WEBVTT

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Not Quite Right features discussions that
are unfiltered and uncensored,

4fc33493-94ac-4959-bcb2-bdef770d5bd6-1
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and may include themes that are
inappropriate for younger listeners.

beb7ae63-f544-4935-8020-b5220f17395c-0
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Also, I swear a lot.

04c5c54d-49fd-4b6f-8bf0-8d6845524955-0
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Something doesn't seem quite right.

f88dac12-12e0-4384-a3f5-76efe638e7a3-0
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Welcome to Not quite right.

64c9f091-fea6-4a37-add9-c7e8e6421ac1-0
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My name's Ed and I'm Amanda,
and this is the 5th and final Daredevil

64c9f091-fea6-4a37-add9-c7e8e6421ac1-1
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for the July 2026 Not Quite Right Prize
for Flash Fiction.

0b304b64-f596-4065-84b3-41ad6def1373-0
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Daredevils and people have signed up to
have their story crushed to smithereens

0b304b64-f596-4065-84b3-41ad6def1373-1
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on air on the podcast Pulverised,
you might say.

7aba5152-662b-4c02-99c8-512b64ee9ad8-0
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You might say.

1bf6b077-2f2f-4ca1-9891-213467a61907-0
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So we'll read the story,
talk about the story, break it down,

1bf6b077-2f2f-4ca1-9891-213467a61907-1
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share our thoughts and hopefully we'll
all learn something in the process.

7a22ff8e-4669-4f04-a9b3-3169107f17d6-0
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And today's little innocent lamb is
Austin Goth.

eb690597-88d5-4062-925d-5c889787fe56-0
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Yes, very cute.

c8f674a2-68bc-41df-bea1-17059c24e1ca-0
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Let's kill it.

d4c88c32-fcfc-4de4-b5f6-d695eee9cb95-0
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Let's murder it without remorse.

2ae2b66e-9a8c-4a6d-a8ae-57954297b63e-0
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And Austin is a second time entrant and a
first time daredevil who's yet too long

2ae2b66e-9a8c-4a6d-a8ae-57954297b63e-1
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list.

dcabc590-525a-4a60-ae6b-09399adb879f-0
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So not much information about Austin.

2e30dd64-74a2-46e7-9861-62c4e5776a11-0
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We're about to find out.

16cf4935-9418-47a6-8b7f-3660602ca3e2-0
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Well,
we have our little chit chats on social

16cf4935-9418-47a6-8b7f-3660602ca3e2-1
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media, so that's good.

6d355ce4-03e7-4b27-8ef6-bbd627716e30-0
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Hi, Austin.

920c3b55-d083-47c7-8f15-373576a3acc2-0
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But yeah,
we're looking forward to diving into your

920c3b55-d083-47c7-8f15-373576a3acc2-1
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story and learning a little bit about
your writing style and we'll do that now.

8baa1148-4703-4a58-87aa-be3983aa534f-0
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So Austin,
you have chosen unfortunately to write

8baa1148-4703-4a58-87aa-be3983aa534f-1
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for Team Amanda,
as have as have all our daredevils this

8baa1148-4703-4a58-87aa-be3983aa534f-2
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round.

545fd99e-aa5a-4fb0-8bf1-730727d9f2da-0
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So let's have you know what I'd like to
put a majority about it.

ed173dcd-f365-429a-b64a-c93c807ed981-0
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Issue a challenge to our daredevils next
round, right for team end.

65de2411-20f2-486b-af11-6e788edf0ec9-0
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That's my challenge to challenge or
desperate plea.

68b4c294-f2d0-4ba2-9dff-5abd06fc7c09-0
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One of those we report, You decide.

429480ed-83bf-4677-8d08-e52f2c3e73c1-0
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So, Amanda,
what were your prompts for this time

429480ed-83bf-4677-8d08-e52f2c3e73c1-1
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around?

429284be-303e-418a-854c-41b22094de61-0
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You've heard me say it so many times.

4c663553-2507-4823-8599-37d5a9109d17-0
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There's no by now.

ae41683e-2868-4c91-9d89-b1fd0e6365e7-0
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Go for it.

7756276f-b22e-4119-85cd-09714b0476ec-0
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Well, I'll tell you.

60f44d08-e828-4ecb-b42a-f3867dde4da2-0
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Your prompts were the word moon,
the action of concealing something,

60f44d08-e828-4ecb-b42a-f3867dde4da2-1
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and a story that contains yin energy.

a22968ac-eab9-44b6-a1f8-74bc13069973-0
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That's the dark, Moody,
Mooney womany energy.

02c1ceca-4610-4e97-bc3f-46513ed3db5b-0
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Do you know what I mean?

562dcfb5-9f3a-47ee-b84a-d768ce55b337-0
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I do.

0398375f-6d89-47a6-be93-d2660cfd3916-0
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I guess it's very wet energy.

3a7329eb-f472-4766-8aaf-3ee4af7f3ce1-0
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I couldn't have said it better myself.

6fcafa4d-66d1-47f4-9736-b4117a7c21b5-0
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So thank you so much for doing that for
me.

b32dc7ca-fd33-4adb-8dd3-07d2dcadc87f-0
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I really appreciate it.

b64d1997-205e-47fb-a687-48602ad86e62-0
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All right.

c9711517-9df4-4da3-bdb2-c41cfb5075ff-0
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And I'll be reading this story today.

fb37999f-a52a-4c79-933f-43cf0eab10a1-0
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And this story is entitled Mercy by
Austin Goff.

5309e61f-b2ef-4eee-8d04-a5686e3cf3ee-0
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Grandma's eyes are clouded in silver,
worsening by the day.

0bf41b56-b882-404e-a8af-078bab30cc31-0
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A few nights ago,
she called me Hugh Grandpa's name,

0bf41b56-b882-404e-a8af-078bab30cc31-1
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then wandered the house,
demanding to be taken home.

3bd22662-7d98-44fa-ae36-1cd96dc87bcc-0
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Mercy came to mind.

a2d86d6e-9a02-4b10-9e32-6e3a4a3af281-0
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Our old mare Mercy had been plagued by
moon blindness when I was 9.

e1cad685-f178-4873-a2b4-86d2e18a7bf5-0
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It came and went as it does.

8e161ae0-4e51-46ba-88b5-c7aa7537600a-0
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Some days she knew my voice, others,
pain and confusion left her screaming in

8e161ae0-4e51-46ba-88b5-c7aa7537600a-1
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her store.

fd6adf03-d9b3-4cd8-858d-2f4a03b8cf4d-0
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I tuck a fourth blanket around Grandma's
shoulders and press the edges beneath her

fd6adf03-d9b3-4cd8-858d-2f4a03b8cf4d-1
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arms.

873b273c-15cd-4348-9ea0-8d894feaad0f-0
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You'll roast under all these, I say.

00dd0a64-4904-407b-a11f-da4cd9f8bdb8-0
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She stares past me into the bruised
evening light beyond the window.

e7803d55-d96a-46e4-818d-7667341fd3c5-0
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I've propped it open with a dog eared
book on gardening and the summer air

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coming through it has cooled.

1d24bc25-4bb7-4bf6-83ae-7a6d953b5dd8-0
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I don't wait for a response.

31694760-ac78-4ace-980b-8d0784767be5-0
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She hasn't spoken to me since that night.

f31aee57-8161-4479-83a2-7932b8fca4e8-0
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I cross the small bedroom to her dresser.

8f974d53-d5f9-46c3-ab40-2b2b0551c452-0
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The floorboards groan under my slippered
feet.

6cfde70e-01c2-4d1d-ad13-08e6d4044876-0
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I switch on the old clock radio beside
her porcelain birds and family

6cfde70e-01c2-4d1d-ad13-08e6d4044876-1
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photographs.

c7dff79d-1c81-41df-9b74-6d0a9967a057-0
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Sinatra sings already mid verse,
mingling with the rasp of cicadas.

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Good.

f87139fd-5b1f-414c-afca-3cc6118f418b-0
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One of her favourites.

49851bd0-6a9b-4628-a685-4a36c732e0de-0
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I drag the wooden desk chair and set it
beside her.

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Before I can sit, movement catches my eye.

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Across the narrow yard.

d72237f3-c649-4268-b5d2-3e4d3ceeaa55-0
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Mrs Aldrin stands in her living room
window,

d72237f3-c649-4268-b5d2-3e4d3ceeaa55-1
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silhouetted by the flicker of her
television.

124f5421-b8ad-4142-85a4-a7dbbcb18063-0
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She doesn't move when I wave.

88d156da-3272-48da-b18e-2fcb1fb4c62a-0
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Nosy neighbours, I tell Grandma.

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I draw the curtain across the open window.

c3bc5eea-b6ce-44e9-85b3-289077773115-0
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It lifts and settles in the evening
breeze.

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The music follows me.

dd158443-e72a-437d-a710-5627a0d6e047-0
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Downstairs in the kitchen, I scrape cold,
clotted rice from a white takeout box

dd158443-e72a-437d-a710-5627a0d6e047-1
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into a bowl before the phone rings.

fc02fdad-6912-4e98-bd17-a9a245fa936a-0
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Hello.

187c9cfb-710b-4093-b958-ee667eef34a4-0
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Is your grandmother all right?

b03c5531-30a8-493d-948e-0ae618f38043-0
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Mrs Aldrin says she's resting.

26d844b6-c981-4858-b9d1-1a28273e40b5-0
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I haven't seen her gardening lately.

db630dfa-7ed4-406e-8ded-0940f8f0a72e-0
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The bowl begins to turn in the microwave.

57037072-c5cc-43c1-b8d7-c35a438d0fd5-0
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I heard hammering last night, too,
She says very late.

47047387-f6ce-49fa-9335-a04ba2d61973-0
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Sorry about that, Lou.

704a0eec-1d84-443d-9a64-0fe5a351dd61-0
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Step on the back porch, I say.

eaa427fb-d624-4b1b-9378-80048039589b-0
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Didn't want her tripping on it.

32b92acd-eac0-4f32-854e-f64b2e5e2538-0
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Static crackles between us.

914fb2fa-0089-4e65-a0ed-1d73ce5efafb-0
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Mrs Aldrin exhales.

6ac609d1-7a66-4580-a699-d2f91bdc274f-0
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I'll bring her some blueberry muffins
tomorrow morning.

cc45eae7-5039-4687-8dc7-ee79d3e61dce-0
00:06:28.840 --> 00:06:32.920
Appreciate it,
but she probably won't be up for company.

3a975e01-0b4c-471c-8681-eaf9d827e55f-0
00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:37.320
I won't stay long, Mrs Aldrin.

30d37642-ab57-4181-b9e3-7fa4f019750e-0
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Tomorrow morning, she says goodnight.

c2b0436e-bcb1-4aa6-a3c8-0cb2a3b61bca-0
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The lion goes dead.

55e92fab-d6ce-4082-841f-9776e4827dec-0
00:06:47.080 --> 00:06:48.600
I leave the rice behind.

21b0e7f9-2049-44ac-853d-159552aba9c4-0
00:06:53.080 --> 00:06:55.920
The music has changed when I climb the
stairs.

fb308408-73b7-4be4-965f-76dd2c18fb16-0
00:06:58.520 --> 00:07:02.480
Grandma waits where I left her,
wrapped to the chin.

874e425b-e099-4ff8-91d1-7ebe46aa34ad-0
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:07.680
Mrs Aldrin's coming tomorrow, I tell her.

2d5c0c56-bc46-4df2-80cd-a1bae6a02883-0
00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:14.120
For a while I stand by the curtain and
listen to the radio.

f9cdba98-392d-4f3a-afc9-68f856450d77-0
00:07:16.840 --> 00:07:19.320
The room settles around us.

a1033111-5973-43c4-a2f6-9aee33e954df-0
00:07:21.080 --> 00:07:23.040
Then I kneel beside the opening.

60cebd72-80c4-4361-b3b2-a015f9bc1cf4-0
00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:29.136
In the floor beneath me,
the blankets sag between the joists,

60cebd72-80c4-4361-b3b2-a015f9bc1cf4-1
00:07:29.136 --> 00:07:32.480
surrounding Grandma's narrow body.

d0b0949f-d291-4f1e-865c-46de272cd790-0
00:07:34.560 --> 00:07:44.960
A dark bruise shadows the skin along her
jaw, half hidden by her loose silver hair.

afd996f0-229a-42ec-be26-2eadec342cc6-0
00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:52.120
I study the empty space beside her.

3cd7ce9f-7aa5-4d3d-87f5-cb3eaafa1f17-0
00:07:54.280 --> 00:07:57.240
It'll be wide enough.

f02302f3-de39-4c9a-9260-248799ab582e-0
00:08:00.600 --> 00:08:11.400
1 by 1 I ease the boards back into place
over Grandma's face and chest.

c7e41d75-d6f3-46f5-9e06-e3907cbd780a-0
00:08:32.800 --> 00:08:38.280
Grandpa shot Mercy one morning before
breakfast.

ff65329e-a310-4639-ab3b-4eca6529cae5-0
00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:43.840
We had bacon and eggs.

f8448dd1-8be0-42e4-a925-28484c72e550-0
00:08:48.920 --> 00:08:53.760
Tomorrow I'll have a blueberry muffin.

603a5d85-fe16-45fa-bc35-e8d0b39c1557-0
00:09:32.980 --> 00:09:34.700
So thanks, Austin, for your story.

a6dd48ec-6852-4836-807e-6d7f570d5c75-0
00:09:34.700 --> 00:09:39.500
And Austin has left us a voicemail
message, so we'll play that now.

