-579673c90b77-1
00:12:17.469 --> 00:12:19.942
workshops,
we do talk about this as an opening and

65438c7f-4bab-4f27-babf-579673c90b77-2
00:12:19.942 --> 00:12:21.640
an issue with an opening sometimes.

cb00a946-4d5c-4833-98f7-4daab016866a-0
00:12:21.640 --> 00:12:23.880
And it can often be disembodied dialogue.

98f08878-0d03-41ac-bfd3-873715073dcc-0
00:12:23.880 --> 00:12:26.400
In this case,
it's a disembodied direct thought.

22cc1c18-224b-443f-8442-66c303d6afd6-0
00:12:26.400 --> 00:12:29.468
And when we say disembodied,
it's because we don't attach that to a

22cc1c18-224b-443f-8442-66c303d6afd6-1
00:12:29.468 --> 00:12:29.920
character.

2403cddd-43b0-4501-a753-c8ec5558dc06-0
00:12:30.280 --> 00:12:34.526
So we don't know who in this case is
thinking that thing or why or any context

2403cddd-43b0-4501-a753-c8ec5558dc06-1
00:12:34.526 --> 00:12:35.440
for that thought.

1bfe5186-d4be-4f8e-a873-f6bb6849d3e2-0
00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:37.120
And so it just sort of stands alone.

c01aee59-1bcf-44a1-a85f-dde8b7a14aa1-0
00:12:37.560 --> 00:12:41.679
And another thing I guess that we talk
about in the workshop is that I don't

c01aee59-1bcf-44a1-a85f-dde8b7a14aa1-1
00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:45.692
necessarily think that in a 500 word
piece of flash fiction that we need a

c01aee59-1bcf-44a1-a85f-dde8b7a14aa1-2
00:12:45.692 --> 00:12:45.960
hook.

078e8d7d-1a52-489a-be61-9c59cc26e622-0
00:12:46.880 --> 00:12:50.684
So this is a little bit controversial
perhaps, but when you're writing a novel,

078e8d7d-1a52-489a-be61-9c59cc26e622-1
00:12:50.684 --> 00:12:53.680
there's this big emphasis on the hook
being on the first page.

e8563b41-57da-4748-bcfe-c884816cac92-0
00:12:53.680 --> 00:12:56.138
Like you've got to capture people's
attention on the first page,

e8563b41-57da-4748-bcfe-c884816cac92-1
00:12:56.138 --> 00:12:57.840
otherwise they're not going to keep
reading.

38b09c9f-f5e5-4167-b870-ea8afd27a3c6-0
00:12:57.840 --> 00:13:00.401
And,
and it's pressure to really focus on the

38b09c9f-f5e5-4167-b870-ea8afd27a3c6-1
00:13:00.401 --> 00:13:00.680
hook.

baaa1a64-8ba6-4b87-bb27-2b98e4bc7d85-0
00:13:00.680 --> 00:13:03.357
Now, in my view,
especially in a competition setting where

baaa1a64-8ba6-4b87-bb27-2b98e4bc7d85-1
00:13:03.357 --> 00:13:05.807
we're committed to reading your story no
matter what,

baaa1a64-8ba6-4b87-bb27-2b98e4bc7d85-2
00:13:05.807 --> 00:13:09.120
the hook is less of a priority because
you know, we're going to read it.

9222c116-7f61-4efb-863a-a6a43554b947-0
00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:12.198
And so to me,
what's more important in the opening of a

9222c116-7f61-4efb-863a-a6a43554b947-1
00:13:12.198 --> 00:13:14.726
story,
if we're going with the classic story,

9222c116-7f61-4efb-863a-a6a43554b947-2
00:13:14.726 --> 00:13:17.200
which this one is,
is The Who and the where.

938fa0f5-1ffd-4495-9004-1bd548a568b3-0
00:13:17.560 --> 00:13:22.268
And in fact, we don't get The Who,
which is Otsana Lyle until about halfway

938fa0f5-1ffd-4495-9004-1bd548a568b3-1
00:13:22.268 --> 00:13:25.800
through the story that that's a Oscar
nominated actress.

0af9985d-1472-4aa4-9834-8271d6987b2c-0
00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:29.449
And we don't get the where the Botanic
Gardens until about halfway through

0af9985d-1472-4aa4-9834-8271d6987b2c-1
00:13:29.449 --> 00:13:29.760
either.

e798ed92-07fc-40b8-9f1e-329903289d64-0
00:13:29.760 --> 00:13:34.087
And so all of that first half of the
story is happening, as we say,

e798ed92-07fc-40b8-9f1e-329903289d64-1
00:13:34.087 --> 00:13:39.052
in like a white room or a blank space
when we can't actually picture a person

e798ed92-07fc-40b8-9f1e-329903289d64-2
00:13:39.052 --> 00:13:41.280
in a place saying and doing things.

8e0fa4ff-02b9-48c9-8a5d-dda3241c6396-0
00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:44.862
And that's a problem because as a reader,
we're still sort of left in the dark just

8e0fa4ff-02b9-48c9-8a5d-dda3241c6396-1
00:13:44.862 --> 00:13:45.280
wondering.

7f2dd0e0-daaf-49c6-982d-fc981f1e24ea-0
00:13:45.880 --> 00:13:50.720
And so I would always advise you to bring
that information right up front.

39d2ef91-9031-46ad-b522-f8a4d6e3c26f-0
00:13:50.920 --> 00:13:52.760
Who is it and where are they?

e28125b3-c7d5-4b2a-bb17-1b1de51e96e0-0
00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.760
And once you've established that,
then we get into the action.

f8b8f54d-9793-4d4c-a49d-0cbb74a30bc1-0
00:13:55.760 --> 00:13:59.005
So as you've said, and rightly so,
you've started in the midst of things,

f8b8f54d-9793-4d4c-a49d-0cbb74a30bc1-1
00:13:59.005 --> 00:14:00.760
you started in the middle of the action.

9e67c409-61d6-45a3-a771-52729c3385d9-0
00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:03.040
But we do need that tiny little bit of
setup.

46eee863-6421-44be-be61-dedb76467708-0
00:14:03.040 --> 00:14:05.978
And they can be,
that character can be moving and acting

46eee863-6421-44be-be61-dedb76467708-1
00:14:05.978 --> 00:14:07.680
in that opening paragraph, right?

f902a8bb-7914-44f6-8c60-5f6d3ebeb5b3-0
00:14:07.680 --> 00:14:11.828
They can be interacting with the settings
so that we're getting that information in

f902a8bb-7914-44f6-8c60-5f6d3ebeb5b3-1
00:14:11.828 --> 00:14:12.520
an active way.

cf8b5c1c-7782-4dd4-8101-621ca0874044-0
00:14:12.880 --> 00:14:17.063
But we really do need that information to
be able to sort of form that picture of

cf8b5c1c-7782-4dd4-8101-621ca0874044-1
00:14:17.063 --> 00:14:17.880
what's going on.

f4f58ee2-01ce-4433-9fe6-dd9a4f9feacd-0
00:14:18.520 --> 00:14:20.120
Yeah,
interesting what you said about the hook.

297c45f3-dd7b-4162-aba6-7a5d88fae2ad-0
00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:21.360
And, and I do agree.

3eef046f-cca3-4c5c-b24e-c4994fabae09-0
00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:24.451
I do think, however, in flash fiction,
you know,

3eef046f-cca3-4c5c-b24e-c4994fabae09-1
00:14:24.451 --> 00:14:27.290
we are committed to reading all the
stories,

3eef046f-cca3-4c5c-b24e-c4994fabae09-2
00:14:27.290 --> 00:14:31.960
but sometimes the opening lines can
really make us fully invested or not.

15a9bb11-b0bf-42e2-b783-329056512383-0
00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:36.678
And the more receptive we are,
the more we're likely to want to connect

15a9bb11-b0bf-42e2-b783-329056512383-1
00:14:36.678 --> 00:14:39.636
with the story and, and have that hope of,
hey,

15a9bb11-b0bf-42e2-b783-329056512383-2
00:14:39.636 --> 00:14:43.520
I want this story to be successful and
deliver on its promise.

3abed7a9-c4e8-447c-9f5e-04a5395c5a25-0
00:14:43.920 --> 00:14:45.440
But that can be done in many ways.

08c5e89a-6470-406a-935b-9a0b9cd1373c-0
00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:46.960
It's not just a hook.

c417ed4d-12be-4b72-8dd2-26393445500c-0
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:50.542
It can be like a good bit of prose,
a great bit of characterization,

c417ed4d-12be-4b72-8dd2-26393445500c-1
00:14:50.542 --> 00:14:51.840
whatever the case may be.

c3b4d356-8f43-45bb-b865-1f6e1f87bf26-0
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:54.326
But yeah,
I totally agree that very quickly what we

c3b4d356-8f43-45bb-b865-1f6e1f87bf26-1
00:14:54.326 --> 00:14:57.244
want to do is have that mental picture
knowing where we are,

c3b4d356-8f43-45bb-b865-1f6e1f87bf26-2
00:14:57.244 --> 00:15:00.161
who our character is,
and what kind of voyage we're about to

c3b4d356-8f43-45bb-b865-1f6e1f87bf26-3
00:15:00.161 --> 00:15:00.640
embark on.

b8247030-7226-481f-8f3b-3e9aae89abcd-0
00:15:01.160 --> 00:15:04.480
So I think having that hooking question,
and that's what these are.

af0b482c-eafc-47c6-abac-3b0461117497-0
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:07.280
There's several questions actually,
but they're hooking questions.

ee25a637-b281-4c76-be32-d5e4df2062e6-0
00:15:07.800 --> 00:15:10.294
That's fine to have it at the start of a
story,

ee25a637-b281-4c76-be32-d5e4df2062e6-1
00:15:10.294 --> 00:15:12.840
I would say try and avoid the disembodied
thing.

763d7066-2f14-4f61-a724-f3e9654888ae-0
00:15:12.840 --> 00:15:17.707
So give that context that is required for
this question to make sense to us as

763d7066-2f14-4f61-a724-f3e9654888ae-1
00:15:17.707 --> 00:15:18.200
readers.

7aa150df-fabe-44c7-8d78-e2eea5636cbd-0
00:15:18.680 --> 00:15:23.399
But also there's a difference between a
hooking question and a dramatic question

7aa150df-fabe-44c7-8d78-e2eea5636cbd-1
00:15:23.399 --> 00:15:24.040
in a story.

eb6480da-2dd4-43f0-8424-976ac1ece1f4-0
00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:27.600
So the dramatic question is like,
what is this story about?

96b775f2-44c2-4b39-b478-07e3935d0459-0
00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:31.221
And that's the thing we want to be
resolved by the end of the story at the

96b775f2-44c2-4b39-b478-07e3935d0459-1
00:15:31.221 --> 00:15:31.560
climax.

b9b8d4eb-f710-45c7-810a-7018a340d01f-0
00:15:31.560 --> 00:15:34.290
So the climax answers the dramatic
question,

b9b8d4eb-f710-45c7-810a-7018a340d01f-1
00:15:34.290 --> 00:15:38.840
which is usually some equivalent of does
the character get what they want?

ef1d8012-e16e-4a68-aa38-9ff2c380cab2-0
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:39.400
Right.