54cfe1e9-4217-4da8-9bff-288b14421046-0
00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:46.655
Hey, I'm Amanda,
it's Austin out in Chicago, IL 1st,

54cfe1e9-4217-4da8-9bff-288b14421046-1
00:09:46.655 --> 00:09:50.560
I wanted to say thank you for the theme
for this round.

d65eda45-58c8-414f-a1d8-9645a79b49cb-0
00:09:50.560 --> 00:09:54.429
I ended up doing a little reading on yin
and Yang as it connects to storytelling

d65eda45-58c8-414f-a1d8-9645a79b49cb-1
00:09:54.429 --> 00:09:58.298
and actually got me thinking differently
about how to structure different things

d65eda45-58c8-414f-a1d8-9645a79b49cb-2
00:09:58.298 --> 00:10:01.547
that I'm writing outside of the
competition, which was really cool,

d65eda45-58c8-414f-a1d8-9645a79b49cb-3
00:10:01.547 --> 00:10:05.560
especially when it comes to like pacing,
stillness, action, where story beats fall.

92c5f30a-93d0-40f6-a695-076c71a71eb2-0
00:10:06.280 --> 00:10:09.880
I did have a hard time choosing which
team I wanted to be on this round.

b7e882d5-1ec0-4555-a615-95edf9da855b-0
00:10:09.880 --> 00:10:14.502
Usually I look at the required word and
see what other words contain it and see

b7e882d5-1ec0-4555-a615-95edf9da855b-1
00:10:14.502 --> 00:10:16.120
if that kind of inspires me.

afe96901-10f8-4c54-b925-3b128eb12489-0
00:10:16.520 --> 00:10:20.733
But I found 1 and I tried to really lean
into the qualities associated with my

afe96901-10f8-4c54-b925-3b128eb12489-1
00:10:20.733 --> 00:10:21.000
team.

bc206a8a-4951-4a8c-b751-2b89dcb4d1fc-0
00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:23.940
Team Amanda,
among whatever other feedback you have,

bc206a8a-4951-4a8c-b751-2b89dcb4d1fc-1
00:10:23.940 --> 00:10:26.935
I'd love to hear your thoughts on clarity
and pacing,

bc206a8a-4951-4a8c-b751-2b89dcb4d1fc-2
00:10:26.935 --> 00:10:31.207
whether everything tracks cleanly,
whether anything feels rushed, confusing,

bc206a8a-4951-4a8c-b751-2b89dcb4d1fc-3
00:10:31.207 --> 00:10:34.480
or like it hangs around a little longer
than it needed to.

437e3334-2f2e-4bc2-b4ee-fdcfa7c047e8-0
00:10:34.880 --> 00:10:36.000
I'm excited to hear what you think.

0027fa0f-588e-4c99-9e4d-1d21602f899e-0
00:10:36.360 --> 00:10:38.480
Thanks for taking the time to read it and
write on.

e905d969-f20f-4011-9710-66dbeaa8cf33-0
00:10:40.360 --> 00:10:42.560
So thank you, Austin, for your message.

0e187a63-3fb4-4088-bb90-6778d33661ab-0
00:10:42.760 --> 00:10:44.987
And yeah,
I think that was very clear to me,

0e187a63-3fb4-4088-bb90-6778d33661ab-1
00:10:44.987 --> 00:10:47.512
you know,
the research and the motivation that you

0e187a63-3fb4-4088-bb90-6778d33661ab-2
00:10:47.512 --> 00:10:48.800
had for writing the story.

7194693d-3d63-4a11-aff9-76e32756b314-0
00:10:48.800 --> 00:10:51.680
This is very yin story in my opinion.

255df888-f056-4d1f-929c-cd2aed80d96e-0
00:10:51.760 --> 00:10:55.079
It's definitely a dark story and a
shocking story,

255df888-f056-4d1f-929c-cd2aed80d96e-1
00:10:55.079 --> 00:10:59.440
a disturbing story in the way that it
develops quite unexpectedly.

d56d1b4b-2fbe-4eb3-bdb5-78eddf6635ca-0
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:02.640
I feel that it goes in that direction,
which I love.

ea20cd3c-156e-41c9-8b43-fa9da17f8ef0-0
00:11:02.640 --> 00:11:05.820
I love a bit of escalation in my flash
fiction love,

ea20cd3c-156e-41c9-8b43-fa9da17f8ef0-1
00:11:05.820 --> 00:11:08.040
a bit of a surprising turn of events.

e56b3faa-0dc7-4351-b972-9c2794da8bbf-0
00:11:08.760 --> 00:11:14.160
So you brought up clarity and patience,
and we will get into those items as we go

e56b3faa-0dc7-4351-b972-9c2794da8bbf-1
00:11:14.160 --> 00:11:17.520
through the story,
but let's start with the title.

a6aa40ed-3859-49b2-b388-08a51713e1a5-0
00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:19.080
So the title is Mercy.

f04338bd-916d-465e-86fc-ee878714c111-0
00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:20.440
Very quiet title.

892d2328-2059-419a-83de-24f5cfe44ff5-0
00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:23.341
I would say,
often advise against single word titles,

892d2328-2059-419a-83de-24f5cfe44ff5-1
00:11:23.341 --> 00:11:27.800
I guess just because they tend not to be
memorable unless they're highly resonant.

a60acd11-b8cf-48de-9661-a807f586a335-0
00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:30.320
However, this one is very resonant.

a0fbf975-7959-4f18-8094-d1e5fa7f3853-0
00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:34.575
It's very central to the story,
this idea of Mercy not just as a concept,

a0fbf975-7959-4f18-8094-d1e5fa7f3853-1
00:11:34.575 --> 00:11:37.680
but as a character, perhaps in the story,
as a horse.

bb2d31b2-2580-4ae8-9a58-c0acb1474b2b-0
00:11:37.680 --> 00:11:38.040
Yeah.

c506fcbc-5b5f-4bfa-b53e-7743d0c1b09b-0
00:11:38.040 --> 00:11:41.600
It's like the physical manifestation of
yeah, mercy, right?

f9cdcd98-7c5b-4117-ba44-7fe0dc4260d8-0
00:11:41.960 --> 00:11:43.640
And yeah, I think that's compelling.

bf1682b3-b690-4d7b-8afc-277bdb306b1d-0
00:11:43.640 --> 00:11:47.052
I do think you could potentially use the
word mercy,

bf1682b3-b690-4d7b-8afc-277bdb306b1d-1
00:11:47.052 --> 00:11:50.400
but have a bit more around that as well
as a title.

79f1c143-6eb4-446b-9ca8-6151dcac4bc3-0
00:11:50.400 --> 00:11:54.484
Like just off the cuff here, you know,
you've got in that first paragraph,

79f1c143-6eb4-446b-9ca8-6151dcac4bc3-1
00:11:54.484 --> 00:11:57.480
the line Mercy came to mind,
like something like that.

f143ac3f-c751-47fc-bacf-7633d8a557d7-0
00:11:57.480 --> 00:11:59.560
Mercy came to mind like a little bit more.

73e09879-1519-4307-98e3-21372891ce4d-0
00:11:59.800 --> 00:12:02.443
And I'm not saying necessarily that that
is a better title,

73e09879-1519-4307-98e3-21372891ce4d-1
00:12:02.443 --> 00:12:06.055
but just suggesting you could just have a
little bit more framing around the word

73e09879-1519-4307-98e3-21372891ce4d-2
00:12:06.055 --> 00:12:06.319
mercy.

bdd6500d-5da2-4cbf-ab52-1b8d82e71ef5-0
00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:10.000
That would be a little bit more evocative
beyond just that single word.

938a71d0-ec17-48a1-b173-6449499063cb-0
00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.280
And that that might help to make it more
memorable.

d9d8aa7f-8883-47f3-92ef-7e9537cecfc0-0
00:12:12.280 --> 00:12:14.596
Because to be honest,
like when I see that title,

d9d8aa7f-8883-47f3-92ef-7e9537cecfc0-1
00:12:14.596 --> 00:12:16.773
it doesn't for me recall the whole story
back,

d9d8aa7f-8883-47f3-92ef-7e9537cecfc0-2
00:12:16.773 --> 00:12:20.480
which is kind of the gold standard what
you're trying to go for with the title.

aad84b57-4c2c-434a-8e56-74816c012a24-0
00:12:20.880 --> 00:12:22.440
But you know, also, who cares?

eef1d996-429f-48b5-8548-615363d84711-0
00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:23.080
It's fine.

3e00b5ac-beaf-433a-89d0-793d27616d34-0
00:12:23.080 --> 00:12:23.960
It does the job.

b7f924cf-2950-4632-9a7e-6bfd92ca6946-0
00:12:23.960 --> 00:12:27.400
Like it's not a make or break situation
in this case by any means.

bd49286f-2c82-420c-8074-64b472572bac-0
00:12:27.400 --> 00:12:28.880
It's it ticks the box.

0a17f797-40ff-442d-bc89-43704f470679-0
00:12:29.240 --> 00:12:32.252
All right,
So the opening line to this story is

0a17f797-40ff-442d-bc89-43704f470679-1
00:12:32.252 --> 00:12:36.080
Grandma's eyes are clouded and silver,
worsening by the day.

0367a721-d79b-4210-a3a8-30b3b16a75b0-0
00:12:36.400 --> 00:12:39.569
A few nights ago,
she called me Hugh Grandpa's name,

0367a721-d79b-4210-a3a8-30b3b16a75b0-1
00:12:39.569 --> 00:12:42.680
then wandered the house demanding to be
taken home.

643c703d-c094-4489-984c-1fe85a3671c6-0
00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:46.289
Look,
I think these are quite strong opening

643c703d-c094-4489-984c-1fe85a3671c6-1
00:12:46.289 --> 00:12:50.715
lines in terms of what we often say, like,
let's paint the picture,

643c703d-c094-4489-984c-1fe85a3671c6-2
00:12:50.715 --> 00:12:53.839
let's set the scene, tell us where we are,
who.

68ecb501-998d-4764-ab72-c2acfeb81ff9-0
00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:56.600
And we paint this scene well enough.

d56e688e-f297-47dc-9d3b-7a844a1ed3dd-0
00:12:56.600 --> 00:13:01.520
We get this picture of a grandson and a
grandmother and the setting being housed.

c90e7210-92ac-4dca-ab3a-49869e2c2516-0
00:13:01.520 --> 00:13:05.518
Yeah, it's The Who and the where,
the two crucial things in my mind for

c90e7210-92ac-4dca-ab3a-49869e2c2516-1
00:13:05.518 --> 00:13:10.240
almost every story to give us the context
we need to engage with it from the get go.

d74ca380-03a1-473c-87e6-d69d5434a57a-0
00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:15.105
But it's also setting that tone, you know,
the clouded silver is worsening by the

d74ca380-03a1-473c-87e6-d69d5434a57a-1
00:13:15.105 --> 00:13:19.040
day, that kind of creepy kind of tone,
which I think is also great.

1ef3d244-a78a-4b74-9f88-ac1031cc5bf1-0
00:13:19.040 --> 00:13:21.472
If we can get that tone really clear U
front,

1ef3d244-a78a-4b74-9f88-ac1031cc5bf1-1
00:13:21.472 --> 00:13:24.750
then we know emotionally sort of where
we're sitting as well,

1ef3d244-a78a-4b74-9f88-ac1031cc5bf1-2
00:13:24.750 --> 00:13:28.926
which again can be really helpful in a
COM setting because we're skipping from

1ef3d244-a78a-4b74-9f88-ac1031cc5bf1-3
00:13:28.926 --> 00:13:29.720
story to story.

ab487fc5-c2da-4f01-96d2-23e34d24b4d4-0
00:13:29.960 --> 00:13:31.160
We don't know what we're getting.

73ef57c7-7ed7-4df6-b96a-b1b257e8b63e-0
00:13:31.160 --> 00:13:32.360
Is this going to be a comedy?

420e78dc-8fa6-4474-97f1-62c5588e29d4-0
00:13:32.360 --> 00:13:33.440
Is this going to be a drama?

4c12cf6c-b4c3-457e-87b6-7fe9d54483fa-0
00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:38.083
Is this going to be happy sad, you know,
and so sort of setting us up for what to

4c12cf6c-b4c3-457e-87b6-7fe9d54483fa-1
00:13:38.083 --> 00:13:38.480
expect.

ed175436-3b6a-4a84-9998-3384a405535e-0
00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:40.760
We call it dropping us into the scene,
right.

2230c9b0-c3ee-45f8-ac8c-8b34a3e07dcf-0
00:13:40.760 --> 00:13:42.520
You've dropped us in quite effectively
here.

a41ce004-36b3-4b7a-89a8-ec57f09d6eb7-0
00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:44.160
So I think that's really well done.

42881960-677a-4637-b71d-dc04cf403ba2-0
00:13:44.640 --> 00:13:48.520
Another thing I think is well done is the
atmosphere in this story.

3f8ecc6e-aff4-4ec6-8cfe-4c6e61d761f4-0
00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:50.760
Like we are stuck in this house.

67658800-b577-474b-868a-6c878b172e12-0
00:13:50.760 --> 00:13:55.160
It's a very slow and deliberate pace that
comes through.

9ae2301e-8777-47be-9e4d-88d384f4b37b-0
00:13:55.200 --> 00:14:00.186
We get a lot of a lot of atmosphere in
terms of the house itself and the music

9ae2301e-8777-47be-9e4d-88d384f4b37b-1
00:14:00.186 --> 00:14:03.280
that comes through,
the sounds within the house.