59e965e8-ca37-41df-b6f9-6421f68fe96a-0
00:15:39.680 --> 00:15:41.080
And there's many, many variations.

856ec56b-ac75-422a-98e9-9f2c91698f97-0
00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:44.373
But if we just look very simplistically,
it's does the character get what they

856ec56b-ac75-422a-98e9-9f2c91698f97-1
00:15:44.373 --> 00:15:45.040
want, yes or no?

4f4dfeb6-e6e9-4f99-b27f-b5fd6976a671-0
00:15:45.560 --> 00:15:48.040
So that's the dramatic question,
and that's what the story's about.

5fee937c-9e7c-4c7e-84f3-13117657e9e5-0
00:15:48.040 --> 00:15:51.396
Now, hooking question,
its sole purpose is to hook the reader

5fee937c-9e7c-4c7e-84f3-13117657e9e5-1
00:15:51.396 --> 00:15:53.400
into the story and get them invested.

bcd48895-65e3-4c5a-ad18-7a30c2a40250-0
00:15:53.400 --> 00:15:58.760
Now, a hooking question, in my view,
needs to be answered immediately, right?

0a2e9a84-409a-42e6-bdd9-1d155d3bab0f-0
00:15:58.760 --> 00:15:59.880
You've got my attention.

ad873050-bc4d-4724-8f98-2b8030db4b5b-0
00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:04.240
But I need to now immediately understand
what is going on.

741b7d0d-6fb1-4a8a-991f-b56f1b07d111-0
00:16:04.640 --> 00:16:09.426
Because if you leave me hooked for the
whole story and I'm still, like,

741b7d0d-6fb1-4a8a-991f-b56f1b07d111-1
00:16:09.426 --> 00:16:14.612
waiting to sort of get engaged with it
and fully take the bait kind of thing,

741b7d0d-6fb1-4a8a-991f-b56f1b07d111-2
00:16:14.612 --> 00:16:19.200
then you've had me outside the story for
the whole time, disengaged.

dd7997c5-c562-49e0-946f-2205e479be06-0
00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:21.640
And then therefore the impact will be
less.

2e7924c8-862e-46f6-8b08-a7ab41ae890e-0
00:16:21.640 --> 00:16:26.000
So if you have a hooking question like
this, I would say answer it straight away.

40975ccc-81d7-47b3-b4aa-b729fd744cd6-0
00:16:26.040 --> 00:16:30.080
Give us the context straight away,
and then move into focusing on the

40975ccc-81d7-47b3-b4aa-b729fd744cd6-1
00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.120
dramatic question.

e9a65e09-297d-4e9b-ad11-ba8dc2f9fe73-0
00:16:31.280 --> 00:16:31.600
Yeah.

c569576c-b7a7-436e-8382-ad5e484278dc-0
00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:36.497
And I think what you're hinting at here
is probably the fatal flaw of this story

c569576c-b7a7-436e-8382-ad5e484278dc-1
00:16:36.497 --> 00:16:41.031
as a whole is the way that it treats
information and withholds it from the

c569576c-b7a7-436e-8382-ad5e484278dc-2
00:16:41.031 --> 00:16:42.120
reader as a whole.

fa16be88-8b1a-4a4c-a6c7-15e43ec86bc7-0
00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:47.280
This story is very well plotted and quite
complex.

1150d61e-63d5-4896-a330-60da069dfe5f-0
00:16:47.280 --> 00:16:52.042
So there's a lot that is happening that
is kind of revealed over time that we

1150d61e-63d5-4896-a330-60da069dfe5f-1
00:16:52.042 --> 00:16:56.682
only really get on a second reading
because we don't find out till the very

1150d61e-63d5-4896-a330-60da069dfe5f-2
00:16:56.682 --> 00:16:58.880
end really what's actually going on.

b19dfa86-efbe-44e2-a213-39d4e0810a9e-0
00:16:59.400 --> 00:17:04.218
So jumping into the next or the opening
paragraph beyond the the internal thought

b19dfa86-efbe-44e2-a213-39d4e0810a9e-1
00:17:04.218 --> 00:17:07.098
there,
which is I try to ignore an itch along my

b19dfa86-efbe-44e2-a213-39d4e0810a9e-2
00:17:07.098 --> 00:17:11.800
trapezius and instead adjusted the collar
of my jacket over a black turtleneck.

125a958a-7dfc-435c-aa01-f837940eaecc-0
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:16.360
I think just reading this cold,
we're wondering a few things.

6149c78a-87f0-427f-b143-328d633891c3-0
00:17:16.360 --> 00:17:19.883
Like, firstly,
the relevance of the itch is not clear at

6149c78a-87f0-427f-b143-328d633891c3-1
00:17:19.883 --> 00:17:21.800
all until the end of the story.

fb45fdb7-3379-432d-bf7d-e5df1908de36-0
00:17:21.800 --> 00:17:25.384
So we've been given this information and
no way of really passing it and

fb45fdb7-3379-432d-bf7d-e5df1908de36-1
00:17:25.384 --> 00:17:26.760
understanding what it means.

252ed682-8e27-4b26-aa70-95cf88578deb-0
00:17:26.760 --> 00:17:27.120
Yeah.

8574de14-0bfb-4310-b5c8-c7a7ce68ecdd-0
00:17:27.120 --> 00:17:28.520
I mean, it's foreshadowing, right?

cdcfe7a1-de5a-451a-a02c-eca7c75659f5-0
00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:29.600
That's what we're doing there.

bf7305bb-436d-4416-b928-22d20f4bd293-0
00:17:29.840 --> 00:17:31.840
So Damian, that's the right thing to do.

40980bd9-95f0-4988-b1cc-5dc699b3766c-0
00:17:31.840 --> 00:17:35.673
You're giving us some little clues
throughout about the werewolf thing that

40980bd9-95f0-4988-b1cc-5dc699b3766c-1
00:17:35.673 --> 00:17:37.640
we get until the end, so that's a tick.

7b1f1662-f832-4741-9a5b-7b35527f6ab1-0
00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:41.542
But as you've sort of indicated, Ed,
it feels a little bit disjointed,

7b1f1662-f832-4741-9a5b-7b35527f6ab1-1
00:17:41.542 --> 00:17:44.840
like it's kind of separate to the main
action of the scene.

927953fc-5584-44d2-b7aa-5448c455693d-0
00:17:45.080 --> 00:17:48.996
We're not clear at this time why we're
getting that information,

927953fc-5584-44d2-b7aa-5448c455693d-1
00:17:48.996 --> 00:17:53.938
and because it's not strictly werewolfy,
we're not getting that hint very clearly

927953fc-5584-44d2-b7aa-5448c455693d-2
00:17:53.938 --> 00:17:54.360
either.

38a712e3-861d-4ea3-a05e-2d3fc8b76356-0
00:17:54.360 --> 00:17:59.400
So look, it's great to have foreshadowing,
so I think that's the right thing to do.

a5d9e2ef-dd0a-475b-84e0-161b210220e9-0
00:17:59.400 --> 00:18:03.702
I guess it just becomes about how do we
weave that into the action of the scene

a5d9e2ef-dd0a-475b-84e0-161b210220e9-1
00:18:03.702 --> 00:18:07.305
in a relevant way that sort of keeps
pushing things along as well,

a5d9e2ef-dd0a-475b-84e0-161b210220e9-2
00:18:07.305 --> 00:18:10.640
and maybe just a little bit more of the
hint to the werewolf.

89e6aca1-2d1c-4f14-943f-2301e660cb48-0
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:13.816
Now I just want to look big picture again
for a second,

89e6aca1-2d1c-4f14-943f-2301e660cb48-1
00:18:13.816 --> 00:18:18.184
and this is a piece of feedback that I
think applies to a lot of stories this

89e6aca1-2d1c-4f14-943f-2301e660cb48-2
00:18:18.184 --> 00:18:18.520
round.

9405b429-bdec-4606-8961-0e54b9ca307c-0
00:18:18.520 --> 00:18:23.448
Both Team Ed and Team And are the ones I
read of Teamed and it's around this

9405b429-bdec-4606-8961-0e54b9ca307c-1
00:18:23.448 --> 00:18:25.240
conceal slash reveal prompt.

917785f5-3dea-4119-9e9b-761965977ab8-0
00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:26.960
It was a reveal prompt for Teamed.

efc78b86-6ae4-4f0f-bccf-0267b1a4dad6-0
00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:32.625
What a lot of stories did, in my view,
was treated the story itself as a reveal

efc78b86-6ae4-4f0f-bccf-0267b1a4dad6-1
00:18:32.625 --> 00:18:34.040
of information, right?

b448dbbd-8bd2-40c5-a994-b4be39b4389d-0
00:18:34.040 --> 00:18:38.600
And the whole story was structured
towards this big reveal at the end.

4196dc10-17f1-4011-97b1-6713210dd505-0
00:18:39.080 --> 00:18:42.280
Now, in many ways,
that's not really a story, right?

be349932-86ac-4a4c-9a9b-5496886f7008-0
00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:43.800
That's a reveal of information.

e061be23-38cf-41bd-bc97-16334ba913d7-0
00:18:43.800 --> 00:18:45.720
And so that's what we've got going on
here.

c354dda2-de6f-4aa3-9b2f-afbef7f7997d-0
00:18:46.040 --> 00:18:49.040
So the reveal at the end is that she's a
werewolf, right?

bff1759f-756b-4e40-81fc-ec9ed95d949e-0
00:18:49.080 --> 00:18:52.320
And she's, you know,
contracted werewolf ISM.

07913752-dc11-40d6-8b0b-97287350d8b2-0
00:18:52.800 --> 00:18:57.361
But if everything is just hidden and the
whole point is to just keep it hidden,

07913752-dc11-40d6-8b0b-97287350d8b2-1
00:18:57.361 --> 00:19:00.440
keep it hidden,
keep it hidden until the end and then

07913752-dc11-40d6-8b0b-97287350d8b2-2
00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:00.839
reveal.

5b39b6b7-a3b9-4e82-ad6e-bbaa31cb29e9-0
00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:04.313
Instead of a plot where we have a
character who wants something,

5b39b6b7-a3b9-4e82-ad6e-bbaa31cb29e9-1
00:19:04.313 --> 00:19:05.320
we know what that is.

3612b377-4793-4983-89fc-1b5259f4691a-0
00:19:05.320 --> 00:19:06.200
We know the stakes.