54166c5c-3116-4c76-991c-46c3612e0219-0
00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:07.440
Yeah, it's very sensory, very visual,
very cinematic.

f38fea55-4b41-404e-a9ab-5b5c8f805df0-0
00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:12.000
All of those things really help to build
a vivid picture of a story too.

b06bc51d-fe83-48ab-8209-b5de2fca8469-0
00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:14.120
Not just a picture, but a vivid picture.

00d3b1d6-e801-440c-80e5-d9d5713b58c2-0
00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:17.660
And I think that can contribute to, like,
a compelling story,

00d3b1d6-e801-440c-80e5-d9d5713b58c2-1
00:14:17.660 --> 00:14:19.040
a story that hits harder.

960a77ea-ce15-4b68-b241-0d9c9ec88f34-0
00:14:19.160 --> 00:14:19.480
Yeah.

bd927c3f-0987-4cc4-b9b5-55a29603bfc2-0
00:14:19.480 --> 00:14:22.480
But I like this part at the end there of
that first paragraph.

10e6058e-8f1b-4fc9-81e4-8d7c31ef172a-0
00:14:22.760 --> 00:14:24.040
Mercy came to mind.

86db5733-2ba2-4211-a699-183ea8718b2d-0
00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:27.060
And in fact, like,
if you read the story over again,

86db5733-2ba2-4211-a699-183ea8718b2d-1
00:14:27.060 --> 00:14:29.760
that carries with it an additional layer
of meaning.

5e3d8f52-d894-4ba1-a26e-8159d274e17b-0
00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:32.229
But even at the time when you're first
reading,

5e3d8f52-d894-4ba1-a26e-8159d274e17b-1
00:14:32.229 --> 00:14:34.320
we're comparing this horse that's
suffering.

6c668b40-1658-4cae-8942-523b15db52a1-0
00:14:34.760 --> 00:14:36.812
And of course, you know,
for a lot of animals,

6c668b40-1658-4cae-8942-523b15db52a1-1
00:14:36.812 --> 00:14:39.520
we think if they're suffering,
then we end their life, right?

dd7ef32b-a3a8-48ed-9009-d3604753ba22-0
00:14:39.520 --> 00:14:42.763
We don't tend to feel that way about
humans most of the time,

dd7ef32b-a3a8-48ed-9009-d3604753ba22-1
00:14:42.763 --> 00:14:45.640
certainly not to the same extent that we
do with pets.

7634ae51-9f87-4e83-94f6-8d291416c775-0
00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:50.169
But we've got that dual meaning here of
reflecting back on this horse and what

7634ae51-9f87-4e83-94f6-8d291416c775-1
00:14:50.169 --> 00:14:52.280
happened to this horse that was suffering.

edb83c43-7357-45e3-ad98-ff3b3282d374-0
00:14:52.280 --> 00:14:57.448
And now looking at the grandmother who
presumably has had dementia and like

edb83c43-7357-45e3-ad98-ff3b3282d374-1
00:14:57.448 --> 00:15:00.440
comparing and contrasting those two
things.

04359673-0534-465c-b070-a66359b0c08a-0
00:15:00.440 --> 00:15:03.672
And I think that's really,
that really makes you think,

04359673-0534-465c-b070-a66359b0c08a-1
00:15:03.672 --> 00:15:04.480
which is nice.

4e43df7f-2324-49aa-bffc-ecb29d38cbce-0
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:07.503
You know,
in a story like we're starting to reflect

4e43df7f-2324-49aa-bffc-ecb29d38cbce-1
00:15:07.503 --> 00:15:10.120
on what that means to show mercy to
someone.

f44f8111-3c98-492a-b750-212ea6daa641-0
00:15:10.400 --> 00:15:11.440
It's a fact of life.

a1d010b4-325e-469f-9f0d-61b7a4ae2ebe-0
00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:15.196
If you if you are lucky enough to live
old enough that that is very,

a1d010b4-325e-469f-9f0d-61b7a4ae2ebe-1
00:15:15.196 --> 00:15:17.320
very common experience for many people.

18ae1864-7f93-40fb-b166-ec02b84474ad-0
00:15:17.320 --> 00:15:21.191
And I'm sure there are many people
listening who have parents who have been

18ae1864-7f93-40fb-b166-ec02b84474ad-1
00:15:21.191 --> 00:15:25.012
through that or grandparents perhaps,
and have witnessed that decline and,

18ae1864-7f93-40fb-b166-ec02b84474ad-2
00:15:25.012 --> 00:15:28.680
and felt that pang, you know,
of that watching that suffering play out.

9c72ee37-8c6f-4c09-9c7d-bdd4557a07af-0
00:15:28.680 --> 00:15:32.979
And so playing into that emotion,
that universal emotion is also an

9c72ee37-8c6f-4c09-9c7d-bdd4557a07af-1
00:15:32.979 --> 00:15:36.520
effective place to start with a piece of
flash fiction.

ba7e4272-a526-465f-bf10-d9d0a35ffe62-0
00:15:36.880 --> 00:15:37.160
Yeah.

476f2912-4f23-4691-93ae-b850a5927234-0
00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:39.160
Do you know what moon blindness is?

b3d92a08-d3aa-4dce-b023-0015d58d57fa-0
00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:40.880
I do now, but I had to Google it.

dad7b093-d73a-427e-9a0b-57e62a591bbf-0
00:15:41.160 --> 00:15:42.720
So it's a horse specific thing.

0cbea45b-b31b-4ba7-9da1-ff66f2509254-0
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:46.720
It's like a an infection,
I think of the eyes and an inflammation.

7d014015-38e2-498c-9fb8-65aba361dd78-0
00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:48.400
And it can cause temporary blindness.

c0cd9941-6233-4823-84ef-1b4e3075d193-0
00:15:48.400 --> 00:15:49.200
It can come and go.

0dadebe2-8efa-429c-ba26-662e36bd0ec5-0
00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:50.040
And it's quite common.

521a9ffa-18b6-4234-89e4-e11052fdc484-0
00:15:50.040 --> 00:15:50.640
Apparently.

db63a0f6-1929-451f-b7a7-a8f092c69767-0
00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:53.440
It can in fact,
cause permanent blindness as well.

0d13f535-91e6-4683-8ca5-1bdc2d494f18-0
00:15:53.680 --> 00:15:54.920
But clearly it's very painful.

02836242-fcf5-4be1-a590-d841b8eacfc5-0
00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:55.800
That's interesting.

c5dd8cd0-213f-4e53-abaa-33670dad9c1e-0
00:15:55.800 --> 00:15:58.560
I didn't know what that was,
but clearly inspired by the prompts.

0f48f362-ed0f-4377-8e2a-69578869ebe6-0
00:15:59.280 --> 00:16:02.120
But you know what's interesting is we've
got 2 usages of Moon here.

49c24485-6586-4daf-946f-7a957b794f17-0
00:16:02.120 --> 00:16:06.562
We've got the Moon Blindness and then
later Moon River by Frank Sinatra and I

49c24485-6586-4daf-946f-7a957b794f17-1
00:16:06.562 --> 00:16:08.840
think in fact our first Daredevil story.

4a34533b-946e-4e3e-8440-bc80629dff2c-0
00:16:08.840 --> 00:16:12.720
We didn't bring it up at the time,
but similarly had two usages of the of

4a34533b-946e-4e3e-8440-bc80629dff2c-1
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:13.560
the Moon prompt.

82ff0c3d-e944-4947-be08-284128352c56-0
00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:16.440
And typically I would advise against that.

3f314d68-0c60-49ad-8a87-a39dfaa34d80-0
00:16:16.440 --> 00:16:18.360
And I would say just stick with one.

58aeb084-56d5-4558-9044-376015c6a731-0
00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:22.180
And sometimes it's a coincidence and it
may in fact be a coincidence here,

58aeb084-56d5-4558-9044-376015c6a731-1
00:16:22.180 --> 00:16:25.440
but you didn't mean for the Moon River to
be the usage of Moon.

ad5731cd-1c4b-4efe-aac9-ff4dde3c8a49-0
00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:27.400
But sometimes it's like an editing thing.

2b5f62db-6aae-4888-b25a-cdc2a662552b-0
00:16:27.400 --> 00:16:29.988
We've done a couple of things and then
we're waiting to see what we're going to

2b5f62db-6aae-4888-b25a-cdc2a662552b-1
00:16:29.988 --> 00:16:30.280
edit out.

44ffcaf5-d66d-4a17-8ddb-a9ce1e9e533e-0
00:16:30.640 --> 00:16:34.777
And just because that's a common word now
that we're going to see in every story

44ffcaf5-d66d-4a17-8ddb-a9ce1e9e533e-1
00:16:34.777 --> 00:16:37.280
and it does kind of leap out at us a
little bit.

21af4f4e-51c4-468b-912d-a48cd816acfd-0
00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:39.280
I would say, like, downplay that.

ae1b5a65-444b-4e05-85b9-9630133b7553-0
00:16:39.280 --> 00:16:42.400
Like don't do it more than once unless
you really need to.

e1cce34a-0b0b-4872-a34a-bc41a1d48f5e-0
00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:46.443
So in these next paragraphs,
we get this moment of tucking the

e1cce34a-0b0b-4872-a34a-bc41a1d48f5e-1
00:16:46.443 --> 00:16:48.640
blankets around Grandma's shoulders.

4b7c1324-112f-4c55-a0cb-61110d7b2851-0
00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:52.587
And I like what's hidden, I guess,
behind these lines,

4b7c1324-112f-4c55-a0cb-61110d7b2851-1
00:16:52.587 --> 00:16:57.518
the subtext there or something that we
don't really necessarily pick up on right

4b7c1324-112f-4c55-a0cb-61110d7b2851-2
00:16:57.518 --> 00:17:00.440
away,
which is the fact that Grandma is dead by

4b7c1324-112f-4c55-a0cb-61110d7b2851-3
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:01.840
this point or presumed.

b7c0b825-cbd8-476a-a9d2-dd6b9186667e-0
00:17:02.280 --> 00:17:08.080
She stares past the protagonist into the
bruised evening light beyond the window.

ad036df9-5597-4366-9837-0028be825f8f-0
00:17:08.080 --> 00:17:11.648
So Grandma throughout the story is
completely passive,

ad036df9-5597-4366-9837-0028be825f8f-1
00:17:11.648 --> 00:17:13.400
doesn't say or do anything.

bb553dbd-dc1d-4620-a417-e95eec8a1440-0
00:17:13.400 --> 00:17:16.160
And as you might expect,
that's quite chilling.

5574d672-2f33-4279-ac65-e849b2be4f17-0
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:20.440
And it doesn't really come into focus
until later in the story, I guess.

c104c08e-3204-4498-9e2c-5c3fcd5c53f3-0
00:17:20.560 --> 00:17:21.880
But I like the way that that's handled.

c2ede5b1-c4bd-4d37-898a-d63ee1277e75-0
00:17:22.040 --> 00:17:22.880
But that is a risk.

0fe10c85-6aab-42e0-a2d4-49e626f2c28d-0
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:25.360
And it is something we've mentioned in
other Daredevils, right?

a9c747fb-a98d-4538-ba9e-04393175ba3a-0
00:17:25.360 --> 00:17:27.832
And as a general piece of feedback this
round,

a9c747fb-a98d-4538-ba9e-04393175ba3a-1
00:17:27.832 --> 00:17:30.200
not withholding information from the
reader.

401f5ee7-9152-4a38-9a16-9506a721928f-0
00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:32.680
And in this case,
that's exactly what Austin is doing.

55e14eb8-1174-4e65-b90c-a9737273faa8-0
00:17:32.680 --> 00:17:34.960
He's withholding the information that
Grandma is dead.

8a58a8cc-2e95-4e71-acc2-c9264f4583a9-0
00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:37.211
And till much later in the story,
you know,

8a58a8cc-2e95-4e71-acc2-c9264f4583a9-1
00:17:37.211 --> 00:17:41.253
you talked in a previous Daredevil Ed
about like you're allowing the reader to

8a58a8cc-2e95-4e71-acc2-c9264f4583a9-2
00:17:41.253 --> 00:17:45.142
sort of form this picture in their mind
and then later that pictures coming

8a58a8cc-2e95-4e71-acc2-c9264f4583a9-3
00:17:45.142 --> 00:17:47.240
undone and they're given new information.

bb464479-9632-48f7-8718-215d79f1c2f7-0
00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:51.144
And that's exactly what's happening here
because I'm picturing grandma sat up in

bb464479-9632-48f7-8718-215d79f1c2f7-1
00:17:51.144 --> 00:17:52.880
her armchair as he's tucking her in.

d86d0e05-8482-4490-b008-64be861cbeae-0
00:17:53.120 --> 00:17:55.040
And later we find out she's under the
floorboards.

85dc2b35-e350-4e65-a52a-4e1a40398a45-0
00:17:55.040 --> 00:17:57.680
So we've had to sort of correct that
image in our minds.

688b900f-bc61-4359-82a6-6311eed4d26c-0
00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:00.340
Now,
that could be a problem in this case

688b900f-bc61-4359-82a6-6311eed4d26c-1
00:18:00.340 --> 00:18:04.520
because reading is a little bit different
to like a movie, right?