59d4f684-6447-44b4-b0ab-718e4072c9c5-0
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:10.716
We're watching alongside them as they try
and fail and try and fail and then try

59d4f684-6447-44b4-b0ab-718e4072c9c5-1
00:19:10.716 --> 00:19:14.842
and hopefully succeed by the end to get
what they want as a classic story

59d4f684-6447-44b4-b0ab-718e4072c9c5-2
00:19:14.842 --> 00:19:15.400
structure.

da778b5e-d438-45b3-9350-c9ee9e6177a9-0
00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:18.880
Instead, we're kind of going, hang on,
what's going on here?

da19ad41-3d2a-4233-b3c2-ece707c662b1-0
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:19.920
This is a bit weird.

fb4c420a-603b-46b2-a264-de274301e995-0
00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:20.720
That's strange.

c63f7034-1930-4101-a337-bd74fc7394f9-0
00:19:20.840 --> 00:19:22.080
Oh, I wonder what that is.

708667f1-6176-4dfc-b826-199d928255d6-0
00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:25.080
And then at the end, Oh, right, got it.

2b26b62c-a5eb-4dce-b6cb-964c57e49504-0
00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:28.960
But that effect to me is less engaging,
right.

35009ae9-c020-4eb7-a3a4-e056736e5a7e-0
00:19:29.080 --> 00:19:33.066
If you've kept it from us until the end,
we've been floating above the story until

35009ae9-c020-4eb7-a3a4-e056736e5a7e-1
00:19:33.066 --> 00:19:35.612
right at the very end when finally we go,
all right,

35009ae9-c020-4eb7-a3a4-e056736e5a7e-2
00:19:35.612 --> 00:19:39.599
But then the story's over and we haven't
had the chance to kind of be fully engage

35009ae9-c020-4eb7-a3a4-e056736e5a7e-3
00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:40.560
and connect with it.

bb983f37-e67c-453c-91b3-9ef1be845098-0
00:19:41.080 --> 00:19:44.478
And so to me,
there was an issue that I saw across many,

bb983f37-e67c-453c-91b3-9ef1be845098-1
00:19:44.478 --> 00:19:47.637
many stories and which made them feel
less engaging,

bb983f37-e67c-453c-91b3-9ef1be845098-2
00:19:47.637 --> 00:19:50.440
made them feel less impactful for that
reason.

16288ec8-ac59-436b-ac2c-648c42bec14e-0
00:19:50.440 --> 00:19:54.237
Because we're just waiting for the big,
oh, I get it, you know,

16288ec8-ac59-436b-ac2c-648c42bec14e-1
00:19:54.237 --> 00:19:55.840
and I don't want to get it.

22ca9e22-f7db-40d6-866c-bed30cc68407-0
00:19:56.320 --> 00:19:57.280
I want to feel it.

f0cf10fb-ffcc-400e-8fa5-61da23f1531f-0
00:19:57.280 --> 00:19:58.640
I want to care about it.

89197477-25b1-4b48-b853-504b6b994ca3-0
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:01.600
I don't want to just, oh,
now I understand.

1451f7f5-d3a6-42b0-aeaa-8bce2010148f-0
00:20:02.120 --> 00:20:04.040
I didn't understand through the whole
story.

63c1dbf2-7021-4003-b2e8-c34199b85462-0
00:20:04.440 --> 00:20:05.800
Now at the end, I understand.

35d517dd-84f0-4fe9-ad62-17716594d5c5-0
00:20:05.800 --> 00:20:08.360
That's to me,
that's a less satisfying reading

35d517dd-84f0-4fe9-ad62-17716594d5c5-1
00:20:08.360 --> 00:20:08.960
experience.

c27303a3-f359-495d-a62b-1fcd44b42026-0
00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:11.512
Yeah,
this is something that we talk about a

c27303a3-f359-495d-a62b-1fcd44b42026-1
00:20:11.512 --> 00:20:15.880
fair bit in terms of twists and stories
that conceal things from the reader.

310541a8-a754-4905-ac30-22f54dbd5428-0
00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:19.059
Obviously, as you said,
it was a prompt this time around,

310541a8-a754-4905-ac30-22f54dbd5428-1
00:20:19.059 --> 00:20:20.320
so totally makes sense.

6cd3a6af-3bc1-47d3-80ba-2328abdb7f90-0
00:20:20.320 --> 00:20:25.450
But I think what it is,
is the emotional pay off here in a story

6cd3a6af-3bc1-47d3-80ba-2328abdb7f90-1
00:20:25.450 --> 00:20:26.240
like this.

0ed93680-8831-48e5-bffd-3a440423f47c-0
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:29.536
Is as a reader,
you get this sense of relief that like,

0ed93680-8831-48e5-bffd-3a440423f47c-1
00:20:29.536 --> 00:20:32.560
you finally understood what is going on
in the story.

6597a35e-1f61-4749-b896-7694318a7a99-0
00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:34.680
And it's not really about the story.

89de19c7-201c-4c55-ad8f-46bdd2afbd0c-0
00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:36.970
It's about your understanding of the
story,

89de19c7-201c-4c55-ad8f-46bdd2afbd0c-1
00:20:36.970 --> 00:20:41.186
which is why it isn't as satisfying as
having a story that is relayed to you and

89de19c7-201c-4c55-ad8f-46bdd2afbd0c-2
00:20:41.186 --> 00:20:42.799
has you invested the way along.

302024ed-9a42-46ab-88b5-c4ac5273f059-0
00:20:42.800 --> 00:20:45.774
And the satisfaction you experience is
about the story itself and what's

302024ed-9a42-46ab-88b5-c4ac5273f059-1
00:20:45.774 --> 00:20:48.911
happening in the story itself and,
and the connection that you make with the

302024ed-9a42-46ab-88b5-c4ac5273f059-2
00:20:48.911 --> 00:20:49.360
characters.

9f3e285d-bbea-4b1e-9f3e-1d29bed2785c-0
00:20:49.360 --> 00:20:51.120
You're like invested in the outcome.

f5401fef-76b5-425b-a40f-830fd685f8f1-0
00:20:51.120 --> 00:20:54.480
You're like, Hooray, that happened or, oh,
I'm so sad that it didn't happen.

fb4e7d7b-ba29-49ab-9f84-df085e5f5b4a-0
00:20:54.600 --> 00:20:54.960
Yeah.

0bd49114-a269-4b09-9998-97509c232b32-0
00:20:55.320 --> 00:20:59.360
And there is a sense of satisfaction that
does come from like a great reveal.

b8025f79-cca2-4802-896a-0c8008cfb823-0
00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:02.523
And I talked about it in a previous
Daredevil,

b8025f79-cca2-4802-896a-0c8008cfb823-1
00:21:02.523 --> 00:21:06.520
I believe is the difference between
imagining like a photo, right?

cc8d3b4c-58de-4923-a3d6-66eae33100f1-0
00:21:06.560 --> 00:21:10.201
All you can see is a small part of the
photo and the writer there,

cc8d3b4c-58de-4923-a3d6-66eae33100f1-1
00:21:10.201 --> 00:21:13.843
as you progress through the story,
is revealing additional pieces,

cc8d3b4c-58de-4923-a3d6-66eae33100f1-2
00:21:13.843 --> 00:21:15.800
different parts of the photo to you.

913f8d3e-f56c-4920-91b2-500b1816db09-0
00:21:15.800 --> 00:21:19.351
So the picture that you're getting is
more and more complete,

913f8d3e-f56c-4920-91b2-500b1816db09-1
00:21:19.351 --> 00:21:22.560
but in every moment you can still see the
photo, right?

5181ba4b-52b5-4661-9514-a0a6c28f4b17-0
00:21:22.560 --> 00:21:27.083
I think that's satisfying as opposed to
like you've just got a blurry complete

5181ba4b-52b5-4661-9514-a0a6c28f4b17-1
00:21:27.083 --> 00:21:31.664
photo and it's really blurry and it's,
it's slowly getting less blurry until at

5181ba4b-52b5-4661-9514-a0a6c28f4b17-2
00:21:31.664 --> 00:21:33.840
the end you can finally see the photo.

676060fc-ff01-454f-b456-24d6d4fe25e2-0
00:21:34.360 --> 00:21:38.433
One of those is more satisfying because
even though you can't see the whole photo,

676060fc-ff01-454f-b456-24d6d4fe25e2-1
00:21:38.433 --> 00:21:41.280
you're not just looking at a blurry photo
the whole time.

ee2e4e35-e8dd-4385-ac02-6ce004a7e6bf-0
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:42.680
Lovely metaphor.

828c8b6c-3cd0-4a42-b980-376e62e373ac-0
00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:43.400
Love that.

d787dc59-fef8-4b62-a68c-963f2c9f4cef-0
00:21:43.840 --> 00:21:48.367
And so on that note, I guess to me,
usually, and this is all usually right,

d787dc59-fef8-4b62-a68c-963f2c9f4cef-1
00:21:48.367 --> 00:21:53.132
there are ways of succeeding and doing
well in a story that that does the exact

d787dc59-fef8-4b62-a68c-963f2c9f4cef-2
00:21:53.132 --> 00:21:54.920
opposite of what we're saying.

a5d9e519-2f1f-4493-93f0-d1e0117f24b4-0
00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:57.928
So I'm not saying it's impossible to do,
but for this story,

a5d9e519-2f1f-4493-93f0-d1e0117f24b4-1
00:21:57.928 --> 00:22:01.480
I think what would have been beneficial
is to have that Who right away.

fbc48f51-43b5-42b2-b3fa-a6c3a9742f20-0
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:02.400
Who am I looking at?

ff3a5531-59d5-4294-a5eb-22a6160a2313-0
00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:03.840
Oh, it's this actress, right?

e7866cef-3a1d-4257-91f1-54eb12c630e9-0
00:22:04.200 --> 00:22:05.040
Where is she?

c70a0d96-ea22-4216-a743-3a09f6188476-0
00:22:05.040 --> 00:22:06.120
She's in the Botanic Garden.

41ca82d3-c7a8-43eb-8be0-2b95529f7e86-0
00:22:06.360 --> 00:22:06.880
Great.

3e6c4d88-7ec5-4cdd-bb6a-dd0064cbee53-0
00:22:07.080 --> 00:22:08.440
Now I've got that information.

834da9e9-ee9b-47dc-9111-4c2296c18b03-0
00:22:08.440 --> 00:22:10.000
I can see her standing there.

a2bb6b31-86db-4026-8fce-9a4bdd4ce168-0
00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:12.840
You might want to call out certain
details like that.

12c9abc5-2cd0-4f47-b589-2688c6c54299-0
00:22:12.840 --> 00:22:14.440
It's approaching nighttime.

95f03e7c-cbd0-48ca-9bd0-14fc9098a6c3-0
00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:17.065
You know,
those kinds of things that are going to

95f03e7c-cbd0-48ca-9bd0-14fc9098a6c3-1
00:22:17.065 --> 00:22:18.640
set us up for what comes next.

1c812377-428a-4eb0-85eb-3fb5297fe074-0
00:22:19.280 --> 00:22:22.163
And then we get straight into that
conflict with this interviewer,

1c812377-428a-4eb0-85eb-3fb5297fe074-1
00:22:22.163 --> 00:22:23.240
and we can go from there.

a6b12a69-31d9-47f3-8551-dd5dfd9766e7-0
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:23.640
Yeah.