12c8719d-ec62-4c0e-9a5c-35928613cc02-0
00:18:04.520 --> 00:18:08.006
We are having a picture in our mind,
but you can play with that,

12c8719d-ec62-4c0e-9a5c-35928613cc02-1
00:18:08.006 --> 00:18:09.240
you can challenge that.

ddb2ec32-2ba4-4b63-8da4-c4a79869cdd4-0
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:13.074
So I think in this case it works,
which is completely unhelpful to all the

ddb2ec32-2ba4-4b63-8da4-c4a79869cdd4-1
00:18:13.074 --> 00:18:15.120
people who we said don't do that, right.

f7fb2764-0453-422b-bebe-a3fcd9587bc0-0
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:18.800
But I hope that it's clear the boundaries
of that.

f23bbc88-2337-4563-b28e-535c9d3f33f9-0
00:18:18.800 --> 00:18:19.040
Yeah.

b44ec9a6-52f7-4754-acf3-91f1485f656a-0
00:18:19.040 --> 00:18:21.933
You know,
it's a subtle thing because I think in

b44ec9a6-52f7-4754-acf3-91f1485f656a-1
00:18:21.933 --> 00:18:25.240
this story we're able to visualise her in
the same way.

45c74edd-057d-43d3-bb30-dfd77fbc1b54-0
00:18:25.320 --> 00:18:29.446
Yeah, she's, when she's alive,
we picture her so passively just sitting

45c74edd-057d-43d3-bb30-dfd77fbc1b54-1
00:18:29.446 --> 00:18:32.025
there that when we find out that she's
dead,

45c74edd-057d-43d3-bb30-dfd77fbc1b54-2
00:18:32.025 --> 00:18:35.120
it doesn't considerably change what we
are imagining.

72ee17af-8b64-446f-91ba-3cfd18aca0e8-0
00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:36.400
It more reframes it.

f2221c9c-dffd-4fe2-a6a0-393828a37a88-0
00:18:36.600 --> 00:18:40.485
So maybe I think it's more the
physicality of being lying down in the

f2221c9c-dffd-4fe2-a6a0-393828a37a88-1
00:18:40.485 --> 00:18:44.982
floorboards instead of sitting up in a
chair that when it's expressed that she's

f2221c9c-dffd-4fe2-a6a0-393828a37a88-2
00:18:44.982 --> 00:18:49.201
in the in the floor, to be honest,
it was a little bit jarring for me and I

f2221c9c-dffd-4fe2-a6a0-393828a37a88-3
00:18:49.201 --> 00:18:51.200
had to go hang on what for a second.

9863bacf-bdc8-40e9-bf37-ff79ee22c926-0
00:18:51.560 --> 00:18:52.880
But I think it's OK.

ccb440c1-2c02-4f52-bf65-c95e698f644b-0
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:56.790
I think in this case,
like that reframing is sort of a payoff

ccb440c1-2c02-4f52-bf65-c95e698f644b-1
00:18:56.790 --> 00:18:57.800
and interesting.

c72c8af3-0e6b-43a7-9ec9-4950b2197e46-0
00:18:57.800 --> 00:19:00.840
It doesn't feel like it's ruined anything.

67a416e8-4966-49ee-868c-3f22367aa21e-0
00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:03.600
It sort of feels like it's added value,
if that makes sense.

54c23f33-d65c-47ea-b0e5-c93736e4c75f-0
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:06.720
So one line I just want to call out here
as we're moving through.

60b68ed0-c50b-430c-b8b1-5311c0fbafc5-0
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:09.236
So you know,
she's staring at the bruised evening

60b68ed0-c50b-430c-b8b1-5311c0fbafc5-1
00:19:09.236 --> 00:19:11.200
light, which is a beautiful expression.

82c418ad-2abb-4aa5-9929-fa42afcaf360-0
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:14.304
And even just the detail of the dog eared
book on gardening,

82c418ad-2abb-4aa5-9929-fa42afcaf360-1
00:19:14.304 --> 00:19:17.360
like these little details that give us a
bit of a picture of a person.

db44dc9d-4853-4259-9f65-4adccfc27bd8-0
00:19:17.840 --> 00:19:21.240
I think they add value and I think
they're well worth sharing.

c49acc1c-f2d4-4dce-bbb3-0cf6d4470b19-0
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:25.297
We've got this bit at the end of that
paragraph that says I don't wait for a

c49acc1c-f2d4-4dce-bbb3-0cf6d4470b19-1
00:19:25.297 --> 00:19:25.720
response.

eef815da-f507-4ff8-a76d-abb0b27521e8-0
00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:28.320
She hasn't spoken to me since that night.

7153b675-ac7a-4208-ab39-5176b9c8efc2-0
00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:32.051
Now we come to learn later when we're
talking about that night,

7153b675-ac7a-4208-ab39-5176b9c8efc2-1
00:19:32.051 --> 00:19:34.960
we're probably talking about the night
that he murdered her.

fde6470d-5c3a-438c-a356-ac126ba18515-0
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:38.720
And of course she hasn't spoken to him
since that night because she was dead.

5f53158b-71f9-42be-8b82-6914efa828bb-0
00:19:39.080 --> 00:19:41.540
So that's kind of,
I guess a little bit of foreshadowing

5f53158b-71f9-42be-8b82-6914efa828bb-1
00:19:41.540 --> 00:19:41.800
there.

81428979-58cc-4752-9219-57f2e72c7b30-0
00:19:41.800 --> 00:19:45.228
However,
I would challenge that line when you say

81428979-58cc-4752-9219-57f2e72c7b30-1
00:19:45.228 --> 00:19:45.640
these.

6a7101a7-f42c-4ecd-8c6f-b21a00bb3e04-0
00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:48.333
I mean,
it's a little bit of an idiomatic phrase

6a7101a7-f42c-4ecd-8c6f-b21a00bb3e04-1
00:19:48.333 --> 00:19:50.600
anyway,
but or a cliche phrase kind of thing.

6c53864d-edeb-4056-a05d-258179660ac3-0
00:19:50.600 --> 00:19:52.760
She hasn't spoken to me since that night.

baf2fdd3-588f-4734-a9ec-4593e671dc76-0
00:19:53.160 --> 00:19:58.680
But it's very vague and doesn't really
aid in meaning making for this story.

ca45b87a-1e7f-4822-9d77-aa84d62b69df-0
00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:02.233
So while it is a little bit of
foreshadowing for what is to come when

ca45b87a-1e7f-4822-9d77-aa84d62b69df-1
00:20:02.233 --> 00:20:05.280
you're reading this story for the first
time, which is the.

53ee4047-8cf0-40e3-a634-65f72cc116ce-0
00:20:05.800 --> 00:20:10.240
Most important reading of the story,
Right, That night doesn't mean anything.

2af4b9a6-8108-462e-8b2d-a24d3d4395d7-0
00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:13.000
And that's the kind of mystery that I
have more of a problem with.

0a9dc4bf-f838-44be-83f1-80a2553810a4-0
00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:14.240
Like, what Not.

089a3d43-bb12-4e40-8522-32064dc41ca1-0
00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:16.880
Yeah,
That question is never really directly

089a3d43-bb12-4e40-8522-32064dc41ca1-1
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:17.360
answered.

0f47da63-94a3-4fa7-b634-f13c7313b1be-0
00:20:17.360 --> 00:20:18.760
We figure that out later.

7e2557db-aba5-4e68-8eaa-3b18cf4af782-0
00:20:18.760 --> 00:20:24.680
But when that is expressed initially,
it's just this lingering, frustrating?

c3529071-032c-4d20-b8c4-2c60cb1294e8-0
00:20:24.680 --> 00:20:26.400
Of like, what are you talking about?

5d3f5424-d86c-4116-bdc1-a1e26599efff-0
00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:28.200
Be clear with me, you know?

3f44f282-5d39-4528-aa7c-17d026909b67-0
00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:32.952
And I think there is an opportunity to be
more direct while still remaining

3f44f282-5d39-4528-aa7c-17d026909b67-1
00:20:32.952 --> 00:20:33.640
mysterious.

cdfbf74d-c6ac-475d-9c75-23187d535500-0
00:20:34.040 --> 00:20:37.460
So not just that night,
but since the night I, you know,

cdfbf74d-c6ac-475d-9c75-23187d535500-1
00:20:37.460 --> 00:20:40.580
you don't have to say since the night I
killed her,

cdfbf74d-c6ac-475d-9c75-23187d535500-2
00:20:40.580 --> 00:20:44.420
but you can say since our last argument
or something like that,

cdfbf74d-c6ac-475d-9c75-23187d535500-3
00:20:44.420 --> 00:20:48.200
something a little bit more clear or a
little bit more direct.

61b6dd5b-b2a4-4c19-9a30-9a1883aecb92-0
00:20:48.200 --> 00:20:50.920
Or since the night she called me
Grandpa's name.

e725bd84-7f5f-4cb1-8820-00262ed8cd1e-0
00:20:51.040 --> 00:20:51.520
Yeah.

06b498b9-c8b5-425e-85c3-3180c865a786-0
00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:52.360
Yeah.

03559578-4adf-40f4-a18d-170136a6780f-0
00:20:52.360 --> 00:20:52.880
Like just.

695fa4b0-57f5-4875-b670-87792c2d1592-0
00:20:53.160 --> 00:20:56.568
I don't know if that makes sense,
but I just want a little bit more context

695fa4b0-57f5-4875-b670-87792c2d1592-1
00:20:56.568 --> 00:21:00.336
there because you're sort of just leaving
us with this frustrating like what night,

695fa4b0-57f5-4875-b670-87792c2d1592-2
00:21:00.336 --> 00:21:02.400
you know, like, tell me, answer me,
you know.

e266c899-ea72-4857-b4c6-2173bbf64358-0
00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:02.920
Yeah.

2c4cb5ad-77d5-4963-89ac-820d337becdb-0
00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:05.760
It leaves you with a question that you
don't really need to pose, I guess.

040b0113-1b9c-4754-ba57-1da160d96252-0
00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:06.160
Yeah.

fb2a149a-ec7b-46a0-a590-551cee5f0cae-0
00:21:06.320 --> 00:21:09.200
But apart from that, like,
I'm really loving the sensory detail.

f1708b51-6eba-4a4a-98fc-def98bfbaf58-0
00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:11.120
I'm loving that we've got the music
playing.

93af5857-d054-4a17-bc70-9473b553055f-0
00:21:11.120 --> 00:21:15.160
Like we can really picture that as like
this creepy movie scene, which I love.

08e29ce1-fb91-4cf2-8360-fb3102921c70-0
00:21:15.600 --> 00:21:19.387
We've got the breeze, you know,
that sensation of the temperature and

08e29ce1-fb91-4cf2-8360-fb3102921c70-1
00:21:19.387 --> 00:21:23.661
we've got this, the light, you know,
the silhouetted neighbour standing in her

08e29ce1-fb91-4cf2-8360-fb3102921c70-2
00:21:23.661 --> 00:21:24.040
window.

1e1d8ad8-e934-48dc-955d-44e5ad9d3e93-0
00:21:24.040 --> 00:21:28.828
Like all of this stuff is leading to that
creepy sort of vibe and also keeping us

1e1d8ad8-e934-48dc-955d-44e5ad9d3e93-1
00:21:28.828 --> 00:21:32.800
quite immersed in the scene as we share
in that sensory experience.

083a9c86-aed7-4398-8fa5-5f199b040741-0
00:21:32.800 --> 00:21:35.040
I think that's really a great choice.

04140209-e8a4-4c6a-8755-0477ff512e74-0
00:21:35.040 --> 00:21:37.680
And so when we talk about show don't tell,
right?

79e88d25-79ab-4ff5-8623-579b7e2121d4-0
00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.669
That big rule that everybody hears,
the very first rule you hear about

79e88d25-79ab-4ff5-8623-579b7e2121d4-1
00:21:40.669 --> 00:21:41.680
writing show don't tell.

128988a2-1d23-4b8f-9560-ba827f236a66-0
00:21:41.760 --> 00:21:45.485
For me,
the biggest tip to avoid too much telling

128988a2-1d23-4b8f-9560-ba827f236a66-1
00:21:45.485 --> 00:21:47.720
is to focus on sensory detail.

8b9b5076-8133-4e39-bcd1-29bce3f056ad-0
00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:52.374
Because every time you bring a sense in,
you're keeping us locked into the scene

8b9b5076-8133-4e39-bcd1-29bce3f056ad-1
00:21:52.374 --> 00:21:56.051
itself and you're giving us the
opportunity to feel that thing,

8b9b5076-8133-4e39-bcd1-29bce3f056ad-2
00:21:56.051 --> 00:21:59.958
to experience that thing,
rather than just telling us what it is or

8b9b5076-8133-4e39-bcd1-29bce3f056ad-3
00:21:59.958 --> 00:22:01.279
telling us how to feel.

24d31e0d-ace6-4dd9-afc8-17ce9211d018-0
00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:06.960
But what I think is the most interesting
part of this story is the protagonist

24d31e0d-ace6-4dd9-afc8-17ce9211d018-1
00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:10.125
here,
the the mental state that that person is

24d31e0d-ace6-4dd9-afc8-17ce9211d018-2
00:22:10.125 --> 00:22:14.840
in and the way he so matter of factly
carries out this mercy killing.

8000f7f4-993a-457f-b0c6-1107ab1ec4df-0
00:22:15.360 --> 00:22:19.901
And the moral reckoning with it doesn't
really happen in the way that you'd

8000f7f4-993a-457f-b0c6-1107ab1ec4df-1
00:22:19.901 --> 00:22:20.320
expect.

d699c466-1900-40fb-88a8-b1f43232718f-0
00:22:20.320 --> 00:22:22.360
Like there's no gnashing of teeth.