662c2e16-0c4f-47ae-8717-2e7a5832c4ff-0
00:22:23.640 --> 00:22:27.440
And just add to that point because we do
get to a moment where that stage is set.

76885f2f-4004-4c09-b3b6-5c43a815c9cc-0
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:30.092
And again,
another point that have made in the past

76885f2f-4004-4c09-b3b6-5c43a815c9cc-1
00:22:30.092 --> 00:22:33.560
around setting the stage and getting that
done as soon as possible.

c844259e-bd1e-4e82-b02b-94e0543a18e3-0
00:22:33.560 --> 00:22:37.564
Because what you want to avoid as much as
possible is having the reader set that

c844259e-bd1e-4e82-b02b-94e0543a18e3-1
00:22:37.564 --> 00:22:39.739
stage themselves,
fill it with assumptions,

c844259e-bd1e-4e82-b02b-94e0543a18e3-2
00:22:39.739 --> 00:22:43.545
and then halfway through the story,
they have to knock that down and rebuild

c844259e-bd1e-4e82-b02b-94e0543a18e3-3
00:22:43.545 --> 00:22:44.039
the stage.

df0d9ccf-6b3e-4b31-b183-1fbdc9846bad-0
00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:48.181
And I think that happens in this story
because we have this setup of what I

df0d9ccf-6b3e-4b31-b183-1fbdc9846bad-1
00:22:48.181 --> 00:22:52.360
initially assumed was maybe like a police
interview or something along those lines.

4d0b68e3-664d-41b3-9843-a613ff68b7df-0
00:22:52.360 --> 00:22:53.520
We're talking about murders.

df83387c-bf1c-4e8a-b312-06a1789ac97f-0
00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:55.280
It's a two way conversation.

1b506f66-d067-4358-8e23-b009ae6a1ed3-0
00:22:55.560 --> 00:22:57.200
I'm imagining there are two people here.

698ecee7-b1e1-4a9b-9185-b0524be7112c-0
00:22:57.320 --> 00:23:00.326
They're in a room,
perhaps like a police interrogation kind

698ecee7-b1e1-4a9b-9185-b0524be7112c-1
00:23:00.326 --> 00:23:01.880
of exactly something like that.

53b0a3a8-3394-46b5-a68b-2d1f66b7d17d-0
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:05.800
And that's the scene that I've set based
on the context clues that I have.

f273a58a-6455-417a-8df7-30af2d477d94-0
00:23:06.200 --> 00:23:11.066
And then after a few paragraphs where all
of a sudden on ATV show and we've got

f273a58a-6455-417a-8df7-30af2d477d94-1
00:23:11.066 --> 00:23:13.560
cameras and we've got people around them.

6209b25e-315f-48ed-ba63-76094cdc5c3f-0
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:17.845
So I've just constructed something and
now I've had to just throw that out the

6209b25e-315f-48ed-ba63-76094cdc5c3f-1
00:23:17.845 --> 00:23:20.280
window and replace it with what you've
given me.

095248a0-65e4-45ae-9478-9d883884ebe4-0
00:23:20.600 --> 00:23:23.000
And I think that's a disconcerting
feeling.

c56ca9bc-917f-472d-aa65-8fed9b57409d-0
00:23:23.320 --> 00:23:27.862
And it's not really cohesive to getting
involved in characters and being taken

c56ca9bc-917f-472d-aa65-8fed9b57409d-1
00:23:27.862 --> 00:23:28.840
along on a story.

647f44a0-f426-41fb-8ac6-32cb69bfb5e2-0
00:23:28.840 --> 00:23:31.831
If you want to take your reader along,
you have to, like,

647f44a0-f426-41fb-8ac6-32cb69bfb5e2-1
00:23:31.831 --> 00:23:34.720
hold them by the hand and get them to
follow you along.

467dc798-285d-45dc-843c-f02c6ae511e8-0
00:23:34.840 --> 00:23:37.759
Well, this is, again, like,
it's just such a helpful, I think,

467dc798-285d-45dc-843c-f02c6ae511e8-1
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:40.122
rule of thumb to say within the opening
sentences,

467dc798-285d-45dc-843c-f02c6ae511e8-2
00:23:40.122 --> 00:23:43.689
you should be giving us The Who and the
where because that information is so

467dc798-285d-45dc-843c-f02c6ae511e8-3
00:23:43.689 --> 00:23:45.960
crucial to be able to picture what
happens next.

7ddd1e63-f2b1-4f7e-b37e-6a2547edb2ed-0
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:50.379
So if you can get those two things done
in a compelling, visual, vivid way,

7ddd1e63-f2b1-4f7e-b37e-6a2547edb2ed-1
00:23:50.379 --> 00:23:52.240
that's your hook already, right?

be960ac1-a1d5-4f12-a45f-10a3b4f97980-0
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:54.453
Because we've got our character and now
we're like, oh,

be960ac1-a1d5-4f12-a45f-10a3b4f97980-1
00:23:54.453 --> 00:23:55.520
I want to see what happens.

935db7fa-a8b9-42e4-8dc2-1653bdb34614-0
00:23:55.800 --> 00:23:56.000
Yeah.

479c0de6-4ce1-4533-8005-bf7da3a1bf39-0
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.252
One thing I love about this story, though,
is that we launch into the conflict

479c0de6-4ce1-4533-8005-bf7da3a1bf39-1
00:23:59.252 --> 00:23:59.800
straight away.

98484219-62a4-4f26-899b-f6c380d8c99a-0
00:23:59.800 --> 00:24:01.920
This Richard Barry guy is an *******.

641134db-c75d-41dd-afcf-4ce7256f9bc5-0
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:02.760
Yeah, great.

6cd0a780-fa00-4bce-9bd9-b609d40a5373-0
00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:05.157
All right,
so now we know that they have conflict,

6cd0a780-fa00-4bce-9bd9-b609d40a5373-1
00:24:05.157 --> 00:24:07.000
and we're going to get to see that player.

1722d650-acba-485e-8032-472bce13eed4-0
00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:09.346
And of course,
the dialogue is dripping with that

1722d650-acba-485e-8032-472bce13eed4-1
00:24:09.346 --> 00:24:10.520
conflict, which is great.

523be292-f0b7-4a7e-85cc-e986e48f0bdc-0
00:24:10.840 --> 00:24:16.840
And then what I especially love here is
how Damien has gone with these internal

523be292-f0b7-4a7e-85cc-e986e48f0bdc-1
00:24:16.840 --> 00:24:19.840
thoughts, like, my career would be nice.

71ff68cc-15b1-4693-a4e1-e29637164d2b-0
00:24:19.840 --> 00:24:20.720
You took it after all.

d5576d51-b0a5-4af8-a2ae-16ecb44db57b-0
00:24:21.080 --> 00:24:23.240
But then that's the opposite of what
she's saying.

36ce1cc8-c890-4004-be83-52c0b0c48aef-0
00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:25.240
What she says is, of course, it's fine,
you know?

adcec049-2631-4f96-9bd9-52838ad095a7-0
00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:28.200
And so this can be really fun for a
reader.

a31cab11-04a7-410b-954b-40c0c74f1ffd-0
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:33.110
This is one of those things that does add
satisfaction to a story when the truth is

a31cab11-04a7-410b-954b-40c0c74f1ffd-1
00:24:33.110 --> 00:24:33.520
hidden.

d8a1c26d-28ef-47f3-9bf5-4ea1b28897d6-0
00:24:33.800 --> 00:24:35.400
We get a little insight into that.

075e72d7-1127-4035-9ef1-b5f56036fd16-0
00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:37.480
But we're watching the drama unfold
anyway.

1e22f08b-4730-444c-a228-496a4c91201f-0
00:24:37.480 --> 00:24:40.139
And we're waiting for that truth to come
out, I guess,

1e22f08b-4730-444c-a228-496a4c91201f-1
00:24:40.139 --> 00:24:43.040
because we know that's sort of simmering
under the surface.

f31e13cc-093a-4a1e-9b91-828991807c6c-0
00:24:43.040 --> 00:24:45.120
So I think that's a really good choice
there.

2606d926-d6e8-4df9-bd8a-c816167137c0-0
00:24:45.520 --> 00:24:48.222
And you know,
we talk about in internal stories

2606d926-d6e8-4df9-bd8a-c816167137c0-1
00:24:48.222 --> 00:24:52.050
sometimes being problematic,
but when what you're giving us is like

2606d926-d6e8-4df9-bd8a-c816167137c0-2
00:24:52.050 --> 00:24:56.103
more information that helps unpack what's
going on in the scene itself,

2606d926-d6e8-4df9-bd8a-c816167137c0-3
00:24:56.103 --> 00:24:57.679
then that's the juicy stuff.

3b98a3d9-adc7-4eb6-b88e-17477a33f15a-0
00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:00.360
That's the kind of internal thought that
we really do want to see.

b6c4a2f4-691d-4782-bde7-4f4b9237e8e4-0
00:25:00.560 --> 00:25:03.252
So moving forward,
we have this interesting,

b6c4a2f4-691d-4782-bde7-4f4b9237e8e4-1
00:25:03.252 --> 00:25:07.800
I guess combination of the dialogue,
the in scene action with a bit of back

b6c4a2f4-691d-4782-bde7-4f4b9237e8e4-2
00:25:07.800 --> 00:25:08.160
story.

66a42f47-2b61-4d26-b531-efdecd0fae9c-0
00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:12.470
And I think my critique around that is
that sometimes the back story doesn't

66a42f47-2b61-4d26-b531-efdecd0fae9c-1
00:25:12.470 --> 00:25:15.960
really relate to the the dialogue or the
action within the scene.

184fddfa-8529-42c1-bf4c-4589f1617154-0
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:19.320
We kind of get dialogue, back story,
dialogue, back story.

b6d27e35-e05d-451b-894c-52369a773ab9-0
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:22.928
I would have liked to see that flow a bit
more naturally,

b6d27e35-e05d-451b-894c-52369a773ab9-1
00:25:22.928 --> 00:25:27.184
like if something's being introduced in
the dialogue and within the action,

b6d27e35-e05d-451b-894c-52369a773ab9-2
00:25:27.184 --> 00:25:28.920
it links into what's happening.

d618a7d4-4ed7-46fb-96cc-c4511d47aff4-0
00:25:28.920 --> 00:25:31.738
We're kind of,
it feels like there are two strands of

d618a7d4-4ed7-46fb-96cc-c4511d47aff4-1
00:25:31.738 --> 00:25:33.200
thought coming through here.

b79316b4-427c-4c90-8e36-22db7a3e5cdb-0
00:25:33.320 --> 00:25:36.042
But yeah,
we do kind of need that back story to get

b79316b4-427c-4c90-8e36-22db7a3e5cdb-1
00:25:36.042 --> 00:25:38.765
us on board,
especially considering it is such a an

b79316b4-427c-4c90-8e36-22db7a3e5cdb-2
00:25:38.765 --> 00:25:39.759
involved plot here.