6c82b2b7-9d85-47de-b523-69870a1e81b9-0
00:22:22.360 --> 00:22:24.520
And like, Oh my God,
I can't believe I've had to do this.

31efac1f-4231-4429-80b6-216ee2b5e5e6-0
00:22:24.520 --> 00:22:28.960
This was very much like just as my
grandfather had to kill a horse when I

31efac1f-4231-4429-80b6-216ee2b5e5e6-1
00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:29.680
was a child.

87f59a8d-4747-4d5e-98db-8846d6ad68fc-0
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:31.120
Well, now I've got to do this.

84eb176e-ebfe-4687-bf09-1bf6d31a1c58-0
00:22:31.120 --> 00:22:34.480
And he had bacon and eggs and I'm going
to have a blue blueberry muffin.

d37d701d-7d0e-4f22-a2dc-5eb65449a0f8-0
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:37.560
And life goes on and these things
happened.

6f818e5b-848d-4364-b82c-e386c5ad29fa-0
00:22:37.560 --> 00:22:39.560
And, like, you're not upset about it.

8a751062-4abf-4867-a732-5891f015ddf2-0
00:22:39.560 --> 00:22:41.280
And I'm upset about it.

8e036f53-fe06-4a2e-b75e-73a82ee2fb4c-0
00:22:41.280 --> 00:22:41.440
Yeah.

9df2984a-2772-4830-8f9a-662bef28400d-0
00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:42.000
Why you?

c322df25-dda6-4652-83b7-68bcad4363c0-0
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:43.560
Why you're upset about it.

4d40e5ac-91f6-42ee-8a8f-cf4d536752d0-0
00:22:43.640 --> 00:22:46.640
So look,
I think that emotion is very powerful.

932eed0a-0363-45fd-971d-3ecb1fb51675-0
00:22:46.640 --> 00:22:48.680
And that's really what carries this story.

a53f0f9d-5bba-41dc-a341-19a9e4c4c809-0
00:22:48.680 --> 00:22:54.560
And what makes it interesting to me is
that the expected emotion is absent.

49d99ac8-94a1-45a2-95e4-081f6824b8b7-0
00:22:54.760 --> 00:22:57.200
Yeah, really from the climax of the story.

c6489750-9ad9-4785-860c-679d32fd60a8-0
00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:57.480
Yeah.

c359491e-e1c7-4e3d-a8b6-7e69ddfb62d4-0
00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:01.076
That's absolutely what makes it
compelling and forces us to confront

c359491e-e1c7-4e3d-a8b6-7e69ddfb62d4-1
00:23:01.076 --> 00:23:04.933
maybe some uncomfortable emotions,
which can be an interesting experience

c359491e-e1c7-4e3d-a8b6-7e69ddfb62d4-2
00:23:04.933 --> 00:23:07.800
when you and reading a piece of flash
fiction as well.

c19d1239-f123-4158-a680-bed63be54891-0
00:23:08.320 --> 00:23:10.392
I mean,
we've had a lot of positive things to say

c19d1239-f123-4158-a680-bed63be54891-1
00:23:10.392 --> 00:23:12.755
about this story,
which must be a lovely experience when

c19d1239-f123-4158-a680-bed63be54891-2
00:23:12.755 --> 00:23:14.040
you're coming into a Daredevil.

d5ae96a4-7bf3-4cd3-b425-071776ff3c76-0
00:23:14.040 --> 00:23:15.600
You're like, oh, they're being quite nice.

e008316f-0000-40cb-94ea-ea35f2366e59-0
00:23:15.600 --> 00:23:17.905
Well,
that's all over because I've got some

e008316f-0000-40cb-94ea-ea35f2366e59-1
00:23:17.905 --> 00:23:19.320
some challenges now, right.

2e2981f5-06e7-4250-b06d-ee3be39b7fc2-0
00:23:19.800 --> 00:23:23.360
And so the biggest challenge for me here
is some clarity stuff.

34c37996-50ef-49d1-be19-3bb005846e0e-0
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:23.720
Yeah.

afba0acb-624d-4ed8-8f92-5c99e6510d3d-0
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:24.080
All right.

bf260fab-fc71-4ae2-b9bd-bc0dbc2204f6-0
00:23:24.080 --> 00:23:27.040
And the overarching question of why.

2fa741c6-3102-43dc-bd59-2e0d528e961a-0
00:23:27.360 --> 00:23:27.760
OK.

07f1b782-5fb7-40cb-a69b-909454422a5b-0
00:23:28.120 --> 00:23:32.145
And so I bring that up now because at the
end I think is where maybe some of that

07f1b782-5fb7-40cb-a69b-909454422a5b-1
00:23:32.145 --> 00:23:33.520
clarity starts to fall away.

3b3986ba-119c-40b4-be25-136e264216b9-0
00:23:33.520 --> 00:23:37.120
We've had the mystery and OK,
but that's revealed itself.

4870366a-0c26-40a7-9aa5-6961bd72d9a1-0
00:23:37.120 --> 00:23:40.355
We've got enough information now to
understand what's going on,

4870366a-0c26-40a7-9aa5-6961bd72d9a1-1
00:23:40.355 --> 00:23:44.248
but I don't feel like I have enough
information to understand why it's going

4870366a-0c26-40a7-9aa5-6961bd72d9a1-2
00:23:44.248 --> 00:23:44.400
on.

715981a7-e451-47af-b5df-c85b589364ae-0
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.534
And as you've indicated,
we don't get access to this character's

715981a7-e451-47af-b5df-c85b589364ae-1
00:23:47.534 --> 00:23:47.920
emotion.

3217dacf-2d93-4d1c-afcc-1e31d6832365-0
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:51.472
They seem dispassionate about what's
going on, which is interesting,

3217dacf-2d93-4d1c-afcc-1e31d6832365-1
00:23:51.472 --> 00:23:53.840
but I want to know why they're
dispassionate.

86d81239-d072-4456-b2cd-edc5aef8977e-0
00:23:53.840 --> 00:23:57.560
Like, yeah,
what has caused that break in empathy?

70ee64fb-3966-4359-8039-f99c3f7f125e-0
00:23:57.560 --> 00:24:01.290
Or what is it about their history
specifically maybe,

70ee64fb-3966-4359-8039-f99c3f7f125e-1
00:24:01.290 --> 00:24:04.400
that has LED them to be so cold and
callous?

7c4b23c3-8ac5-4537-898b-064a5c09bf00-0
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:06.840
What has broken them, basically?

61410c27-08a9-4866-a17c-778128788130-0
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:10.089
Now,
a few questions specifically that I want

61410c27-08a9-4866-a17c-778128788130-1
00:24:10.089 --> 00:24:14.920
to raise that if you were to revise this
story, I think need to be addressed.

b9a46785-22c4-4833-b563-9be33a112df6-0
00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:19.320
One of them is that the story goes on to
say I study the empty space beside her.

a6ab53b8-4101-447e-be41-ea1905e6aebe-0
00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:20.800
It'll be wide enough.

b01fda21-4278-44ec-992c-b846f85f56c6-0
00:24:21.080 --> 00:24:21.400
Yeah.

4dac9bb1-dad5-4d8b-a810-3bbade5ba242-0
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:24.538
Now, later on,
if you have a little bit of time to think

4dac9bb1-dad5-4d8b-a810-3bbade5ba242-1
00:24:24.538 --> 00:24:27.800
about it, you might think,
is he leaving space for himself?

273b3908-8b93-4ae6-a56a-a5fb3b040a83-0
00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:30.680
Is he going to shoot himself and lie
beside her?

ff36a530-a0bc-4964-a6f7-076225337628-0
00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:31.600
Maybe.

289bfcc9-9792-4193-b5f0-75ecfb7058d5-0
00:24:31.880 --> 00:24:34.000
Is this like a murder suicide situation?

ecca584e-7991-48d3-bb4a-826c31107c7d-0
00:24:34.120 --> 00:24:34.640
Maybe.

8c35a3a7-d73b-4653-9237-bcba3f207da3-0
00:24:35.160 --> 00:24:38.948
But also like,
Grandpa is mentioned repeatedly and then

8c35a3a7-d73b-4653-9237-bcba3f207da3-1
00:24:38.948 --> 00:24:39.760
never shown.

0852d579-c230-4ad7-a651-425f97ebdd6d-0
00:24:39.760 --> 00:24:40.560
We don't know.

bb2f07d3-9613-45de-ba52-afbb622f279c-0
00:24:40.560 --> 00:24:41.760
Is Grandpa alive or dead?

5531915e-0c8a-48db-aabc-5d3ddcb6b6e5-0
00:24:42.040 --> 00:24:43.480
Is that a place for Grandpa?

19007f04-620c-49fa-9bb7-ef2814c6dbdd-0
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:45.960
That is a possible option as well.

8402fadb-965b-4e8a-8aa0-c229e6d652a8-0
00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:48.360
Is it a place for Mrs Aldrin?

382aeb2f-6cfd-44d2-a66c-ec5b896ede73-0
00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:49.400
I don't know.

78a0eb3b-6658-4886-8681-7d93af7f2f6f-0
00:24:49.400 --> 00:24:49.800
Right.

ba27f97b-93fc-4498-929e-db60f2988ae2-0
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:51.040
I don't know.

e6e95f76-5398-4270-8e5b-fdc0f28f9a69-0
00:24:51.240 --> 00:24:55.872
And I think I need to know what the plan
is there for me to be able to understand

e6e95f76-5398-4270-8e5b-fdc0f28f9a69-1
00:24:55.872 --> 00:24:56.720
that statement.

cea1e52e-c2a5-4dd0-9c7c-f99e817e287c-0
00:24:56.880 --> 00:24:58.840
Otherwise, why are you showing it to me?

648b6269-b5c0-44be-a620-8ae1a6be4292-0
00:24:59.080 --> 00:24:59.640
You tell me.

0845280c-4793-49db-9e48-b7207e5aceb1-0
00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:00.400
It'll be wide enough.

fb38bbff-b914-41b0-959f-3e8b0e1f5961-0
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:01.760
I need to know for what?

2bbaff1e-f1e9-4271-9e28-c544b4f7eab7-0
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:04.607
Otherwise,
don't bother saying that because it's not

2bbaff1e-f1e9-4271-9e28-c544b4f7eab7-1
00:25:04.607 --> 00:25:06.280
adding any clarity or information.

01ebe6ba-a992-4b3c-8f5f-f95942a301f6-0
00:25:06.280 --> 00:25:06.640
Yeah.

e1954461-36f7-419c-bfd1-b807709884c7-0
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:08.600
And I guess that's where I read it a
little bit differently.

99d74220-4453-40c4-891b-a0020674312c-0
00:25:08.600 --> 00:25:13.328
And we're just talking earlier that I
imagined her in a chair and he kind of

99d74220-4453-40c4-891b-a0020674312c-1
00:25:13.328 --> 00:25:16.522
had laid her down,
created this empty space and was

99d74220-4453-40c4-891b-a0020674312c-2
00:25:16.522 --> 00:25:19.040
measuring up whether she'd fit inside it.

037d48f9-091c-4f34-b85b-aa22bf7494d9-0
00:25:19.120 --> 00:25:21.400
Look, there are possible interpretations.

1d41d274-d7ec-4b73-8952-ab369f5dc91e-0
00:25:21.560 --> 00:25:25.289
And I do actually think that is a little
bit of a question too,

1d41d274-d7ec-4b73-8952-ab369f5dc91e-1
00:25:25.289 --> 00:25:29.076
like I said earlier on,
because I had formed this picture of her

1d41d274-d7ec-4b73-8952-ab369f5dc91e-2
00:25:29.076 --> 00:25:31.931
in a chair,
when the floor opening is mentioned,

1d41d274-d7ec-4b73-8952-ab369f5dc91e-3
00:25:31.931 --> 00:25:35.660
it isn't exactly clear,
and certainly not clear enough that she

1d41d274-d7ec-4b73-8952-ab369f5dc91e-4
00:25:35.660 --> 00:25:36.360
is in there.

67c93e22-587a-463c-815e-794a1d46d294-0
00:25:36.440 --> 00:25:36.720
Yeah.

0a077fd5-94d8-44cc-87ba-4678f243e397-0
00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:41.442
And that that's he's been tucking her in
to her little nest in the floor because

0a077fd5-94d8-44cc-87ba-4678f243e397-1
00:25:41.442 --> 00:25:45.040
there are possible alternative
interpretations to be made there.

3826b72f-817a-4317-bb4d-5968ac66dd9d-0
00:25:45.520 --> 00:25:50.332
And so I think probably that just needs
to be a little less mysterious and a

3826b72f-817a-4317-bb4d-5968ac66dd9d-1
00:25:50.332 --> 00:25:53.520
little bit more clear once we've got that
picture.

496c9d2a-74b5-4267-87a3-9187e8008e0e-0
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:57.402
And that will allow us at least to
proceed with clarity into what happens

496c9d2a-74b5-4267-87a3-9187e8008e0e-1
00:25:57.402 --> 00:25:57.640
next.

624c4aee-86b1-4825-8850-2719578a062f-0
00:25:58.080 --> 00:26:00.678
And then it becomes the question,
like I said, what's the,

624c4aee-86b1-4825-8850-2719578a062f-1
00:26:00.678 --> 00:26:01.560
the empty space for?

773cd671-b24f-4a8c-8ac7-e593876d53c0-0
00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:05.576
And then now another big question is we
go on to say,

773cd671-b24f-4a8c-8ac7-e593876d53c0-1
00:26:05.576 --> 00:26:08.640
Grandpa shot Mercy one morning before
breakfast.

e5b2fc2f-d7e5-493d-bfc3-ae4bc6e0ba71-0
00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:10.160
We had bacon and eggs.

1701c139-e6f9-42e0-b55a-387de24ea0cf-0
00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:12.520
Tomorrow I'll have a blueberry muffin.

79b2fe59-df6d-4412-a158-4da8e4fd6b05-0
00:26:13.200 --> 00:26:14.800
So again, where is grandpa?

ef47d234-8c2c-47da-b873-d82d0ea641c3-0
00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:16.160
Is he alive or dead?

0b4084ab-b956-4e01-8f6e-820248ea75c4-0
00:26:16.360 --> 00:26:18.240
What are our feelings about Grandpa?

0abff946-ff88-4c70-a550-a547d2ba1342-0
00:26:18.600 --> 00:26:20.480
OK, so Grandpa shot mercy.

bb725f85-e005-41af-b47e-b871422f5720-0
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:24.400
That's an aggressive, scary,
horrifying kind of action.

c3d62536-5a97-496c-93c3-f8d18e5b73d3-0
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:27.700
If you're a child and,
and your grandpa just shoots your beloved

c3d62536-5a97-496c-93c3-f8d18e5b73d3-1
00:26:27.700 --> 00:26:29.884
horse,
that that is a hugely heartbreaking

c3d62536-5a97-496c-93c3-f8d18e5b73d3-2
00:26:29.884 --> 00:26:32.880
experience, no doubt very shocking,
even on a farm, right?

543343ea-1e12-4664-b8c6-703cec7738ad-0
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:36.960
Your your pet horse is a little bit
different to just other livestock, right?

f3f8c180-6911-4368-88f0-2e0869afee91-0
00:26:37.800 --> 00:26:39.160
How did we feel about that?

f105feb8-cfb7-44d2-b334-5249be963379-0
00:26:39.400 --> 00:26:44.800
Was Grandpa doing that dispassionately or
was he doing that out of mercy and love?

7a9523eb-04db-4d01-bba2-875a5afd9281-0
00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:46.160
You know, who is grandpa?

187b00fb-cd90-45e3-947e-bb1c794fbf5d-0
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:50.460
Is he a kind man who did that because
that was his job And you know,

187b00fb-cd90-45e3-947e-bb1c794fbf5d-1
00:26:50.460 --> 00:26:54.200
that's part of life and death and it's
all just part of it.

5e6d3fa8-085e-40dc-8d24-614b494d3041-0
00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:56.120
Or was he an abuser?

b51e080c-d2e4-4403-9184-db56eab4fb1e-0
00:26:56.120 --> 00:27:00.328
Was he a horrible,
scary man who just didn't care and had no

b51e080c-d2e4-4403-9184-db56eab4fb1e-1
00:27:00.328 --> 00:27:00.880
empathy?

ec4254a2-6020-4d54-9937-c1531efdb776-0
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:01.600
I don't know.

9c881c1b-de11-487e-9f9b-5e32774a47da-0
00:27:01.600 --> 00:27:06.084
And I feel like we need a little bit more
information to understand emotionally

9c881c1b-de11-487e-9f9b-5e32774a47da-1
00:27:06.084 --> 00:27:10.120
what we're supposed to take from that
because of course it is shocking.

3113acee-e64b-4532-9d51-5a53392dbc37-0
00:27:10.120 --> 00:27:12.897
Regardless,
I feel like the emotional experience

3113acee-e64b-4532-9d51-5a53392dbc37-1
00:27:12.897 --> 00:27:17.320
needs to be clear for me to be able to be
satisfied with how this story ends.

cc0913ce-e4b4-4e2d-9aca-3ac9f0d33777-0
00:27:17.320 --> 00:27:19.320
I do think it's a compelling ending.

57ee0883-d4e3-40e1-af83-fafaa104ec53-0
00:27:19.320 --> 00:27:22.931
I do think that this idea of like,
I'll just have a blueberry muffin,

57ee0883-d4e3-40e1-af83-fafaa104ec53-1
00:27:22.931 --> 00:27:26.697
it wraps it up nicely for a start,
but it also does give us this kind of

57ee0883-d4e3-40e1-af83-fafaa104ec53-2
00:27:26.697 --> 00:27:28.400
uncomfortable place to end it on.

38d1e40b-56c2-4754-8b20-e053e34cc5a1-0
00:27:28.520 --> 00:27:32.948
But I guess I would just like a little
bit more guidance as to what I'm supposed

38d1e40b-56c2-4754-8b20-e053e34cc5a1-1
00:27:32.948 --> 00:27:35.080
to be taking away from what's happened.

4b09820c-0932-42b9-9d12-22b877321e75-0
00:27:35.520 --> 00:27:40.440
I feel like I made some assumptions maybe
that that did make more sense to me.

efd2d26d-a897-4ed5-8c98-986479aa1f87-0
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:44.570
I assumed that the grandfather was dead
and I assumed that because the

efd2d26d-a897-4ed5-8c98-986479aa1f87-1
00:27:44.570 --> 00:27:47.880
grandmother mistakes our protagonist for
the grandfather.

760e7f0c-e8d2-4330-979c-f4a1747454e5-0
00:27:47.880 --> 00:27:51.280
So it's it's a situation where like
presumably he's been dead for a while.

f6163fab-61c2-4823-8919-a99e26a9a3e0-0
00:27:51.360 --> 00:27:51.560
Yeah.

cffd2a8b-e1d7-44e9-a91c-27d895ecc0fa-0
00:27:51.560 --> 00:27:55.436
She gets dementia and having so many
years past,

cffd2a8b-e1d7-44e9-a91c-27d895ecc0fa-1
00:27:55.436 --> 00:28:01.210
her own grandson has aged into an age
where the grandpa was looks like a

cffd2a8b-e1d7-44e9-a91c-27d895ecc0fa-2
00:28:01.210 --> 00:28:02.160
husband age.

cab03a6b-9c9d-406a-867b-bdb88547e82b-0
00:28:02.520 --> 00:28:03.160
Yeah, exactly.

4ff6e9fd-6e37-4230-bf36-6826ea383f7c-0
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:03.960
Not a child.

dc1d3789-3fea-4453-bbd7-dcdce63ce726-0
00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:04.480
Exactly.

faf4a71a-abb3-4683-bfd3-8778f91efd50-0
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:04.680
So.

92e9a50f-b59a-4f33-bac4-7f971304aba0-0
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:07.880
So there would have been a similarity
that, you know, in her state,

92e9a50f-b59a-4f33-bac4-7f971304aba0-1
00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:09.600
she might have presumed that was him.

d703be2a-0609-48e0-8c45-f7a57da5e2eb-0
00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:12.080
And so that kind of made sense to me.

86f1f4b6-fd94-4e28-a08a-59a907b1cd54-0
00:28:12.520 --> 00:28:14.400
I got the vibe in the ending.

d9685e3e-1e19-4b5c-bbfb-ff365570bfd5-0
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:16.880
And maybe that's what's so chilling,
I guess.

eac8f214-a775-47a8-98fa-e33a9b2fd496-0
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:23.225
But like how the grandson has reacted to
this traumatic experience of having their

eac8f214-a775-47a8-98fa-e33a9b2fd496-1
00:28:23.225 --> 00:28:28.960
horse killed and they've had this trauma
and they've like, packaged it in.

64e9838e-3ccb-4ad5-857d-5d51c21cc32d-0
00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:31.480
Oh, we just suppress this emotion.

d5dc919d-7820-4b2c-a6ab-cc1ec47f798c-0
00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:31.720
What?

72487bad-8866-4531-a923-d0b4a23335d4-0
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:35.408
What and the way that we deal with this
is we just continue,

72487bad-8866-4531-a923-d0b4a23335d4-1
00:28:35.408 --> 00:28:39.400
we go on about our day and we have
breakfast and we life goes on.

e67d4656-717d-4fb2-965e-ae4eb49d9f1a-0
00:28:39.800 --> 00:28:44.709
And I didn't take any cue that the
grandpa was any kind of abuser,

e67d4656-717d-4fb2-965e-ae4eb49d9f1a-1
00:28:44.709 --> 00:28:49.400
but that was just what that life lesson
was for the little boy.

4472baf1-0d4b-4d43-b336-a3bc57680214-0
00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:53.680
And now when he grows up, he's like, oh,
well, I guess mercy comes to mind.

e6b83f83-ae0c-4ab3-a185-a2d69e4503c5-0
00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:55.240
It's now, now it's my turn.

caa73bb1-4aab-4139-808f-0636338e3dd1-0
00:28:55.600 --> 00:29:00.416
I'm going to do the thing and I'm just
going to go on about my life and have my

caa73bb1-4aab-4139-808f-0636338e3dd1-1
00:29:00.416 --> 00:29:01.440
blueberry muffin.

da582dcd-a09b-4125-91bf-460fefb968fb-0
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.770
And it's ****** ** that that parallel is
there and he's made that connection,

da582dcd-a09b-4125-91bf-460fefb968fb-1
00:29:05.770 --> 00:29:07.800
but it kind of points back to that trauma.

207efe2d-72a3-4a42-bd95-c18a66d9b8a6-0
00:29:07.800 --> 00:29:09.680
I think that makes sense to me.

07f78fa0-eb62-4319-a2f5-b9cd47190efb-0
00:29:09.880 --> 00:29:14.222
I think that for like, for me,
that was enough information, I guess,

07f78fa0-eb62-4319-a2f5-b9cd47190efb-1
00:29:14.222 --> 00:29:19.320
to end on a note that he is complete but
quite unsettling and thought provoking.

2ab3075e-90f6-4ebd-b198-79d3c2a3a0d5-0
00:29:19.520 --> 00:29:20.680
Yeah, look, I agree.

0eb955ee-a5b4-4156-9f55-8ae48c8bd4f1-0
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:24.856
I certainly had assumed that the grandpa
was dead as well for the reasons that you

0eb955ee-a5b4-4156-9f55-8ae48c8bd4f1-1
00:29:24.856 --> 00:29:25.360
mentioned.

923b5810-cb88-455b-a18b-8a9065f99b40-0
00:29:25.360 --> 00:29:29.280
So it's not like that's creating some big
secondary mystery.

ab5b880a-1bfc-4080-9255-52ec946666df-0
00:29:29.600 --> 00:29:33.386
It's more a case of, for me,
what are we taking from this a little bit

ab5b880a-1bfc-4080-9255-52ec946666df-1
00:29:33.386 --> 00:29:34.080
more clearly?

803c8961-e4ed-4bb3-945f-340628bbe8f9-0
00:29:34.080 --> 00:29:36.805
So I agree,
we've got this chilling feeling of like,

803c8961-e4ed-4bb3-945f-340628bbe8f9-1
00:29:36.805 --> 00:29:39.480
well, I've just killed her and it's like,
whatever.

04625ca3-f6c6-442e-8904-6294d66485ed-0
00:29:39.800 --> 00:29:43.400
But that's a pretty extreme sort of frame.

85f1a7ac-e521-4b0b-8838-bc9380b9d11a-0
00:29:43.520 --> 00:29:46.160
And again,
like it comes back to my question, why?

72267379-5100-465f-a3af-9c8a9a3818b7-0
00:29:46.360 --> 00:29:47.960
Why is this person like that?

0a96fccd-0ab3-407a-9e0c-1b259e046a23-0
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:49.680
Yes, their horse was killed.

0ae6b9ff-c39a-4550-a35c-1f563466f538-0
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:50.680
That would have been traumatic.

831d8e63-a57d-47a4-9769-d25abb024c8f-0
00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:55.763
Although we don't really get much of that
access to that reaction to the horse

831d8e63-a57d-47a4-9769-d25abb024c8f-1
00:29:55.763 --> 00:29:56.600
being killed.

36555c09-769f-40c0-aa0c-316ee039e7cd-0
00:29:56.600 --> 00:30:01.456
We have a sense of the horse being in
distress and how that might have impacted

36555c09-769f-40c0-aa0c-316ee039e7cd-1
00:30:01.456 --> 00:30:01.760
them.

62a733d2-0fa9-4e01-87b3-8a58f7f4f64c-0
00:30:01.760 --> 00:30:05.477
The screaming, like, OK,
but when Grandpa shot the horse and

62a733d2-0fa9-4e01-87b3-8a58f7f4f64c-1
00:30:05.477 --> 00:30:08.280
grandpa just moved on,
we had bacon and eggs.

4ed72d28-9c68-4b1c-bd3c-9e9b913e28fb-0
00:30:08.320 --> 00:30:08.960
OK.

557c3d92-348e-4190-8f47-14cbee57b9df-0
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:11.040
But like, how did that break you?

7f92372c-3d23-40f0-a92d-edb613271801-0
00:30:11.120 --> 00:30:11.520
I guess?

cb6471ea-d1d6-4817-870c-c87a3071cbfb-0
00:30:11.520 --> 00:30:14.360
Like,
what happened then that made you snap?

6ad9cb79-abf5-43d7-8c4c-c0e9d5f440cc-0
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:18.000
And why is that being activated now all
these many, many years later?

b736f39a-292b-4b20-a18b-563a18e6cd5b-0
00:30:18.560 --> 00:30:21.710
And I guess that's why I start going down
these tangents of like,

b736f39a-292b-4b20-a18b-563a18e6cd5b-1
00:30:21.710 --> 00:30:22.760
was grandpa an abuser?

1573cd9d-6587-448b-80e7-259aa88a1ef8-0
00:30:22.760 --> 00:30:25.160
Because it's like,
I'm trying to understand what is it?