6c322bf8-6d96-488c-ba2e-465ef7bd6fe8-0
00:25:39.760 --> 00:25:41.560
There's a fair few characters.

f0aac3c2-f087-4a00-8f2f-9a1a9696396e-0
00:25:41.560 --> 00:25:45.038
There's a lot of detail and yeah,
it's trickling through here,

f0aac3c2-f087-4a00-8f2f-9a1a9696396e-1
00:25:45.038 --> 00:25:48.240
but it feels to me slightly disconnected
from the action.

82d3f333-40bb-44b1-adba-731291950a40-0
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:51.381
I felt a little bit confused with the
characters you've brought up that there

82d3f333-40bb-44b1-adba-731291950a40-1
00:25:51.381 --> 00:25:52.720
are a few characters and there are.

51ef72aa-8931-4cb4-a398-5d1cf1b6b6ea-0
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:54.520
I mean,
we talked about Kevin Feige already.

084160f9-e159-4e75-adc2-7b3517354202-0
00:25:54.520 --> 00:25:59.200
I'm not well versed enough in the Marvel
Universe to sort of get what his role is.

25fc3425-ed84-4a09-a1b8-cb3fc52e8d2d-0
00:25:59.200 --> 00:25:59.600
Here.

38800b42-283c-435e-8b9c-da291a488a6c-0
00:25:59.960 --> 00:26:02.800
We've got Richard Barry,
who comes across as the antagonist here.

7021f2f1-b6f1-4bf6-af7b-7b6dd6f1fbc4-0
00:26:02.800 --> 00:26:07.177
He's the ******* interviewer who our main
character Otsana is sort of thinking,

7021f2f1-b6f1-4bf6-af7b-7b6dd6f1fbc4-1
00:26:07.177 --> 00:26:08.600
you're setting me up here.

e4d8c924-b77f-43cd-887b-91fb6f075d4e-0
00:26:08.600 --> 00:26:09.600
Why are you setting me up?

3fc3cda5-562b-4281-9b5b-7172a157bc03-0
00:26:09.840 --> 00:26:10.600
And then we've got.

efcc0443-7eff-4cf3-a820-b39b39054f29-0
00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:13.240
I'm not actually sure who did the attack.

4cfade14-b954-4f1b-8678-c9735feb701b-0
00:26:13.480 --> 00:26:15.760
Yeah, it was another woman,
by the sounds of things.

1abd0e78-58a7-4fa9-ba42-e22d3cbc8ebe-0
00:26:15.760 --> 00:26:15.880
Yeah.

2d2db90f-4813-4a4f-9567-458bdc1291c9-0
00:26:16.120 --> 00:26:17.480
Who is that and why?

5b0ca464-d9a3-4438-910b-b40316a07625-0
00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:19.680
And why is she not clearly mentioned?

6ee16b7a-0875-4234-847f-2a2e868ab32c-0
00:26:19.800 --> 00:26:22.080
We've got the agent who's getting
involved.

159cbc68-9a9b-4510-8573-ee4bec5061a7-0
00:26:22.080 --> 00:26:25.440
And I'm just sort of not clear on
everyone's role.

9e442de0-6e86-446a-a07f-78e85983f73f-0
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:26.200
Exactly.

f643570f-49f5-4990-b106-7bb8feff5ca2-0
00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:29.860
And in particular,
the woman who attacked her and presumably

f643570f-49f5-4990-b106-7bb8feff5ca2-1
00:26:29.860 --> 00:26:33.520
A werewolf, Right,
Who attacked her in that previous moment.

ac3b23a8-049c-46c2-b43f-72e5cc48f5dd-0
00:26:33.720 --> 00:26:34.440
Who is that?

38a549db-25db-436b-b41d-fb845cc28624-0
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:37.240
And and why,
why is the conflict not with her?

19e11e0e-d8e5-47d8-a2c0-16caf03c3921-0
00:26:37.240 --> 00:26:38.800
And and she's dead now.

8c9b5e63-a6aa-4e8e-8f90-f015d26276dc-0
00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:40.520
She's been stabbed with the silver dagger.

6d47ec6f-7f36-465b-92d6-dce958c255be-0
00:26:41.080 --> 00:26:44.160
Okay,
but like you've killed her and and now

6d47ec6f-7f36-465b-92d6-dce958c255be-1
00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:49.430
you're a hero for I guess I've just
gotten a little bit lost there with what

6d47ec6f-7f36-465b-92d6-dce958c255be-2
00:26:49.430 --> 00:26:55.111
I guess the central conflict of the story
is because we've got this murder or self

6d47ec6f-7f36-465b-92d6-dce958c255be-3
00:26:55.111 --> 00:26:56.959
defence that's taken place.

38359b7d-c96c-4e71-8863-283d364b9135-0
00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:59.457
We've got the conflict with the
interviewer,

38359b7d-c96c-4e71-8863-283d364b9135-1
00:26:59.457 --> 00:27:03.843
we've got this Kevin Feige thing that's
sort of sitting on top of that and I'm

38359b7d-c96c-4e71-8863-283d364b9135-2
00:27:03.843 --> 00:27:05.120
not sure where to look.

aa99b313-8659-4b06-8e1c-1603f21747e3-0
00:27:05.120 --> 00:27:08.150
Yeah,
there's a few characters here and I guess

aa99b313-8659-4b06-8e1c-1603f21747e3-1
00:27:08.150 --> 00:27:12.760
the motivations are hinted at,
but not really explicitly for me as well.

4b9e6844-43d6-405b-a7fe-6012b29431c3-0
00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:15.153
Look,
for me that central conflict of the

4b9e6844-43d6-405b-a7fe-6012b29431c3-1
00:27:15.153 --> 00:27:16.840
initial murder does make sense to me.

293552d9-cb25-4df2-815b-97d01b09efa5-0
00:27:16.840 --> 00:27:20.122
Like this werewolf attacked our
protagonist here and that makes sense

293552d9-cb25-4df2-815b-97d01b09efa5-1
00:27:20.122 --> 00:27:23.873
that she defended herself with this movie
prop ends up killing the werewolf but

293552d9-cb25-4df2-815b-97d01b09efa5-2
00:27:23.873 --> 00:27:26.640
catching as you said,
werewolf fighters or whatever it is.

c37b9290-fb7e-403f-8f5a-e2c20c7a5ac0-0
00:27:28.040 --> 00:27:32.182
But beyond that,
I'm a bit lost as to the motivations of

c37b9290-fb7e-403f-8f5a-e2c20c7a5ac0-1
00:27:32.182 --> 00:27:33.200
Richard Barry.

9389a182-cba5-41f6-aa8d-fba415c3cbbf-0
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:38.296
Like he's an ******* interviewer but he's
destroying careers and I'm not really

9389a182-cba5-41f6-aa8d-fba415c3cbbf-1
00:27:38.296 --> 00:27:40.080
sure what his whole deal is.

0f5d75b7-e19a-4adc-9618-2e46927f50f2-0
00:27:40.080 --> 00:27:44.870
Like he's trying to catch our protagonist
out and bringing it forward because he

0f5d75b7-e19a-4adc-9618-2e46927f50f2-1
00:27:44.870 --> 00:27:47.000
knows that she's afraid of the dark.

f5fbdb53-a84e-42a4-a3ee-fc13ec6a2167-0
00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:50.358
But actually it's not that it's because
she's a werewolf,

f5fbdb53-a84e-42a4-a3ee-fc13ec6a2167-1
00:27:50.358 --> 00:27:54.760
but why would she be afraid of the dark
prior to this whole werewolf thing?

7f630179-f328-4d07-9155-74b5ffab84a3-0
00:27:54.920 --> 00:27:56.720
It's not really like there's a few moving
pieces.

800e4e1c-b6f6-4275-9ed4-f3ca81d1247f-0
00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:01.150
And I guess I think it comes from Damien
thinking through this plot and trying to

800e4e1c-b6f6-4275-9ed4-f3ca81d1247f-1
00:28:01.150 --> 00:28:05.257
work out what are the the elements that
need explanation and then trying to

800e4e1c-b6f6-4275-9ed4-f3ca81d1247f-2
00:28:05.257 --> 00:28:05.960
explain them.

3ba1126f-7c77-4218-841a-a18d837b3e35-0
00:28:06.280 --> 00:28:09.561
Like, for example,
why is the interviewer trying to schedule

3ba1126f-7c77-4218-841a-a18d837b3e35-1
00:28:09.561 --> 00:28:13.920
the interview to happen at night and so
that this whole scenario can take place?

0e539011-a2ec-4bba-a2b0-a0353c5b716e-0
00:28:14.040 --> 00:28:18.031
So now we've got this idea that he's an
******* and he's got other motivations

0e539011-a2ec-4bba-a2b0-a0353c5b716e-1
00:28:18.031 --> 00:28:19.800
and he's trying to destroy careers.

e59e5b84-d484-46fd-b4a3-b61c53065fce-0
00:28:20.040 --> 00:28:24.255
And similarly,
the the way I understand that Kevin Feige

e59e5b84-d484-46fd-b4a3-b61c53065fce-1
00:28:24.255 --> 00:28:27.806
fits the equation is in answer to the
question,

e59e5b84-d484-46fd-b4a3-b61c53065fce-2
00:28:27.806 --> 00:28:33.427
why does she agree to that knowing that
she's been exposed to someone who I

e59e5b84-d484-46fd-b4a3-b61c53065fce-3
00:28:33.427 --> 00:28:39.640
believe she understands is a werewolf and
she probably knows that she's a werewolf.

aaabd91e-d8ea-4360-a46e-cabd538c5a87-0
00:28:40.120 --> 00:28:44.041
Why she agreed to do this interview at
night in a full moon when she's going to

aaabd91e-d8ea-4360-a46e-cabd538c5a87-1
00:28:44.041 --> 00:28:46.640
be compromised,
which I think is probably a problem.

0973031e-69b0-482f-b065-4643b609064a-0
00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:53.062
But she's been convinced by her agent in
order for her to get in front of Kevin

0973031e-69b0-482f-b065-4643b609064a-1
00:28:53.062 --> 00:28:53.520
Feige.

68609506-2590-4b21-8e48-6025ee999b54-0
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:58.254
So I think there's a few justifications
that are flowing through there of of why

68609506-2590-4b21-8e48-6025ee999b54-1
00:28:58.254 --> 00:29:00.640
the characters are doing what they're
doing.

a313c634-5d7a-4b2a-9b6e-f3dbf22279d7-0
00:29:01.000 --> 00:29:05.960
That maybe is a reader a bit hard to
follow and connect with just on that.

8a26f2a4-d89d-44e5-8143-e951b8695c4a-0
00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:10.695
And if we're talking about Richard as
this ******* and who she wants revenge

8a26f2a4-d89d-44e5-8143-e951b8695c4a-1
00:29:10.695 --> 00:29:14.078
against, I mean,
his key crime here is like to me like

8a26f2a4-d89d-44e5-8143-e951b8695c4a-2
00:29:14.078 --> 00:29:18.568
showing her footage from the night she
was viciously attacked and nearly

8a26f2a4-d89d-44e5-8143-e951b8695c4a-3
00:29:18.568 --> 00:29:22.320
murdered and just been it was a month ago,
wasn't that long.

e4b0ffba-0ddc-4dea-b048-e5428152411b-0
00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:24.520
It's been like, so anyway,
let's replay the footage.

0bbfc229-313b-43ee-9522-ee036e37f45d-0
00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:26.240
What the ****?

01329e33-b52d-40e3-855b-4a9bb525fc38-0
00:29:27.960 --> 00:29:28.880
That's full on.

953fc7f0-ac9f-499c-bf9d-3664662d91b3-0
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:32.714
And to me, I have to be honest,
that made it very hard for me to suspend

953fc7f0-ac9f-499c-bf9d-3664662d91b3-1
00:29:32.714 --> 00:29:33.240
disbelief.

88e05c4d-f4f8-44d1-8a44-72e2fba4f431-0
00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:33.720
Right.

563dc2a4-c33e-4ad6-aad3-894d927ef8a1-0
00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:37.480
That was a disbelief breaker because I
was like, who would do that?

56e1edb9-378a-4a01-9a2a-b52fa4551cd4-0
00:29:37.480 --> 00:29:39.040
And why do you have footage anyway?

7fab9ad6-31e8-4be1-827f-9bd184f5f61e-0
00:29:39.600 --> 00:29:41.920
And wouldn't the footage give away the
fact that it was a werewolf?

a63fa5b6-d572-4a3c-a84a-9eb739a3b3d1-0
00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:42.240
Yeah.

c5b6685e-f153-4e53-957a-95827c12963a-0
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:42.840
Well, yeah.

43073d48-03e0-42e8-ab5b-33f2ee686297-0
00:29:42.840 --> 00:29:43.320
So confusing.

d7d1eb3f-50f7-4863-9079-8a2267bcd208-0
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:44.040
Yeah.

0e099b1d-c80f-4e85-b334-faee9ff1e1ac-0
00:29:44.120 --> 00:29:47.835
So there's a few things here that are
just sort of raising more questions than

0e099b1d-c80f-4e85-b334-faee9ff1e1ac-1
00:29:47.835 --> 00:29:48.400
they answer.

cedcea9c-7e1b-410b-9c39-bd524dbe59d7-0
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:50.280
And so I think that's an issue.

bce0af11-99c9-4e3a-aaf6-d05b9645f26b-0
00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:53.548
So look, I mean,
we've talked about a few of the sort of

bce0af11-99c9-4e3a-aaf6-d05b9645f26b-1
00:29:53.548 --> 00:29:57.000
overriding issues that I think stood in
the way of this story a little bit.

de991e9f-f628-432d-a255-19110654e3ad-0
00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:59.440
But look, it's not all bad news, right?

50e88f83-44ab-4f12-8d1c-94e0c953409b-0
00:29:59.480 --> 00:30:01.400
We've, we've just jumped straight into it.

a49453a4-4991-476a-b4d8-c00e31cf66a7-0
00:30:01.400 --> 00:30:02.560
And this is the thing, right?

5ca76f81-007b-49b4-a850-1d1c6eec58d5-0
00:30:02.560 --> 00:30:06.355
Like when there is something about a
story where we're trying to understand it

5ca76f81-007b-49b4-a850-1d1c6eec58d5-1
00:30:06.355 --> 00:30:10.198
and we're we're struggling to understand
like from a logic perspective that can

5ca76f81-007b-49b4-a850-1d1c6eec58d5-2
00:30:10.198 --> 00:30:11.400
overtake everything else.

cee28a2c-9285-4391-84b7-38a649c945f1-0
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:14.560
And that's I guess a bit of a fatal flaw
situation.

0f165f21-917c-427b-acf1-8639b8b5f199-0
00:30:14.840 --> 00:30:18.424
If you have a story where where we've got
these question marks,

0f165f21-917c-427b-acf1-8639b8b5f199-1
00:30:18.424 --> 00:30:21.056
it's very difficult for us to love that
story,

0f165f21-917c-427b-acf1-8639b8b5f199-2
00:30:21.056 --> 00:30:23.520
no matter how well it is otherwise
written.

d4ee17bc-76b2-41cd-9cb9-e43e65a4f56e-0
00:30:23.840 --> 00:30:27.925
So I think first and foremost,
clarity always is something that we have

d4ee17bc-76b2-41cd-9cb9-e43e65a4f56e-1
00:30:27.925 --> 00:30:31.160
to focus our energies on in a flash
fiction competition.

6ea4c278-0c17-4da7-af09-7f3f389dc72f-0
00:30:31.520 --> 00:30:35.319
And it is one of those things that you
need help on because I think as an author,

6ea4c278-0c17-4da7-af09-7f3f389dc72f-1
00:30:35.319 --> 00:30:36.200
you're never short.

e9c40a2f-d759-4187-be56-76df57efeb56-0
00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:39.120
Like you don't know what you're what's
missing, right?

9138198f-9374-40ca-9a32-94aabc54dab7-0
00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:42.802
Because it's all happening in your head
and you're not always clear on what makes

9138198f-9374-40ca-9a32-94aabc54dab7-1
00:30:42.802 --> 00:30:44.240
it to the page and what doesn't.

106c8bbd-0eaa-403f-93bf-86f99a8d939a-0
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:47.093
And so that's where beta readers can be
really helpful,

106c8bbd-0eaa-403f-93bf-86f99a8d939a-1
00:30:47.093 --> 00:30:50.660
getting into the community,
getting some feedback, having people say,

106c8bbd-0eaa-403f-93bf-86f99a8d939a-2
00:30:50.660 --> 00:30:51.680
hang on, who's that?

29b87568-2b53-42cb-a4bf-14f4f660d7f6-0
00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:52.600
What's their role?

a9247930-0333-43b6-9543-83a388ac1444-0
00:30:53.040 --> 00:30:57.883
And forcing yourself to clarify those
questions within the actual text of the

a9247930-0333-43b6-9543-83a388ac1444-1
00:30:57.883 --> 00:30:59.560
story can be super helpful.

7366f9e9-8b19-464b-88d5-5fb2654badc0-0
00:30:59.680 --> 00:30:59.920
Yeah.

a35bbb0e-365b-4049-a3f4-361b2cb530af-0
00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:02.407
So look,
I think definitely the the positives

a35bbb0e-365b-4049-a3f4-361b2cb530af-1
00:31:02.407 --> 00:31:04.949
though,
is that once you do get to the end and

a35bbb0e-365b-4049-a3f4-361b2cb530af-2
00:31:04.949 --> 00:31:09.437
you understand what has happened and you
see that foreshadowing happen and you see

a35bbb0e-365b-4049-a3f4-361b2cb530af-3
00:31:09.437 --> 00:31:13.547
the ways in which the details of the
story are actually put forward through

a35bbb0e-365b-4049-a3f4-361b2cb530af-4
00:31:13.547 --> 00:31:16.360
the story in retrospect,
you read it a second time.

3d0a77f9-85d2-4773-a18b-6fa7dfd807b7-0
00:31:16.360 --> 00:31:18.817
And,
and especially with the knowledge of who

3d0a77f9-85d2-4773-a18b-6fa7dfd807b7-1
00:31:18.817 --> 00:31:22.931
the title, the titular character is,
we have a much more context than we can

3d0a77f9-85d2-4773-a18b-6fa7dfd807b7-2
00:31:22.931 --> 00:31:23.840
follow the story.

bf1f8ab6-0450-45d1-8a74-fd179a2410c4-0
00:31:24.280 --> 00:31:26.974
I just want to come back at it from that
idea of like,

bf1f8ab6-0450-45d1-8a74-fd179a2410c4-1
00:31:26.974 --> 00:31:28.640
what is the story being told here?

3d808016-8f54-4da2-8236-b800f05b76d7-0
00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:31.390
And,
and I guess how to maximise the impact of

3d808016-8f54-4da2-8236-b800f05b76d7-1
00:31:31.390 --> 00:31:34.389
that story,
because the approach that's being taken

3d808016-8f54-4da2-8236-b800f05b76d7-2
00:31:34.389 --> 00:31:38.311
here is to maximise the twist,
like the conceal and the reveal and,

3d808016-8f54-4da2-8236-b800f05b76d7-3
00:31:38.311 --> 00:31:41.080
and make that the pay off that the reader
gets.

573c2ca8-5610-49ce-b252-6cd774aba1b2-0
00:31:41.080 --> 00:31:44.080
And we've spoken about why that could
potentially be a pitfall.

83c29ab0-5b89-444e-8b46-e063a0e403f4-0
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:49.194
But if we take the story at face value,
the story that's actually being told here,

83c29ab0-5b89-444e-8b46-e063a0e403f4-1
00:31:49.194 --> 00:31:53.739
how can we maximise reader engagement
with that particular story and read frame

83c29ab0-5b89-444e-8b46-e063a0e403f4-2
00:31:53.739 --> 00:31:54.080
it in?

016fbe9a-ae55-43e7-b677-f977e335e763-0
00:31:54.080 --> 00:31:55.840
Maybe it's more traditional narrative.

08879162-e371-4a4b-9944-4bfee900faee-0
00:31:56.200 --> 00:31:59.231
And I wonder,
like what if we had this story that was

08879162-e371-4a4b-9944-4bfee900faee-1
00:31:59.231 --> 00:32:02.767
told from the beginning,
maybe with the main character and the

08879162-e371-4a4b-9944-4bfee900faee-2
00:32:02.767 --> 00:32:06.080
reader fully aware that the main
character was a werewolf?

1909ad9d-3c66-4223-b710-6f3f08701dbf-0
00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:11.565
Like knowing that back story,
being exposed to that situation so we can

1909ad9d-3c66-4223-b710-6f3f08701dbf-1
00:32:11.565 --> 00:32:13.000
get inside her head.

ecd689d0-c94c-4a75-a001-4945087d980a-0
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:16.211
And we are experiencing what she's
experiencing,

ecd689d0-c94c-4a75-a001-4945087d980a-1
00:32:16.211 --> 00:32:19.225
which we don't really know during this
story,

ecd689d0-c94c-4a75-a001-4945087d980a-2
00:32:19.225 --> 00:32:22.240
like what her overarching emotional state
is.

d16bfb56-0287-46ea-9c94-6296a0b3849c-0
00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:26.933
We get these ideas of career and revenge
and wanting to get in front of the higher

d16bfb56-0287-46ea-9c94-6296a0b3849c-1
00:32:26.933 --> 00:32:27.160
ups.

2995222a-7858-4287-a141-f64861c038bb-0
00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:31.080
But really, like,
she's had this traumatic experience.

b123bd57-b8f6-4a44-90cc-8322cfea4c88-0
00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:32.480
She's a werewolf.