277ed211-09bd-4ceb-a4a7-5715e99f33c2-0
00:30:25.160 --> 00:30:29.137
Is it this one thing where a horse was
shot, which granted, is traumatic,

277ed211-09bd-4ceb-a4a7-5715e99f33c2-1
00:30:29.137 --> 00:30:32.470
but is it enough to make you kill your
grandmother like that,

277ed211-09bd-4ceb-a4a7-5715e99f33c2-2
00:30:32.470 --> 00:30:35.320
like all these many,
many decades later potentially.

8152b17b-d266-45a1-800f-b465f98b31d9-0
00:30:35.760 --> 00:30:40.320
That feels very extreme and to be honest,
quite unbelievable.

e1d7679e-1878-4eb3-9328-278217347961-0
00:30:40.520 --> 00:30:42.960
And therefore I'm searching For more
information.

df26f47d-002d-4c97-a999-7a677ba57436-0
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:46.138
And so I'm searching for like, PTSD, like,
you know, like,

df26f47d-002d-4c97-a999-7a677ba57436-1
00:30:46.138 --> 00:30:50.339
how are we going to get to that point
where you're so broken that you've just

df26f47d-002d-4c97-a999-7a677ba57436-2
00:30:50.339 --> 00:30:51.040
disconnected.

791d6c0d-2162-4932-bb3c-bf2117ccc102-0
00:30:51.120 --> 00:30:51.440
Yeah.

8c47fcb6-0b75-4187-9bd9-0e7a21275f12-0
00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:52.280
From reality?

3a355457-1c8b-4c21-a9e4-5e53616a6c8f-0
00:30:52.280 --> 00:30:53.240
You're a child.

d7f8d11b-5b86-4ebd-a23c-3638315b5ac9-0
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:54.600
You're distraught.

6b6f6d4b-17f2-4d5e-ab2c-50cf60edd49b-0
00:30:55.040 --> 00:30:56.400
Is that beaten out of you?

d42b3574-09a9-40f2-8aa7-e678e23650d3-0
00:30:56.560 --> 00:30:56.720
Yeah.

7348e1e8-4377-4958-8345-0f7a0a7058e9-0
00:30:56.720 --> 00:30:57.480
That distress.

f4a1ef41-3462-4475-a765-d4fba96df95f-0
00:30:57.720 --> 00:30:58.520
You know what I mean?

b7733af9-442b-465e-b189-d05fad38c829-0
00:30:58.520 --> 00:31:02.976
Like is what is it that has just
ingrained this so deeply into you that

b7733af9-442b-465e-b189-d05fad38c829-1
00:31:02.976 --> 00:31:07.680
you that you can't have an emotion about
something, not just like a memory?

93411a0e-388b-4135-a118-82a39f642c5c-0
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:10.183
Oh,
this is how we handle things when when

93411a0e-388b-4135-a118-82a39f642c5c-1
00:31:10.183 --> 00:31:12.280
someone gets dementia or is in pain.

730ea2ce-b727-48d0-b680-5d54a3aea0c0-0
00:31:12.520 --> 00:31:14.800
But why am I so broken over that?

99e5bf38-d62d-42c9-a0bc-33cdd30933a8-0
00:31:14.840 --> 00:31:15.080
Yeah.

e82d01bb-7f4a-41b0-bfc6-923724c38f88-0
00:31:15.080 --> 00:31:17.822
I mean,
imagine if our protagonist here grabbed a

e82d01bb-7f4a-41b0-bfc6-923724c38f88-1
00:31:17.822 --> 00:31:20.840
belt and started beating himself with it
or something.

2eb656ce-4729-4495-9e59-2800270f7e66-0
00:31:20.840 --> 00:31:21.480
Yeah.

82569e7a-8b69-40fc-ab56-fa8492a42f59-0
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:22.720
Oh, ****.

d83db6dd-b9b7-4899-be05-1972b07a6c04-0
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:24.480
Like, he's really ****** ** over this.

8c9c0b4e-3412-41dd-bd71-444be9c6f65b-0
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:24.880
Yeah.

9295508d-a9ee-49ff-bc5a-d807e3a7c35a-0
00:31:25.360 --> 00:31:27.885
And like, look,
I'm not necessarily saying that's the

9295508d-a9ee-49ff-bc5a-d807e3a7c35a-1
00:31:27.885 --> 00:31:28.680
answer, but like.

764eabfe-6c23-4d48-95c4-e3da6764f001-0
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:31.600
But yes, that gives us like, then a why,
Right.

ec3e4f80-8a1e-43c1-b731-7cc330192647-0
00:31:31.600 --> 00:31:33.840
And that's just one option for a why.

eba1c0a3-5e45-443e-ab04-261bce7c3a61-0
00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:35.440
I mean, I suppose as well.

3e4820d0-66b2-446b-9338-3bb2fabe1880-0
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:38.574
Like, I mean,
we do read a lot of stories about family

3e4820d0-66b2-446b-9338-3bb2fabe1880-1
00:31:38.574 --> 00:31:41.367
violence,
but also we've got this dark bruise on

3e4820d0-66b2-446b-9338-3bb2fabe1880-2
00:31:41.367 --> 00:31:41.880
her skin.

bda68129-a5af-4918-91fc-be55805ed1e4-0
00:31:41.880 --> 00:31:43.160
Like, what caused the bruise?

b7ec1b06-c65b-4599-8df4-433f0347ab5f-0
00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:45.080
Because grandpa shot the horse.

dfe02001-5f6d-4b7d-bdb4-ca5e916d473e-0
00:31:45.360 --> 00:31:47.800
I've now assumed you've shot the grandma.

acfcb628-ee2b-41d7-b335-cf07058979a4-0
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:49.870
Yeah,
because that's the sort of parallel that

acfcb628-ee2b-41d7-b335-cf07058979a4-1
00:31:49.870 --> 00:31:50.440
we're drawing.

453c2fa3-9f46-419f-a5d4-8bf2b1de292f-0
00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:51.800
So why is she bruised?

2fbe136a-d826-41ef-a43d-1c13eadc2f6f-0
00:31:52.560 --> 00:31:53.760
Well, is that abuse?

a2b3bbd2-7d4c-41b4-a8f2-d24cc0bab4ee-0
00:31:53.760 --> 00:31:57.880
Like these are just floating things that
are just sort of placed there.

7e3f6cf6-01bb-4959-bc4b-17c9b22554b9-0
00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:00.735
And because we don't have all the puzzle
pieces,

7e3f6cf6-01bb-4959-bc4b-17c9b22554b9-1
00:32:00.735 --> 00:32:05.014
my brain's putting that together and it's
probably putting it together a little bit

7e3f6cf6-01bb-4959-bc4b-17c9b22554b9-2
00:32:05.014 --> 00:32:05.320
wrong.

9984d133-b0f7-435b-8268-71379bfd5339-0
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:09.200
And so I guess it just becomes about
adding in that Y part.

6eea36da-c74b-4122-af11-d9ec62e58b46-0
00:32:09.600 --> 00:32:11.160
We do have a few spare words.

65cf8c3c-b8e2-41f3-8993-9294412d074b-0
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:15.971
We can also play around with some, like,
there's some beautiful detail here that

65cf8c3c-b8e2-41f3-8993-9294412d074b-1
00:32:15.971 --> 00:32:18.882
could go if it needed to make way for
that very,

65cf8c3c-b8e2-41f3-8993-9294412d074b-2
00:32:18.882 --> 00:32:21.080
very important information as to why.

d612ca69-7553-4351-bebc-436ea4318909-0
00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:25.220
But look, I think for me,
that was probably the biggest challenge

d612ca69-7553-4351-bebc-436ea4318909-1
00:32:25.220 --> 00:32:26.080
for this story.

d0ccf1df-ad93-4a02-9a09-447fc35ff814-0
00:32:26.080 --> 00:32:29.000
No question, Austin,
you can write really beautifully.

15b102db-76ac-4cbf-970a-022ca40f05a8-0
00:32:29.280 --> 00:32:33.760
There are some wonderful metaphors here,
some evocative imagery.

5dc8c8ec-0a01-4490-94d9-84cd802497c5-0
00:32:34.120 --> 00:32:37.040
The vibe is consistent and beautiful.

eebae91a-2782-4012-b9a1-f0d0c763d848-0
00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:39.560
I mean, creepy, Yeah, throughout.

7553a345-f77e-45b7-8eea-919e1d1f51f0-0
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:43.560
And the concept is a compelling 1 and
emotionally very interesting.

ee09ec7b-9047-4da6-83d4-4e994c8ff457-0
00:32:43.560 --> 00:32:44.920
So like, tick, tick, tick.

146d56b5-0038-4947-b0fc-cf7c961807a5-0
00:32:44.920 --> 00:32:46.320
This is all really wonderful.

e9c29105-a231-4041-a25f-1c48208147fe-0
00:32:46.800 --> 00:32:51.737
And I think with perhaps just a little
bit more of a punch at that ending,

e9c29105-a231-4041-a25f-1c48208147fe-1
00:32:51.737 --> 00:32:56.345
like that kind of gut punch,
that feeling of whole **** I reckon this

e9c29105-a231-4041-a25f-1c48208147fe-2
00:32:56.345 --> 00:32:58.320
would have made the long list.

66227ec8-36fd-4c35-8be6-1a247c10d859-0
00:32:58.360 --> 00:32:59.160
Oh yeah, Yeah.

de4ddbb2-f011-40c7-98e4-05bf088ea190-0
00:32:59.160 --> 00:33:02.404
So I really feel like it was just that
ending for me,

de4ddbb2-f011-40c7-98e4-05bf088ea190-1
00:33:02.404 --> 00:33:07.330
feeling a little bit emotionally confused,
not really knowing what to make of it,

de4ddbb2-f011-40c7-98e4-05bf088ea190-2
00:33:07.330 --> 00:33:10.934
that probably prevented me from feeling
that this was like,

de4ddbb2-f011-40c7-98e4-05bf088ea190-3
00:33:10.934 --> 00:33:15.080
super satisfying as a package,
even though the writing is beautiful.

9d5348cd-ebc0-483c-9e46-2b73a3e866b7-0
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:15.840
Yeah, definitely.

4afc1464-9328-42df-92c9-e4abfa75028c-0
00:33:15.840 --> 00:33:19.341
And look, clarity,
especially clarity of the emotional

4afc1464-9328-42df-92c9-e4abfa75028c-1
00:33:19.341 --> 00:33:22.716
payload there,
counts for a lot in the flash fiction

4afc1464-9328-42df-92c9-e4abfa75028c-2
00:33:22.716 --> 00:33:23.480
competition.

d28f784d-1df7-4edf-80db-d5baae0f353d-0
00:33:23.480 --> 00:33:26.464
Really just,
I don't want to say spelling it out,

d28f784d-1df7-4edf-80db-d5baae0f353d-1
00:33:26.464 --> 00:33:29.507
but like,
drawing clear lines from one step to the

d28f784d-1df7-4edf-80db-d5baae0f353d-2
00:33:29.507 --> 00:33:31.000
next is really important.

0c203ed3-7a4d-4957-8ce5-9e0c05b386b1-0
00:33:31.320 --> 00:33:34.160
And take what you say about the puzzle
pieces.

be81c7a9-992a-4c30-a643-dc40c62e24a0-0
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:37.852
If you leave pieces unsolved,
your reader is going to solve them for

be81c7a9-992a-4c30-a643-dc40c62e24a0-1
00:33:37.852 --> 00:33:40.314
you,
and the picture that they create may not

be81c7a9-992a-4c30-a643-dc40c62e24a0-2
00:33:40.314 --> 00:33:41.759
be what you want to create.

f8761fbe-61dd-4516-8b5d-a41304d9ab3a-0
00:33:41.760 --> 00:33:44.978
So where possible, try to see those and,
you know, again,

f8761fbe-61dd-4516-8b5d-a41304d9ab3a-1
00:33:44.978 --> 00:33:48.861
get a beta reader to read for you and
they'll point them out for you,

f8761fbe-61dd-4516-8b5d-a41304d9ab3a-2
00:33:48.861 --> 00:33:52.080
spot them and put them in the right place
for the reader.

3b4957a7-a81f-4af6-8356-4c2acb4d8994-0
00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:52.520
Yeah.

4b004fad-8183-4fbd-b0b0-a277ebd4c6dc-0
00:33:52.840 --> 00:33:55.676
So, yeah, Austin,
the two things you mentioned at the very

4b004fad-8183-4fbd-b0b0-a277ebd4c6dc-1
00:33:55.676 --> 00:33:57.983
outset,
there were questions around clarity and

4b004fad-8183-4fbd-b0b0-a277ebd4c6dc-2
00:33:57.983 --> 00:33:58.320
pacing.

11860e64-bce3-4319-a70e-2ef054469c60-0
00:33:58.320 --> 00:34:00.680
So I guess clarity was the issue here.

df38148c-c5eb-4bb8-bc5b-ca9aab8db64d-0
00:34:00.760 --> 00:34:04.760
We did need a little bit more clarity
around the Y towards the end there.

79e5285a-5a80-41c1-9606-496b5e61b38b-0
00:34:04.760 --> 00:34:06.480
And I don't think it's a lot of
information.

4a679f25-f42a-4425-949a-e558671816cd-0
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:10.752
I think it is just filling in that one
little gap and perhaps then a little bit

4a679f25-f42a-4425-949a-e558671816cd-1
00:34:10.752 --> 00:34:15.024
more like of the stage direction in terms
of where grandma is in the room maybe

4a679f25-f42a-4425-949a-e558671816cd-2
00:34:15.024 --> 00:34:16.359
might be helpful as well.