09252fad-ff06-4021-8b77-a0c0aa668c9b-0
00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:32.880
Yeah.

8cdf7603-7fe0-41a6-876a-4db638e9cabc-0
00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:35.674
And she's probably really stressed out
about the scenario,

8cdf7603-7fe0-41a6-876a-4db638e9cabc-1
00:32:35.674 --> 00:32:37.000
the situation that she's in.

15046057-86c4-45fd-938b-b3e2ee87d3de-0
00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:37.720
She's being interviewed.

999209fc-40f9-4656-8253-a62715edc8e4-0
00:32:37.720 --> 00:32:39.720
She knows presumably there's a full moon.

18efa7d0-f3ca-43ff-8ac3-17f18b592803-0
00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:40.960
She's like, itching.

f55a423b-9270-447a-a45d-4f7e31e0b1a0-0
00:32:41.040 --> 00:32:41.440
Yeah.

8ba13ba1-50bf-476e-b845-1da9017c6595-0
00:32:41.760 --> 00:32:46.240
Her emotional state is highly fraught and
interesting, stressful and interesting.

38a9702b-3f69-4b63-b97e-bfd25e54254c-0
00:32:46.440 --> 00:32:49.783
And if we were involved in that from the
beginning,

38a9702b-3f69-4b63-b97e-bfd25e54254c-1
00:32:49.783 --> 00:32:54.671
you could really like leverage that
emotional state to the point where when

38a9702b-3f69-4b63-b97e-bfd25e54254c-2
00:32:54.671 --> 00:32:58.529
it's paid off at the end with like her
howling at the moon,

38a9702b-3f69-4b63-b97e-bfd25e54254c-3
00:32:58.529 --> 00:33:03.674
maybe like murdering the the TV host,
maybe we're on her side and the fact that

38a9702b-3f69-4b63-b97e-bfd25e54254c-4
00:33:03.674 --> 00:33:08.240
she's turned into a werewolf and now
she's like murdering the TV host.

4f7295d2-93f2-48e3-9666-25c9738bb4fb-0
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:10.000
We're like, yes, like we got our payoff.

f3d8fd07-ce2a-40a0-aa51-23a720c1e108-0
00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:10.120
Yes.

ff1b74e9-ebbc-4de4-8b11-511aa7b1de33-0
00:33:10.360 --> 00:33:10.520
Queen.

f2dcd4c1-1650-438d-a4b7-bd821b8067fb-0
00:33:11.120 --> 00:33:11.440
Exactly.

0d5d7c37-d391-4b07-b92f-b763b83cfd4d-0
00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:13.760
So that's the the story there that you're
telling.

a5533fe1-28e7-4ec6-a608-ee0d1bfb172d-0
00:33:13.760 --> 00:33:14.960
I think it's is good.

fbce1181-3674-48b1-ab43-5ceb386cd04c-0
00:33:15.400 --> 00:33:17.640
And having all those elements there is
great.

4aa95077-2b15-43b1-9214-c22f7e641dc0-0
00:33:17.640 --> 00:33:19.520
But, you know,
I can't overstate that enough.

4c7c7bf4-5df3-409a-9222-499202f12229-0
00:33:19.520 --> 00:33:21.920
Like, bring the reader along, get them.

6f1e89b5-cd6c-4cbb-9393-dfb7eb1d120d-0
00:33:22.280 --> 00:33:26.264
It's hard enough to get the reader to
care about your story without keeping

6f1e89b5-cd6c-4cbb-9393-dfb7eb1d120d-1
00:33:26.264 --> 00:33:27.680
that information from them.

192a3db4-a0c8-438c-9f9d-4a19314cd19b-0
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:28.920
Yeah, no, I think that's true.

5577b11d-45ba-41a9-afae-fab19dee8071-0
00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:30.920
And look, the premise here is wonderful.

c20ff7cb-c83c-4aab-b15d-d45d585329cd-0
00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:32.880
Like, and this is the stakes, right?

f2cf0324-cfd5-4e06-ae57-5e9112430044-0
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:35.970
So again,
if we bring all that information to the

f2cf0324-cfd5-4e06-ae57-5e9112430044-1
00:33:35.970 --> 00:33:39.803
start of the story,
the the crucial information is this is an

f2cf0324-cfd5-4e06-ae57-5e9112430044-2
00:33:39.803 --> 00:33:42.400
Oscar nominated actress who is a werewolf.

12374453-7384-477a-8381-0f102668dd2b-0
00:33:42.440 --> 00:33:44.200
She became a werewolf recently.

c165d7e4-7c10-4f3b-bd08-8e79d624d7ae-0
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:48.600
Her agent is putting pressure on her and
saying you've got to do this interview

c165d7e4-7c10-4f3b-bd08-8e79d624d7ae-1
00:33:48.600 --> 00:33:52.720
tonight because this is your last chance
to get in front of Kevin Feige, right?

f1ba3cff-a408-4d2c-958a-a81b8b03e93b-0
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:54.600
You want this blockbuster role.

154363d7-c266-45a6-87cd-655ddad9dac3-0
00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:56.000
This is your last chance.

6c2d6753-2485-4ca2-a887-470a9544359d-0
00:33:56.040 --> 00:33:58.646
And she's like,
**** because I'm going to turn into a

6c2d6753-2485-4ca2-a887-470a9544359d-1
00:33:58.646 --> 00:34:00.480
werewolf and I'm going to be revealed.

bb8629db-2a44-4a07-8973-c79b37c945ac-0
00:34:00.760 --> 00:34:02.360
And so now we have the stakes.

c47ca1ac-72ad-4cde-a3a6-42c0dfd1bde6-0
00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:04.600
You know,
you won't get in front of Kevin Feige.

90330b8a-e68c-4b4e-b4ae-7cb8ac436a91-0
00:34:04.600 --> 00:34:06.760
You're not going to get the the
blockbuster role.

6ce6be2f-fb1c-4611-8941-eda1fb30699d-0
00:34:07.320 --> 00:34:10.894
And we know as you now start to itch,
she didn't,

6ce6be2f-fb1c-4611-8941-eda1fb30699d-1
00:34:10.894 --> 00:34:14.040
she didn't realise that it's the full
moon.

7addd6b7-3aba-42cb-9638-9dfc0105a010-0
00:34:14.120 --> 00:34:15.880
Yeah, whatever you realise maybe.

b5a55267-d436-4992-bc3a-1f19dc8b6d58-0
00:34:15.880 --> 00:34:18.200
Or like it's getting dark and it's all
here.

33e5cb9b-2486-4d7d-8a88-ac53ea26d52a-0
00:34:18.200 --> 00:34:21.320
It's just about flipping it around,
turning the story the other way around.

81879131-6096-4451-85a6-a331ed0ddd7b-0
00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:23.800
So we've got now Richard Barry, like,
delaying.

49eaa05d-87a9-46d0-b05e-3a3990fa15fc-0
00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:24.320
Delaying.

672de54a-de4f-416a-b48d-0919245a375f-0
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:25.720
Oh, the crew's not ready.

13f9f842-2132-48af-868f-f12e046e9d52-0
00:34:26.080 --> 00:34:27.720
Oh, **** it's getting darker.

bc29ce31-21a9-4516-8fa3-33d49a30e1dc-0
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:29.280
You know, all of this stuff.

f35f0586-20db-4bc2-91cf-56008b8041b1-0
00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:33.558
Then as readers now we're engaged in that
tension because we're going, oh,

f35f0586-20db-4bc2-91cf-56008b8041b1-1
00:34:33.558 --> 00:34:35.840
**** she's itching, it's getting darker.

8c83e232-5d53-4658-891c-4abcf832d037-0
00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:37.080
We know what happens now.

2113661f-90bd-482c-b794-032b15e7ed8b-0
00:34:37.080 --> 00:34:37.840
We know what's up.

c8a21aa6-31f9-4280-9e7d-fd6b9c6ab9ba-0
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:41.489
And so now you've got us like on the edge
of our seats waiting to see,

c8a21aa6-31f9-4280-9e7d-fd6b9c6ab9ba-1
00:34:41.489 --> 00:34:43.120
is she going to turn into a werewolf?

073e39b2-af10-434a-9c21-d603189b6ac4-0
00:34:43.320 --> 00:34:44.760
If she does, what's going to happen?

ba62db0b-c334-4efa-90a2-557eb457489e-0
00:34:44.920 --> 00:34:49.361
The beautiful ironic ending would be that
Kevin Feige loved her performance as the

ba62db0b-c334-4efa-90a2-557eb457489e-1
00:34:49.361 --> 00:34:53.695
werewolf and was like, all right, like,
and she thinks all is lost because she's

ba62db0b-c334-4efa-90a2-557eb457489e-2
00:34:53.695 --> 00:34:57.120
she's turned into a werewolf and she's
like, OK, now forget it.

b567c2b1-4975-4f40-9cf1-571c417da540-0
00:34:57.360 --> 00:34:58.280
My secret's out.

0740f40c-4c81-499d-b80d-6b7b15478d1b-0
00:34:58.280 --> 00:35:00.280
I'm never,
ever going to have this dream career.

f22b2d2d-2680-4ccd-a9c1-174e073e8720-0
00:35:00.680 --> 00:35:03.586
Next thing you know,
she gets the phone call like you're in

f22b2d2d-2680-4ccd-a9c1-174e073e8720-1
00:35:03.586 --> 00:35:05.960
the next ******* werewolf movie,
whatever it is.

3406fe69-a33e-4592-b0fb-10d69b57527b-0
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:09.240
And look,
maybe that feels a little bit more

3406fe69-a33e-4592-b0fb-10d69b57527b-1
00:35:09.240 --> 00:35:14.227
predictable or something like because
that's the way we expect a story to play

3406fe69-a33e-4592-b0fb-10d69b57527b-2
00:35:14.227 --> 00:35:14.480
out.

932879b5-0361-483b-96ac-c08abb3648a2-0
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:16.920
But it also allows us to engage with it.

9641fe6e-c455-44d2-a09e-6c1572237a5e-0
00:35:16.920 --> 00:35:21.090
And that's where you get to make it fun
with the unique details that make this

9641fe6e-c455-44d2-a09e-6c1572237a5e-1
00:35:21.090 --> 00:35:23.518
your own and the unique character and
Otsana,

9641fe6e-c455-44d2-a09e-6c1572237a5e-2
00:35:23.518 --> 00:35:26.000
and what is it about her that we love or
hate?

e29d8e2f-8319-4690-bd16-ab0d50535886-0
00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:30.390
And these are the things you play with to
make that story particularly interesting

e29d8e2f-8319-4690-bd16-ab0d50535886-1
00:35:30.390 --> 00:35:33.353
so that by the end,
we're like either cheering or on or

e29d8e2f-8319-4690-bd16-ab0d50535886-2
00:35:33.353 --> 00:35:35.839
horrified at the result,
whatever it might be.

89aa650c-4de5-4b25-a558-40519a518d16-0
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:37.080
But we're invested.

0cac447c-2574-4fa7-af28-e2610316aea9-0
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:39.971
And if you do like that reveal,
because I think I think there is

0cac447c-2574-4fa7-af28-e2610316aea9-1
00:35:39.971 --> 00:35:43.160
something to be said as well for like
slowly revealing things to the reader.

409141f1-1f4b-4643-936b-28bf0692b27d-0
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:45.409
You know,
you don't have to give everything in

409141f1-1f4b-4643-936b-28bf0692b27d-1
00:35:45.409 --> 00:35:48.156
their opening sentence,
but you do have to set that scene just

409141f1-1f4b-4643-936b-28bf0692b27d-2
00:35:48.156 --> 00:35:48.680
the context.

f7cd8a95-7a54-4204-8ad3-3b5e5b9d1aeb-0
00:35:48.680 --> 00:35:51.390
So look,
I think that's what we focus on in this

f7cd8a95-7a54-4204-8ad3-3b5e5b9d1aeb-1
00:35:51.390 --> 00:35:55.980
story rather than go line by line because
it is a big picture question rather than

f7cd8a95-7a54-4204-8ad3-3b5e5b9d1aeb-2
00:35:55.980 --> 00:35:57.640
a line by line prose question.

00161985-20dd-466c-8c7f-67af1552a346-0
00:35:57.640 --> 00:36:01.629
I think it is about maybe flipping the
script or flipping the perspective,

00161985-20dd-466c-8c7f-67af1552a346-1
00:36:01.629 --> 00:36:06.098
flipping the the structure of the story a
little bit and and rewriting it from that

00161985-20dd-466c-8c7f-67af1552a346-2
00:36:06.098 --> 00:36:07.960
view of keeping the reader engaged.

7c921f10-eb2b-4b1b-8ab0-511169644fca-0
00:36:08.200 --> 00:36:12.830
And I just want to extend that out to
other listeners as well who entered the

7c921f10-eb2b-4b1b-8ab0-511169644fca-1
00:36:12.830 --> 00:36:16.985
competition because like I said,
this was a common approach where the

7c921f10-eb2b-4b1b-8ab0-511169644fca-2
00:36:16.985 --> 00:36:21.080
story became about a big reveal,
not just a reveal the character was

7c921f10-eb2b-4b1b-8ab0-511169644fca-3
00:36:21.080 --> 00:36:23.870
making,
but a reveal to the reader of what was

7c921f10-eb2b-4b1b-8ab0-511169644fca-4
00:36:23.870 --> 00:36:24.879
really happening.

ea2932c4-039b-47d3-9d88-b76ea72ea032-0
00:36:25.240 --> 00:36:27.810
And I think if you wrote a story like
that,

ea2932c4-039b-47d3-9d88-b76ea72ea032-1
00:36:27.810 --> 00:36:31.200
see if you can apply these same
principles to your story.

f7a628c5-81e6-47a3-8ef4-bccae0ee6bdd-0
00:36:31.480 --> 00:36:33.480
Like what were you hiding from the reader?

a01bc9f9-1330-4ed2-96da-6d797af1d4cd-0
00:36:33.480 --> 00:36:35.080
Can you in fact flip it around?

609ffceb-91ff-403a-85eb-bf01b6110a62-0
00:36:35.160 --> 00:36:39.880
Give the reader The Who, the where,
the what they want, the why.

e4bef481-1052-42b3-a3db-294ef052b858-0
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:41.640
It matters right up front.

e0058caf-b47b-4e51-85e2-20b9df49cdad-0
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:43.440
Take us along with it.

cf9666e0-8e80-4025-84da-c21d9ee831e6-0
00:36:43.440 --> 00:36:47.204
And even if that character isn't
revealing it to the other characters,

cf9666e0-8e80-4025-84da-c21d9ee831e6-1
00:36:47.204 --> 00:36:48.000
where on board?

2b44685a-c04e-4008-b3a3-17476eb6c40b-0
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:53.103
Where in their head we know what the
secret is and we are then anxious about

2b44685a-c04e-4008-b3a3-17476eb6c40b-1
00:36:53.103 --> 00:36:58.140
the secret coming out And see whether
that gives your story more punch as a

2b44685a-c04e-4008-b3a3-17476eb6c40b-2
00:36:58.140 --> 00:36:59.400
reading experience.

aff300fe-5b5c-46a0-8db1-1345280b3026-0
00:36:59.640 --> 00:37:02.708
Because there were many,
many stories that I would probably give

aff300fe-5b5c-46a0-8db1-1345280b3026-1
00:37:02.708 --> 00:37:04.880
this same advice to absolutely in this
round.

4377679b-7ca5-477d-8352-e92cc0e8174f-0
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:08.120
But thank you so much, Damien,
for sharing your story with us.

47e64442-99c0-46fe-9abf-b9dcd469b121-0
00:37:08.120 --> 00:37:11.800
And we hope your prostate is intact.

6af2d6ff-05e7-4797-8843-c452bfcbf929-0
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:15.160
Absolutely.

c2fa963e-e2e5-4f04-9fe8-3c664f883231-0
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:17.080
And look, welcome to the community.

fd389fe8-b4c4-49e3-8349-5e294bfd180b-0
00:37:17.080 --> 00:37:18.840
You've jumped right into a Daredevil.

e77fa40b-21d4-4321-9de6-f76da3acf8e6-0
00:37:18.840 --> 00:37:21.285
As always,
we really appreciate the bravery because

e77fa40b-21d4-4321-9de6-f76da3acf8e6-1
00:37:21.285 --> 00:37:23.637
you know,
you are putting yourself out there like

e77fa40b-21d4-4321-9de6-f76da3acf8e6-2
00:37:23.637 --> 00:37:26.742
this story's a bit of fun,
like it doesn't feel like one of those

e77fa40b-21d4-4321-9de6-f76da3acf8e6-3
00:37:26.742 --> 00:37:29.000
ones that's been torn from your heart and
soul.

11f2162d-8a1e-4e7e-b815-72c081352cc7-0
00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:30.480
It's entertainment, right?

7dbd1426-8c0c-467a-9a5e-4a4b269b102b-0
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:34.232
So perhaps a little bit less personal
when it comes to the critique,

7dbd1426-8c0c-467a-9a5e-4a4b269b102b-1
00:37:34.232 --> 00:37:35.320
but it's it's tough.

e3d79506-bbf1-4e68-8b8d-9f3593ef60e1-0
00:37:35.400 --> 00:37:37.483
You sign up for this,
and there's a part of you,

e3d79506-bbf1-4e68-8b8d-9f3593ef60e1-1
00:37:37.483 --> 00:37:40.588
I'm sure every time for every single
person who signs up for a Daredevil

e3d79506-bbf1-4e68-8b8d-9f3593ef60e1-2
00:37:40.588 --> 00:37:42.842
that's like,
my one's going to be the one where they

e3d79506-bbf1-4e68-8b8d-9f3593ef60e1-3
00:37:42.842 --> 00:37:43.480
love it, right?

b7bebc67-a618-4043-a001-c2ef92b3709d-0
00:37:45.040 --> 00:37:45.960
And of course we do.

1670681e-0402-4f1a-b5ac-bfb5a54788db-0
00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:49.389
But we're going to come in with our
criticisms, our challenges,

1670681e-0402-4f1a-b5ac-bfb5a54788db-1
00:37:49.389 --> 00:37:51.640
and hopefully you get something out of it.

4fadc4dc-f4d9-4066-8487-dde7d4891dbc-0
00:37:51.640 --> 00:37:56.482
And hopefully this experience strengthens
your writing and you feel like you can go

4fadc4dc-f4d9-4066-8487-dde7d4891dbc-1
00:37:56.482 --> 00:38:00.978
forward more confidently with those other
two stories that still remain to be

4fadc4dc-f4d9-4066-8487-dde7d4891dbc-2
00:38:00.978 --> 00:38:01.440
written.

a9d9bc26-e9a9-4205-8cc2-839c1d0afd1f-0
00:38:01.960 --> 00:38:02.240
Yeah.

95719d6f-f063-4ebf-889d-918dd14009e7-0
00:38:02.240 --> 00:38:04.927
And look,
you should be happy because the the core

95719d6f-f063-4ebf-889d-918dd14009e7-1
00:38:04.927 --> 00:38:08.880
of the story I think is there and your
strengths as a plotter are evident.

650451d3-2723-40e0-8b6e-b39971ab8cc8-0
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:12.083
And yeah,
you've clearly thought through this story

650451d3-2723-40e0-8b6e-b39971ab8cc8-1
00:38:12.083 --> 00:38:14.240
in a lot of detail, which is great.

028fe05a-2b30-4246-aed0-6a354dc5bbae-0
00:38:14.240 --> 00:38:16.570
Though all those questions,
all those what ifs,

028fe05a-2b30-4246-aed0-6a354dc5bbae-1
00:38:16.570 --> 00:38:20.357
all those motivations you've definitely
thought of and you've put them on the

028fe05a-2b30-4246-aed0-6a354dc5bbae-2
00:38:20.357 --> 00:38:20.600
page.

426bb6c9-fe5c-43a9-bbaa-722564834214-0
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:25.960
So hopefully that has revealed to you why
we didn't put this on the long list.

263cef26-f1cd-4842-81da-713a2c0d004c-0
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:30.280
And it's not a all hope is lost situation
for this story.

fa28bcbf-fdf6-4405-877e-d8b214a2214b-0
00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:32.880
So thank you again for sharing it with us.

7e4b1467-aeaf-455f-849d-6169345c480d-0
00:38:32.960 --> 00:38:34.280
Yes, thank you so much.

9717b314-1618-48d8-816f-c78ac5077d98-0
00:38:34.520 --> 00:38:39.080
And we'll be back next week with our 4th
Daredevil for the round.

fe03f28c-56f0-4068-a152-87c45720a1c0-0
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:41.480
But until then, right on.

57d9fdcd-b37e-4fa5-afe7-710ac120a826-0
00:38:41.480 --> 00:38:45.440
Oh,
we hope you enjoyed this special

57d9fdcd-b37e-4fa5-afe7-710ac120a826-1
00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:49.400
Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.

cdec416b-2634-4be3-8a5c-23238d79332a-0
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:53.578
If you have thoughts on this story,
follow us on social media and join the

cdec416b-2634-4be3-8a5c-23238d79332a-1
00:38:53.578 --> 00:38:54.240
conversation.

f42f0cd0-b096-4eba-9452-0117d1a1f407-0
00:38:54.560 --> 00:38:58.329
And if you'd like to participate in the
next round of the competition,

f42f0cd0-b096-4eba-9452-0117d1a1f407-1
00:38:58.329 --> 00:39:00.560
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.

6e660470-1c03-47a7-acfc-1e012a0f8c5a-0
00:39:00.840 --> 00:39:07.480
That's WRITE something doesn't seem quite
right.