93f997b3-4fab-4a5e-b7e8-8c682985d76a-0
00:34:16.560 --> 00:34:20.360
But you also mentioned pacing, and to me,
the pacing in the story is great.

b6061838-4ced-4202-a5dd-24bb34ac659c-0
00:34:20.360 --> 00:34:22.451
Yeah,
I don't have any concerns about the

b6061838-4ced-4202-a5dd-24bb34ac659c-1
00:34:22.451 --> 00:34:22.800
pacing.

4f105902-e1ae-428b-89ee-cfc6a3f8380d-0
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:25.520
We've got a good amount of time spent on
the setup.

845088da-4a5b-4ad8-9664-fb1c1c91962f-0
00:34:25.520 --> 00:34:28.160
We've got a good amount of time spent on
the action of the scene.

6b4aa8e9-b1f5-425e-a8f5-44db5b7768bd-0
00:34:28.680 --> 00:34:31.835
If I were to tighten anything,
I'd probably suggest tightening that

6b4aa8e9-b1f5-425e-a8f5-44db5b7768bd-1
00:34:31.835 --> 00:34:34.016
dialogue with the neighbour because,
you know,

6b4aa8e9-b1f5-425e-a8f5-44db5b7768bd-2
00:34:34.016 --> 00:34:35.640
we sort of go back and forth a bit.

bcca06f4-0d43-471c-a681-1f809a78aec8-0
00:34:35.720 --> 00:34:38.732
If you tighten that right up to just that
crucial conflict,

bcca06f4-0d43-471c-a681-1f809a78aec8-1
00:34:38.732 --> 00:34:42.848
that would leave you some more words to
play without the end there to just really

bcca06f4-0d43-471c-a681-1f809a78aec8-2
00:34:42.848 --> 00:34:45.560
hammer home emotionally what's going on
for this guy.

56bc41d7-b00b-4d35-bfe1-cef58ff16991-0
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:48.960
But other than that, like, great setup,
great middle, great end.

d1d3fc99-5cff-4fd4-9dfd-0e216be8bc70-0
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:50.840
You've got all of those pieces there.

0fd52ca2-1604-486d-84aa-ca752209862b-0
00:34:50.840 --> 00:34:53.360
So really nailing it, I have to say.

f7949af1-4777-433a-aebc-3d97c7736a70-0
00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:54.280
Yeah, absolutely.

cf284e98-20f3-46ec-83bd-9b1ffc850392-0
00:34:54.280 --> 00:34:57.396
Thank you so much, Austin,
for your story and for putting yourself

cf284e98-20f3-46ec-83bd-9b1ffc850392-1
00:34:57.396 --> 00:34:58.560
out there as a daredevil.

29c5fb74-dd53-457d-9082-283ee59af4c8-0
00:34:59.160 --> 00:35:02.301
You're definitely showing a lot of
promise with this story,

29c5fb74-dd53-457d-9082-283ee59af4c8-1
00:35:02.301 --> 00:35:04.920
so we look forward to what you send our
way next.

0dac7722-c4b3-466a-b7b8-49d1655e9530-0
00:35:05.880 --> 00:35:07.960
My way now the Team Amanda story.

47ce603c-ee4e-4e3e-b45d-d5a571b86986-0
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:08.520
Why not?

a2eb598e-38be-487b-ad6f-7ffb00da0b25-0
00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:10.680
Well, you've had a chance at Team Amanda.

3845446f-62a1-4af4-9839-0baa7cb2d507-0
00:35:10.680 --> 00:35:13.240
Why don't you try the better team next
time?

c56444cd-ec92-47c0-b0b1-8f237f17e351-0
00:35:13.600 --> 00:35:15.280
Austin, a piece of advice for you.

927d6284-66a5-4738-add2-3943ee9bfd38-0
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:20.514
Nice try, but yes, thank you so much,
Austin,

927d6284-66a5-4738-add2-3943ee9bfd38-1
00:35:20.514 --> 00:35:23.520
for giving us the chance to dive deep
into your story.

e49b15b0-b679-4eb5-8a34-aa1a9e90a092-0
00:35:23.520 --> 00:35:27.840
It has been a very enjoyable experience
and we hope it wasn't too painful for you.

af581012-7570-4a59-81f5-50256d840bc5-0
00:35:28.640 --> 00:35:30.240
We had a lot of nice things to say.

8fa21aa1-6a44-44e8-a558-cca67acb132e-0
00:35:30.240 --> 00:35:32.400
I feel like you got off lightly,
to be honest.

31887e95-2310-4c44-a7f2-ca6bc9cd3a08-0
00:35:33.080 --> 00:35:37.646
But that brings us to the end of not only
this Daredevil episode,

31887e95-2310-4c44-a7f2-ca6bc9cd3a08-1
00:35:37.646 --> 00:35:40.760
but the end of the July round for this
year.

bdd245e4-b367-43ac-a0fb-46045617ed4d-0
00:35:40.760 --> 00:35:41.160
It was.

d0c1484c-f6ee-4bdd-8c47-f141606e5c4f-0
00:35:41.720 --> 00:35:43.720
It was a forgettable one for me.

8d49ba11-c15c-427e-8d5d-9b59f5410d2a-0
00:35:43.720 --> 00:35:44.760
I'd like to forget it.

2f4b11cf-dd03-4fad-b8fd-253c5ff9bbb1-0
00:35:46.040 --> 00:35:46.960
Quite a landslide.

e2e4ca96-8737-42d7-bbd7-d9a56b67b0cf-0
00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:48.840
So it was a landslide.

8c2d3b73-0043-4d73-a6ec-85b2f896891b-0
00:35:49.240 --> 00:35:51.720
But look, it could turn next time around.

890b028f-b544-4795-84e1-bf7f3d4763d0-0
00:35:51.720 --> 00:35:55.876
We've got some interesting prompts lined
up for the October round and we do hope

890b028f-b544-4795-84e1-bf7f3d4763d0-1
00:35:55.876 --> 00:35:56.800
everyone joins us.

dbbfa8ea-0afd-46ec-a9a4-edfea4cb6297-0
00:35:57.080 --> 00:36:01.620
Perhaps you're listening back to these
episodes just in advance of the October

dbbfa8ea-0afd-46ec-a9a4-edfea4cb6297-1
00:36:01.620 --> 00:36:06.160
round to sort of bone up before you write
your hopefully winning entry, right?

2989d42f-47c8-404f-853e-514dd1334dd6-0
00:36:06.760 --> 00:36:11.002
But yeah,
like another over 4000 Australian dollars

2989d42f-47c8-404f-853e-514dd1334dd6-1
00:36:11.002 --> 00:36:15.000
on the line publication for our top six
stories.

c444ed20-aa6c-4726-85cc-a280bc600c09-0
00:36:15.240 --> 00:36:18.980
And of course, our pointy,
pointy trophy for the winner,

c444ed20-aa6c-4726-85cc-a280bc600c09-1
00:36:18.980 --> 00:36:22.000
our 4th pointy trophy for the year and
final.

22e8106e-8641-40ca-9e77-2134371d38fe-0
00:36:22.160 --> 00:36:25.673
That's right,
final chance to be published in this

22e8106e-8641-40ca-9e77-2134371d38fe-1
00:36:25.673 --> 00:36:28.360
year's Not Quite right prize anthology.

029e4219-2e86-4a93-af21-60a6c2845752-0
00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:30.080
So I'm really excited about that.

ef9868c2-1cb8-4484-a660-99716ca44e24-0
00:36:30.080 --> 00:36:33.120
And I'm, you know,
I'm sad to say goodbye to the July round.

9e8d1011-86f4-494f-b094-8ffeac4f9c94-0
00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:33.920
It was fun.

8e3fde36-f362-4a88-b8fc-5c4a2fba0619-0
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:35.480
I did feel like yin and Yang.

35599d73-cce8-4654-84fd-8ec8049cda4e-0
00:36:35.720 --> 00:36:39.577
While it brought some challenges,
it brought some real different stuff to

35599d73-cce8-4654-84fd-8ec8049cda4e-1
00:36:39.577 --> 00:36:40.360
just the vibes.

9f3ed84e-4cea-4d96-b8c5-c302cd82cd9a-0
00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:42.200
It was really vibes on this round.

2978a4f5-8e89-4d73-8015-ff56bbbfebfd-0
00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:47.360
I feel, look, putting aside my bitterness,
my endless bitterness at the outcome of

2978a4f5-8e89-4d73-8015-ff56bbbfebfd-1
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:52.543
this round, I did enjoy the stories and I,
I liked the way that people engaged with

2978a4f5-8e89-4d73-8015-ff56bbbfebfd-2
00:36:52.543 --> 00:36:55.443
the prompts and from the feedback that we
got,

2978a4f5-8e89-4d73-8015-ff56bbbfebfd-3
00:36:55.443 --> 00:36:58.960
I do feel that people really connected
with these ideas.

1a00e55e-e0c7-4a86-b8e1-b46554301e23-0
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.857
And yeah,
like there was a lot of people saying how

1a00e55e-e0c7-4a86-b8e1-b46554301e23-1
00:37:01.857 --> 00:37:03.920
that they did actually feel inspired.

d2621832-af5d-47a1-bf3f-5b65cf789d50-0
00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:07.377
I know some people said, oh,
it was a bit too open for me and I sort

d2621832-af5d-47a1-bf3f-5b65cf789d50-1
00:37:07.377 --> 00:37:08.280
of got a bit lost.

1488d72e-8de8-43da-8bb5-04b58d86240f-0
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:11.763
But for many people,
it was kind of being swept along by that

1488d72e-8de8-43da-8bb5-04b58d86240f-1
00:37:11.763 --> 00:37:13.280
vibe, which is nice, right?

714b92aa-46c1-49fa-ad8b-54d2bcf60227-0
00:37:13.400 --> 00:37:15.160
If you're feeling creative, it is.

21dd5bbf-8b2e-452d-99d0-4c7ff1180c30-0
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:18.800
And like sometimes prompts can be very
much like ticker box.

dc7ec9aa-20c2-48f0-a8f0-cb92745fa721-0
00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:22.826
But I feel like the kicker especially,
and the whole theme really prompted

dc7ec9aa-20c2-48f0-a8f0-cb92745fa721-1
00:37:22.826 --> 00:37:24.920
people just to think a bit more deeply.

6cbc1024-77ba-44b8-8641-41f98ea1abbf-0
00:37:24.920 --> 00:37:29.385
And these opposing viewpoints and
perspectives on life gave people that

6cbc1024-77ba-44b8-8641-41f98ea1abbf-1
00:37:29.385 --> 00:37:31.680
option of being like, what do I am I?

2f8f4b56-884c-4b02-a5f0-75ab6ba726e5-0
00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:33.120
Am I yin or am I Yang?

ef580af6-fb47-4c95-9513-58d80f7b1c0d-0
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.280
And which one do I want to write about?

201832ca-5fa5-4dc2-9ff3-39d25a252dac-0
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:38.400
Which made for some very interesting
stories.

6d661113-38ce-41be-acf4-60cd8c7667c1-0
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:42.332
And yes,
the October round is going to be very

6d661113-38ce-41be-acf4-60cd8c7667c1-1
00:37:42.332 --> 00:37:46.160
different, very different theme,
very different vibe,

6d661113-38ce-41be-acf4-60cd8c7667c1-2
00:37:46.160 --> 00:37:49.280
but hopefully equally as thought
provoking.

0d75e95c-1725-4a9e-9c67-10a3322e3a49-0
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:52.896
All right, well,
we look forward to seeing all of you

0d75e95c-1725-4a9e-9c67-10a3322e3a49-1
00:37:52.896 --> 00:37:56.040
again, I hope in October,
reading your stories.

87d9bd1d-00ae-4165-afd6-ddee8b91c876-0
00:37:56.360 --> 00:37:59.026
Who knows,
you could be up there on the shortlist

87d9bd1d-00ae-4165-afd6-ddee8b91c876-1
00:37:59.026 --> 00:37:59.560
this time.

4aff9bf2-c190-4591-a75b-b85007667979-0
00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:00.240
Absolutely.

ea89a977-a62c-4ae1-84d2-482531fb2c4e-0
00:38:00.240 --> 00:38:04.760
So we'll be back very soon with regular
episode at some point, why not?

9cb4ce63-aa0d-495b-85ab-4b2c14bdbae7-0
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:08.480
But until then, right on, right on.

5f9e630e-182b-44d4-af06-55e4d66cce88-0
00:38:11.400 --> 00:38:14.800
We hope you enjoyed this special
Daredevil episode of Not Quite Right.

5789442f-0410-4fa9-a699-b14b3b824e02-0
00:38:15.120 --> 00:38:18.938
If you have thoughts on this story,
follow us on social media and join the

5789442f-0410-4fa9-a699-b14b3b824e02-1
00:38:18.938 --> 00:38:19.600
conversation.

cd0340ad-d009-43bb-b4ac-dc5f1b920463-0
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:23.715
And if you'd like to participate in the
next round of the competition,

cd0340ad-d009-43bb-b4ac-dc5f1b920463-1
00:38:23.715 --> 00:38:25.960
head over to ourwebsite@notquiteright.com.

444f9d78-f4c7-46fb-9dab-3f0f250db5a4-0
00:38:26.240 --> 00:38:32.840
That's WRITE something going to seem
quite right.